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Thread: What were a few reasons you told your wife why you have to cross dress?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member Steph_CD_62's Avatar
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    I told my wife because I knew who I was and I didn't want any secrets. I didn't want to hide anything from her. And I told her within a week of meeting her face to face.
    I know most of my desire to crossdress came from when I was a teenager. Seeing women in lingerie excited me and I found pleasure when I felt it against my skin. As I grew older it no longer excites me that way, but I am more relaxed and comfortable when I am dressed.

  2. #27
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    Teresa, you know I love to read your writings! Your command of the English language and you word content is right at the top of the writers and contributors of this site!

    When I read many of your replies to my posts and others as well, I can feel the pain and verbal abuse your wife put you through. And I'm sorry that abuse and disrespect resulting from your need to cross dress led to you almost ending your life.

    I've been to that point in my life a few times, however, in my situation, it had nothing to do with my cross dress or my wife's disapproval of my cross dressing. My near ending of my life had to do with an intentional set up for failure at my high level job having to do with the purchase of weapons systems that went underneath our American jet aircraft. I lost a very high paying job because of the jealousy of two supervisors who one of them died of bone cancer two years after he set me up for intentional failure assigning me a task he knew I was absolutely incapable of accomplishing! The other supervisor experienced a mutany on the bounty after mistreating every employee supervised by her and they all ran her off from her job without her being able to come close to having enough years in to collect one dollar of retirement from the government. Enough whining about the past and what was done. It's been hard to put it in the rear view mirror because instead of collecting a retirement pension of over $4,000 a month, I collect a bit more than one forth of that. Multiply that times 30 years of retirement and your up into the millions of dollars!

    Bottom line, Teresa, I know as well as anyone, how close one can come to ending it all based on circumstances we simply can't control. Inconsideration, unkindness, hatefulness, jealousy, and intentional destruction directed toward us from others can lead to near death by our own hands.

    However, I'm as happy and content as I've ever been in my life right now. You girls can see it in my smile. That's not fake...it's real!
    Even though my retirement check is much lighter than it should be, I have plenty of money and security with where I'm at now and God has blessed me based on how I have served Him and others in a kind, caring, and considerate way!

    Love ya Teresa and always love to read your writings! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Me too Cheryl! Love ya girl friend! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Thank you so very much Eryka! I love the fact you echoed my sentiments! Love ya girl friend and write me anytime! XOXOXO Scarlett

  3. #28
    Junior Member Betsy's Avatar
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    My wife and I have been married for 35 years. I recently started XD and at the time only panties stockings and shoes. This was before I found this site. I walked into the room wearing mens shorts, Leggs thigh high stockings and shoes (ballet flats). After she scoped me out and thought a bit she asked me why. I told her I liked the way they felt and looked. She asked if I was going to transition to become a girl. I said no. She said it's weird but it's only clothes. My/Our adventure continues!

    Betsy

    XOXOXO

  4. #29
    Member colleen ps's Avatar
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    what were a few reasons you gave her as to why you had to cross dress?
    Hi Scarlett.

    As i never had to "come out" because it became a natural progression from spicing things up at playtime by wearing some female underwear, i never got questioned about any of it for over thirty years but all of a sudden, while on holiday fully dressed for two weeks at the holiday cottage a couple of years ago, my wife asked me if i had any idea why i enjoyed dressing up. The only answers i could give were that it just feels like i am complete when i transform. i could not give any real answers, but after a long discussion about my past, we both came to the same conclusions. My mum always wanted a girl and maybe it was my way of making her wish come true. But, i never got around to telling Mum. Doh. I also spent much of my youth with female cousins and friends and thinking back, i did enjoy dressing up in girls clothes with them for a few years but then when we drifted apart it stopped. later in life, i often found myself admiring women in nice clothes and wondering how it must feel to dress that way, but even then i did not indulge. when we were first married, My wife went on short holidays with my son and my parents as i could not go due to work commitments and i used to lay some of her clothes out on the bed, maybe a chair etc to "feel" her around me, but even then i did not succumb to any temptation., so we came to the conclusion that the "feeling" was always there, i just did not understand the reason. Then after "playtime" i tried on a dress, shoes and pantyhose and felt wonderful. i walked out from our room and she looked at me and giggled "how do you feel?" she asked. I said, It feels right! i feel this is me! and i feel so relaxed.

    Going back to our holiday conversation, she said that when i am dressed and for a while after, i seem a different much less stressed person and this led to her asking if i wanted to go for a drive, and go as you are. Dont change your clothes.

    so, to answer your question as best as i can, i think the main reason i gave her was that it makes me feel complete and totally stress free.

    We were not going to take a holiday away this year but she recently suggested we go back to the cottage for at least a week and i feel this suggestion was her way of saying she understands my needs.

    I feel so lucky!
    Last edited by colleen ps; 05-10-2018 at 04:49 AM.

  5. #30
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    Well, I told my wife two years ago. She didn´t judge it, but made clear she don´t like it. So, I am in a DADT relation.

    But, one time we were discussing it and she asked me why do I like it. She stated it is sexual. My answer was that indeed it have some sexual component, but at the same time my dressing is more psychological than sexual.

    Now, reading you girls answers, it hit me that dressing make me feel complete! I believe that is the right word.

    But, maybe, my wife will never understand this, so, back to closet.

    Cheers,

    Patricia

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    I also told my wife all about it and started slow wearing gurls clothes in front of her. I explained it too that it was a need and it was my inner feelings that made me do it.
    Soon, we were shopping together for her and myself and wanted to be honest with her, we never had any secrets for each other and we live a happy life.
    Now I enjoy my dressing in and around the house, and not out in public and am happy.

    Rayleen.
    Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.

    Rayleen

  7. #32
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    Good for you Patricia! Don't ever take what opportunities you have to dress at home in front of your wife and go shopping and pick out things for yourself and your wife together! XOXOXO Scarlett

    I love to shop with my wife and she won't buy a thing when it comes to women's fashion without me giving her the thumbs up! She really appreciates my fashion and style sense of style. She gets compliments everyday on the outfits she wears to work and knows I'm the person picking them out for her. I just wish I could by my Scarlett clothing and shoes with her by my side. I got to do that once around Christmas time when she allowed me to buy a couple of those snug fitting turtle neck tops I wear with my skater skirts on a regular basis during the fall and winter months. Have a super weekend you lucky girl friend! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    You're funny, Patricia! I love that "back to the closet" remark at the end of your reply! So many things hit home with me from your writing....the DADT, the sexual component, the psychological component, and the fact that dressing makes you feel complete. All well said and in line with probably the majority of us who are married on this site! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Hi Colleen, you are very lucky indeed! I'm so happy your wife is all in with your cross dressing. I, like you, feel so much more relaxed and stress free when I have regular opportunities to get my total girl on as Scarlett. I think for the majority of us on this site, it is relaxing and stress relieving just as sex is for us only a bit much more as far as sex is concerned. If I have to go two weeks without having super sex with my gorgeous redhead, I start getting a bit cranky. It's the same with not being able to get my total girl on at least once or twice a month.....Thanks so much for sending in a reply to my question. Some girls thought I was asking why you cross dress and that one is an old worn out question. My question is what did you tell your wife as to why you have to cross dress. A much different question than a simple "Why do you cross dress". That's been asked a hundred times on this site. My question was much different from that one.
    Thanks for writing your reply, Colleen, and have a super upcoming weekend! XOXOXO Scarlett

  8. #33
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    I can't say why I told my wife. Honestly, I can't recall a real urgent need to tell her. I think it started with toenail polish. Well, I take that back, it started with sex. She knew I was bi before we married. She let her fingers do the walking and found a place I enjoyed them, sort of speak. But the dressing started with her doing my toenails one night. And the conversation lead to clothes. The next thing I know, I was trying on clothes with and without her. She was all into it with me at first. Even buying me stuff.
    One thing I always pointed out to her was that I would be the man she needed, when ever she needed me to be. I think that's important for a wife to know. Just for the simple fact that she married a man. It keeps everything balanced.

  9. #34
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    I was told by a crossdresser many years ago that if you know why you crossdress then you are not one [a crossdresser]. That is still true for me. As Nicki said earlier it is a endless loop of whys without a core answer.

  10. #35
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    You bet Michelle...Our wives definitely have to understand we will always be the man she always wanted and needed and I'm so glad you brought that up because it is so really important for them to understand. That our cross dressing takes nothing away from our manhood, especially when it's time the light the candles when arriving home from date night and get things rolling in the bedroom!

    Thank you so much for bringing that important fact to light! It's really important! XOXOXO Scarlett

    My wife doesn't want to make love to a sexy, cute, classy girl. She wants to make love to a handsome, loving, sensual, creative in bed man!

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor186 View Post
    I was told by a crossdresser many years ago that if you know why you crossdress then you are not one [a crossdresser]. That is still true for me. As Nicki said earlier it is a endless loop of whys without a core answer.
    Why men want to CD. Answer, because they just do. Why the need or urge to do it, comes from deep inside the brain (where our thoughts, wants and wishes come from. And no one can honestly answer that. Like why do you like/dislike the taste of something, or the color of something. No one can say why we like or dislike anything. All of that comes from a part of the brain that even we ourselves can't explain. It just pops in there.

    Put on a dress and your brain might tell you, "Hey, that's pretty cool. Let's take it a step further." Or put on that same dress and think "OMG, that's just stupid." That's the cool thing about human nature. We can't decide what we think is right, our brain, mind or soul, already has that determined. Our bodies just sort of go along with it.

    Does that make sense?

  12. #37
    Senior Member 5150 Girl's Avatar
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    The best reason of all to tell is that eventually yo will get caught! Your SO will either walk in on you, or uncover your hidden stash!
    However in my case, I hope to one day be able to transition. I met my current SO dressed up like Saha Palin for Halloween. I will likely meet the next just hanging out in a lesbian bar.

  13. #38
    Aspiring Member LeannS's Avatar
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    My wife found my stash and we had "the talk" I have never acted any different then and now I am still the same person.
    I will go shopping with her but never buy me anything just look and see if there might be something I like if there is I will go back during the week.
    and once in a while she will ask for input on outfits.
    If you can't laugh and have fun you might as well go home.

  14. #39
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I told my wife that I enjoy it and it relaxes me. She wanted to know more, why did I feel that way. I just told her that I didn't know, I can't explain it.

  15. #40
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Same here, Pumped. I can't explain it, and that's what I told her.

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    I told her that I do it because it feels right and it relaxes me.
    When she pressed for more explanation, I admitted that I really don't understand it, although I wish that I did understand why.
    The need/desire just won't go away, and I'm not sure that I want it to (other than to protect her and our children from potential embarrassment).

  17. #42
    Member Cherylgyno's Avatar
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    My wife caught me admiring myself in the mirror about one month after we wed. Silly me, I thought marriage would cure my cross dressing.
    I gave my wife the "I promise never to do it again" line. As I unzipped my dress. My wife called the Balogna sausage that I was spewing as she rezipped me.
    We spent the rest of the day and into the night talking and cuddling.
    I use to ask myself why I cross dressed. I never got an answer as a kid/teen. I don't think my wife ever cared why, just that I was happy.
    As a pre-teen it simply felt good but due to stereotypes it felt wrong at the same time.
    As a teeny bopper it felt right and oooooh so good. There was still the sereotypical feeling.
    For the last 30+ years it's simply natural. The stereotypes have long gone.
    The talk as it were was my wife convincing me more than me convincing her.

  18. #43
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    The first explanation was that “it” was a sexual kink. I stuck with that a good long while, until i told her i suspected I was transgendered. Seems the sexual fetish explanation was more acceptable than the gender identity acknowledgement. Since nothing ive tried has worked, im reluctant to offer advice...only my experience.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

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  19. #44
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    The reasons why I told my wife, or the reasons why I cross-dress that I told my wife?

    The reason why I told my wife I cross-dress is due to this site making me accept who I am.

    I told my wife that I've been cross-dressing since I was 5 and I did it because it was so much fun!

    Telling her did not go well, she says she'll leave me if I continue to dress!
    Last edited by Judy-Somthing; 05-11-2018 at 06:15 AM. Reason: typo
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  20. #45
    Junior Member ~Renee~'s Avatar
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    1. I couldn't continue fighting the impossible 40 yr battle of wills in my head to deny myself
    2. That this activity is my earliest memories
    3. That it has everything with my internal sense of being, not sexual activity.

  21. #46
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Do ANY of us know WHY really?
    Yeah. Some of us do. But I think many simply cannot deal with the why, so they repress any knowledge of it. After all, almost all of us grew up being told that for a little boy, being girly in any way is the most awful, terrible thing a boy can be: Consider, when an athletic coach wants to belittle you, the worst insult you can call a male is sissy or the other word. And that sticks with us all our lives.
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor186 View Post
    I was told by a crossdresser many years ago that if you know why you crossdress then you are not one
    That makes no sense at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by MichelleCD View Post
    Why men want to CD. Answer, because they just do. Why the need or urge to do it, comes from deep inside the brain (where our thoughts, wants and wishes come from. And no one can honestly answer that.
    Sure we can. Just because YOU can't, doesn't mean no one else can.
    Quote Originally Posted by 5150 Girl View Post
    The best reason of all to tell is that eventually yo will get caught!
    Not necessarily. The ones who never got caught, simply died without anyone ever knowing. Same as those who murdered someone, and never got caught. They managed to take their secret to the grave with them. And it would be pretty hard to find out, because not many relatives of the deceased are going to go public, telling, 'Hey, you know my dad? He had all these women's clothes in his size hidden away in his closet!'. People generally don't want to admit that their close relatives are crossdressers.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 05-10-2018 at 09:42 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  22. #47
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    Lexi, I love your responses to the above quotes. Well done girl friend and look forward to hearing more from you in the near future!
    XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Very good reasons to tell your wife....Way to go! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Thanks so much for your input, Kim! And with close to 19,000 posts, I bet you could tell us about your experiences for days and nights for a long long time. Take care Kim and thanks so much for chiming in! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Cheryl, you have a wonderful wife and glad she was on board from the very first time she caught you admiring yourself in the mirror. You are in a small minority where the wife was just fine with your cross dressing from the first time she caught you getting your girl one! Lucky you! It took years to finally get my wife in the accepting area! I'm glad she's fine with it now but it took a lot of time to get here and I still have limits I'm OK with abiding by... Love your story and I look forward to hearing more from you, Cheryl. Have a super weekend! XOXOXO Scarlett

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    Nicole, short, sweet, and right to the point! I see you're from the deep south area as well. How is cross dressing accepted or not accepted in your area? This ain't San Francisco is it?

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    At least you were totally honest and I hope she still loves you and accepts the cross dressing side of you...XOXOXO Scarlett

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