Good afternoon all,
Thought I would drop in and say hello. I hope you are all doing well. Monnica and I are, but had some stress and life things to be dealing with, in both camps, and there has not been a lot of time for Monnica or dressing. I find that when M is stressed, and needs to focus on life, even though I know it would help to let go and dress to relieve some stress, it's not pleasurable and ends up getting shelved. As our relationship doesn't revolve around M's dressing or becoming Monnica, it is only a facet, we are still mad about each other and I do what I can to let M know that if the need is there, I am perfectly fine with it.
I still do small things to make this happen, putting out clothing as an option or some fun panties that can be taken or left for underdressing. We came up with our "Armageddon" safe(ish) word that either of us can employ if we are not feeling it, like anything else, really (going out for dinner, to a friends house or event) and the other is very respectful of the others needs and it works for us.
One day I laid out some female attire for M with a sign that said "Armageddon, or...?" with arrow pointing to the female things next to some male options. M wore some of it, but not all, and that is perfectly fine with me, I would not have been disappointed either way, as I was doing this for her, not for me. I felt this sadness, though, when M came downstairs in mixed clothing and asked me sheepishly "Is this okay?", doing a little spin. I don't want M to feel like my permission has to be granted, or forgiveness if only the male things were chosen and nothing female.
Recently M sent me an email stating that she still has "doubts" if I enjoy it, saying she fights in her mind over this a lot. I don't know if I can or ever will be able to change that, but I remain positive and supportive and I let her know, often, that I do. And, as actions speak louder than words, I **show** her that I enjoy it; by setting up these little things (as mentioned) and other ways. This is one of those whole "It's not you, it's me." things and I can only take her at her word. Later in the email she expressed, deeply, her love and appreciation and telling me that I am doing an "excellent job" with everything and this keeps her "over the moon" for me, so I am really trying not to let the earlier statement eat at me.
I hope this is not misunderstood, both of us are trying, both of us are learning as we go. Her, being in an actual accepting relationship with someone who loves her for all she is and wants to be and is a willing participant in the exploration of it all. And me, as a (not quite so anymore) newbie to it all, well, as deep as it can go, and am learning with love and patience what she needs and wants, as she is for me in all of this, so it is a two way street.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I am still here, we are still very much in love and good, and I truly hope you are all doing well in your lives, as best you can.
Take care and have a wonderful weekend.
-g <3