How accepting would YOU be?

[CONSUELO]

Just a general comment to add to the discussion.

When I look back at my life I am often saddened by the missed opportunities to open up to someone about your inner self even when they have presented you with the opportunity.

I understand caution and privacy issues but being a transvestite can be a lonely and isolating experience for many of us and neglecting to open up and honestly share with someone when given the opportunity is a great shame.

So when we come across someone who is like us we should consider the opportunity it represents as well as being careful to not hurt them or to join in or stand silent when people insult and criticize them.

[Teresa]

Rhonda,
As I'm the centre of this debate maybe I should offer a reply . I have to admit this situation feels like I'm standing in front of those delegates again when telling my story about being TG with reference to how the NHS has helped or not !

I'm not sure if apathy is involved in the equation , they were just very good understanding friends , I'm going to add maybe a little intrigued to see me in reality .

As I mentioned the friends knew about my CDing and had seen some pictures , which they initially misunderstood . I also mentioned when I asked them for coffee I made it clear I would be dressed and gave them a day or two to think about it , I didn't hear so I went ahead . They also knew I was going out socially and had started to go out for my general needs , so they must have assumed I passed well enough and had sufficient confidence to do it .

I also mentioned that I asked if they felt uncomfortable but the fact I was so relaxed they also felt at ease . In fact I do have a picture of what I was wearing but in my old wig . This was what i was wearing after I dropped them off and went clothes shopping and the supermarket . It was very ordinary but very easy to slip out of when trying on some shorts and Tshirts .



They told the rest of their family when I first came out to them and they are all fine about it . I have a feeling the next step will to be invited to a family meal when they all get together , in those circumstances I feel they will be more offended if I refuse .

One point I missed in my thread , when I dropped them off the husband was taking a photgraph in their front garden when a neighbour walked by with his dog, they just waved and called hello and he replied with a wave , the couple weren't bothered at all that I stood next to them .

Tracy,
I could not do it without makep or wig , sorry MIAD does not appeal or work for me , I wish to be seen as a woman and feel most comfortable dressed as one .

Vickie,
Does your comment imply my story isn't true , we had a great couple of hours and have photographs to prove it .

[Rhonda Jean]

Teresa,
Although I referenced your thread, I didn't mean to make this about you. It was just your thread that sparked my thought. I knew I'd get blasted if I told how I actually felt, but I'm up for it, and sometimes that's how we get better.

One thing that makes me feel even worse about being hypocritical is I've experienced in my own life some really incredible support. Sometimes at arms length, but still enough that I had to ask myself if I would have done as well had the shoe been on the other foot. I also think that sometimes we can misread intrigue and curiosity as acceptance or tolerance. In some cases that's a distinction without a difference. I also think it's be very interesting to hear the entire conversation/s that took place surrounding your neighbors telling the rest of their family. I doubt that it was as simple as them all being fine with it. It's relatively easy to be fine with it when they have no skin in the game.

It's also worth noting that you look great! And anybody who didn't know you before would only assume you were born female. Even if you tell them differently, them meeting you today versus someone who knew your male self/role well for many years is a whole different thing.

[Teresa]

Rhonda,
I don't have any problems at all with your thread , the important thing is my thread made you think about the situation and pose the question to others , The outcome hopefully is other people may not feel as uneasy coming out in this way , for me being in the closet wasn't a very happy place . Now I'm out I'm out to everyone that's what I'm working on so I can totally integrate into the community . I won't bring the question of transition into this because it's not relevant . I understand you are a little uncomforgtable about your own situation , I wouldn't call it hypocritical , it's just some doubts you have about yourself possibly linked to some of the people you know round you and wonder how they would react . I'm very lucky in that respect but then I'm a very open person maybe sometimes naive at times .

I feel the important point about all this is , if you go back in the archives and read some of my early stuff no one would have dreamed I would be in my situation now , so the point I really want to make is if it can happen for me then it can happen for any of the others members here if they really want it or need it to . I am happier now than I've been in a long time , it's been a long time coming so now I'm not holding back because time isn't on my side .

Many thanks for saying how I look , that picture was taken after breakfast in a hotel carpark after we'd danced the night away , so everything was a little thrown together in a rush to get home . Well I suppose some of me was actually born female but thanks again for that kind comment .

Your fianal point about their family accepting me, well when I was a professional photographer I photogaphed their daughter's wedding , now the daughter has three teenage children and they all know and I guarantee will be OK with me .

[Tracy Irving]

Tracy,
I could not do it without makep or wig , sorry MIAD does not appeal or work for me , I wish to be seen as a woman and feel most comfortable dressed as one .

Teresa,

No need to apologize. My response to the OP had nothing to do with you. Your story is well documented and I applauded your courage through the journey. It is wonderful that you found the happiness you sought.

I wish for everyone to find their own happiness on the path they choose. I will always support and defend cross dressers as I am sure you do, even if it doesn't appeal or work for you.

I followed your advice and read some of your early stuff. In a recent thread you mentioned that seeing a man in women's clothing confuses people. I give the public more credit that that. It seems pretty straight forward.

We all have our own path. There are some who choose to crossdress and then take it to another level by altering their appearance with cosmetics and a head covering. The public may not be confused by this look either but I fail to see how it is less confusing than the other.

[Teresa]

Tracy ,
I guess the answer to that is I'm not confused in my own mind , the need inside is for total transformation , OK I admit it's an AGP trait , to be seen and accepted as a woman , I'm so very comfortable with that . If I was hormones on perhaps I wouldn't need a wig but I do need makeup , it's like most women , a little makeup gives them confidence to meet the World, I can understand that one .

As a matter of interest have you been out totally dressed with wig and makeup , if so how different does it feel for your , if you have surely you have noticed a difference in the public's response . I know it then raises the question of how much you wish to blend in and why .

[Esther Latour]

How accepting would I be? Good question. I think it is important to aknowledge there is a difference between how we think we should react and how we would react in reality. If someone came out as gay or trans (as in wanting to transition) it would be relatively easy for me to be supportive. If someone came out as a crossdresser it would be a bit more difficult to empathize because I am one myself and I am pretty much in the closet. I would either be hiding my own issues, which wouldn't feel roght, or I would have to come out to that person. So it would depend on how much I trust the person with my own secret.

[Tracy Irving]

Teresa,

I am not doubting the clarity you think you have when it comes to the way you dress. I am wondering why John Q. Public gets more confused seeing a crossdresser than someone, like yourself, who goes further with presentation.

Example: let's imagine you and I are having tea in a public garden. I am wearing women's jeans and a woman's black t-shirt. You are dressed as your avatar shows. Why would the public be at all confused about my appearance? And, more so than yours?

From my experience, so far, nobody has ever looked at me with confusion. In my humble opinion, I don't think people get confused seeing a man in jeans and a t-shirt.

[Teresa]

Tracy,
From your example I assume you are just wearing Tshirt and jeans, no boobs , no accessories , and flat shoes, I agree in that case neither of us would raise any eyebrows . I wouild also feel comfortable as I guess you would . Then that raises the anomaly we would be dressed in our comfort zones and that of others , in that respect we are still complying closer with society . Ironically it would be a hooker sitting having her coffee that may raise more cmmonts and second looks . OK So I admit society is weird at times !!

You still dodged the question of being out totally dressed or not , which I'm still interested to know about .

[Krea]

Of course i would be accepting if someone i knew came out as a CDer, any other reaction would be hypocritical. I would probably be more surprised than anything, but then who knows who else might be a closet CDer?
As someone still in the closet, i think it is possible to show support for other CDers without necessarily outing myself.

[Teresa]

Krea,
Thats an interesting comment , and it's one others have made , despite knowing you're with another CDer you still might not come out to them , I'm wondering why , it's the ideal opportunity.

I related a story a while ago about asking for a deal on a third pair of glasses but in femme style. Initially the young male SA was a bit taken back ., but while chosing a suitable frame from the women's display he came out to me about a CDing experience . He said he went to a party dressed and found he liked it too much but didn't know what to do about it or who to talk to . I told him it wasn't a problem and not to worry too much , then I offered to show him some of my pictures and give him some contact details when I collected my glasses. He was really appreciative and did find ther pictures helpful , I've never seen him since and hope he is OK but by coming out he put his mind at rest , it felt great to be able to help someone with CDing issues .

[CynthiaD]

If someone I knew suddenly came out, and it was a surprise, my first reaction would be to laugh. There's nothing funny about it, but that's just what you do when you don't know what else to do. Then I'd ask "Are you really sure about this, or are you just playing around?" I already know the answer, but I couldn't help myself.

Once the initial shock wore off, I'd be totally supportive. I'd use appropriate pronouns and the person's preferred name. And I'd correct others who didn't do so.

But if it wasn't a surprise ...
I knew this guy who always wore his hair long in a feminine cut. He always wore golf shirts and blue jeans, but several of his golf shirts had the buttons "on the wrong side." One day he came walking up to me with skin-tight jeans and a perfect tuck, with a look on his face that said "Hey, what do you think of that?" (I'm extremely conservative and most people I know consider me a transphobe. Ha ha.) He moved away, and I heard later that he'd had SRS. My thought was "It's about time!" Of course I would have been completely supportive if he'd come out to me, but some people just can't get past the idea that all conservatives are transphobes.

[Krea]

Krea,
Thats an interesting comment , and it's one others have made , despite knowing you're with another CDer you still might not come out to them , I'm wondering why , it's the ideal opportunity.

Hi Teresa,
I see your point that coming out to another CDer would mean being far more likely to gain acceptance. If/when the time comes, i would like to start by telling someone who i think is likely to be supportive. As you say, that makes sense.
At the moment i am not ready to come-out to people i know in person and i don't think my wife would feel comfortable with that either at this stage. (Maybe all that will change in time. I don't know.)
I guess i see it as a case of each person having their own situation and what might be the right time for one person to come-out is not necessarily the right time for another person. Best wishes, Krea

[KellyGCD]

I think that I would be accepting of the person, as most others here would. Now, even though they came out to me and I was accepting of them, I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable revealing to them that I too crossdress. I think it would depend on the relationship that we had. If it was a close relationship, then sure I think I'd be ok with coming out to them as well (might even be fun to share that experience with someone else who understands it). But, if our relationship wasn't that close, I'd be more hesitant. I'd certainly would want to support them in any way I could though.