............so deep i truouble, ............she found out, .........it mgth be over very soon, yes, it was that bad, and no amout of words can make me feel better, so, its ok not to reply, just had to tell someone, how stupid of me,.....
............so deep i truouble, ............she found out, .........it mgth be over very soon, yes, it was that bad, and no amout of words can make me feel better, so, its ok not to reply, just had to tell someone, how stupid of me,.....
This too shall pass
Hope everything works out. Stay strong
Those of us who are in the closet, it's our biggest fear. Stay safe and big hugs. x
Sorry to hear - perhaps things will be better in a few days
Sometimes the shock takes time to get over, hang in there.
Here today, gone tomorrow....
Alma, when a fear becomes a reality it is sometimes very over powering. Please remember although she may be shocked you haven't done anything that's broken the law, your not cheating on her or any other catastrophic action.
Yes she is going to be shocked and it may take time to heal.
Just hang in there, be open and honest from here on in and answer honestly any questions she may have. Don't push the subject and if you don't already be the best husband/partner you can be.
Wish you the best of luck,
Tammy
Alma,
Yep it's manys worst nightmare. So, Stay calm, don't panick. Give the dust time to settle. As Diane says it's the shock that takes time to get over. A semblance of sanity starts to return. Once that happens then it's time for the dialogue to begin.
Use the intervening time to get your own thoughts in order. If it saves the relationship are you willing to give up dressing? Some would say that's giving into blackmail and has no place in a give and take relationship. That's for you to decide.
Try to have a set of discussion points laid out in your head. It may be possible to rationalise things and show it's not the horror show that your SO sees it as.
Good fortune going forward.
I'm not saying it will be a cakewalk and obviously your mileage may vary but my wife found out about my dressing in a less than ideal manner and one and a half years later we are still together.
Is it perfect? No. Could it be better? Sure. All I'm saying is that although things will never be the same all may not be lost. Good luck.
Alma,
Let me just tell you some advice from my first counsellor , your head fills up with so many assumptions, they go round in ever decreasing circles, in the process screwing you up more and more . Some of the assumptions are based on reality of the situation the rest are based on ill thought fears . Try not to panic too much, let the dust settle.
I would advise you to use the time to write it all down, your entire history of CDing, how it started and where it is now , don't BS it, be truthful to yourself so when the time comes you can be truthgful to your wife/partner . It will also give a good starting point if counselling comes into the picture, if it's offerred I suggest you take it , if you can get her on board it could all work out OK .
Please understand most of us know all these feelings and most of us are on the forum because we're going through it or been through it . I'm know in a happier situation despite being separated from my wife she is also happier , we now have an amicable friendship , I'm sure we both know there's no going back so we are building new lives, this is despite us both being in our sixties , the World hasn't ended for either of us .
Last edited by Teresa; 05-17-2018 at 04:15 AM.
Sometimes you miscalculate things, but you can recover.
Teresa seems to have some good advice here.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
My late wife was shocked when she discovered my crossdressing and I was fortunate that she did her homework. She realized my feminine aspect, caring and appreciation of her family had been a hidden part of what attracted her to me. The thing that she was never really happy about was me hiding it from her. It took much longer to regain her trust than it did to be able to hang my dresses in the closet.
She will have a lot of conflicting feelings and it may take time to parse out all the different things that have made this discovery such a shock. Anyone else in your life who knows and she trusts may be the ally you can call on. You don't have to be ashamed of your crossdressing, but consider you might have to be willing to take the hit on hiding it from someone you have been sharing life with.
Good luck
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
You've been on this site for over 10 years, and it's likely you've loved women's clothes for far longer than that.
Perhaps it isn't you who should change.
I used to have a short attention spa
There is always the chance that this will happen, no matter how careful.
The best that you can do is be honest with your wife now and hope that she is able to be open-minded to a degree. Hope it works out well. Best wishes.
"The only way is onward. There is no turning back."
Now she knows and you will have to deal with the situation as best you can.
I hope you can come to an understanding once the dust settles.
Give it some time. I know you're feeling as if a tornado has swept through your life. I just posted a comment to a thread by JuliePtown. Maybe my response there is also applicable to your situation as it develops. You need to give your wife time for this information to sink in. My recommendation is always answer a wife's inquiry in a truthful manner with full disclosure. It's worse if it seeps out piece by piece. If you do not truly know "Why you do what you do" don't give her some self serving BS. Women are not fools! I told my wife I do not know why I like to wear women's clothing which is totally different than how I may feel when I am emulating a woman.
At least you hit it out. Myself I'm not about too.
hopefully things will be fine for you. Stay strong.
This is precisely why one needs to be up front and in the open about their cd'ing from the git-go.
Jon
Keep talking dont withdraw into yourself, be open and sincere, tell her there was never any intention to hurt her in any way, tell her you are there for her and her alone and underneath everything else you are still the same person she married, yes it came as a shock for her to find out but by talking you can overcome this little glitch in your life. Talking is far better than silence, keep the door open for dialogue, pick your times right and try and explain as much as you can, explain why you are like this, why this life is part of you but you are still you.
best wishes and keep talking.
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
Alma, what did u do that was so wrong? U haven't done anything wrong! U simply were being u. And, if u lied or deceived her? Is this the first time either of u did that? Probably not. And, it won't be the last!
Talk it over. Work it out. Compromise. If u can't do that, see a good, experienced therapist. If u both want your marriage to work, it will. If she doesn't, it's probably not just to do with your dressing, is it!?
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 05-21-2018 at 10:47 PM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Be as strong as you can. When you feel hopeless, just find a quiet place, force yourself to read a book and separate yourself from the moment.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
be strong and know this all of the sisters here are here to support you, do not lose faith, things may look bad at the moment but they will not be like that all the time, think positive and try and look on the bright side there is a future there for you, I feel it and sincerely hope it is there for you
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
sounds like time for a little couples therapy. Thar will help might not save a marriage but you both should feel better because of it. If it ends it was meant to be
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
Thanks so much for all the suport,.......... its been..... a roller coster of emotions and reactions from her, there were over the years many little details, she noticed, but didnt know what to make of them, from some coments from an old roommate in the begining to a misteriuos recipt for some makeup about a year ago, then last week there were some videos on my phone about crossdressing on my phone, that just broke camel's back, and all the tipycal suspicions and questions came out, are you gay? Do you want to be a woman? And then there was the wost all, did you actualy love me or are just using me???? Now its feels like its just a matter of time before its over, everything i have done is under suspition, from why I wanted her to go on vacation alone to why do I do the dishes, and i can't blame her......................how vould I? I love her, but I'm not what she thougth I was................
Alma
You say "I'm not what she thought I was" but fundamentally you still are. The CDing is a part of you but needn't define you. Hopefully that will become clearer as the dust settles.
Rachel
Posting Permissions
