We Overthink It

[Kandi Robbins]

Following is a post written for my blog tomorrow. I felt it was worthy of a wider audience.

I just returned from my 35th college reunion. It was a wonderful weekend, no real stories relative to the subject matter for this website. But allow me to make two points from my experiences this weekend.

My last reunion was five years ago. I was overweight, covered with hair and had a cheesy mustache. Fast forward five years. I am close to 40 pounds thinner, mustache a distant memory and all of my body hair has been removed. When looking at pictures from both reunions, the change is striking. Do you know how many people suspected I am a crossdresser? No one. Do you know how many mentioned the hairlessness (they all commented, positively, on my weight loss). No one. And understand, we are not polite people. We love each other dearly, but are ruthless in how we give each other s**t (sorry, it's just the right word). We treat each other more like brothers and sisters than friends (even all these years later). I've read frequently about fellow CDers who shave their legs only in the winter in fear of being outed when wearing shorts in the summer. Unless this is a request of one's spouse, it baffles me why this is an issue. I speak from significant direct experience and an understanding that men do indeed, remove body hair. I have shared a room with an old roommate, hairless. I have frequently been to a friend's pool, in just my trunks, hairless. I have utilized locker rooms at the gym, hairless. All complete nonissues. No one said a word or treated me any differently.

Always be smart, but don't overthink it.

A few weeks ago, I was working the science center information desk when an old college friend of mine came to the desk with a question. Now we are not friends in the context of keeping in direct contact with each other. But if we were to run into each other, an extensive, warm conversation would ensue. She didn't flinch in terms of speaking with a man in a dress and she had no clue it was me. This past weekend, when we first saw each other, we immediately greeted each other with a hug and caught up. The point, she had no idea who I was that day at the information desk (and believe me, it would have come up if she knew), nor did she care that I was who I was at the time.

Always be smart, but don't overthink it.

[josie_S]

Cograts on the weight loss and the level of comfort you've achieved...you've given me a new mantra: Always be smart, but don't overthink it.

Thanks!

[Jaylyn]

I think you are right about over thinking it. We sometimes look for the small things that most people wouldn't notice unless we brought it up. I think now days about as many males shave as the GG do especially the legs. I've run a few 5 K's and I've seen many hairless legs on the males and female runners. Oh yes good job on your weight loss, you should feel better because of it.

[docrobbysherry]

Speaking of over thinking things, Kandi? U were out in public dressed, why didn't u tell your friend who u were?

I've been to my 55th reunion. When anyone remembers anyone else's name from our 50th I'm surprised! Never mind their body hair!

[franlee]

You are so right Kandi. We over think with imaginary consequences to follow being different. The only thing I have ever seen was people over doing things that and drawing unwanted and sometimes very negative reactions. Otherwise if you just go about your business as normal in the situation you are in with a demeanor and appearance that is appropriate and even if "made" the chances of a confrontation is slime. And on some of the rare times you are confronted it is a very positive interaction. Don't let your imagination ruin your Life! Imagination is over thinking i most cases.

[Gillian Gigs]

For the most part you are quite correct, I find that most people don't notice anything past the end of their nose. So, why are we over thinking this thing. On the other hand some do notice and say nothing, which is the proper thing to do. When it comes to family it can be another matter. On Mothers day the family was together and my daughter says to me, "do you shave your legs?" She does notice everything. The daughter in law jumped in and answered the question for me, I don't remember what she said, but I never said a word.

[Becky Blue]

I think you are 100% correct Kandi...most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice or even if they do notice to care enough to wonder why you are hairless or whatever.

[Teresa]

Kandi,
The whole issue stems from confidence in what you do , it's what CDers need to work on , it's something I'm finding out very quickly . As I keep saying if you don't go looking for reactions you often won't get one .

The hair issue does raise some funny twists , when I first shaved my legs I had to tell my wife before she noticed, all she said was you're getting worse ! Some men have little or no hair on their bodies no one claims them to be less of a man . I admit it can raise some funny moments in changing rooms , after a swim a guy did take a good look and smile but then I was also wearing teal coloured nail polish because i'd forgotten to pack my remover .

Maybe you could start to circulate before the next reunion that your appearance maybe slightly different , the question is among the other old college friends the chances are there is another CDer , did you notice any chages like yours in others ? Perhaps you were overthinking your own situation at that point .

Pat did suggest I was overthinking the problems of totally dressing and being out , I'm sure many of us do agonise over the right clothes , the right amount of makeup and the right style of wig , like I said at the start , being confident can override these thoughts . Like most things in life there are certain ground rules, we need to know them before we can start to break them and know how far is too far !!

[Sashauk]

Well done on the weight loss Kandi - I'm trying to lose a few pounds too as always.

On the point you made about your hairless body and no one mentioning it. I keep my body completely hair free (apart from lower arms that I trim close) all year round and regularly wear shorts out and about when the weather suits and as far as I can remember no one has ever commented on the fact. Recently I needed to see my osteopath and had to strip down to just underwear and again made no comment on my lack of hair (including underarm). Personally I think that these days it's not the issue it would have been say 20 years ago. You only have to look in the stores at the range of grooming products for men - moisturisers etc. - that are available today. People are not surprised these days by a man taking an interest in his appearance - which may include hair removal - so it's a non-issue.

Personally I think it's all about being confidant in who you are. Whilst I do not go out fully dressed I am always underdressed to some degree (minimum of bra and panties), and I regularly use women's deodorant and I act perfectly normally. I don't try to go out of my way to show my wearing but neither do I go out of my way to hide it. As has been said many time people only see what hey expect to see.

[Beverley Sims]

I have not been recognised dressed, only after severe prompting.

We are our ownenemies when it comes to overthinking.