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Thread: Have you ever explained to a stranger?

  1. #1
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    Have you ever explained to a stranger?

    I've written a lot about my fantastic DLV experiences. I was a totally liberated woman!! I talked to a lot of people (man voice), and was asked by a few (at the slots or black jack tables) why I was presenting as a woman. I gladly explained about DLV and what it meant, especially for me: letting my girl out to play since I was a closeted Transwoman; how much I enjoyed being able to use makeup, change outfits/shoes and just be the girl I always wanted to be. All seemed to understand and appreciate my fulfilling my need to just be a happy person.

    Now, with that said, I'd do the same, if ever the need arose when out solo in my area (which I intend to do soon).

    Questions ... when out, have you ever had the opportunity to edcuate why you were presenting as a woman either in response to a confrontational "he's a man!" or to a person(s) who was just plain interested?

    If yes, how did you handle it, and what did you say? We can learn from your experiences which may well serve us at some time.
    Last edited by Jenny22; 05-15-2018 at 12:57 PM.

  2. #2
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    Jenny,
    I find it happens more when attending social nights , on the occasions when we have mixed wityh the public they truly do want to know , we do intrigue people , to them it's a mystery what makes us tick .

  3. #3
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Jenny, I came out to my hair dresser. Told her I was a girl for a whole week at the DLV, She responded with it should have been two weeks. LOL
    She was okay with it and gave me her card and said to come in for trim and conditioning the hair.
    Part Time Girl

  4. #4
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Maybe a couple of times when out in Vegas. But, since I'm usually always running late? I don't have either the interest or time for it!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Senior Member 2B Natasha's Avatar
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    Funny enough. I have never had the opportunity while dressed enfemme. I have several times dressed enhomme. What did I say. Can’t remeber actually. I just answer their questions and say my piece. I always keep in mind that I am giving them a chance to leave or stay and learn. Most stay. I tend not to push it on people anymore. I may have been more eager when I was first coming to grips with myself. New shiny things are exciting.
    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same

  6. #6
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    I have never had such an opportunity, however I've imagined that if I need a quick explanation as to why I dress, I'd say; "I'm challenging social convention to expand our freedoms and tolerances regarding gender".

    If it seems as if they are really interested in me, I'd say; "It makes me happy. My brain is just hardwired to release feel-good neurotransmitters when I crossdress. I feel I'm being authentic with myself." I suppose I could also add the first line. It's nice to be an activist with a cause.

  7. #7
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    Never felt the need to explain myself to a stranger

  8. #8
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    This is where confusion sets in its with posts like this.
    DLV is great ant all and I get it but Jenny you are not a "liberated woman" so to say so is not proper.
    You might have been felt liberated to a certain degree but a woman no.
    I have had strangers ask me questions and I try to answer to the best of my ability but I do not confront strangers and tell them all about me or force them to acknowledge me.

  9. #9
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I'm currently in a position where I have that conversation multiple times per week with individuals, social activists, church congregations, politicians, etc. I've almost made an (unpaid) profession out of coming out and telling my story. I find that I'm most effective if I speak for myself and not all of transgenderdom. I tell stories about experiences I've had, how they impacted me emotionally and I try to tell them in such a way that they can feel empathy. Basically, I go for their hearts. It's not useful (for me) to go for their head -- if we argue theory and hypotheticals the argument will never stop. If you try to tell them how they feel or what they believe in, again, endless arguments ensue. Tell them about you. Tell them what you thought, how you felt, the impact on your life. Tell stories from your life that address their question and then stop. They'll ask the next question if they need to.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  10. #10
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    I agree Pat just speak for yourself and to what you know from a personal perspective.
    I have repeated my story more times than I can count to people that have asked.It just goes with the territory I guess.
    Never push yourself and your beliefs on people or tell them how they have to feel about trans stuff they can do that on their own.

  11. #11
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I've never been asked, but if I were, I'd just say, "Because this is how I'm supposed to look." Yeah, I've thought about it.

  12. #12
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    A friend of mine is a trans author and going to her book signings I get asked about her and why I support her.
    Then they get to looking at me and seeing I'm a bit different and the questions roll around to me so I tell my story.

  13. #13
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    Funny I went today about laser surgery for my upper lip shadow. Pretty hairless everywhere else. The girl asked me why I wanted to do the moustache area. I opened my phone and showed her Samantha. She laughed and said that explains the hair. I felt liberated doing it. I find going about my life with hairless legs and long hair is inching me close to my own acceptance.

  14. #14
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    Questions have been asked, but not due to me fully presenting as female, and the results have been hit and miss.
    Convenience store clerks apparently don't get the same kind of training that SAs in retail clothing stores do (yeah, I know, go figure).

    I'm actually a little less forthcoming then I once was, which really sucks, cause I do believe in educating the general public.

    For me it has usually gone like this: Clerk asks about my nails or eyebrows or make-up with something like, "you have your brows done?".
    I answer with "nope, I do it myself". Or the question is about make-up or my nails, etc.
    Early on I would be very open about it, and flat out say I identify as trans; sometimes i'd get the negative head shake, or a shoulder shrug and "huh, it takes all kinds" or "that's weird".
    But yes, sometimes it was, "awesome" or "that's cool".

    So I got more non-committal, if asked why, now I just say because I like to, and then leave it at that. But there's some of these clerks that are pesky.
    That is when I get the, "oh, come on you can tell me, i'm just curious is all" kinda vibe. So, i'd give them the benefit of the doubt and use the T word again and get those comments I noted above.

    Cass

  15. #15
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Yes, if they ask, like the nail techs who did my nails--but they aren't strangers anymore. I recently went to a Sephora makeup class and a woman came up and talked to me. Turns out her husband (now wife) is transitioning and I think she was curious.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    It often happens during my DC social groups, since we meet in a public space. The Meetup takes place in a hotel bar and restaurant.

    I've had many occasions to discuss my trans-ness with the muggles, particularly GG women, but occasionally GMs and teen GGs.

    I've had at least two occasions where I let some (small breasted) GGs try on my forms to let them see how they would look in them. Another time, a group of teen GGs who were attending a quinceanera party at the hotel took pics with a large group of us, at my invitation. Another time, a GG started talking to me while I was fixing my makeup in the women's bathroom. She gave a very affirmative speech to her daughters about me. The younger girl (about 3 y.o.) still seemed confused, so I bent down and had a little talk with her.

    Once I had "a date" with a GG "townie" at Keystone in Harrisburg. Another time, I danced a few times with the mom of an FtM transman. Another time, a group of teen GGs wanted to take pics with us while out at the casino.

    And, I survived all of these encounters very nicely.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I’m trying to think of all the times that I have been out and taken the time to explain. I’ve had conversations with the cashier at the grocery store, with curious people out shopping,and most often with people I met in gay friendly establishments. No big deals, just people who approached me to ask...

  18. #18
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    My answer would be no.

    I have no reason to justify why I dress and present like I do, also I do not need to run into unexpected problems.

    I think it would be similar to foisting your opinion about other beliefs you may have and others don't want to know anyway.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Yes I have been asked 4 or 5 times by GG's why do you dress like a woman?... all the conversations were positive & friendly ones and in all cases they felt complimented that I wanted to be like them and dress like them... Each one also presumed that I was gay and wanted to find a man and were very surprised to hear that most of us were attracted to women.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  20. #20
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    A few years ago I was on an interisland ferry.
    A girl about 6 years old asked her mum "why is that man dressed as a woman"
    Her mums eyes lit up with embarrassment and I was expecting her to tell her daughter off but
    I intervened.
    I politely told the girl how god gave me a mans body but a womens brain.
    girl was happy with that and mum and I just smiled at each other.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  21. #21
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    Traci, I don't know if you read my post following my return from the DLV week in Las Vegas. Maybe you'll better understand why I used the term, "liberated woman," if you do. True, I'm not a female, but when dressed, I am presenting as a woman as best I can. Thus the use of the word, woman, which I have every right to use as do untold numbers of CDers.

    NEVER did I confront anyone, nor even suggest that I might have, so I don't know why you mentioned confrontation or the other things you associated with it. I tried to answer every question asked of me, and used, when appropriate, the DLV activity being experienced by many.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    This is where confusion sets in its with posts like this.
    DLV is great ant all and I get it but Jenny you are not a "liberated woman" so to say so is not proper.
    You might have been felt liberated to a certain degree but a woman no.
    I have had strangers ask me questions and I try to answer to the best of my ability but I do not confront strangers and tell them all about me or force them to acknowledge me.

  22. #22
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    I've heard of "man-splaining", and this whole concept is a target for much derision among GG's - especially among those of a staunchly feminist persuasion.

    Is the world really ready for "trans-splaining", then?

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