CD Husband Hiding Purchases

[cdsamswife]

Im a little upset right now..... I just found out my husband keeps making these small purchases (tops, blazers, heels, skirts) and hides them from me. I understand he doesnt need to explain or tell me about all his purchases be it related to his crossdressing or not but I dont like that he specifically gets packages delivered on days when I am not home or that he hides them in boxes of older clothes and shoes he no longer wears. Also, he had been complaining about not being able to save up enough money or buy me presents and Ive always reassured him that it doesnt matter to me... Am I crazy? I am supportive of him dressing but Im just really annoyed .... should I confront him about it? or just ignore it?

[Di]

I think its a normal thing steming from their shame and always hiding it for many yrs.
What I did eary on was tell Sherlyn I ONLY will be mad if you HIDE buying things . So that kinda did the trick for us.
Hope that helps.

[chelyann]

does he know that you know about his dressing, has he talked to you about it.
maybe it is time for you 2 to have the TALK, if you are ok with it maybe you 2 could go shopping together and that way he wont have to sneak around.

[cdsamswife]

Ive known he dresses before we got married, we go out sometime together when he is dressed.. I help him with his makeup and I do go shopping sometimes with him for his female clothes... he doesnt need to sneak around..

[Shayna]

My wife prefers that I hide my purchases from her.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like it's more about money than his dressing.

I believe money is listed as #1 issue between couples! It was in mine!

[mbmeen12]

I think it's inner shame....But yes talk to him and really good on you for supporting her. Many gurls on this site would embrace your loving support.

[faltenrock]

Im a little upset right now..... I just found out my husband keeps making these small purchases (tops, blazers, heels, skirts) and hides them from me. I understand he doesnt need to explain or tell me about all his purchases be it related to his crossdressing or not but I dont like that he specifically gets packages delivered on days when I am not home or that he hides them in boxes of older clothes and shoes he no longer wears. Also, he had been complaining about not being able to save up enough money or buy me presents and Ive always reassured him that it doesnt matter to me... Am I crazy? I am supportive of him dressing but Im just really annoyed .... should I confront him about it? or just ignore it?

Hi there, I kind of understand your anger. In your, I would not make it a big deal as it isn't really. You know he buys clothes and you're very familiar with his dressing. Perhaps just tell him you would like to know about his puchases and that you like to see them.

I also puchase a lot of clothes recently, my closet is full already. My wife knows about everything but doesn't join me in my dressing or going out. However, I also try to get my packages when she's not home, only because I don't want a discussion, mostly about money.
If I do get something in the mail when she's home, she just puts it in my office and tells me there is something for you.

[char GG]

The deliberate hiding and sneaking would definitely bother me. Especially when he complains about not being able to save money or buy you presents. You sound supportive, if he wants continued support, he should have enough respect to be truthful.

Anyway, maybe agreeing on an amount of money that either one of you can spend for personal items without guilt would be some kind of compromise.

Best of luck with your talk❤️

[Elizabeth G]

I think Char and Doc nailed it. From what you've told us there doesn't seem to be any need for the deception. I don't think ignoring it would be good in the long run so I'm for a discussion.

[Rayleen]

Honesty and communication is my moto in my house, it worked for me for some 40 yrs.

[NancySue]

Rayleen is totally correct. When I want something, my wife helps me shop. Sometimes, I do feel we shouldn’t spend the money, but she’s always OK with it. I do tell her when I do buy a “must have”. Honesty and communication..absolutely necessary. Like me, he has a supportive wife...treasure it.

[BrendaPDX]

If you are not in a DADT, I would definitely talk to him about it, don't let it get any bigger. Money is important but honesty is paramount. Funny coming from me, we are in a DADT mode.

[Beverley Sims]

I think a discussion is in order, it is not about deception but more about being self conscious in what is being done.

Get it into the open in a nice way and talk it through from there.

[Pat]

Thinking back to when I was married and I'd hide purchases of items from my wife -- not crossdressing related -- I think I was just embarrassed about spending the money. I too had money management issues and so I'd be embarrassed to buy something I wanted (camera or sound gear mostly.) Part of it was not wanting to be held accountable for the purchase but most of it was shame about buying something that I wanted, which my somewhat puritanical upbringing made me view as selfish, when we could use the money for something for my wife or for the two of us.

In fact, it should be OK for people to buy things they want for themselves. As someone suggested above, maybe set up a budget item for these purchases. Make it clear it's OK for him to spend that money on himself and that other money will take care of the other expenses. And tell him clothes go in the closet. (And when the closet is full, he needs to manage his wardrobe as I'm sure you do -- you may have to teach him how.)

[chrissyone]

I feel like this sounds like a budget issue?? You two sit down and try to agree on a budget for his dressing??

[tasidevil]

I hid purchases too when I first started dressing, probably because I was spending a lot. But my wife was never denied what she wanted either. Since you seem to have a good relationship with your CD husband, he shouldn't be hiding purchases, but not buying you presents because he is spending on himself is a definite no-no and he needs to understand that. He needs to take good care of you if he wants you to remain supportive

[JenniferMBlack]

I agree with others. I don't know he is giveing the purchases because of what they are. It could be because they are purchases, money he spent that he did not have to.

[JeanTG]

If you're open about the dressing, it could be that he just feels guilty spending on himself while telling you he cannot afford to save up for presents to you. He is being caught in a lie. It's no different than the guy who hides the golf club purchase or adding to his collection of model trains for the same reason. Those of us with other hobbies besides dressing have this issue from time to time

And women have been known to sneak in a new pair of shoes or purse under the radar as well, for similar reasons.

The answer, is a family budget, with each partner having a discretionary amount to spend on themselves as they wish, no questions asked.

[Stephanie47]

If your husband is complaining about a lack of funds and he has a compulsive desire to purchase women's clothing you have a problem. It's not necessarily the clothes, but, the behavior. It would be no different if he was buying something for a hobby and hiding it from you. If a husband and wife have goals, e.g., saving money for a large purchase (car, house downpayment), and one spouse is blowing money, then it is a problem. You need to have a discussion with him. If you do not already have a household budget, then you need to get one.

The arrival of clothing on days when the purchase will go undetected is nothing more than showing guilt for blowing money, and, trying to hide it from you. I'd be curious as to how he is paying for the clothing. Is the money coming out of accounts for which you have access? If not, you may want to check your credit report. There may be overextended credit cards of which you have no knowledge.

[Asew]

I think the biggest thing is just to casually bring it up. Why does he hide this? Money, afraid you won't approve, wardrobe already too big and feels wasteful, etc. The best way to find out is to talk about it.

Sometimes my wife and I go shopping together (stores and online), and other times I go buy myself (stores). So when I do buy stuff I always ask if she wants to see (and she always does) since I don't want to hide it from her. Sometimes she complains about me buying too many clothes lately (they add up quickly at the thrift store) or she doesn't like certain things, but in the end she is still supportive so I feel no need to hide it.

[Alice B]

You have a valid complaint. Take your husband over your knee and spank her.

[Patricia_Campi]

I see two points in this.

My wife knows but doesn´t approve my dressing, so we live in a DADT relationship. I buy things sometimes and she nkows, but I am still ashamed of this. Maybe your husband is also ashamed and doesn´t want you to know.

The other point is the money. I know because I had the same problema with my wife. For this one, you have to seat and talk honestly, there is no other way.

Kisses

Patricia

[kimdl93]

This is a straightforward matter. Yes, he may still have the secretive nature of a long closeted CDr, but he needs to realize that he is fostering distrust needlessly. Second, he cannot in fairness claim to be short on cash for giving gifts to you, while hoarding and buying for himself

He is fortunate enough to have a supportive and participating wife. He needs to show respect and appreciation by being open, honest and transparent.

[Teresa]

Samswife,
It's inevitable that we will hide purchases unless we know we are fully understood and accepted , there maybe an element of the dare involved . If you are OK about the CDing issues then make it clear and discuss groundrules , I made a promise that my CDing wouldn't cost a fortune and I stuck to it , so many items come from charity shops but then my wife wasn't happy with me doing that but I'm afraid I ignored her otherwise where did I get my items from ?

If you have separate accounts then there maybe very little you can do about it not unless he spends money that should be used to pay household accounts then you should really say something, you can't run ther risk of being put in debt by his dressing needs .