Did you know 1st of June is; Come clean to your SO day!

[mbmeen12]

After reading another I got caught lying to my SO and she/he found my stash post / divorce /financial ruin. I decided to brainstorm with you and lets start a day of coming clean and no more lying and denying who we are. A relationship is based on honesty and more/most important, your mental health. The possibilities statistically a large group on SO's might except who you are and really appreciate it. So it would trend positive The other percentile she/he will be like "I hate you and get the hell out number. But she/he will find out based on the postings here.


And as a plan "B" if you cant logistically cant make it "Come clean to you SO 1 June 2018", you have another year to plan for next "Come clean to you SO 1 June 2019"! Drop hints while shopping etc romantic dinners etc etc....drop more hints and then bam 1 June 2019....

So what do you say folks?????

[Teresa]

Mbmeen,
Maybe next June ( 2019 ) we would be celebrating the first anniversary of many more divorces ! Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth , we may exchange our sanity for someone elses . I agree because I know the mental anguish and how destructive it can be , but it still puts that load on their shoulders , that's when you find out how true love is , I hate to say this but you can find it very hurtful truth , love does not conquer all !

[mbmeen12]

we would be celebrating the first anniversary of many more divorces !

They are happening everyday here by reading the posts...No need to wait till 2019. I bet, if it not for the honesty of being able to share our inner selves, it most likely manifest/rear it's head in some other relationship speed bump.. When my my ex-wife told me she was gay, that is your definition of "hurtful truth" correct? I'd rather been told that, than the past year/s of mental abuse. aka rip the band-aid off moment.

Thank you Teresa too for responding...I was picking up what you were throwing down

[MichelleCD]

After reading another I got caught lying to my SO and she/he found my stash post / divorce /financial ruin. I decided to brainstorm with you and lets start a day of coming clean and no more lying and denying who we are. A relationship is based on honesty and more/most important, your mental health. The possibilities statistically a large group on SO's might except who you are and really appreciate it. So it would trend positive The other percentile she/he will be like "I hate you and get the hell out number. But she/he will find out based on the postings here.


And as a plan "B" if you cant logistically cant make it "Come clean to you SO 1 June 2018", you have another year to plan for next "Come clean to you SO 1 June 2019"! Drop hints while shopping etc romantic dinners etc etc....drop more hints and then bam 1 June 2019....

So what do you say folks?????

Sounds like a great idea.

For those who are still in the closet to their SO, here's a few suggestions, that one might use (spread out over a few months)

Take baths together. Wash her while you're in there. Buy her some pretty smelling body wash, and use it on yourself. Talk about how nice it smells. While in the bath, shave her legs for her. Then rub them and talk about how nice they feel. You might say something like "I wished guys didn't have to have all this hair." Or something to that effect. You might even shave a strip or two on the back side of your legs. If she looks discouraged about it, just laugh about it. But you might be surprised if she tells you to shave it all. If so, go for it.

Afterwards, when she's putting on her night gown or shirt, just for kicks, try one on. You might buy you a soft extra long shirt (that's just a little feminine looking). If she asks why your wearing a night shirt, just make up something like "I've noticed I've been sweating a little during the night, and don't want to mess up the sheets."

If you have the house alone one day, clean it really good. And when she gets home and compliments how good of a job you did, you might tell her something like "I think my feminine side was showing through today." You might even say something like "Out of curiosity, I tried on some of your panties this morning, and BAM, I just started cleaning." Joke about being possessed by the panties. (or dress or something along those lines.)

Try doing her nails. And make a little joke about doing yours. Maybe even do one nail. Again, if she looks discouraged, stop, make a joke out of it, and change the subject.

As I said, these are some things to try over the course of a few days, weeks or even months. Not something I'd advise to do all in one night, unless she's getting into it. The key to all of this, is to make it her idea to go further. If she thinks it's her idea, and she's "playing the game", then it's all good.

I think the key to this, at least for some, would be
1. Make it her idea.
2. To show her how interested you are in her.
3. To make her think that being a rough & touch man all the time, get's a little old.
4. To show her that when you're feeling feminine, it makes you more compassionate to her needs. Which will make her want you to be more feminine sometimes.


FYI, I don't know anyone's wife. These are just suggestions. So one would have to take this as slow or fast as they needed to. Not be pushy about it. But also to not let a chance go by. If she suggests something more feminine, take it. If she shows resistance, then back off for a while.


Mine asked me once why I liked dressing up, and I told her, I get tired of being so manly all the time. Rough clothes, rough shoes/boots, rough skin. And that the older I get, the softer I like things. And how mens cologne just stinks sometimes.

[Stacy Darling]

I now realise that February was the wrong month!

Stacy!

[Beverley Sims]

What's wrong with the impact Easter, Christmas or Thanksgiving brings for such events.

[LilSissyStevie]

I have a different idea. How about we let each individual decide the best course of action for their own unique situation. We can offer our own experience, strength and hope that they can use, or not use in making their decision. Whatever the outcome of their decision, we can be happy or sad for them as the case requires but we can keep our judgment, if any, to ourselves.

[Shelly Preston]

It's an individual choice.

NO one should be made to feel this is a good idea.

The suggestion of hints has been made. The only problem is that it makes is like a mystery novel which has to be solved. Mostly the hints don't get noticed at the time.


If you decide to tell you Partner do it properly. The link in my signature might help.

No one can tell you when the time is right.

[Laura912]

Agree with Shelly on this. We can encourage individual support to those choosing to tell.

[mykell]

already have a day for that if one would need to take advantage of that....


Thursday, October 11

National Coming Out Day 2018

[Tracy Irving]

Even if my wife didn't know, I can't see following a random date picked by a stranger on the internet to tell her something that potentially life altering.

What would happen if I was out of town? Tell her on the phone, through a text or do I have to wait a year for the calender to roll around?

Sorry, but this is a personal decision that is best left to the individual.

[Asew]

Even when I told my wife in January, there was two or three botched attempts to tell her (nerves got the better of me). I would hate to have to wait another year if I failed clean SO day

[Pat]

How about we let each individual decide the best course of action for their own unique situation.

It's pretty disrespectful to believe you know more about the other person than they know about themselves. And, honestly, I find it to be bullying behavior to try and pressure them into doing something they don't want to do. Yes, we routinely hear from folks who decided to conceal their nature and had it come back to bite them. It's very sad, but it was a conscious choice on their part and we have to respect that. If you would like to be left alone to make your own decisions, you have to give that freedom to others. If you make your own decision and it turns out to have been a bad one, you have to own that.

[Queen Bridget]

This forum makes me so glad I'm single.

[DIANEF]

Oh dear, yet another 'you MUST tell' thread. Only the individual can decide because only they know the specifics of the situation they are in. Frankly the holier than thou attitude of some members is really annoying.

[docrobbysherry]

I think u mean well, mbmeen, but well intentioned doesn't necessarily mean anything will get accomplished does it?
Take, for example, New Year's Resolutions? Which have pretty much become a joke these days!

I suggest when u r unhappy and motivated enuff to try and change your unhappy living situation with partners and family, u consult someone who's job it is to help u! This applies to your dressing or ANYTHING that negatively affects your live(s). Go see an experienced, qualified therapist! Only they will be able to understand, appreciate, and help you and your family's unique needs and situations!

[mbmeen12]

Yup Doc MY post is/was honorable intentions...getting a whiff from of cyber bullying from DianeF. It was all rhetorical...Oct 11 is coming out day but food for thought to make us better human beings.

[kimdl93]

I took this suggestion as a bit of fun. In reality, a looming deadline of this nature would've stress the hell out of me!

[DIANEF]

.getting a whiff from of cyber bullying from DianeF. .

Wow, you are VERY easily offended...

[MichelleCD]

Telling people what NOT to do, is still telling people what to do.

So someone picked a day for others to come out. Anyone raised by wolves know that it's not a mandate. No one is going to be forced to come out that day. It's merely a suggestion. The idea of it, is a good one. Imagine, that in one day, possibly millions of CD's finally telling their secret, that they've been wanting to tell for a long time. Also imagine that the idea of CDing, becoming more out into the open, and less taboo, all in one day.

That's the good side of the idea.

The bad side, it's not going to go so well for a lot of CD's.

In my suggestion above, is meant for the spouse to see subtle changes in her man. To see him wanting to be less alpha, if you will. Like the Willie & Merle song, "All the soft places to fall." Gradually, at a speed that's comfortable with them. Lord knows, women aren't dumb. They more than likely see the hints. But don't want to face them at the time. In another post, I mentioned how important it is for a CD to make darn sure that his SO knows that when it's time for the man to be the man, that he's is. After all, most of our wives married a man. And probably doesn't want to lose her man. Doesn't want to lose that balance.
Taking the time, and easing into coming out, even if it's years in the making and thousands of subtle hints, if done right, dressing in womens clothes could turn out to be about the same as him playing a round of golf. No big deal, if it's done within the limits of what the wife can tolerate.
But the objective, IMO, is to show the wife that her hubby doesn't like being so manly 24/7/365.

[sometimes_miss]

And maybe then June 2nd will become national 'call a divorce lawyer' day.

[Stephanie47]

I've always counseled people with the phrase, "risk vs reward." Yes, this is another thread about 'coming clean.' There are consequences to one's actions. There are also consequences to inaction. You and your wife bear the fruit of either. There are many postings and threads about marital woes after "the reveal." There are many threads and postings of marital woes even after disclosure was made before heading to the altar.

There have been way too many threads encouraging others to don your feminine wardrobe and get out there and enjoy yourself. Some are almost to the degree of chiding others if they don't do it. Some almost remind me of little kids calling another kid a "fraidy cat for not doing it.

Just remember you, and, you alone along with your wife, have to bear the consequences of your actions

[Shelly Preston]

Taking the time, and easing into coming out, even if it's years in the making and thousands of subtle hints, if done right, dressing in womens clothes could turn out to be about the same as him playing a round of golf. No big deal, if it's done within the limits of what the wife can tolerate.
But the objective, IMO, is to show the wife that her hubby doesn't like being so manly 24/7/365.

Michelle

I don't disagree that if you get things right it can be seen as a hobby like golf.

However I disagree on the subtle hints.


Almost 15 years of seeing what is posted on the forum I have yet to see a post where subtle hints have proved successful.

[suzanne]

I say its unfair to put any kind of pressure on anybody in this forum. Whether in or out of the closet, we are all where we are for our own personal reasons. There are many stories of the coming out conversation going well, but there are also many stories of it being a life ruining disaster. Only the individual member can assess which outcome is most likely, and even then not very accurately. Coming out is not necessarily the best idea for everyone.

[Devi SM]

For me it was 2 years ago in April.
I still feeling sad for being what she had to pass those 3 days in San Francisco. It would probably be compared with the bombs falling over Berlin in the WWII but after all the destruction they rebuilt the buildings, lives, etc.
My case was not just a confession of croosdressing but bisexuality and years cheating with other men.
I did't because I couldn't keep lying and living a double life.
My reasoning was if she loves me like a love her she will forgive me and we will keep living our lives but together.
That has been for the last 2 years. It hasn't be easy but now I'm in transition and she is very supportive.
The nightmare was lived in full but if she would kick me out of the house there was no options for me, honesty must have the pillar of any couple.
It doesn't matter when, this year or the next, or before the end of the year but if you want to take the risk do it and be honest.