Confused

[Glenda58]

I'm confused. My wife and I are in DADT relationship ok. So we going on vacation/ holiday in up state Michigan. When we left the temp was in the 80s here. When we got there the temps were in the high 50s. We hadn't packed for the cold. So we stop in a town by the resort. She went in to a women's clothing store that had sweats tees and jackets. So bought a Sweat jacket for her. I said I needed something. So I show her 2 sweat jackets One had pink lettering on it which she no to the other a pullover which she said didn't good on me. Then she turn around then found one that had dark blue and light blue pattern in it said get this. This was a women jacket. So now I have it.


The next day we went in to town. And she got a rain jacket they also had one with a hood on it that I looked at but didn't. Then we went across the street to a women dress shop. She was looking for something but I went in with of course. She notice me looking at the dresses and said we had to leave. Later on that night we were talking about her rain jacket. Told me to go back the next day and get it and she stay with the dog. So the next day I got the rain jacket and then went over got a nice light brown slip dress for me that I was looking at.


Now I'm confused is she OK with my dressing or is she just not letting it interfere with our relationship.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I think she isn't letting it interfere in your relationship. I don't see anything there that would suggest she's changed her mind about DADT. I did notice that you purchased a dress when she didn't say anything about you getting something so obviously feminine.

[Glenda58]

I think she isn't letting it interfere in your relationship. I don't see anything there that would suggest she's changed her mind about DADT. I did notice that you purchased a dress when she didn't say anything about you getting something so obviously feminine.

I think she knew I would be going there. That's why she stay with the dog. She could have come with and did move shopping herself.

[rachelatshop]

Glenda,
I think she is trying to become more comfortable with your dressing and you should try to talk about it when you feel she is receptive and comfortable but don't push to hard or take advantage as it can go backwards. Give her lots of space Best of luck always Rach

[char GG]

Do you think it’s time to Do ask Do tell? She is the only one who can answer your question. Members of the forum can only guess at what your wife thinks.

[phili]

I expect she is confused as well so just let things sit a bit, I doubt it is a sudden free for all approval for her. I would do something very nice for her, and personal, something only you would know to do, maybe do an errand or take care of a chore. Consider doing it without directly saying thanks for giving you some space and approval.

My wife doesn't like talking about it, but she can make some room for me,and feel her way forward. She operates on emotion only, so talking brings her crisis mode, while just following her intuition feels safer, in small bites.

[Jaymees22]

Sounds like you should take "One day at a time" or tell her your confused.

[Rachelakld]

I think she is like my wife in the way of "it's okay to dress, just not around me"

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Char. How would any of us know your wife better than u? All we can do is guess.

While u can get the 100% correct answer by asking her!

[Debs]

Sounds like she is "tolerating" your dressing. Keep it at this level for a while dont take it as a sign to go all out, move it bit by bit, which sounds like your are.

[DaisyLawrence]

Well, as others have said, you may be asking the wrong people here Glenda. Why not ask your wife about the specifics of each purchase? The only advise I can give is, to save considerable holiday time and money, why not check the weather forecast before packing?

[Helen_Highwater]

Glenda,

Could it be she feels some embarrassment shopping for you when she's there?

You were able to make purchases of femme items, just while she's not there. She doesn't want to be there when her husband buys a dress. It's back to the social stigma thing. She feels people will think less of her for having a CD'ing husband.

We talk about having the courage to go and shop for femme things while in drab. It can take as much social fortitude to stand there in front of an SA while your man buys a dress.

[Beverley Sims]

I get this on occasions and I am not in a DADT relationship.

Sometimes I think our wives like to get us something that keeps a masculine trait in it.

Pink can be an extreme colour.

My view is go with the flow and don't overthink it.

[kimdl93]

I would say she’s accommodating as best she can

[LaurenS]

I think I would not make a big deal, and see if similar events happen going forward. Alternatively, just a “thanks for understanding” comment made off-handedly if you must. She will process these apparent steps in her own time.

dont rush or manipulate.

[Rayleen]

Best advice would be when you a relaxing, to start a conversation about the subject, its hard to live in DADT.

Honesty and communication worked well for me.

Good luck Glenda

[Shely]

I get these vibes a lot. DADT is better than nothing, but not by much. My wife puts up with my dressing. But doesn't want to see it, it talk about it

[NancySue]

Let’s deal with the givens...1. you are a cder and always will be, 2. She knows 3. You’re both confused. Why not quit dancing around the elephant in the room? I think she’s given you an “opening”. Take it. My sense you both want/need to talk...honestly. Do it..slowly. Maybe a little reading on line about cding might help. It did for my wife when I told her. Best to both of you.

[Stephanie47]

I do not read into this as any short of acceptance. The blue jacket does not sound ultra feminine. Same with the rain jacket. Maybe she saw it as more unisex. All I see is your wife realized you're going to push and envelope and do what you want to do. So why make a BFD about it?