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Thread: How Can I Possibly Support My Family!

  1. #1
    Junior Member Susan Stevens's Avatar
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    How Can I Possibly Support My Family!

    I am ready to just be me and feel normal. Everytime I even look at the option, I realize, Susan cannot support the family. I would find myself unemployed very quickly. Before you try to tell me different, or that I may be wrong, I'm not. The industry I work in is dominated by right-wing religious conservative types. They have no issues showing their bigotry. They have learned I will not allow it, and as the manager, I have some pull, but when ownership joins in the antiLGBT retoric...I would quit if I could, but I have a wife and children who count on me to provide for them...I don't know how to change industries or my career path without giving up my pay...so I suffer quietly, knowing I can't do it forever, but also knowing I don't have much choice.

    Just needing a safe place to vent. Sorry!
    Last edited by Susan Stevens; 05-15-2018 at 12:07 AM.

  2. #2
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
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    I came out at work last year. The company was supportive but the customers by and large were not. I got called names on a daily basis and even assaulted at one point. I realized that I had no option other than to get the hell out of there to save my sanity.

    Now I am in a coding boot camp learning web development.

    I am a single parent with two children. I know that feeling of being stuck and not having options. You really have to look at what it's worth to you and what your options really are. Can you cash out retirement and live on that while you find another job. Can you work two part time jobs and make ends meet while you figure out the next steps of where you want to be. I look at my job transition similarly to my gender transition. I HAD to do it. I was miserable and hated everything about being there. Just like my transition I came to the conclusion that now is the time and life is far too short for this.

    I really hope you find happiness, and are able to live the life you are meant to live without worry.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Sorry Susan this is something you deal with. I’m very fortunate to work for a company that is very supportive of LGBQT
    issues. I truly hope you can find your answers

  4. #4
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Susan,

    As the saying goes “where there is a will there is a way”...,.

    If transitioning is something you truly NEED there is nothing that will hold you back from it because it is not an option, it’s a necessity....

    I transitioned in a very accepting company but got laid off due to changing policies in the government. I found another accepting company only to get laid off again so now i find myself back in college and i have never been happier.

    Yes i have a family to support also but i could not do it if i was not alive and not transitioning would have absolutely ended my life.

  5. #5
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Susan -- I think what you describe is the reason so many TS folks describe reaching the point of "transition or die." That's a pretty stark set of choices that will impact your family much more.

    You mention you're in management which means you must be used to long-range planning. What if you set yourself a five-year goal of putting yourself into circumstances that are better for you? It could be relocation, retraining, change of fields -- whatever. Blue sky it out and explore the alternatives. What does a perfect transition circumstance look like to you? What does an adequate circumstance look like? I guess I'm just saying don't think "I can't" or "I'm helpless," think "how could I?" "what can I change?"
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  6. #6
    Member Dorit's Avatar
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    Susan, I can completely identify with you concern of losing your employment because of "right wing religious conservative types."
    While I am self-employed with adult children, a much easier situation than yours, when I publicly declared my transition to Dorit, I lost clients. After a twenty year relationship, one client unilaterally cancelled our contract when they heard I was transgender, entirely for religious reasons. Another client I myself had decided to cancel for my own sanity after months of verbal abuse of an entirely religious nature. I hope you can find some alternative to your present situation that will allow you the freedom to be you.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Susan, understandably, there just is not enough information in your OP to be of much help other than methodology that Pat suggested. For example, knowing your industry might help others suggest parallel careers. Good luck.
    Last edited by Laura912; 05-16-2018 at 08:47 AM.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Susan Stevens's Avatar
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    Thanks ladies! I really just needed a place to vent last night. I do have the beginnings of a long term plan that includes opening my own business! It will take me and my family on a completely new path, but the family is very supportive! Getting a solid business plan and presenting it to the lenders will take some time. I need to be a little more financially stable before I can start asking for money! Thanks for the support and kind words! 😘

  9. #9
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Susan, if you have a plan and support, go with the plan! All the best to you! Hugs Lana Mae
    Let's play dress up!!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
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    good luck , hope your dream works out.
    keep us posted

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    hanks ladies! I really just needed a place to vent last night. I do have the beginnings of a long term plan that includes opening my own business.
    Thats the spirit Sue......Go out there and kick ass. Yup leadership has their ignorance abound. Then only you can make decisions. Its better to lose one battle then the war!
    I still look at life that, the bra cup is half full.

  12. #12
    Silver Member
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    If you can work for yourself, go for it.

    You’re right about most of corporate America. I came out at work and my position was eliminated not too long after. It had NOTHING to do with me, of course ...

    I do have to say that I know at least 3 people in senior positions who have managed to keep their jobs, though, so it IS possible for some.
    I am older than I once was,
    And younger than I'll be. ...
    After changes upon changes
    We are more or less the same;
    After changes we are more or less the same.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Susan,
    Obviously you don't say what your business is but being self employed isn't the bed of roses some people think it is. You are hoping to transition but if you are a one man band there's is no space to take time off . I was a self employed photographer for thirty years , so my time would be commited to for a year or two ahead through wedding bookings . Time off with a bad cold or flu didn't happen so anything more than that just wouldn't have fitted in . The other angle was photography needed so much expensive equipment , big industrial jobs needed large lighting units and my colour darkroom needed constant throughput to keep chemicals right . I had to keep work coming in to fund all that . Plus feed and educate my family and keep a roof over their heads , self employed have very few rights , you're on your own !

    I do feel for you , sadly US companies don't give the same support or abide by the laws as much as UK companies do although there are always exceptions . Also religion doen't have the same impact in the UK in industry . OK I had problems with it through the various denominations I worked under with my weddings .

    Family support is great to have but no answer if you are the main bread winner , I hope you can work round the employment problem because transition is more than enough to think about .
    Last edited by Teresa; 05-19-2018 at 11:12 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  14. #14
    Junior Member Susan Stevens's Avatar
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    Business ownership does take it's own toll for sure. I have opened my own business before, and was on my way to success when I suffered a major injury to my back and couldn't work for a while. I didn't have any health coverage... I ended up selling everything off, paid for surgery and my recovery, then joined the work force again. That was a tough year! I do appreciate the advice though. I hadn't considered the transition while trying to build and maintain a new business. Something to consider for sure!

  15. #15
    Senior Member Adelaide's Avatar
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    Dear Susan.
    I feel for you....having a handicapped child and an unaccepting wife who had breast cancer with some secondary effects that may be there for life... I have to put the real me aside for a while....You're not alone....

  16. #16
    Senior Member Vanessa Grandy's Avatar
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    Susan,
    I don't know mayor details about you but if you're not under therapy, it would help you a lot.
    That was my window to this world before I get out to my wife...
    To transition sometimes is needed to think in job trasnition too.
    I'm just beginning a new line of work, self employed that would allow me to work in femme...
    Luckily, My wife supports me and for the meantime she is making more money than me
    Last edited by Vanessa Grandy; Yesterday at 11:18 AM.
    It's me, Vanessa, in the core just a sensitive woman with a strong male appearance...

    https://www.facebook.com/vanessa.grandy.161

    kisses...

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