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Thread: Beards- sex symbol, or wearisome inconvenience?

  1. #1
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    Beards- sex symbol, or wearisome inconvenience?

    A member pm'd me to ask what is going on with my beard. I brought the discussion here, since understanding each other is central to fulfilling our mission of safety and inclusivity.

    The purpose of this post is to invite members to weigh in on how they feel about and deal with their beards- or potential beards!

    I have never shaved my beard. Well, actually I did, once, the first time a few hairs appeared. I was so happy to lather up and shave like dad! Then a few days later, I couldn't believe that there they were again! I decided I wasn't going to fight with my biology every day.

    The role of beards in society has shifted many times since then, and, like the weather, I just let it all pass by. But I have been curious at how occasionally people have been very intense about my beard. Once I had a small group of people insist that I was hiding behind my beard. I couldn't figure out what they thought I was hiding, but it was important to them. There were the years where beards were considered badges of being unkempt, even if trimmed, and uncooperative with social norms. There were periods where beards were style statements for men and embraced in the fashion press.

    On this Forum, I have found that my beard is a lightning rod for all sorts of really strong feelings, mostly negative and very freely expressed.

    I am sympathetic. Beards and noticeable breasts are the clearly visible body character that distinguishes male and female, and that distinction underlies so much distribution of privilege in our society.

    You simply cannot wear a dress and have a beard- right? At least, you can't expect anyone to take you seriously. I look in the mirror when I dress and love what I see, but my eyes pause on the beard, and... hey I have to make this work or I am going to have to shave, and spend hours fooling around with makeup while the little hairs start popping through.... I found it actually easier to expand my view and realize that people with beards can wear dresses and be feminine, if I let them.

    Granted, it is a minority interest. The majority understandably like the Miss America version of crossdressing, where the competition is to achieve a particular accepted look, and I know I am essentially the ugly girl who could never compete, so I want to have an 'everyone wins' club instead.

    I browsed the internet for men with beards in dresses, and it didn't take long to see that I had brothers with beards who loved wearing dresses, and there were women who loved wearing dresses, too but were suffering from having beards, mustaches, and hair in places that custom dictated that ideal women didn't have hair.

    There is a lot of suffering over hair, and I say let's drop the attachments to our arbitrary values on this and let people wear dresses however they look!
    We are all beautiful...!

  2. #2
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I hear you and admire you, but my personal need to see the reflection I identify with in the mirror requires me to eliminate facial hair -- even a good shave isn't sufficient because beard hairs create large pores, so I "have" to do electrolysis to feel right. I've spent about $8K on it and I figure I'm about halfway done. I frequently think about trans folks in the days before all our procedures were available -- I believe you are on the more traditional/correct track in a way, but it's not one I can follow. Total respect to you and everyone like you. You are following your truth and you are sharing it so others can discover theirs.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  3. #3
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    Phili,
    Confession time for me !
    I didn't have a great relationship with my father , he was a heavy drinker and an overbearing bully . He developed Bell's Palsy, so grew a beard to cover it, I'm afraid it made him even worse . Some people believe men grow beards to hide behind them, in my father's case I think it was true his behaviour became more aggressive. So now I do have an obvious dislike of beards , I have to say I've met many people who do hide behind them almost like a disguise and will add they were all abrasive individuals . I know now I'm going to get many members saying I have or had a beard and I'm not like that . I'm just speaking from personal experience , so I don't want to sidetrack this thread .

    Now put the two together , that is CDing and beards and I conjure up an image of my father ( at 6' plus weighing over twenty stone ) wearing a dress . So for obvious reasons MIADs aren't going to work for me , no way am I going to resemble in any shape or form my father !

    Sorry Phili you have some lovely clothes but I'll never , never be a convert , It's all or nothing for me ! To put the icing on the cake I was seen by a female customer trying on a swimsuit and she said , " I wish I looked like you ! " That could never happen to a MIAD !

    It doesn't take me that long everyday to totally shave , the end rersult is so worth it , if I choose to dress I'm ready to go , in the last few days it's been nearly full time and felt so wonderful . I have to say going out now dressed feels very normal .

    Sorry , I missed SEX SYMBOL ! Not for me for the reasons stated above . I will add it must be hard for some women to be on the receiving end of kissing a guy with a beard , again some are going to say my wife loves mine but I don't find the idea sexy at all .
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-07-2018 at 09:50 AM.

  4. #4
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    Here is my take on beards ,it's two parts first only how I view my personal beard and two others beards.
    I personally don't like haveing a beard. I don't lile how I look with it, and I hate shaving everyday. So for me personally it is a wearysome inconvenience. As a CD this is even more so.
    Now for others and as a Bi male I like a guy with a beard, So in that context total sex symbol. To add to that I also like guys who crossdress And for me guy In a dress with a beard is very sexy. I know I am wei rd d in that but just how I feel.
    Dint let other dictate how you live your live or what makes you happy, Be yourself.
    For the record Phil I think you look very nice from your pictures.

  5. #5
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    Just got done with a shave and a haircut, so I’ll weigh in.

    Dealing with thick, coarse, rapidly-growing hair on ones face gets to be burdensome.

    I shave my beard off about once per month, or when it starts itching, curling into my mouth, collecting food, collecting toothpaste, collecting whatever I’m drinking, and generally being a pain. I like my beard, and the ladies (GGs) love it, so I put up with until I can’t, or until I have a night out. I need to get rid of my facial hair if I’m going to be Marcia for an evening. Some people don’t have these hangups, and I salute them.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Hi Phili,

    I understand and applaud your position on beards.

    I however would prefer to be clean shaven when presenting female. Truth be told I would MUCH prefer to be clean shaven all of the time or in a perfect world be rid of my facial hair permanently. That being said, I typically have a goatee. This isn't because I want to but because it helps keep the domestic peace (I know, I know "it's your face you should do what you want with it"). I'm not going to get into that here but for my own reasons that is where I am at this time.

    Elizabeth

  7. #7
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    I have a full beard and mustache--- reason being is Xeralto...

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    Elizabeth,

    I'll leave it as ??? in that case but we all have those little foibles !!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello,
    I stopped shaving my face when I was 17. So I do not have the correct face, or body or other bits to present as female. I am a crossdresser.
    Each to their own!
    luv J

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I have a light hairy face and I just shave it to look clean.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    It’s not for me, as I feel my true self shines through at its most feminine, but I don’t have any problem with other people sporting them while dressed. I’ve seen others attacking beards and those who wear them and it saddens me, because it’s usually people trying to pidgeonhole others into their very narrow and often cheuvenistic view of womanhood.

    You be you and do whatever makes you feel FABULOUS!

  12. #12
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    About 4 years ago I grew a beard in frustration over the continual pimples and rash between my lip and chin. When I was younger I had a moustache, and my wife always liked it, now it is moustache and whiskers for the lip to the chin area which is trimmed short. This has no impact on my particular CD'ing habits. If we are not harming anyone, who's business is it what we choose to do.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  13. #13
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    Personally, I do not like facial hair of any kind on anyone. As for myself, it is my intention to look as much like a woman as I can which means as little hair as possible except on my head.
    Hugs, Carole

  14. #14
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I have had a mustache since I was in my late teens. I have been blessed with the ability to grow thick facial hair fast! I started growing a beard 15 years ago and my wife loves it so I don't see it going away anytime so I guess I will be a MIAD.

    Sometimes I envy those that do not have a hair issue. My arms , legs, and back or covered too. I "manscape" what I can easily reach, but even then my wife tells me to let it grow. I don't shave, but trim it short.

  15. #15
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    I have been cursed with a tone of chest hair, Back hair, and a 5 O Clock shadow that comes in at noon.
    That is some of the many reasons I stay inside while dressed.
    But I do under dress all the time.
    Rader

  16. #16
    Member Sashauk's Avatar
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    I shaved off my beard a few days ago after over 30 years with one. It was mostly grey and, although I always kept it short, it was starting to make me look even older than I am. Everyone so far has said removing the beard has made me look younger.

    Luckily it seems to grow very slowly so even now over 12 hours since I shaved my face is still quite smooth to the touch and no sign of shadow.
    Sasha

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sashauk View Post
    I shaved off my beard a few days ago after over 30 years with one. It was mostly grey and, although I always kept it short, it was starting to make me look even older than I am. Everyone so far has said removing the beard has made me look younger.

    Luckily it seems to grow very slowly so even now over 12 hours since I shaved my face is still quite smooth to the touch and no sign of shadow.
    After a month or so, my beard makes me look like willie Nelson, or the Unibomber or some old, haggard white guy. Others disagree, but that’s how I see myself. I look and feel younger and better after a shave.

  18. #18
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    As I said in another thread, I'm not a fan of the look.
    And at the same time I have zero issues with those who like it.

    I like to shave for and keep a goatee; the wife really likes it and calls it the, "Tony Stark stash" on me.

    I just go completely clean-shaven when I dress up, have to be in uniform, or some event that calls for it.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  19. #19
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I personally don't go for the bearded woman look, but to each his own.

    I've always had a heavy beard (as a guy). I grew a very good full beard over the summer between my junior and senior year in HS.

    I've had full beards, mustaches, long sideburns, Fu-Man Chu and other styles throughout my life. I had known my GF/wife for over 30 years before she saw my face hairless. I finally got talked into shaving it off completely sometime after I turned 50. I did this reluctantly, because this was the main thing keeping me at the "Lingerie Stage" of CDing, rather than proceeding to fully dressing. As I suspected, shaving my beard allowed my CDing to flourish, and within 5 years I had met some local CD friends and went out and about with them.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  20. #20
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    I've had a beard for about 30 years now, shaving only to install some blown cellulose insulation in the house because the masks don't work with a beard.

    It's mostly white now. While it ages me, shaving is expensive.

    There was a poster who dressed with a beard that I haven't seen any postings from them for some time now.
    Last edited by giuseppina; 06-07-2018 at 09:25 PM.

  21. #21
    Member Kiwi Primrose's Avatar
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    I have had a beard for most of my life. It is closely trimmed all the time, never shaggy. This way it appears that people see "me" not a man with a beard. Meeting someone new a few days ago her first comment was "is that a killt or skirt you are wearing?"; she did not mention my beard and did not have any adverse reaction to my skirt.
    I believe the reaction you get mainly comes from your own presentation. Go out confidently and naturally and people tend not to notice your beard.
    My hero - Conchita Wurst.

  22. #22
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    A beard is not me. I once had a mustache for over twenty years, but never entertained the idea of growing a full crop of facial hair. I shave two or three times a week, so sometimes I find myself going out with a light stubble, but so what?

    But as someone whose presentation is in many other ways similar to yours, I say "Why the heck not?" If it works for you, then do it. I support you. To those who are negative about beards, I have to ask "What gives?" Those of us who feel marginalised and unaccepted by the rest of the world should be supporting each other wherever possible. Because every time one of us steps out into the world dressed in our own style, we chip away at the prejudices of toxic masculinity, making the way just a bit clearer for those who have yet to uncloset themselves.

  23. #23
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    Thanks, everyone! I think we have a pretty good representation from those who find a beard of some kind really doesn't feel like an obstacle. In many cases our SOs find it reassuring, and that works ok if we are kind of genderfluid. I can see it could be a form of maintaining a compromise with the world that wants some kind of reassurance about my masculinity.

    There are plenty who really don't like the look, and certainly a logical point of crossdressing is to leave maleness completely behind!

    I am curious whether actually shaving is as much trouble as I have believed all these years, and Teresa and Becky keep telling me that if only I shaved I would discover that crossdressing would be a lot more fun!

    I have to say it is so much fun now I have trouble believing that, but I can see that it would give me a lot more looks to try out, with far less visual clash, and I admit I would like that, just for the additional visual satisfaction of seeing my face transformed. I am amazed in how beautiful everyone's smiles are when dressed in the Boy v Girl picture thread.

    Given my marriage, shaving and going whole hog is out of reach, so I valiantly promote my story in defense of my compromise!

    I appreciate everyone chiming in, and I hope others learned something or got a good feeling as well from the sharing.
    We are all beautiful...!

  24. #24
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Firstly let me say each to their own, we on here should be the first to NOT judge anyone.
    For me with light skin and dark hair, shaving was my most hated ritual, I constantly got neck rashes and small cuts...and needed to shave daily as its a source of GD for me. Clearly letting it grow was not an option for me, so the solution was Laser which alas a did a bit too old (grey hairs sighhh), but the results have been amazing, after 6 or so sessions 95% of my dark hairs were gone. a very light very quick shave every 2nd day and I am as smooth as any woman..

    I might add that very lucky for me my wife hates facial hair on men so thats how I got sign off for laser...

    Whilst I do feel for woman who have to put on makeup every day... for me putting it on occasionally is great fun, I love the smells the feel the look of makeup.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  25. #25
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    It really is a case of each to their own. I think that the dress and beard look, though not for me personally, can look stunning. Further, it can also really question other's perception of what gender is and how it works in society. It has to be remembered that, with same sex marriage now successfully achieved in many places, open cross dressing, and here I'm referring to people like myself who are not TS, is a taboo that is still firmly in place. I, for one, have to think that anything which questions that can only be a good thing.

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