Finding the courage

[Jessica May]

So recently with how things are I have heard a few conversations that belittle people with gender issues/ts/cd. I really want to be an advocate for people who struggle with this but seem to find a roadblock of not wanting to be so forthcoming and let on that I identify as being gender fluid. Part of this being that I am closeted with the exception of (3) people and work for a conservatively based company. So I want to be helpful and educate people as much as possible but also don't want to slip up. Anyone else encounter this or have any thoughts? I don't want to take a backseat to this anymore.

All the best,
Jess

[Tracii G]

I'll let you in on a little secret conservative minded people are very accepting even more so than progressive people.
So you are afraid to be honest around certain people why is that? Oh yeah its the fear of being called gay right?
You can support trans issues without telling them about you being GF.
Before I retired there was a guy at work that CD'd at halloween and there was a pic on his phone that some of the guys saw.
Of course they started giving him a hard time over it and he was really embarrassed about it.
The guys started calling him gay boy and queer etc so I told the guys hey ease up what you are doing is wrong.
They said they were just teasing and I called BS and called them a bunch of homophobes. I also added you know he is married right and most of you know his wife is stunningly beautiful so you know he isn't gay so grow up.
I told them the facts about CDers and how 98% are straight married men.
They asked me how did I know that and I said I read and educate myself and maybe thats what you guys need to do and quit acting like a bunch of a holes.
In your case it isn't courage its getting over your fear of what others think and that you are just stereotyping conservative people for no reason and using it as an excuse for inaction on your part.

[Jessica May]

Hey Tracii,
I appreciate your thoughts. I am in no way worried about someone calling me gay or anything to that affect. I could care less what people call me. I just don't want to ever put myself in a position to jeopardize my employment as a sole provider for my family. They are my everything and so I want to be tactful in speaking my opinion with people. That being said I am aware of some opinions of the owners of where I work which is more or less the basis of the concern of keeping these aspects of my life more private.

[Tracii G]

Thats fine I understand.

[Becky Blue]

Jessica, why not simply ask what they have against TG people... if they ask why you are asking say your curious as to why they are anti, your not defending and showing your hand, but your asking them to explain a bias.

[Rachelakld]

Perhaps ask what harm have they personally suffered from a .........(gay/bi/trans/etc) - have they ever been bashed up by a gay/trans etc? ever been pick on my a gay trans etc?
If the answer is no, ask them what reason do they have for the hate? - ie get them to look inwards for the reason of their hate or lack of compassion.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm still closeted too, but feel free to enter into conversations when I hear people discussing what are generally held misconceptions about any of the gender bending crowd. After all, I've been studying this nearly all my life now, so i have a fair amount of accumulated knowledge to share. When people ask how I know all this, I just explain that I was molested and went through a period during my adolescence where I didn't know exactly what I was, either, and it took a long time for me to figure it all out. I present as what I refer to as a 'standard issue male', so I'm not giving anyone reason to doubt that and think that I'm a closeted anything. If folks ask how you know so much about the subject, just tell them you took psychology courses in school, or, if you didn't go to college, maybe that at work everyone had to go to mandatory sensitivity class because of all the gay/ts people in the workforce in order for your company to protect itself from lawsuits, and you were curious about it all and went to the library to read up more about it. Or that you knew someone else who was [gay/lesbian/bi/etc. etc.] and wanted to understand more about why, so you read up on it. You could even refer to various TED talks on youtube about how society is changing with the knowledge that there are so many [pick whatever TG minority group you are discussing] in the schools and workforce these days. There are other explanations too, and perhaps others here will have ideas which you can use without outing yourself, yet still be respected enough for your opinions about it all be accepted by people.

Remember, most of the people who hate us, are actually mostly afraid that they, too, might be transgendered in some way, and it's that fear that you have to deal with, somehow helping them realize that we (and gay, and lesbian, and transsexual) are simply just plain people like themselves, only just another variation in the human species. Maybe show them the dual bell curve, with the straights on one end, the gays on the other, and yet knowing that there are so many combinations in the middle, perhaps less of them, but there none the less.

While I do like Rachel's idea about asking just what any [pick the group that the person is complaining about] did to make him so upset with them, most of the time it's not even personal, it's just a general dislike stemming from upbringing, religious beliefs, or as above, the fear that they, too, might not be the totally straight person that they think they have to be.

[Jessica May]

Thanks Ladies,
Yeah I know a great deal of it stems from religious beliefs and I had overheard some particularly direct/nasty comments in regards much of it. I want to be a part of the change and not sit idly by so your comments are most helpful. Being able to objectify things by asking them about what they have against them may work or I guess I really wouldn't be lying if I said I had family that Identify as trans because I actually do as well as well as lesbian and several of my friends who are in the gay community also. It is good insight and I appreciate your thoughts. I look forward to contributing the change in mind frame that I wish to see in the world. I also apologize if my initial description was slightly inaccurate as I in no way was trying to say conservatively minded people are not understanding. I was looking for the right word choice and missed as I am somewhat conservatively minded myself so I guess poor word choice. Thanks again

[Georgia_Maine]

This is what I tell people who disparage others for how they look, "I don't judge people by how they look. I judge them by how they treat others. Now look in a mirror".

[Stephanie47]

Jessica, nobody has to stand up and take a bullet, i.e., reveal oneself on the transgender spectrum. It is blatantly wrong for anyone to disparage anyone for the sexuality, race, religion, ethnicity, gender, etc. My personal feeling is everyone has a moral obligation to confront any form of bigotry. There are ill informed people in power, starting from the top in this country. If you lack ammunition to combat this overt discrimination do a lot of reading on the subject. Become knowledgeable. I don't know where anyone falls anymore on the political spectrum when it comes to transgender issues. Just don't sit idly by. How the 'boys' in the breakroom talk may be totally adverse to company/human resource's policy. Maybe corporate needs to educate the employees about 'hostile work environment issues.

[Tracii G]

Its up to us as a group to change things and as individuals its up to us to speak out when we can to educate on the subject.
That doesn't mean we have to go full bore SJW/feminist/wimpy beta male to get our point across.
Just show your acceptance and educate, nothing more than that.
You say you want to be part of the change then stop making excuses like religion,job etc say whats on your mind you are free to do that.
Don't get up in peoples faces and demand they have to accept just keep it toned down and have an intelligent discussion.