Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 36

Thread: Out with the wife, gone wrong..

  1. #1
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,450

    Out with the wife, gone wrong..

    This weekend, Rachel and wife went out of town....
    About 10 years ago we went out to the local gardens, it was nice and relaxing but not her "thing"
    Since then she said if we ever went together it would have to be out of town.

    Well this weekend we went out of town, visited a family restaurant for a coffee break, half way in to our 4 hour trip

    I'm used to people looking, smiling, chatting to me

    Wife found it un-nerving people looking and smiling at her, she felt like she was being judged and was pacing around the till area where others were getting takeout like a wild lioness caught in a cage.

    She apologised later for not sitting with me and I apologised for talking her into to being part of my other life.
    Luckily I had the foresight to order take away coffee, she did a quick photo for my blog.

    She mentioned we could go somewhere more private/scenic for a photoshoot, but seeing her that way wasn't right, so we continued our journey.
    I did a car change 30 minutes later, she "supervised" the removal of my make up, reminded me of my mum wiping my face hard after a meal when I was 6 years old, funny, but not what our relationship should be about

    I'll never be in girl mode in public with her again and we're both okay with that.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  2. #2
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,415
    Thanks for sharing your story with us all Rachel, a good lesson learned.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    Rachel, at least you were able to give it a try.

    You may have to rely on her tolerance in future.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #4
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    We are all different and we need to respect that.
    She was uneasy so best to let it go.

  5. #5
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Rachel.
    It was great to be given the chance , it didn't work out this time which was a shame .

    If she offers to give it a go again will you turn her down ? She may see it as we do that her fears were more in her head , she may think again what real damage people around her were doing .

    You've shown pictures in the past with you swimming , is she still OK with your daughters going with you ?

  6. #6
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    7,188
    Rachel,

    This is a fine example of the pressures people feel society places on them. You get smiled at, chatted to, you find that a sign of acceptance. Your SO gets smiled at and she interprets it as some form of negative judgement. A sort of "Oh you poor woman, having a husband like that!"

    Perhaps she could be persuaded to repeat the exercise but with you entering the coffee shop separately as if you were strangers? That would give her the opportunity to observe just how little negatively there is to us and perhaps start to feel more comfortable in those situations.

    She may be persuaded that those were smiles of support and not judgement.

  7. #7
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,450
    Would I turn my wife down if she offered to go out with me again?
    not if it's a location she has scouted and approved (probably an unpopulated area), but yes I would refuse if it was just a random stop like Saturdays was.

    Swimming - I don't think I would be comfortable with them in public (even though technically I would be wearing more clothes). When I'm with them at the pools or beach, I like to play "the tough dad" too much.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  8. #8
    Member Rhandi Spencer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    385
    Rachel,
    Thanks for the post,
    My wife and I are headed on a road trip in a couple of months and will have hrs of driving. She has bought a dress, some femme tops and leggins for me and I plan on wearing them while driving. I am not going to do wig and makeup as she is not ready for that. I figure I might as well be comfortable on this trip. When we get to areas that we know people it will be drab time for me again.


    Heidi
    hugs and more hugs

    Rhandi

  9. #9
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    12,771
    Rachel, I'm sorry that it did not go well. I must admit when my wife and I go out, it is to T friendly venues, so we don't get that specific problem. Perhaps that is where you should have started.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  10. #10
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    1,297
    I find that mutual respect for the opinion of others goes a long way. My wife would never go out with me when dressed. Do I wish she would? Absolutely. But we have a great marriage and i'm not about to insist that my preferences override hers.

  11. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,301
    I've mentioned in the past that many women are uncomfortable with their husband's being out and about in public because society will look at them and ask "What's wrong with her? Her husband dresses like a woman. Why doesn't she divorce him? There must be something wrong with her!"

    You are breaking societal norms and expectations. In some respects your wife is also guilty of breaking societal norms too. You may be comfortable doing it. However, participating in your adventure makes it her adventure too. At least she is willing to go to a more private setting for a photo shoot. That is itself is something I will never experience with my wife.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    1,574
    That sucks. At least she tried, and I hope this doesn't cause a step backwards at all.

  13. #13
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Stepahanie,
    That arguement is fine as long as Rachel was the only CDer , depending on the number of people in that building eating there was more of even chance that there were other hidden CDers , there are so many reasons why people will look . The problem was Rachel's wife was looking for it to happen because she felt uneasy .

    If Rachel's wife gave that issue a thought along with the others we talk about she could come to realise it really is no big deal . That is why I asked Rachel the questions , if there is a next time Rachel's wife might find it easier to deal with , it's no different to how we need to accept ourselves , we don't usually stop , we know there is going to be a next time , I hope in Rachel's case there is and it works out better .

  14. #14
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    5,309
    I would give your wife a big hug for two reasons.

    1. She tried, which is more than most wifes will do, and

    2. She wanted to do a photo shoot, which is way out there

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    820
    I talked my wife into going out with me dressed for a short trip to the grocery store when we were 1200 miles away from home.
    She spent the entire time nervously looking around, convinced that someone we knew from 1200 miles away was going to walk into that store and the secret would be out.
    I realized that she could never be comfortable with me dressed in public and thanked her for trying. It stresses her too much for it to be enjoyable for her or me.

  16. #16
    Member Trione's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Central Tx
    Posts
    175
    Totally agree with Alice. And even your wife might reconsider if she finds a private place she would be at ease. You have a GREAT wife. Hold her close.

  17. #17
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    TEHRAN
    Posts
    2,274
    A big well done to your wife for at least trying, maybe in the future there could be another time when she will be more comfortable being seen out with you.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  18. #18
    Member Kimberly Adams's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    162
    My wife hasn't seen me fully dressed yet. Just told her a few weeks ago. She's been super supportive and we're planning a girls night out in a few weeks at a bar that has drag shows - so super tg/crossdress friendly environment. At this point I feel really lucky that she's open to doing it. I don't think I'd ever ask her to do it out in the general population but who knows. hmm.. nah don't think so. Dressing isn't a big part of my life. Urges just show up out of blue but I'll be content with whatever pace my wife is cool with.

  19. #19
    Non-Binary Member Krea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Kent, England, UK
    Posts
    798
    Rachel, your post demonstrates a great balance between you.
    Your wife was willing to try going out with you, and you were considerate in not pushing the issue. With this understanding, maybe in time things will progress. Good luck!
    "The only way is onward. There is no turning back."

  20. #20
    Senior Member Robbin_Sinclair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    A Tropical Isle
    Posts
    1,243
    A family restaurant, if it is anything like our family restaurants in the States (Applebees, Olive Garden, etc) it seems like an awful place to try to be out. I hardly ever want to be in one of those places for the people. I would expect a thousand smiles from happy and wholesome emploees, geriatrics and silly children, but if I was somewhat passable, it could be for many reasons.

    Nice try. My marriage is one thing. Robbin is another. Apples and oranges.

    I am with a generic woman because I never had the courage to go it alone.
    Last edited by Robbin_Sinclair; 08-07-2018 at 06:02 AM.

  21. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    Alberta, CA
    Posts
    229
    My wife has similar issues. We have been out together on one occasion. It went OK. It was during the local Pride festival. We hung around the festival activities (beer garden) and then walked about five blocks to a bar where there was a band playing. I got lots of looks. She didn't comment too much on her level of discomfort so I"m guessing it wasn't too bad.

    We are planning other outings. The thing the wife worries most about is if someone we/she knows sees us. I'm pretty much in disguise when I'm made up with my wig, but the wife is pretty much herself for anyone to recognize. We are looking at the option of a wig for her to give her some camouflage. Then we will start out in CD friendly places like one of the local LGBTQ bars. Baby steps......
    Why fit in when you were born to stand out? - Dr. Suess

  22. #22
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ft Lauderdale Fl
    Posts
    3,962
    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Adams View Post
    My wife hasn't seen me fully dressed yet. Just told her a few weeks ago. Dressing isn't a big part of my life. Urges just show up out of blue but I'll be content with whatever pace my wife is cool with.
    Lip injections are just what you need to set that pace ! LOL

  23. #23
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    37
    Sorry it didn't work out for the both of you, but I admire that you both had enough love and respect for each other to try it, and to make the necessary adjustments where you both were comfortable.

  24. #24
    Member KatrinaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    446
    Couldn’t agree more on the family restaurant... what you want for a positive experience while you’re early out of the house is a big rainbow flag flying from the entrance to the restaurant. That’s what my wife and I did the first time, in West Hollywood, and we couldnt have been made more welcome.

  25. #25
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,450
    Thanks girls, we had a discussion about it and she says if there are lots of cross dressers, in a friendly place, she won't feel like everyone is watching her.
    It been 5 years between our first outing and our 2nd (last week), I'm not in any hurry to push for a 3rd outing.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State