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Thread: Advice for a young GG who is attracted to CDs

  1. #1
    Eclectic Woman nelliebell's Avatar
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    Question Advice for a young GG who is attracted to CDs

    (I originally posted this in the "Introduction" section but realized that was incorrect. So I tried to delete it but couldn't. And then, I lost everything I originally wrote so I have to re-write it. I know, a hot mess )

    (Please bear with me, this is gonna be a long one)

    Hello everyone,

    I am happy to be apart of this platform and am appreciative that it exists. I can see that it helped and still helps a lot of people and that puts a big smile on my face.

    A little about me:

    I am a 24-year-old genetic woman; I was born a woman and identify as a woman (I am new to this term and hope I am using it right). I am attracted to feminine men and have been since middle school. But I pushed it down and didn't really understand it until I reached my 20's. At first, I thought I liked women because I fancied everything feminine (including people) but I felt off about that.

    However, being exposed to and interacting with feminine men, I realized exactly what I liked. Buuut I still didn't accept it fully because I feared others reaction and I thought all feminine men were gay (but never had malice towards this. I just sort of gave up).

    Fortunately, after doing some soul searching and research, I disregarded others opinions and found that not all feminine were gay (I apologize for this wide-spread belief ). I am happy about my attraction to feminine males, transgendered males, and androgynous people. I believe they are beautiful and lovely

    I am feminine myself and feel strongly that a feminine male is compatible.

    What I need advice with:

    • During my research, I found that those like me are called "chasers" and I strongly dislike this. I do not have a fetish for feminine males nor do I have any desire for only sexual things (This is deeply sad). How can I date CDs/feminine males without being seen as a chaser?
    • Are there young CDs? As I said above, I am 24 and I would like to stay close to my age.
    • What can I do to support the CD community and feminine males? As well as transgendered people? Do you have advice on this?
    • Do you have any other advice to give me?


    As a side note, I acknowledge that finding someone will be hard due to my preference, but I am okay with that. I will wait for the right person.

    Thank you very much for reading my essay (lol) and I wish you a great day!

    Cheers !

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by nelliebell View Post
    [I][*]During my research, I found that those like me are called "chasers" and I strongly dislike this.
    Those like you are called "a dream come true"! You'll make somebody VERY HAPPY!

  3. #3
    Eclectic Woman nelliebell's Avatar
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    Blush, blush. Thank you very much

    But may you explain this? Like what do you mean?

  4. #4
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    Hi Nelliebelle,
    I'm hoping the younger male CDs chime in but I hope my answers here are helpful.

    Q:" During my research, I found that those like me are called "chasers" and I strongly dislike this. I do not have a fetish for feminine males nor do I have any desire for only sexual things (This is deeply sad). How can I date CDs/feminine males without being seen as a chaser?"

    A: Anyone you approach will sense whether you are a chaser or not. Some CDs want to be chased, and there are others who fantasize mightily about meeting someone like you- and some will be chasers in reverse- i.e. objectifying you more than actually wanting to know and be responsible to you in relationship.

    Most of us are heterosexual and our simple and generally unfulfilled wish is to meet a woman who finds us attractive Complications will arise in terms of the details of gender experience-maybe your idea of feminine man is not exactly how they see themselves- many are TG to some degree, or genderfluid, or any other of many versions of non traditional gender- and successful relationship requires being able to match enough of the time.

    We have had many conversations here about how my beard, for example, is a huge turn off and seems disrespectful or at least mightily confused, and a lot of talk about how womanly one should look. To be sort of blunt- do you like genderqueer, i.e. obviously male but feminine and adopting women's fashions [unlike most gay men], and/or do you like men to make an effort to emulate being women, with breast forms, wigs, tucked away private parts, etc.

    Q: "Are there young CDs? As I said above, I am 24 and I would like to stay close to my age."

    Yes- most of us started early and new CDs are formed every day! It is something most people hide, so locating them means putting the word out and going to activities where you are likely to meet- your local LGBT film fest, Pride day [it's now most places], gay bars and dance clubs, 'queer femme' meetups, local TG support groups, major TG events and CD events, online, as here- just let us know where you are and make yourself available for private messaging.

    Q: "What can I do to support the CD community and feminine males? As well as transgendered people? Do you have advice on this?"

    A: Speak up and out wherever you are. Making what is real for a minority of us more acceptable and part of normal spectrum for society requires people to stand up for us.

    Participate online here, it is a nice way to develop your understanding and see the diversity among us, as well as to support individuals. It really helps to have any person say "I like you and would not hesitate to go have lunch in a highly public place."

    Q: Do you have any other advice to give me?

    A: Dating will give you experience of what is now an imagination. No substitute for that, and you will probably get a lot of questions about what is driving you in this. Essentially you are transgender in a broad sense, and it may not be clear to you what your needs are, and your goals, until you get some experience. Many of us are sort of mirrors for you, and would describe ourselves as male lesbians, to capture our transgender but heterosexual feelings, like those you may have.

    Follow your instincts and be sincere and truthful, as being a CD involves layers and layers of hiding, so we don't even know what we feel half the time. I wouldn't know where to start if you called me for a date or said you'd say yes if I asked. Just lunch- ok- but all of a sudden I would worry a lot about everything I never had to consider and think through.

    I'd imagine you would probably see me as some kind of mix of talkative philosopher and a teenybopper girl lost in arrested development, still dreaming about how nice it would be to be seen as sexy- not having had a real dose of womanhood in society. And that might clash with your view of how a feminine man ought to be. Just an example- but even in a small pool the probability of compatibility on multiple levels are all still there.

    But the main advice is go forward- trust your good nature and honesty and get out and meet people and see what develops!

    And thank you for being here and speaking up.
    Last edited by phili; 06-12-2018 at 09:51 PM.
    We are all beautiful...!

  5. #5
    Eclectic Woman nelliebell's Avatar
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    Hello Phili!!

    Thank you so much for replying to me! I am very happy with your response!

    Here is my response to your response (lol):

    1) Thank you for noting that I may be objectified. I assumed this already because, regardless of who you are, someone will objectify you. And I am and will be aware of this. I am a committed person and only desire a monogamous, stable relationship and am willing to take the time to make this happen.

    I also know that complications will arise. Though I may not be aware of them all as of yet, I have the confidence that my future partner and I will get through there. Complications arise in all types of relationships and I believe that they can be solved with patience and understanding (You can say I refuse to quit until all methods have been attempted ).

    In reference to your beard, I believe you look beautiful and I love the confidence that comes from your picture. I am not turned off by a beard, assuming that it is neatly cared for and fits the person's face (this is more about cleanliness that my attraction). In addition, I am attracted to those who emulate being a woman. That is still beautiful to me.

    2) I am currently in Atlanta, GA. More in the northern metro side. I am not a party person so going to dance clubs makes me a bit uneasy. But I do enjoy going to meetups or events. I would like to attend any if possible, not only to meet others but also help out.

    3) I will definitely speak out and speak up !!

    I will definitely NOT hesitate to go have lunch with someone I am dating. What I do is my business only and others have no right to invade. I even imagine going to lunch or shopping with my future partner. I am very into coffee and go to cafes a lot and would love to go on dates there. The only person who has power over me is myself

    4) May you explain the transgendered part? I don't know how I am transgendered and would like to understand your view. From my view, I am a feminine woman but I'm opening to other views of me .

    I do understand the male lesbian part so no worries about that .

    I am also aware of the hiding and the wariness and it is understandable. I would even go as far as to say that it is right to be wary (to an extent). And I am willing to handle this wariness when it comes.

    Also, I don't see you as a girl from arrested development (I don't really know what that is, very sorry!) but I do see you as a great helper. I know that I am true to myself and what I deem beautiful. Now I want to understand it and happily live with it.

    Thank you again for your reply!!!!!

    Cheers!!!

  6. #6
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    You will probably need a stick or a dance card.

    . Chasers take advantage of members of the community by preying financially on emotionally vulnerable members of the community. Treat people as you would in any relationship.Chasers tend to look for a sugar daddy. On the other hand YOU need to watch out for freeloaders, thats a tg/cd who moves in with you and is basically a couch potato, that contributes in no manner to the household.

    There are no young CD, there is a minimum age requirement of 37 years old, we are then issued a registration card to Goodwill and the secret location to Mary Kay Super Duper Store.

    You can support the community by posting gushing positive affirmations multiple times to any photo posted here, but seriously, just treat us as you would any friend.

    I would advise you to drive safely, tap on watermelons to ensure they are ripe and always make sure your shoes match.
    Kelly DeWinter
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  7. #7
    Eclectic Woman nelliebell's Avatar
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    Hello Kelly,

    Thank you for your response!

    But I don’t...really...get it. It kind of sounded sarcastic but I’m not saying that in a mean way!

    I also didn’t understand most of it due to your word choices ...

    But I will take the advice about freeloaders. However, that can happen in any relationship.

    Thank you regardless !

  8. #8
    Junior Member Janie Jane's Avatar
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    I'm sure Kelly was just pulling your leg in a friendly way.

    I'm gonna' assume you're looking for a long term relationship. I think that the kind of relationship you're looking for can happen, but don't look for it too hard. Let it happen. Trying for a relationship with a crossdresser (CD) will likely attract a CD who is looking for someone like you, and both of you might try to make things work out no matter how difficult it might be, and keep trying to make it work long past the point a "regular" relationship would've been abandoned. Did that make any sense?
    Don't let this discourage you as it's just another warning from an old goat to a "young 'un". I'm lucky to have an accepting wife, but we didn't discover this aspect of me until being married for 5 years, and just finding someone and falling in love is difficult enough with out this thrown in too. Trying support groups may be a good bet. I did meet my wife in a group for depression, and it has worked out well.
    Rhonda Jean did say you are a "dream come true" for a CD and she's absolutely right. Just take your time and be careful. When the right person comes along, you'll know.

  9. #9
    Avid Crossdresser beyondwow's Avatar
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    What Rhonda said!! Also, great post from Phil and yea Kelly was being sarcastic

    You said it yourself. You felt like you always had to mask your true feelings because others may consider them too taboo. I'm a 27 y/o crossdresser and I've done the same for most my life as well. It wasn't until this last year that I really started opening up and sharing with others. To someone like me, it feels like GG girls like you are 1 in a million and therefore any straight CD would feel like they hit the jackpot to have met you. "Shopping with future partner" I feel like this is a dream for any of us. Same with like attending Comic Con or (what I really want to do this year) is dress up in some pretty Halloween costumes and go to Tokyo Disney with a girl this fall.

    I think it's fair to say that the key to any successful lasting relationship is one built on trust. The only way to overcome obstacles and guide through the chaos and confusion is to be 100% honest with each other. The only problem is, even for straight "normal" relationships, its incredibly rare to meet someone who you can trust to completely catch you when you fall and pick you up when you are down--let alone meet someone who completely supports your "taboo" habits.

    Like you mentioned earlier, I feel the really hard part about people in our situation is people writing off all CDs or "CD Chasers" (first time I've heard that term lol) as "gay" or "lesbian". I don't mean to offend anyone so please don't get mad, but some days I really feel that my life would be so much easier if I was gay. The less that people label, generalize, and group others the easier it will be to understand and appreciate the unique differences of minorities, like us.

  10. #10
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    Nellie, some good responses and info for you in this thread already. Here's my two cents.

    The easiest question first: there is no correlation between age and transgenderism/crossdressing. We have always existed, we always will, and most of us believe we have been this way since birth. I think age intensifies our desire to express our femininity and forces many of us out of the closet at an older age. But conversely, younger transgendered people are experiencing far greater acceptance in this day and age (although the situation is far from perfect). You will find the young crossdresser of your dreams, don't worry.

    Now the more difficult questions. You asked about being referred to as a chaser. Many have commented that you're also a "one in a million" and a lottery prize. I don't think any of this is necessarily true. If you do some research online, you'll see that many credible studies suggest that women are increasingly attracted to feminine-looking (and perhaps even feminine-acting) men, and becoming less attracted to the uber-hairy and muscular type A male. So I think if you think about yourself as one of those women, you'll be viewing yourself in a wholesome and realistic way, which is clearly what you want to do. And by all means, describe yourself this way when you do meet the pretty boy you desire.

    The real problem is how to connect with us. That is tricky. Finding romance (or sex) online is becoming the norm. But in our case, most of us have too much at stake to openly advertise ourselves on POF or any other mainstream online dating service. So that is tricky, and I'm not really sure what to suggest. There seems to be many TG or CD-oriented dating services that will take your money, but these seem to be more for men seeking CDs, and for the minority of us who are attracted to men, or other CDs. There will probably howls of protest, but I think if you can stomach some of the weirdness (and there's plenty of it) on Fetlife, you'll find and be able to connect with many, many young hetero CDs there. I really don't think many of them are expressly kinky, but it seems to be one of the only online places available. So while it's unfortunate that it's a little bit unsavoury to some, Fetlife might be kind of a default for many to hang out in simply because of lack of other places. In the same vein, many of us are only comfortable going to gay and drag bars--not because we are gay, but because they're often the only trans/CD friendly venues available to us.

    As for any other advice, I believe that many of us are very comfortable with women who aren't afraid of taking charge or, at the very least, being an equal contributor in any relationship. We may have some type A pursuits, but when we embrace our femininity, we are a little uncomfortable being dominant.

  11. #11
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
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    Hi Nellie,

    You're not the first GG on here that is attracted to people like us (crossdressers, transgendered or even transsexual). I appreciate that you speak out openly and that you've described where you are at this point.

    You're afraid of possibly being recognized as a 'chaser'. Well there is also another word that you might like and identify with in a more comfortable way, that is 'admirer'.
    This term is often used within the community and place where crossdressers meet to have fun, have drinks and perhaps party. There are quite a few of those places, you just need to do research. I've visited many of those venues in the USA, and Europe, where I live. (actually in Germany near Hamburg).
    Also take notice of the fact that most 'admirer' are men. They like and fantasise about feminine crossdressers, transvestites and transgendered women, those guys can easily become 'chasers'. It is fairly rare to meet a GG who likes 'US'. Some cd#s look for exactly that, as most crossdressers identify as purely heterosexual men, or as one has stated lesbian cd.
    You need to be prepared that a cd might be suspicious about you motives, because it is rare for a cd to be admired by women and they will probably question if that's real - trust might come in rather slowly.

    I do well understand that you're looking for someone within your age, it makes sense, just try to stay open to even a little older men/CD. Older CD have a lot more experience going out dressed, at least normally that would be the case.
    You're also most likely to find some who lives a fairly open life, otherwise they would stay in the closet and there wouldn't be a chance to meet them out at some place.

    From my personal experience, having met many open minded women of different ages (17 - 55 years), there could arise a little problem on your side.
    Some of the women I met (as friends or just havjing met the first or second time - no date!) seem to have problems to face the real man who is hidden behind the crossdresser. Some women told me, they have problems to accept both parts, the male masculine guy and the feminine crossdresser. They told me it would be very confusing to them meeting the guy and perhaps the beautiful lady later at night. Consider this.

    Btw., Kelly's word are sarcastic, I don't think she meant any of that seriously.

    If you meet someone as you're looking for, you should also be prepared that if going out for lunch, shopping or whatever, you might experience strange looks of people in public. Not all, actually only a minority of us, can pass well enough in public. Being out with a CD will probably put a lot of attention not only to your partner but also to you.

    If I want to give any suggestions to you how to actually meet your 'dream' partner, try to locate places where CD's go. In germany and ather countries we have many regular tables at bats and restaurants where people meet on a monstly basis. Usually there are also partners/wifes of us going to the meet. They also do larger parties, dinners and organize little trip, as an example. I would not suggest to find your partner online.

    During the last years, at least until 2014, i've been to the USA on business quite a lot and used the opportunity to go out to certain places. Just search for them as they change sometimes. The most famous is probably 'Hamburger Mary's' in Long Beach, CA (have been there a few times). Another one is in Detroit, sorry forgot the name.
    There used to be one in Danbury, but that one closed in 2015 I believe. But there are many more.

    What does transgendered mean in the context of CD?
    Well, I think you need to be at least prepared to something rather difficult for a female partner in a rs with a CD. Quite a number of CD develop the wish to actually become a woman, that wish might have been hidden for years or decades. That could be a difficult situation for any rs. Especially young men /CD, transgendered) have a lot better possibilities for transition than what it used to be.
    It's not too uncommon, so be prepared to eventually be faced with that and think about how you could handle a situation, where your partner might become your female partner in the long run.

    Don't hesitate to ask any question, I've been out in public a lot.

    Btw., I'm a heterosexual CD, married with two kids - my wife tolerates to a certain degree, but does not want to see me as a woman anymore. She knows my closet and the amount of my extensive female wardrobe.

    Best wishes from Doreen
    Last edited by faltenrock; 06-13-2018 at 02:32 AM.

  12. #12
    Member Valentina_Rossi's Avatar
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    Hi Nellie!!!

    It would be difficult to improve the excellent answers from Phili, Isabella and the interesting perpective from beyondwow.

    I would add that in some of our cases there might be some emotional turmoil and maybe drama that you might not be expecting. Of course, I speak only of my case - but I am not atypical. My female side is "younger" than my male one, which makes a certain amount of sense, since she fully manifested recently. That means that she is much more immature, much more insecure, and prone to very heightened emotions. In a way, I am sort of living a second adolescence with wild mood swings - and this is something that I was not expecting. I am actually seeing a therapist, in a effort to try to undertand that, and other things. I keep both of my sides quite separate, up to the extreme that we even express in different languages.

    Now, imagine you meet a cute CD in a similar situation as mine. I am using quotes in this next part, so that it is easier to read You can enjoy "him" to give you emotional support, to be the lead dancing, to take care of you, etc. - I am talking in broad stereotypes here - and you can have "her" to go shopping, to try cute outfits, to watch chick-flicks, etc. That is the nice, ideal side. But everything comes with a caveat, and "she" might be moody, jealous, insecure, and you might have to be in charge of teenager girl instead of having a partner. You just got out of adolescence yourself, and I am sure that in this moment you do not miss it all At least, I was happy when I was finally in my 20s

    This is not to say that "he" might not have defects, but they are probably clearer to see. In the case of "her", depending of her degree of awareness and maturity, "she" might not even know them herself.

    I do not want to discourage you by any means!!! You show a degree of maturity and selfknowledge that I wish I had in my early twenties, when I was playing at the existentialist intellectual who wished was in a French New Wave movie But they say that girls mature faster than boys, and we take some time to catch up, if at all.

    Love love,
    Val

  13. #13
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    Hello Nellibell.

    Oh I think you may be popular here, although the average age of members is older than your target (maybe we older folks just have more time to mess about on the internet).

    You seem open minded for the prospects of finding love in places that many would not tolerate which would seem to hugely increase your chances of doing so. However, if you decide you are only interested in feminine males then you have just reduced your chances to less than that of the more intolerant types of people.

    My approach in life is that people are people and nothing more. Some were born with girl bits and some with boy bits, most accept that their gender alligns with their 'bits' but not all (including me, that's why I'm here afterall). I like people for who they are inside and nothing more. If you approach human interaction with this attitude then you will find love somewhere for sure, just don't right anyone off simple because at that specific moment in time they don't quite align with your pre-conceived ideal of the perfect partner. If you do you may miss a wonderful opportunity. Many members here (that are not fetishists but are in some amount or other transgender and naturally feminine males) only realised this later in life when circumstances allowed them to break through a lifetime of social conditioning and allow their true self to shine through. It goes to say that if you had met said members at age 24 both they and you wouldn't have realised that they fitted your criteria and an opportunity for love would have been lost.

    The only reccomendation I can give you would be to socialise in areas/venues that are liberal thinking and inclusive. The types of places that people who may be less 'mainstream' feel comfortable to be themselves. This will increase your chances of interacting with the types of people you are talking about. The parts of most cities that are seen as the LGBT freiendly areas are a good start.

    Can I ask, have you until now had relationships with the typical 'alpha male type' and found all the testosterone fulled bull that comes with it to be a dissappointment? I understand if this is the case and it may explain your attraction to those who appear in touch with a softer side to themselves. I myself never have been able to be friends with the 'tough guy' types and find I can not relate to them in any way.

    Daisy

  14. #14
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Nelli,

    Hi and welcome. Finding someone who's young and CD's can be tricky but not because they don't exist.

    There will be online apps that may return results but you need to be aware that the site might turn out to be akin to Grinder, the Gay meet up site that tends to err towards more casual hookups. I've no idea how many CD's would use any of the more mainstream websites but hey who knows.

    LGBT venues are often the haunt of CD'ers but you'll need to be aware that if you go to one alone then Gay females may hit on you which is understandable so you'll need to be prepared to deal with that.

    You could see if there are any CD/Trans support groups that meet near you. Contacting the group organiser and explaining yourself to them is the best thing to do. They will advise on if it's suitable for you to attend. As it's not uncommon for CD to be accompanied by their SO it's unlikely you'd be the only female there. You'd get much sound advice born of real life experiences from the GG's who will have, "Been there, seen it, got the tee shirt" in respect of how they coped with being out in public with their other half.

    Good hunting.
    Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 06-13-2018 at 04:13 AM.

  15. #15
    Eclectic Woman nelliebell's Avatar
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    Hello Everyone!!

    Thank you very much for your replies, warnings, advice, and knowledge! I would like to the time to respond to some or all of you so please bear with me.

    __________________________________

    Hello Janie,

    Thank you for replying to me!

    I believe that, like any relationship, we tend to make things harder than it needs to be. And I learned to know when to let go, for my health and the health of my partner. I will keep your warning close and make sure that I keep to my belief.

    I appreciate the advice and knowledge you gave to me and I am very happy that your wife supports you .

    I am a patient person and only want the best. So waiting is not an issue for me .

    Cheers!

    __________________________________

    Hi Beyondwow,

    I appreciate your reply and am happy that you are expressing yourself now

    Yes, I completely agree that relationships are built on trust and that takes time and communication. And this is something I am willing to get down right. Trust is very important to me and I am sure it will be to my future partner.

    I want to, again, apologize for that wide-spread belief that CDs are all gay. I read an article about a CDs experience and it was very heart-breaking to me. Just reading his struggles mainly due to this belief is so sad and hard. I can't remember the article name, but once I find it, I will share it.

    I like to think of myself as an eclectic being (whose inner soul is a humble, rich, wine aunt with a strange sense of humor and peculiar sense of style) and more attracted to a person's essence. Appearance gets me to look, but pure essence peaks my interests to stay and learn. (Hopefully, this makes sense ).

    Thank you again for replying!

    Cheers!

    __________________________________

    Hello Isabella,

    I am happy that you replied to me !

    I find it interesting that CD desires intensify with age.
    This, I did not know.

    When looking at my attraction to feminine men, I find it to me more logical for me. Though I find certain masculine me attractive, I find masculine men to be...short-coming? Not just in physical appeal but also in all other areas. Also, I am pretty sensitive and spiritual being, I'm very much connected with my inner self and masculine men tend to rub me the wrong way. Simply put, masculine men are great friends for me but not partners.

    I have an uneasiness with dating sites but I do understand that it can be the only resource. I just don't like the disrespect and "hook-up" culture that is on there. It's a bit much at times.

    As for taking charge in a relationship, I don't prefer to take all charge. I am not submissive nor am I dominating. I enjoy equal relationships where we switch leadership depending on the situation. I believe that is a good me for me .

    Thank you again for responding!!

    Cheers!

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Hello Flatenrock,

    Thank for responding and I appreciate your kindness !

    Yes, I know about the suspicious and I believe it is justified. Not everyone are nice to those that may be different. Even I get suspicious when I am approached by masculine men. But that has to do with being a woman.

    I will be open to older CD. I have a age cap of 10 years for any partner .

    As for that confusing with the two sides of a CD, I am very interested in this. I belive that everyone has multiple faces and all it takes is strategy and patience to find the sweet spot for each face. So encounter my future partners two sides will be interesting !

    I am expecting looks and am quite okay with that. I was destined to be "weird" and, if I was not looked at due to my choice in a partner, I would definitely be looked at for some other thing. I haven't quite manifested into my inner image but it's almost there. So other may look as they wish but I doesn't belief me one bit.

    I will have to look to see if there are any venues in ATL.

    With transition, this, I am very aware of and, at this moment, I am unsure how I feel about it. I don't have any malice towards it and if my partner chooses to transition into a woman, I know I will be supportive. I may identify myself as a polysexual, but my attraction to women is more spiritual then anything. So I will just have to wait and see.

    Thank you again and I wish you a great day!

    Cheers!

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    You sound like you have it pretty well together and and are a good person. With the advise you have already received I can't add much of value. I'll just say you will have a girl friend and a boyfriend all in one and hope you two will have fun with it all. It is what a lot of us wish for, it is difficult finding women who are open to this type of relationship, this is why someone said you are a "valuable" person. You will be able to learn a lot about CDing and CDs if you stick around this forum. Good luck and hope something works out for you. Sherrii

  17. #17
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Nellie -- It's June and you say you're near Atlanta. There should be Pride events pretty much every weekend. They're a lot of fun and you'd meet a lot of people that fit your preferences. Even if you don't find Mx Right, you might have a good time. The LGBT community in party mode is a lot of fun.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  18. #18
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Welcome Nellie - you will find many people (male and female) here willing answer your questions and very anxious to hear your thoughts. Once you get 10 posts I would encourage to join the section of this forum open only to GG (in addition to participating here) - there are many great women there (many who have found and married the love of their lives who happens to CD)

  19. #19
    Member Georgia_Maine's Avatar
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    Nellie, may I ask you a question, or at least something to think about? Are you more interested in gentlemen who crossdress or those that express the more typically feminine attributes of gentleness, compassion, consideration of others feeling, appreciation of beauty, etc. Let's face it, there are many CDers out there who are emotionally Type A males. On the other hand there are many cis-gender (non-CD) men who exhibit these more feminine traits. The latter are usually found supporting organizations that support people in need: religious organizations, Habitat for Humanity, homeless outreach, etc. I wish you good fortune in your search
    Georgia (Gigi) Maine

  20. #20
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    NellieBell - welcome to the Forum! This is a safer site than others such dateacrossdresser.com. Many good thoughts and yes, Kelly was sarcastic.
    I think "chaser", or in general, GGs who CDers should avoid, are looking for CDers to pay them for the attention. Either money or other support. This does not sound like you, so just be yourself and your should not be seen as a chaser.
    This site has several young CDers who I am jealous of- Valerie, Chanel, xNicolex to name a few - as they are so natural. So stay on the site, reach 10 posts, and you will be given access to the Picture Gallery were you can see them for yourself. They might even send you a private message.
    What can you do to support CDers? Transgendered is a larger group - transexuals including transmen, crossdressers, gender fluid. Many of the GGs here who are very supportive, based on some questions I have asked, seemed to have been thru a tough life event and came out stronger. But a few had an early exposure to a TG person and found it was not threatening or loving. So what we could use is someone to give us useful feedback from a GG perspective, to help erase social misunderstandings a little at a time (like the common misunderstanding that CDers are gay when the actual studies show slower incidence, but not zero, of homosexuality than the general population)

    So what do you mean by feminine males? Men who normally look and act feminine? Or males who normally look fairly masculine and can transform into a pretty feminine appearance when desired? When you reach 10 posts, you can see the Boy vs Girl Mode thread for great examples. And Chanel is a perfect young example of a good looking man and beautiful woman.
    Some say we offer the best of both worlds - a husband and a girlfriend all in 1. My wife feels this is competition and only 1 can ever be feminine, but you have a more open mind. Do you want the feminine male to be a lover or a girlfriend? To some this is important difference as kissing a feminine looking person makes them feel lesbian.

    I don't know if age intensifies the desire - I think that life conditions change the ability and desire to physically express it. I kept to hose and heels with my wife while the kids were growing up, but always desired more. Once they began leaving for college and stopped needing me as much, both my wife and I started considering our own desires more and acting on them. This separated us more than brought us together unfortuantly.

    I bet if you stay on this site, some lucky person will find you and you both will be happy.
    Hugs, Ellen
    Last edited by ClosetED; 06-13-2018 at 11:15 AM.

  21. #21
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    Welcome nelliebell. I got too loquacious and was timed out on my post. I'll try to keep it brief.

    As has been asked, what is your definition of a feminine man? Is it the stereotypical body movement most ascribe as "swooshing" or is deeper than that? I've read many posts/comments on this site over the years from those who may wear women's clothing, but, still think like a boorish man. What is a feminine man?

    You also used the criteria of a man who "emulates" a woman. Is this a person who has a thought process ascribed as a woman's? Or is it the poise and movements of a woman, e.g., sitting down like a woman, walking in heels like a woman, all those movements that a lack of would identify the person as a man wearing women's clothing.

    You mentioned physical traits. There are men who are short and squat. Some are tall and slender. Some are bald and need a wig while some can have long way hair. Some are hairy while others are almost hairless and never have beard shadow.

    I would guess most women who are looking for a male companion do set out with some criteria. Men do it too. Sometimes we are pleasantly surprised when we fall for someone outside that list.

    What is a feminine man? What does "emulating" a woman mean? What are the physical characteristics?

    And, I am curious as to how much time you would expect the man to live within your criteria? Is it 24/7 7 days a week? Or a Friday date night?

    Wow! I did not get 'timed out.!'

  22. #22
    Member Sashauk's Avatar
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    Hi Nellie, and welcome.

    You said - "I find it interesting that CD desires intensify with age.'

    Personally I don't think that is completely true but more that as we get older we become more at ease with our crossdressing. I don't think my desire to dress has increased with age as I can remember being in my twenties and wanting to dress as often as I could, but I was always fearful that someone would discover my secret. With the passing years I have come to the point where I really don't care what others think any more. Whilst I don't go out fully dressed I am always underdressed and I make no attempt to hide that fact.

    I'm sure there must be countless numbers of younger crossdressers out there but probably they are not so open about it as us more mature 'ladies'. I hope you find someone as I would have loved to have met someone like you when I was younger, and I'm sure you have a lot to offer in support.
    Sasha

  23. #23
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    Nelliebelle, you've received a bucket full of excellent information, thoughts and suggestions, a lot to give serious thought to and digest. So, I will add onr item as to where to find a guy that fits your hopes and expectations, especially as to age ... visit more than one college or university that has an LGBT organization and become a part of its support group. You may find gold!

  24. #24
    Eclectic Woman nelliebell's Avatar
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    What I mean by femininity :)

    Hello everyone!

    I am so grateful for everyone's response, advice, and knowledge! I wanted to respond to each of you but 1) that would take so much time and I won't finish quick enough since I tend to rumble and 2) I don't know my way around a forum well enough to even attempt to respond one by one.

    So this will be addressed to all !

    One big question I am seeing repeated is what I mean by femininity. I will give my thoughts on that below. Please bear with me, my views may be unconventional.

    Femininity to me has less to do with appearances and more to do with mannerisms, attitudes, and inner being. A feminine look gets my attention but a feminine being draws me in. Pose, calm and peaceful energy, cleanliness, delicate touches, gentle gazes, and so much more - all of this is feminine to me and are things that I do myself (someone mentioned that CDs may be a mirror of myself and I think I am understand that now).

    Femininity goes even deeper that for me. Femininity is very strong and "all knowing". It has an air of crispness that I can only compare to the dawn air in a valley. Every breath is clean and cleanings.

    Femininity is strong in that it has stood against and continues to stand against attacks and confinement. Femininity is respectful, nurturing, and resembles that of a Sage or a Wise One.

    Now, do I expect a person to have all of this features? Absolutely not. This is only my view of femininity. As for my view of how a feminine male looks/acts and what attracts me to him, if he is calm and peaceful, delicate with his touches, and seems to "know" things, I view him as feminine. He has a silent strength about him and humble confidence. A soft gentle smile and an almost-floating stride, I believe this is feminine. It is being silently strong (very compact version of what I mean).

    Am I also expecting my future partner to always Crossdress? No, I don't expect him to always look like a woman. That is ultimately his decision. However, I do not want brutish behavior, like overly masculine vibes. That is unsettling to me and makes me feel uneasy. Masculine energy is definitely called for in situations, but overly masculine energy is wasteful (in my opinion). It's like having a pristine pastel white kitchen be splatter with dirty brown paint. It's just....unsettling.

    Please, if that was confusing, I completely understand. I have a very unconventional thought about things and it can be a bit difficult to fully express it. If you have any questions about what I said, please, please ask and I will be more than happy to answer.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Georgia_Maine View Post
    Nellie, may I ask you a question, or at least something to think about? Are you more interested in gentlemen who crossdress or those that express the more typically feminine attributes of gentleness, compassion, consideration of others feeling, appreciation of beauty, etc. Let's face it, there are many CDers out there who are emotionally Type A males. On the other hand there are many cis-gender (non-CD) men who exhibit these more feminine traits. The latter are usually found supporting organizations that support people in need: religious organizations, Habitat for Humanity, homeless outreach, etc. I wish you good fortune in your search
    Well put, Georgia. I had been groping for a way to express the same question/concern, but you've pretty much nailed it.
    Nellie,
    Predictably, you're receiving lots of enthusiastic advice here, some of it good, some maybe not quite so much, but all of it well meant. As you have discovered, or maybe already knew, you are an exception among GG's. I would add my voice to those urging caution. There is much more to a partner than the clothes he/she wears. Bless you for being more accepting than most, but don't think that you need to compromise.

    Happy hunting, dear.

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