Advice for a young GG who is attracted to CDs

[Sometimes Steffi]

You got a lot of good advice, so I won't repeat it here.

But I will give you something actionable. Look for crossdressing meetup sites near you. I found two in Atlanta in less that a minute

https://www.meetup.com/topics/smart-...us/ga/atlanta/

I don't know how active they are, but it's a start.

I'm in a similar group in DC. I know at least 2 GGs who came or used to come to the meetups. One of them recently married a CD who has started physical transition, so it is possible. The other one had fallen "in love" [her words, not mine] with a CD. However, she broke it off when she found out that he was married. So, it can happen.

I have to leave for work early, so I'll sign off now.

[docrobbysherry]

Nelli, I've been on cd.com for 10 years. And, have attended at least 20 major CD/TS events. As a result I've met and chatted with countless dressers. And, I never read/heard the term "chaser", until I read your post. I think u may find a unicorn before anyone accuses u of that!

I strongly suggest u get involved with your local LGBT community. Then, when u begin dating trans, you'll already be familiar with some trans folks and trans friendly locations! I attended a number of SCC trans events in Atlanta. Never had issues when we went out dressed there.

Good luck!

[Valentina_Rossi]

Hi Nellie!

I read your reply, and I am wondering if you might have a narrow version of masculinity, maybe based on your experiences. And funnily enough, I would have though that "silent strength" and "humble confidence" would be considered more traditional masculine traits. If you remember, up to maybe the 70s in movies - think Spagetti Westerns, for example - those were the marks of the heroic/tragic hero, which is supposed to be aspirational.

From some of your descriptions, you might dislike someting more like the American Fratboy stereotype, a type of masculine caricature that has permeated culture worlwide, maybe because of the range of US media. I have allergy to this kind of people too, a mixture between a oaf and a buffoon, with some toxic masculinity thrown in. But I would argue that this is a bit like watching Hollywood movies and saying that all cinema is rote, predictable and repetitive, when there is a panoply of films coming from Argentina, Iran, South Korea and Romania - just to mention some interesting film industries - that are engaging, thoughful and will linger with you the rest of your life. As you can tell, I love cinema

One more thing: some of the qualities that you mention come with age, and maybe some hard-earned wisdom. So maybe not necessarily age, but experience. Just a though!

Love love,
Val

[faltenrock]

Hi Nellie again, yes you've received many very good comments and thoughts along with some advises.

Regarding aging and the need to CD:
I started crossdressing at young age (11-13), like most on this forum. It took me ages to accept myself, beeing a CD and not questioning me anymore. I also learned why I crossdress and about my motives. Only after many years I started to present more 'professionally', meaning, that I want to give a good pictures of myself as a woman. That includes everything that's needed to nearly pass as a woman.

My confidence has increased extremely, as today I don't have any problem walking through large and very busy cities anymore. Might that be in the US or in London, Amsterdam or any place.

I think my need to get out dressed has not really increased over the years, my confidence and appearence did.
Whenever I go out on a weekend, away from my wonderful wife and sons, I really enjoy my time and the new people I get to meet as Doreen.
There is also another story. It seems weared for some other CD. When I've been out for a day or two at the most, I kind of got 'enough'. My urge to be out as a woman disappears.
For example, last weekend, I was out in Germany and the Netherlands (Amsterdam/ picture threat) for more than 24 hours. Originally I planned to stay in Amsterdam until Monday morning. Instead I drove back home on Sunday early afternoon. I even went out for lunch in guy mode and felt good about it.

One thing is sure enough, my need to go out will slowly increase until I actually get a chance to do that again. Normally that takes a few weeks that I NEED to get out again.
Perhaps this gives some insight.

Coming back to age. I think the older we get, crossdressing becomes more like a natural part of our personality, that doesn't neccessaryly mean that we dress more often.

Best wishes

Doreen

[Joyce Swindell]

I've enjoyed your writing style Ms Nelliebell as well as your personality. I haven't read every word written of the responses (some are quite long) but I have read all of your responses.

I've never heard the term chaser in reference to CD's! I agree... not a very nice term. I would consider the source and pay no attention to it.

I wish you the best in your quest.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Oh Hell Nellie Bell I can Tell my reply Fell down the Well in the Dell. (with a name like Nellie Bell I just had to )

My attempts at humor are a bit dry at times.

You will probably need a stick or a dance card.
( as in You may have to beat suitors off with a stick (you will have so many) or your dance card may be full before to long (again as you will have many soon)

. Chasers take advantage of members of the community by preying financially on emotionally vulnerable members of the community. Treat people as you would in any relationship.Chasers tend to look for a sugar daddy. On the other hand YOU need to watch out for freeloaders, thats a tg/cd who moves in with you and is basically a couch potato, that contributes in no manner to the household.
( This is sound advice as many a TG/CD have posted stories of being taken advantage of by some one who has given then and ounce of acceptance while extraction a pound of financial support, The opposite is true, many GG's have posted of their CD/TG spouse becoming so wrapped up in their CD personal issues that they stop working and stop functioning in the real world)

There are no young CD, there is a minimum age requirement of 37 years old, we are then issued a registration card to Goodwill and the secret location to Mary Kay Super Duper Store.
(This was meant as light humor and not as sarcasm as some might suggest. Page 5789, Section 983, subsection 4563, Paragraph 784, Sentence 372 of the GG Guide to CD/TG clearly states that any perceived sarcasm from Kelly DeWinter is to be considered humor, ex-cetera , ex-cetera, ex-cetera, ad infinitum.

You can support the community by posting gushing positive affirmations multiple times to any photo posted here, but seriously, just treat us as you would any friend.
This is gospel truth and probably both federal and state law or at least should be.

I would advise you to drive safely, tap on watermelons to ensure they are ripe and always make sure your shoes match.
You asked for any other advice, and to be sure this can be used with or without a CD in you life.

[nelliebell]

Hello Valentina,

Hmmm, your response has made me think all day (that is why I am answering now).

I don't hate or dislike masculine man. I acknowledge that there are good men (I have dated some). But I always felt a...bump? or maybe a barrier? that has occurred during my relationship. It causes me frustration and dissatisfaction. It feels like masculine lack dimensions and I am an eclectic person, with many dimensions. A way I can describe my feelings towards when I have been with a masculine man is like seeing something great online like a cute silk kimono and when you get it, it's only a satin kimono. That was probably a weird example but it's all I got .

I have never had a personal (friendly, intimate, work, etc) with an American Fratboy type of person, I stay far away from them. But I have and continue to interact with various types of males. I do appreciate men but I do not want certain types within my inimate realm.

As for the qualities, I agree completely with you. The qualities I currently have definitely came with age and I still have some qualities to unlock. And it would be a shame if I expect anyone to have every single quality I want if I don't have them myself .

Thank you again for your reply, you made me think and explore even further into myself (which I love!)

Cheers!

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Hello everyone,

Thank again and again for your kind words, advice, knowledge, and wisdom!

I am very happy with every response because I learn something and explore my inner self even further. I am learning so much about other people and how beautiful we come and I love it!

Please continue to be so lovely and kind!

Cheers!

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Hello Kelly,

Thank you for replying!! I really wanted to understand your reply and I appreciate you give me some more details!

Now that you gave me more details, I completely get it.

I do have a question though. May you give more information about CDs getting so wrapped up? I have not heard of this but then again, I have not read a lot of stories (there are so many ).

Cheers!

[beyondwow]

I'm still so pleasantly surprised to see how open-minded and eclectic you are
(lol I had to look that word up. I like Musicals and Disney but also Rap, Rock, K-pop, Babymetal! so I guess I'm kind of Eclectic too!)

This has been the most exciting thread I've read so far on these forums. You've definitely come to the right place! What I meant by being a GG on a forum like this is it reminds me of how popular like girls become in the online video game community (which is traditionally male-dominant) or like how popular a man gets in the theater or ballet community (traditionally female-dominant). TLDR; it's great that you're here and I love reading your posts!

Also, about the "wrapped up" part, regardless of CD or not, people in general have personal issues they have to confront. Some can handle them properly, others struggle to find their path, and a few become lost completely. I think her point was to be cautious. You don't want to come across as a Chaser with an ulterior motive, but at the same time you don't want to be taken advantage of by someone who is completely lost and going nowhere in life. Lasting relationships have both a give AND take

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

Hi Nellibell-
I would not be concerned by people who might view you as a chaser. Just be yourself and be natural and genuine and then you will have a good time.

I have a question for you. I go out fairly often to events in the city, to parties at our museum of fine arts, to dinner, shopping and others. Almost every time I go out a genetic female approaches me and says you are beautiful, gorgeous and wants to know more about me. Sometimes they are with a male companion. Several times in bars I have made conversations with genetic women and their husbands. Often they cannot resist touching me, in a proper way. Women have stopped me on the street with the comment that you are gorgeous and asks if she could take a picture of me. The women in the bars knew that I was a cd because I told them. My question is why do a lot of women have this strong attraction to trans females. You surely have insight to this. Is it possible that such women, like yourself, are tending toward lesbian, and the CD provides attraction in a social female- female sense and in a sexual sense lovemaking is between two girls where the act itself can be fully consummated. A second question. When women approach me in public or at a social function with expressions of adoration, do you think that they have read me as a CD and or trying to be inclusive and make me feel accepted. The third question is, do women generally come up to women who they do not know with comments about how attractive they look. Lastly, in only one incidence of about 200 have I felt that the woman was trying to pick me up.

Have fun with your new experience.
Jacqueline

[traciethetg]

I always meet GG women who like tea transgender MTF's.

I meet them at clubs,lgbt events,personals on many boards.

I see the W4T,T4W,W4W sections of personal ad's.

Happy to hear your story.

[nelliebell]

Hello Beyondwow,

I appreciate your kind words Honestly, I've been an opened minded person since I was young, not due to my family influence (they are pretty closed minded) but due to moving a lot. This gave me the great ability of understanding and curiosity. If my views help the community, that will make me very happy .

As for "wrapped up", that makes a lot of sense. This is an issue that can happen in any type of relationship and to be wary about. I have no desire to take advantage of anyone nor do I want to be taken advantage of

But I have confidence that all will be well

Cheers!

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Hi Jacqueline!

(While writing this, I notice how long it became so please look at the bolded lines for short and sweet answers )

Thank you for your questions; I will do my best to answer them fully. I will answer from my point of view so it may be a bit limited but I hope it offers some level of understanding.

Question 1: Why do a lot of women have this strong attraction to trans females?

I am attracted to feminity, regardless of gender. So this includes transgender women and CD but let's only look at transwomen/CD as one thing for simplicity. A feminine male is a strong man because I view feminity as strength (but this doesn't mean that I view masculine as weakness, just femininity is stronger to me). I smile sweetly to the man in a dress (or any women's clothing) because he is beautiful to me. My eyes twinkle in admiration of the man that is posed, delicate, and such because I see myself in him (this was discussed earlier in a different response). So seeing a transwomen, I am delighted because, to me, that gorgeous person is stronger and more beautiful than a masculine man.

I am sure that this view is not shared by most. However, I DO think that many women view transwomen as brave because of the danger and hostile that transwomen go through. There is a connect between transwomen and GG that is unfortunately built on the threat to femininity that has been around for centuries. It's like a camaraderie. But this is only a guess on my end.

I would warn that some of the women (and men) that you have and may continue to encounter may look at you as a fetish or as something "erotic" (I hate that). It is not at all admiration or attraction. Only a sort of "Oh, look at how different that person is. I want to touch it and stare at it". It is the same reaction that people with many tattoos get or a foreign person in a homogenous country. In my book, it's disrespectful and should be avoided.

Question 2: Is it possible that such women, like yourself, are tending toward lesbian?

It could definitely be a reason. As for me, I am not tending towards lesbianism, though it is included in my sexuality. I don't have any attraction to "butch" lesbians (I hope butch is not offensive), those that are females that emulate masculine men. I do have an attraction to "femme" lesbians (lesbian transwomen can fall into this category too), those that are girly, also called lipstick lesbian but I am unsure if that is offensive.

As for the sexual sense, I can understand this. When I was in high school, I knew that I had an attraction for women, but one of the (many) reasons I told myself I shouldn't be is because of sex (a ridiculous reason now that I look at it). So I can see how other women can view transwomen (who haven't fully transitioned) can be a midway for a lesbian relationship. Sort of like the best of both worlds? But again, this is frown upon by me because this type of relationship is formed based on genital verse the person. And as we all know, genital can be changed and is a small sliver of who a person is.

Question 3: When women approach me in public or at a social function with expressions of adoration, do you think that they have read me as a CD and or trying to be inclusive and make me feel accepted?

Yes, that is very possible. I am not saying every woman you meet has this reason, but it is a reason. Transwomen are a part of the women "culture" and making others feel inclusive is never a bad thing. It is only bad when only certain parts of a person are accepted while others are denied. So watch out for that.

Question 4: Do women generally come up to women who they do not know with comments about how attractive they look?

Personally, I do this for everyone. If I think you look good, imma let you ya know . However, I personally do not see a lot of women doing this for other women. There is still this weird feeling of competition between women that has been around for centuries due to having to rely on male support until recently. As women became more independent, I hope that this competitive feeling ends and women support other women a lot more.

Question 5: In only one incidence of about 200 have I felt that the woman was trying to pick me up.

I am assuming you are asking why only one woman attempted to be with you. And my answer to that is there can be a lot of reasons. Two reasons that definitely come to mind are 1) the fear of the unknown and 2) fear of rejection.

For both reasons, it is good to note that knowledge about transwomen, CD, and others were not readily taught while we grew up. So a lot of us have no clue handle to interact, dating or even love such beautiful people. Women may fear how different transwomen/CD are because of the perspectives we were taught about them. We just don't know what to do and wouldn't dare ask because how could we? How can we ask when we don't know what to ask? (This is getting better with the growth of the LGBTQ+ Community and technological exposure)

Women fear rejection because of a widespread belief that transwomen/CD are all gay and have no interest in women. A belief that CD can't be straight and transwomen can't be lesbians. I know because I used to believe this two belief. I took the time to learn the truth and very glad I did .

This became a very, very, very long response and I am so sorry about that! But I wanted to give you a very full and detailed answer from my perspective.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I will do my best to answer.

Cheers!

[Beverley Sims]

Nellie,
Ther are chases but you have the wrong idea there.
There are other girls like you that like femine oriented men but as you read here they are few in number.
I had some room mates once all girls and they always wanted me to dress up.
You may find others here that share your interests and also there may be a cd friend or two.
There are young CD'ers here also.
I will leave it to some others who are more proactive to help you in your support of our community.
Meanwhile involve yourself on the forum ask questions and the answers will come your way.

Meanwhile welcome and have a nice informative stay.

[sometimes_miss]

I waited until many others have answered, because it would mean not repeating already known knowledge or advice. In any case, you will be able to find yourself one very nice crossdresser among the oh, three million of us in America. Also up front, I'm 60 and out of your age range, so none of this is self serving.

Interestingly, this is the first time in my life that I've ever heard the term 'chaser' connected to crossdresser. We should be so lucky. In general, the only ones interested in us are other males. There is no social group of women craving the intimate companionship of crossdressers. I'd be curious to know who mentioned that term to you.

So. First consider what exactly you are looking for in a male crossdressing mate, AND, how much you are willing to accept that isn't exactly what you are looking for. You mention masculine men as having shortcomings, but be aware, there are lots of us here who intentionally project an outwardly alpha male appearance and behavior not just to be successful in life, but to also mask any evidence of our transgenderism and crossdressing. AFAIK, no one has ever marked me as anything other than a standard issue male.

Are you looking for someone who gets turned on by the wearing of female clothes and wants to have sex while dressed as a woman, and if so, can you accept such a man if either: 1. he wants to be the typical male role while having sex while dressed as a woman, or 2. he wants or prefers to be the 'bottom' while being dressed as a woman, or even wants to be pegged (you wearing a male prosthetic and penetrating him in some way). This last can become a problem if he wants this, and you think you can change this desire in him. Because it generally won't change. The other possibility is that he desires it, but doesn't actually like it; it's an odd dilemma because there's no way to resolve it. I've lived with that, and still have found no answer for it.

Young men with stereotypical feminine behavior and relational proclivities will often be less masculine than women want; those men don't have a lot of confidence in themselves, are less likely to be successful career wise and/or financially, and are often reluctant to be the assertive one intimately (perhaps often unsure if he should try to kiss or touch his female date in some way), and in briefly may superficially seem to come up short in the traditional male role picture. Also, despite the onslaught of the internet's available sexual information, nearly all of it is just the same as always: Male driven aggressive sexual scenes, with little actual depiction of just how to treat a woman sexually. Essentially, the porn of the past (all male orgasm driven) is still the predominant stuff of today. So if what you're looking for is a guy who can behave tenderly towards you like a woman would, that might still be difficult to find. Remember, men still generally believe that the ONLY satisfying sexual experience ends with a mind blowing orgasm. This is why men constantly ask their mates if they have climaxed; because he wouldn't even think of it EVER being acceptable to have sex without it. Not to mention, nearly all women have 'faked it', yet every man will insist that his female partners came every single time.

Crossdressing can be a compartmentalized thing. Men separate stuff in our lives; women generally don't. You will see plenty of men here who even write about themselves in third person, in order to distance themselves from the feminine behavior. Self homophobia is still strong with most of us, because of the stigma society places on any male adopting feminine attire or behavior in any way. The biggest insults you can call a man is sissy or the 'P' world (which is censored here). Also, please remember to not accidentally 'out' your crossdressers as you meet them. I have had gay acquaintences that would get careless from time to time, speaking about things in public which would give me away. I did NOT appreciate it, and eventually stopped associating with them because of it. Many people think that we should all be out and front line warriors to make crossdressing more acceptable; but not all crossdressers want to be arguing about crossdressing rights and acceptance and gender all the time.

And, of course, about 80% of crossdressers are simply straight men who for some reason like to crossdress. In all other ways, they will respond to you the same way any other straight masculine male will; they prefer to bond through activities rather than long discussions (though as usual, in the beginnings of a relationship they might call and talk with you constantly, this might gradually decline over time. You can see this in your male mate when he his with his pals watching a football game, they almost rarely speak, and NEVER speak about interpersonal relationships. It simply isn't part of male-male communication). Men speak in direct rather than indirect speech (and don't understand why women speak indirectly, at all; see references to https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Listen-W...nd+allan+pease for how men and women communicate differently). These men are likely not what you're hoping for, because they feel the need to express their masculinity most of the time in order to feel that they can keep the femininity at bay, that 'it's not the real me', 'I'm all man, I only have feminine feelings when I'm dressed up', and other excuses. The end result is you get a regular masculine man who only sometimes lets his guard down, because he doesn't accept the feminine in himself.

Then, too, most crossdressing men in your age group are also likely to not have figured out why they want to crossdress. In many ways, introspection is actually discouraged even here, by those who don't really want to know; the only currently accepted reason for crossdressing is 'I was born this way'. Which is fine for accepting one's self, but winds up keeping a lot of us ignorant as to who and what we actually are.

Lastly, what you might be interested in would be a borderline MTF TS who is non-op and is okay with staying that way, who is also only attracted to women. There are enough of them out there that you might easily find one who suits your desire for a sort-of feminine male who yet still functions sexually as a male, not as a female. There you might just find your intimate feminine partner who is and plans to remain an intact functioning male, you may also make sure he will agree to
continue the male role at least half the time, otherwise he may try (consciously or unconsciously) to gradually get you to be the 'top' in both sexual, social roles as often as he can.

My question is why do a lot of women have this strong attraction to trans females.

I've already read the answer to this on this forum at some point in the past 10 years. Those women have a strong attraction to ATTRACTIVE trans females: The beauty of a female with the male underneath. They're NOT attracted to old, fat, ugly, homely trans females who obviously are for want of a better term, men in dresses; you know, like most of us.

Lastly, in only one incidence of about 200 have I felt that the woman was trying to pick me up.

First, they may assume that you're either bi or gay or maybe just in denial, or have strong suspicions of same, and most women don't want anything to do sexually with either type of male. The general stereotype of both being riddled with disease is still strong. Two, they may be relying on YOU to do all the hard work. Same as always. You're actually the 'guy'. So it's up to YOU to make the move if you're interested. Women making the first move is almost always something subtle which guys will NOT pick up on. This is in order to always have the 'out' of replying to an unwanted approach by simply saying that YOU misinterpreted THEM.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have never heard GGs called "chasers", just cis men. Granted, that is probably because they are so rare.

If you want a man who crossdresses, you will have no difficulty finding one interested in a GG partner.

Like sometimes_miss said above, women are attracted to men who are masculine. It is extremely rare to find a woman who can appreciate men who are feminine. I have had that exact problem, I am stuck in "the friend zone" because I am a nice enough person to be friends with, but I am not "man enough" to consider being with romantically. Of course, it doesn't help men like me that we live in a time where men are villified and made out to be predators, further intimidating men like me. I am not naturally "aggressive" to begin with, fear of being misunderstood and being accused of being predatory only makes me shy away even further. Today's society say men are all predators and the slightest interest in a woman can be labeled harassment or worse, yes at the same time (most) women expect men to be assertive. I can't stand the mixed messages.

[Jenny22]

To Kelly D ... you forgot to give chapter and verse in the "Crossdressers Handbook."

[Kelly DeWinter]

NellieBell -

Sometime a member of the community will become so wrapped up on transitioning for example that everything like family,\, friends, work become second to transitioning.

Jenny

I knew i forgot something, whats the current edition 34, 35 ?
.


Sometimes miss

Those women have a strong attraction to ATTRACTIVE trans females: The beauty of a female with the male underneath. They're NOT attracted to old, fat, ugly, homely trans females who obviously are for want of a better term, men in dresses; you know, like most of us.

I'm not sure this is true anymore, People are attracted to one another for a lot of reasons. these last 5 years have seen a huge improvement in how people see CD/TG people.