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Thread: Wanting to pay it forward but how?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2016

    Wanting to pay it forward but how?

    I joined this site in May 2016 as I was starting to transition and it was very helpful to me. I met about 10 friends that all fully transitioned and they gave me great advice. I spent time with them in person and expect to remain friends with several.

    Since then I have fully transitioned - name / birth cert / DL / SSN ( number stays the same ) etc etc. I had an orchiectomy only ( health issues)

    I live and work as an openly transgender woman. A huge change in two years. I have become pretty opinionated on a number of topics such as should I transition ? Should I start HRT - Should I have FFS ? Our own internalized transphobia ( shame or scorn of those that are trans ) - and many more.

    Do I have all the answers? Of course not my truths are not the same as everyone else's but I do know a few things that I am very confident are usually true.

    1. Gender identity issues do not go away. They can be kept in the closet but it will be with you your entire life.

    2. Trying to keep those feelings in check is a losing battle.

    3. The transphobe you have to deal with is the one in your own head.

    4. HRT FFS GRS blah blah. All are fine but most importantly work at finding your own peace and accept you are transgender. Find a good therapist and learn how to live this life as honestly as you can. Only then can you find happiness.

    How can I pay forward the help I received from others? I don't know but hopefully my words here may help someone at the start of this journey.
    Kim ( I dropped the 'Y' when I got serious about changing my name LOL )
    Last edited by KymberlyOct; 06-13-2018 at 01:22 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    I agree with you on your points above. I joined here around the same time and it took me about two years to figure out who I was and where I needed to go.

    Members like Kaitlyn posted stuff that really helped me. Others not so much and caused me some confusion, but maybe I would have gone through that regardless. Or maybe I needed to, dunno.

    So maybe stick around and be an honest, realistic. life for this section? We don’t need a cheerleader, but we also don’t need the previous vitriol. There needs to be a balance IMO.

    Oh and congrats on living your truth!

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Dallas Ft Worth metro
    Hello Kymberly, I began a move toward transition late last year but stoped just before taking hormones.
    Many issues helped me decide that. Iím sure I wonít go beyond being more non binary and presenting female on a parttime
    basis. I want to believe I can overcome my female self but like you say I doubt I will I just have to find my balance in life

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    San Francisco Area
    Long time no see. I am so happy that you are where you are in such a short period of time. You sound so grounded and in the right place in your life. Yes, this a great place to "pay it forward". Thanks.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    One of the best ways you can "give back" is just what you're doing now; being here and looking to return some of the understanding and advice you received. From what I can see, this forum needs all of the "been there - done that" advisers it can get, because those voices stand out from the... well, let's just call it noise. I'm not trans, but I pay attention and I can see the profound effect the right words can have on those who truly need to hear them.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Nicely written comments thanks for taking the effort to write them down.

    Point 4 is the one that caught my eye , finding your own peace as a TG . I've found with that the obsession with labels diminishes . A good counsellor/therapist does help, my problem was my mind going round with assumptions , what other people think . The outcome is it doesn't matter what they think or what they say because it won't change what is in your head .
    The real me ,no going back.

  7. #7
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    North East Georgia
    I wore feminine clothes once in a while, for years. That was about all. Now, lifestyle changes, meeting an electron friend from London, joining a support group last week, and, meeting someone, a friend, has all combined to make me think more deeply about it all. At times, a lot of times, I think about transitioning, for real. I am not there yest, but the thoughts grow. I can't wait until my July support group meeting!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Hi Roxanne, I'm glad to hear that you are exploring things further. I don't want to encourage anyone to transition or not to transition.

    What I do encourage is that people be honest with themselves. To not live in fear. To not make excuses for not doing something whatever that something may be.

    My concern for many people is that they don't explore who they really are and what options life offers them. I was a closet cross dresser for decades. I knew I was trans but I never considered transitioning due to fear. What a foolish way to live a life.

    Whatever path offers you truth and happiness I hope you find it. My two pieces of advice -- 1. Be honest with yourself. 2. Don't make decisions based on fear.

    Best Wishes and Peace

  9. #9
    Senior Member Vanessa Grandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Very nice Kim.
    I like your thread.
    It's me, Vanessa, in the core just a sensitive woman with a strong male appearance...hold down, that strong male appearance is changing. Now guys double look at me, once, one blink me an.eye...

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