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Thread: Daring to not make a big deal

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Southern Maryland

    Daring to not make a big deal

    So early in my time of deciding to transition I was very diligent about confronting anti trans talk or joking. It still irritates me when I see the occasional Caitlyn Jenner meme poking fun at her and I hate the words tranny or ladyboy. I had an epiphany thouhhh. The last time I was out en femme I picked up a pizza for take out. The young man at the counter had to hide his smirk. And the guys from the back crowded the window to watch me walk to my car. It pissed me off. I know why they did it but it sucks. And I don’t deserve it. I thought to myself I would call the manager the next day and make a stink about it. The night passed and I was busy the next day. When the time came I could have called and brought it back up I decided not to. At least for me I needed to decide how much of my life I want to devote to fighting. As long as i live I will advocate transgender rights. I will educate and inform. I will tell people who are malicious and dangerous to piss off. But I decided that ignorant idiots that don’t directly impede me or other trans people aren’t worth it to me. I don’t want a victory. I don’t want to win the world for trans people. I just want a normal life. I had to work to not feel ashamed of that decision. I’m glad that I arrived at feeling at peace about it. So people can stare and snicker and watch me keep walking without caring at all. Maybe they’ll get bored and give it up. But either way I’m saving my strength for the active devils out there that attack trans people or try to deny legal rights to us. You may have different convictions but this was a break through for me.
    Last edited by Nigella; 06-07-2018 at 12:49 PM. Reason: Sorry the other word you used is a filtered word and just shows as ********

  2. #2
    Untitled Nigella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Hi Ashley

    Isn't it liberating when you can say "If you have no impact on my life, Why should I care?"

    I have always ignored the stares and sniggers of the street, however, if I am obtaining a service, I expect to be treated in a professional manner whilst I am being dealt with. I have and will continue to walk away from a store etc if I do not get the respect I should do as a customer. I always leave with a remark, leaving them in no uncertain terms that they have lost a sale because they couldn't do their job.
    Dun & Dusted

  3. #3
    Member Ariana225's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017

    You took the higher road for sure. There will always be people who neither understand of fully accept you. The best part is, you get to choose where you do business at and who in your life you want to be apart of.

    You would wear yourself out completely trying to fight every sort of hate, misunderstanding, or ignorance of the general public. You have to pick your battles based on the effect and level of the hate.

    Keep doing what your doing, you made the right choice IMO.

    Much love,

  4. #4
    Member jentay1367's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Unfortunately, there appears to be something on the zeitgeist that has turned many towards foul behavior. I had hoped Social Media would enlighten us but appears as though it's actually done little more than emboldened the coward in many. Self respect is just that. Regardless of who you are, there will be a situation where your chided, derided, mocked and sneered at. It is the state of humanity. The best you can hope for is to be able to literally not give a tinker damn what other's think of you. In a perfect world you always take the high road and never allow yourself to be caught up in confrontation. If you can manage that, I think you've found one of the keys to a happy existence.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    If you were going to deal with it , you should have done it there and then , I know it stays on your mind.

    Now lets look at it from a different viewpoint, our assumption is we are alone , maybe even suffering more than others , the real eye opener to me is openly talking about my dressing situation/needs sometimes gives the opportunity for others to come out to me . I now wonder if one of those guys in your situation could have been a CDer , they make all the right noises to others to cover up , this is not hyperthetical it has happened to me on more than one occasion , I have had guys come out to me .

    One thing we must learn is keep a sense of humour be prepared to laugh at ourselves , I know we face difficult issues sometimes that others can't or won't understand but that touch of humour does help ease our pain and gain acceptance .

    I have to say since I'm really out now I haven't had a single incident like this , the one thing I'm learning quickly is if you don't go looking for a reaction very often you don't get one. The other point also to remember is we are still a minority , some people have never seen a CDer before, they will take a second look , often they don't mean any harm . Most have told me I look great , which is always a nice bonus , it tells you you are getting things right . ( I used CDer rather than any other terms because people don't know what is under the hood , they don't know which parts are real and what has been removed , I never tell them that unless we do get into a sensible discussion .)
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-09-2018 at 10:48 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Orange County, California
    Ashley, as you continue your journey, you are more than likely to again encounter such incidents (pizza store). Try to consider them as opportunities to educate, rather wanting to slay the dragon. Had I been you, I would have walked back in and asked to see everyone for just a moment, and explained to them how much their actions hurt me. Next, I'd try to find out if their company had any formal position on the subject. Yes or no, I'd call them, explained what happened (NOT saying which store) so that all stores' staffs could be reminded that our types are customers, have feelings and should be treated with respect.

  7. #7
    GerriJerry Gerrijerry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    We all pick the road we walk on. You can’t blame others for their feelings. Walk your own road and enjoy what you can. there will always be bumps in the road. Yes you can fight for your equal rights. We all should. Just don’t always think other people will understand.

  8. #8
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    I never get that much attention.
    Just do like I do - assume they are checking you out and liking what they see.

    Me, i would pay good money to see some lady with legs like i have.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  9. #9
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    North East Georgia
    I have begun to cross this threshold. Yes, I am so excited. Scared, but excited. I feel like Roxanne is being born!

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