One step at a time

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi all,

Hope your all good

So today my wife approached me and engaged in conversation about our situation. Were in a definite DADT scenario since I spilled my secret coming up to a year ago.

She had some very specific questions. She did also pre curser those with the admission she had been looking online 'on forums' regarding spouses that tell their better halfs that they cd.

She asked me what i wanted to achieve and wether I would ever go out in public..... I braved it and said I had. She didn't freak out. I assumed that because she had found my folder on the PC with my pics she would have worked that out anyway. She said she hadn't seen them all but didn't seem overly surprised. I think it may have been a test (maybe wrong).

She said where.....and I said when I was away for work, which is true. There has been another time close to home but it didn't seem the right time to bring it up. Had she have pushed I would have said. She didn't so neither did I.

She also asked if I was wanting to do this full time and am I happy being a man. I answered no not full time, just when I get the urge and I am happy being a man. I just like the ability to express myself. She said she worried about when the kids were older and left home how she would feel.

On the last bit I said I hadn't thought that far ahead.

But again on the last bit I couldn't help but feel it's positive she is this thinking about us long term even if it is with trepidation.

She said she had felt like she couldn't talk to me more in the past because of how defensive/aggressive I was with my responses. I apologized and said (truthfully) it was most likely the combination of me being embarrassed but also an admission of how I respond naturally to things. Another thing I've learnt through this process. When I say aggressive I mean very dominant in my opinion. I'm quite sharp with the tongue and can be clever with the way I put things.

Coming out with my admission has helped me understand this more.

The conversation ended naturally and neither picked up where we both left off.

I did say to her 'let me give you a web address'. She shut me down saying she wanted to find her own path. I so wanted her to know about here.

I think that will come, or at least I hope so.

Tonight was nice. Wether she ever accepts this or not is debatable. I just felt there was some calm in the storm after that conversation.

Have a good weekend all,

Tammy x

[char GG]

Good job communicating what sounds like pleasant and truthful conversation.

It’s nice that you acknowledge that you can be passive/aggressive at times. To tell you the truth, if my husband would have answered my questions in a passive/aggressive manner, that would be the end of the conversation and he could have stuck himself in the closet because I won’t engage that type of behavior. Glad you didn’t go that route.

You should be applauded for handling yourself the way you did. You may end up with a more accepting SO as a result.

If I may make one suggestion; don’t leave out information because she doesn’t know exactly what to ask. Of course, you know your wife best and maybe the info you gave her was all she could deal with.

[2B Natasha]

Good for you. Calm, open, honest, non confrontational conversation is the way to go. It’s the only way in the end. Sounds like you and yours are headed down a good path.

One thing I would say to your wife finding her own way. There are some web site out there that seem like they are good resources for wife’s and girlfriends to explore. They are not. They are all about promoting the act of crosssdrsssing as a horrendous situation that they should not have to tolerate. Just be aware that one of these the wife may run into.

[Lydianne]

Greetings, Tammy!

It's encouraging to hear that your wife now feels she can initiate the communication. I also like your honesty and the calmness displayed on both sides.

I hope the exchanges continue to be fruitful.

- Lydianne.

[Di]

So happy you both are communicating & I hope she finds us here!

[Helen_Highwater]

Tammy,

It seems like the dust has had time to settle and your SO has done the right thing and done a bit of homework as opposed to relying on rumour and folklore. That's a huge positive.

Is it worth asking your SO which sites she's visited online? You could say you're doing it to see if they mirror your situation accurately. While she has explored as we know there's a lot of mumbo-jumbo written on the subject by folks with a less than sympathetic attitude towards us.

Also there's a lot of CD'ing sites that are more to do with hookups and "personal" encounters that will seriously mislead your SO.

Whether or not your SO is likely to share could depend upon you treading softly on that one.

I hope you're both able to move forward together on this. It does look loke a good start has been made.

[phili]

I think it is promising, too, and urge you to try to find ways to relax your sharp tongue or some other movement towards being a better partner for her now that you have had the first somewhat normal conversation about what is still considered a taboo, therefore scary. I'm thinking she sounds pretty practical and is trying to figure out her future safety- ie. after kids leave are you going gay on her. The fact that she felt comfortable to talk means to me she saw both kinds of videos online- wives trying to be helpful and supportive and wives whose husbands went flying off. She screwed up her courage and asked, and it went pretty well. So it might work to thank her- just say it is difficult to be different, but you love how she looks in her clothes, and it just doesn't make sense not to be able to enjoy them somehow!

[Ressie]

Thanks to your wife for initiating the conversation.

[Teri Ray]

Continuing communication and being open and honest is by far the best thing you both can do. Seek understanding first then ponder what you understand. I wish you both the best.

[Stephanie47]

What Natasha said at #3 is totally true. I would hope any wife researching the issue would realize there are many anti-crossdressing sites out there. There's lots of porn she can encounter. Keep lines of communications open. Think before you open your mouth. You acknowledge you respond to things in a aggressive/defensive manner. That is not something that goes over well in any relationship. When you and your wife get around to establishing boundaries try not to commit to things you feel you cannot fulfill. Don't fudge when committed. If you want to change something, talk before doing. You have to remember your secret is now a secret held by two.

[docrobbysherry]

Nice post, Tammy. Maybe it will encourage other dressers that HCL, (hide, cheat, and lie), now to come out to their SO's and discuss how important their dressing is to them!

[Alice B]

That your wife approached you and that she has been looking at web sites abouit the subject is HUGH. It not only shows real curiosity about the subject it shows that she cares aboiut you and wants to accept. Keep the conversation going, but do not push things. Simple encourage her quest to understanding and be open and honest with her questions.

[Jenny22]

Phili, your comment, "just say it is difficult to be different" is one of the best I've seen as to why we secret our CDing to our loved ones. Thanks for that!

Tamsin, you said,"I just felt there was some calm in the storm after that conversation." Please don't push things. Remember, the eye of a hurricane is also calm. Good luck to you and your wife,

[Jaylyn]

Keep things moving slowly in your favor, moving too fast can complicate things. Let her grow with you.

[mbmeen12]

crawl walk run hun and good for you.
x Kara

[Tamsin Secret]

Thanks again girls for all your supportive and constructive replies.

Life is so funny. Today was completely different. Not on the cd conversation front.

Just back to normal with usual day to day life and it's frustrations and struggles.

Funny this life we lead.

Tammy

[Julie MA]

She may already be on this site.

[alwayshave]

Just hope she stays off crossdresser wives dot com.

[Beverley Sims]

A bit of verbal jousting here, play it cool and let your wife take the lead.

Don't volunteer information but answer the questions truthfully, no lies unless you take notes and need to confirm them, you do forget them.

No, no lies and don't get stressed out or raise your voice.

Be pleasant all the time.

I hope it works out in a positive way for you.