Role Model Or Not

[Asew]

Since I wear skirts in front of the kids, I told my mom about 2 weeks ago about my wearing skirts (before she came over for US mother's day). She didn't say much but seem to think it was kilts and kind of changed the subject. During mother's day she mentioned she wanted to talk about the skirt thing but never said anything. She was over this last weekend and asked about it (is it just skirts, mostly, do you want to be like caitlynn jenner, no, is there anything else I need to to know, not really, when did it start, I wore my sister's skirts she left behind when she left for college). She then said that she doesn't understand but whatever. Then she goes into a whole spiel about how I am a role model for my kids and I should be setting a good role model for them. Does she think them knowing is being a good role model. And reiterated how she doesn't understand it. Note that my one of my sons changed into his RuPaul t-shirt about ten minutes prior to this conversation.

One of my biggest fears is not being a good role model for my kids. I hope I did the right thing letting them know. I can be myself at home, people have said they have never seen me happier. I am teaching them tolerance of other people differences. They seem fine with it and hopefully this is something that doesn't tarnish their view of me.

[Helen_Highwater]

Asew,

What alternative role model is your mother proposing? A strong masculine, hard drinking, chauvinist who rules with his fists?

It seems to me that you're showing your kids that it's ok to different, your own person. Teaching them tolerance seems far better than reinforcing bigotry.

If your kids don't seem phased by it then all seems good. Have you asked the kids for their opinion on your dressing? If there are issues then at least you know about them and can address those together.

[DaisyLawrence]

You are a VERY GOOD role model for your kids. They will be open minded and tolerant of others that are different due to the example you have set them. DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Welcome to the out and honest club. Well done you.

[Tracii G]

You are being a great role model, tell Mom to mind her own business.

[Tracy Irving]

Your mother did the child rearing. Now it's your turn to take the wheel. No backseat drivers!

[colleen ps]

As i have said in other threads, i wear a skirt at home all the time, my son takes absolutely no notice and his girlfriends have never been bothered by it. His close mates pop in now and then and are fine, he will warn a new friend and most just comment "cool".. My neighbour has kids and grandkids round all the time and as we have open gardens, are always outside with me and it is no issue. The only time i had a comment was from the post guy, and all he said, was way to go buddy, its just clothing.

So the way i see it, you are doing fine by your kids as others are saying. and as my post guy said, its only clothing.

so, skirt, Kilt, robe, wear what makes you comfortable.

[Allisa]

Skirts are only cloth, it's the man who comes through, your outlook on life, being supportive to your family and the love that needs no words. The lesson your teaching them about tolerance of others and even acceptance beyond the surface in your small effort to be true to yourself. We can all talk the talk but how many walk the walk, actions speak louder than words and your conviction to wearing a piece of clothing associated with femininity speaks volumes.

[Stacy Darling]

I was subjected to a very similar talking to by my wife last year. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from it!

I believe that you yourself will know what is right, and if you are the model you wish to be!

Good luck with sorting things with your Mum, that could be the more difficult issue!
Stacy!

[IleneD]

When people around me respond with "I don't understand it. I simply don't understand it." [read: SO and a few others]; it's often because they lack the resources to understand or never really try to understand in the first place. It's the one hurdle when talking about CD/TG that seems to be thrown down like their "out" card.
Aggravating. I hate it when a reasonable and open attempt to "explain" hits the wall of understanding. I'm almost over feeling the need to explain myself. Sorry you had to suffer the experience at the hands of loved ones too.
By being the honest You, you make the best role model to your children. Explain to them what THEY can understand and what you owe them. Just be honest and all will be well between you and them. Bringing other extended family members along is always a challenge. They need to overcome their own past, values and prejudices first in order to learn. The kids learn tolerance and Life from the ground up.

[Queen Bridget]

Sadly, the older generations are still stuck in their ways. It's not really their fault. They were raised the believe in strict gender roles.

A good role model is someone who is open-minded.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm not going to speculate as to whether you are a role model or not. My comment is simply wrapped around my own point of view when it comes to disclosure to my own children. That hasn't happened yet. It might someday, it might not. But then again, I have pretty much zero desire to present as female around them, let alone run around the house in a skirt with everything else in guy mode.

Keep in mind that I have no issue with the gender binary, just that I was drafted to the wrong team. I don't believe that the day will come any time soon when men will be choosing between a suit and skirt before going to that important meeting for work.

And I already changed my mind, here is my thought regarding role model. Are you also living your life outside your home in a skirt? If so, then yes...you are being a role model in possibly contributing to a societal change that I believe may never come. If just staying at home, then not so much in my opinion. You simply let your children into your closet.

[Pat]

It's seems like a good role model to me. You're showing your kids (1) that adults are complex, and (2) that it's important to be true to yourself. Those seem like pretty good lessons. And hopefully you're showing that while people may be unusual, they are still good people. I'd say carry on.

[Asew]

What alternative role model is your mother proposing? A strong masculine, hard drinking, chauvinist who rules with his fists?

It seems to me that you're showing your kids that it's ok to different, your own person. Teaching them tolerance seems far better than reinforcing bigotry.

If your kids don't seem phased by it then all seems good. Have you asked the kids for their opinion on your dressing? If there are issues then at least you know about them and can address those together.

You described my dad to a T! When we first told them that night I asked all of them individually about it and they said they had no problem with it. And I wear skirts maybe 30% of the time they are home and seem totally fine with it.

You are a VERY GOOD role model for your kids. They will be open minded and tolerant of others that are different due to the example you have set them. DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Welcome to the out and honest club. Well done you.

Thanks for your kind words, and it is so nice to be out and honest.

You are being a great role model, tell Mom to mind her own business.

I have always had a problem of confronting my mom. My mom has given me lots of advice I didn't take and usually she will just leave it be.

Your mother did the child rearing. Now it's your turn to take the wheel. No backseat drivers!

Definitely!

As i have said in other threads, i wear a skirt at home all the time, my son takes absolutely no notice and his girlfriends have never been bothered by it. His close mates pop in now and then and are fine, he will warn a new friend and most just comment "cool".. My neighbour has kids and grandkids round all the time and as we have open gardens, are always outside with me and it is no issue. The only time i had a comment was from the post guy, and all he said, was way to go buddy, its just clothing.

So the way i see it, you are doing fine by your kids as others are saying. and as my post guy said, its only clothing.

so, skirt, Kilt, robe, wear what makes you comfortable.

It is refreshing to hear this. I currently only wear skirts at home (well I might put the dogs out or get the mail in a skirt if already dressed), but I think part of it is that we don't want any of our son's friends something to bully them about (the oldest is having issues being bullied and it sucks not being able to do anything about it, don't want to add any fuel to the fire).

Skirts are only cloth, it's the man who comes through, your outlook on life, being supportive to your family and the love that needs no words. The lesson your teaching them about tolerance of others and even acceptance beyond the surface in your small effort to be true to yourself. We can all talk the talk but how many walk the walk, actions speak louder than words and your conviction to wearing a piece of clothing associated with femininity speaks volumes.

My wife said before us telling them she thought it would be good for them.

I was subjected to a very similar talking to by my wife last year. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from it!

I believe that you yourself will know what is right, and if you are the model you wish to be!

Good luck with sorting things with your Mum, that could be the more difficult issue!
Stacy!

Much rather hear this from my mom than my wife. Yeah, it will probably take some time to sort out with my mom.

[Micki_Finn]

If your kids are middle aged, you are WAY past being a role model for them and quite frankly it’s insulting to your children to imply that your dressing is going to somehow negatively affect them.

[Asew]

When people around me respond with "I don't understand it. I simply don't understand it." [read: SO and a few others]; it's often because they lack the resources to understand or never really try to understand in the first place. It's the one hurdle when talking about CD/TG that seems to be thrown down like their "out" card.
Aggravating. I hate it when a reasonable and open attempt to "explain" hits the wall of understanding. I'm almost over feeling the need to explain myself. Sorry you had to suffer the experience at the hands of loved ones too.
By being the honest You, you make the best role model to your children. Explain to them what THEY can understand and what you owe them. Just be honest and all will be well between you and them. Bringing other extended family members along is always a challenge. They need to overcome their own past, values and prejudices first in order to learn. The kids learn tolerance and Life from the ground up.

I hate trying to explain it too. And I definitely understand how the older one is the more set in their mindset they usually are.

Sadly, the older generations are still stuck in their ways. It's not really their fault. They were raised the believe in strict gender roles.

A good role model is someone who is open-minded.

Thanks! I always wonder how it will be when get older and what things I might not understand of the younger generation. Currently I have only not understood "dab"ing.

I'm not going to speculate as to whether you are a role model or not. My comment is simply wrapped around my own point of view when it comes to disclosure to my own children. That hasn't happened yet. It might someday, it might not. But then again, I have pretty much zero desire to present as female around them, let alone run around the house in a skirt with everything else in guy mode.

Keep in mind that I have no issue with the gender binary, just that I was drafted to the wrong team. I don't believe that the day will come any time soon when men will be choosing between a suit and skirt before going to that important meeting for work.

And I already changed my mind, here is my thought regarding role model. Are you also living your life outside your home in a skirt? If so, then yes...you are being a role model in possibly contributing to a societal change that I believe may never come. If just staying at home, then not so much in my opinion. You simply let your children into your closet.

I have worried about this myself. Is me only skirting at home basically only half-baked? I told my wife recently that when the kids are grown up I could see myself wearing skirts most of the time. She said she wasn't sure how she feels about that. I wish I could be more public, but I think it is a slow process due to my wife and kids. At least I am more myself than I was before.

It's seems like a good role model to me. You're showing your kids (1) that adults are complex, and (2) that it's important to be true to yourself. Those seem like pretty good lessons. And hopefully you're showing that while people may be unusual, they are still good people. I'd say carry on.

Thanks! We sure are complex. Kids are too

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If your kids are middle aged, you are WAY past being a role model for them and quite frankly it’s insulting to your children to imply that your dressing is going to somehow negatively affect them.

They are between preschool and 6th grade. And started the process to adopt one.

[5150 Girl]

Teaching diversity = good role model!

[DaisyLawrence]

If your kids are middle aged, you are WAY past being a role model for them and quite frankly it’s insulting to your children to imply that your dressing is going to somehow negatively affect them.

Micki. I spotted that in the OP. I figured Asew meant the middle of three children and not a middle aged child but had to re-read to be sure. Ah, the trouble with type!

[Asew]

Teaching diversity = good role model!

Thanks!

Micki. I spotted that in the OP. I figured Asew meant the middle of three children and not a middle aged child but had to re-read to be sure. Ah, the trouble with type!

Thanks for pointing that out, I edited the middle aged term. No wonder there is child in the middle syndrome since there is youngest, oldest, but nothing to clearly describe the one in between

[JenniferMBlack]

Are you a role model? Absolutely. Are you a good role model? I don't know bit I'm pretty sure wearing skirts dosent change that. Cave men only wore loin clothes,single mothers wear skirts I'm sure (at least some do) other cultures men wear skirts. I don't see how it could male a difference.

[Beverley Sims]

A modern role model is so different from one thirty or more years ago.

Values, teaching and outlook have all changed.

In education there are more art subjects replacing Geography and History.

How many know their multiplication tables or even spell and WRITE now.

[OCCarly]

I am a lawyer. I have raised two children who are also lawyers. Right now I am in court, waiting while the judge takes a break. I am wearing full makeup, a blazer over a mini skirt, and moderate heels.

No one here has any problems with my gender transition. Everyone who knows me is happy for me.

I like to think that I am a role model.

Hugs, Carly

[docrobbysherry]

Children learn hate, intolerance, and prejudice from others. Usually, their parents. It doesn't sound like they will get any of those from u, Asew!

[Rachelakld]

Correct, a good role model shows tolerance, stands up for those oppressed.
Also wear what you like allows your kids to grow up how they want and not some grandparents "thinks" they should be.

I had a dad who pressurised his kids to be like him (and become electricians), his youngest, no matter how had he tried, only had passion for painting.
The grief the dad put on the kids, almost made them a suicide statistic.

I often wonder if this pressure (and role model BS) is what is causing kids to shoot their class mates - because we convince them to portray a BS "role model" that is often unachievable.

[Vale]

Some thoughts for you. It might help to start by thanking your mom for her concern. It may be useful to make sure you and your mom agree that she will not undercut you with the kids. She would likely agree in discussion that sowing discord in the family would be harmful. Then maybe you can work with her to itemize her Specific Concerns (within the much too general concept of role model) and work toward reassuring her on those Specific Issues.

Just one of many possible approaches.

Val

[Julie MA]

I'm am highly respectful of the role model you are being: being confident in yourself, and showing others we are all different and need to respect that. Wish I was as strong as you. But every situation and our relationships have boundaries and complexities. I am living within mine, as you are.