Told my wife today

[nikkiwindsor]

Certainly, for those of us whose spouse/SO knows of our feminine spirit, each relationship is unique. For me, going very slowly, following my wife's lead and being sensitive in attitude and action to her feelings and thoughts have gone a long way in making our relationship work in a positive and loving way.

[tammy1]

For years, on and off again, i would partially dress when away from home. When i came out fully to my wife, she too asked the question, "Are you gay". "Not at all" was my reply, "i just like wearing women's clothing, dressing and enjoy the feeling." That was last year. i wasn't sure what the out come would be, but together, we have been through a lot of life changing experiences: some fantastic; some not.

Your wife sounds much like mine. Over time, she has become very excepting and has proposed experimental ideas for my dress. i'm still learning make up technique, and she is helping me. Recently, she suggested that i shave my legs, surprised, but pleased, i complied...resistance was futile!

We are learning to have fun with my "hobby", although i'm a behind the door "dresser" in our home area. We have plans for further experimentation with my makeup, as i'd like to be able to enjoy most of the pleasure of creating "Tammy". i too have lost makeup to my wife's traveling bag of tricks and beauty.

Sounds like you have a solid relationship. i too had to get to that point when i had to stop hiding my desires and enjoyment of creating myself as a woman. We hope to go out together on a "girls night out" after a day of pampering, polishing, a mask and full makeup session, hot tub, maybe a mud bath, the list goes on...consider these ideas and more...some wine and dining out capped with some dancing might become fun as mentioned before: include her AND enjoy your girl time together. Something my wife and i have yet to experience but have some fun plans...

Tammy

[Alice Torn]

Lexi has been through divorce over it. Good sharing and advice.. I hope yout wife is different, and lots of good advice on here. I have never been married, but the women i know, who i told, were very disgusted, and turned off. One reason i am still single, at 64. If i want to date and marry, i will have to cut way back or quit dressing, and purge, and also destroy my pix and videos of Alice.

[QueenJeanette]

All the drama from your wife/girlfriend of coming out. I'm sure glad I didn't cross-dress before my breakup. Honestly I couldn't do it while I was in a relationship unless we both approved of it because she demanded that. I guess that's one of the biggest reasons why I ended mine. I don't agree that another person has a right to control your life, married or not. Every time I picked up a new hobby, car, or interest it was always scrutinized by her. After 20 year of that I ended it because she became a nagging insensitive bitch. I can't walk around thinking if my girlfriend is going to like my new Camera, Car, or Boat or whatever I'm doing that really doesn't even concern her. I guess she needs a man that approves of her controlling personality and that's not going to be me.

[KatrinaK]

Kimberly,

First of all, congrats on telling her. It takes a LOT of courage. Sounds like you are in a very similar place to me.

Only advice I can offer is TAKE IT SLOW. The inclination to want to do everything all at once is strong. As accepting as she’s being, she’s also going through an internal struggle. Let her set the pace, and don’t pressure her. My wife went through a bit of an enthusiastic phase shortly after I told her and it backfired on me. We’re in a much better place now, but only because I stepped back and let her set the pace.

Don’t take that to mean you shouldn’t discuss it, because you should. Be honest and open and communicate with her. Just let her set the pace as far as participation goes.

[Aunt Kelly]

Utter buncome. Where is your data for these statements? I'm with Sara Louise on this one, only failing marraiges end up in therapy. It certainly transformed me and my wifes' relationship in a hugely positive manner. We all know your personal experiences of crossdressing and female relationships have been a total disaster but you don't need to constantly project your own misery on the rest of the membership.

If there's an argument that is even less sound than one based on anecdotal evidence, it's one based on provincialism. In other words, Daisy, just because it worked out for you, does not mean that it is true for most.
Look, I am the first one to admit that anecdotal evidence is far from conclusive, but the evidence on this forum is pretty clear that, in a relationship of any significant age, coming out is, more often than not, destructive.
That said, your assertion that relationship that survive such trauma are often stronger is true, but I'd insist that far more often than not this is in spite of the revelation, not because of it.

Again, neither anecdote nor provincialism are scientifically sound arguments. I would much rather celebrate Kimberly's happiness than engage in doomsaying or some tortured debate about that which we have little sound evidence.

I am very happy for you, Kimberly.

Hugs,


Kelly

[KatrinaK]

This is not going to be a very popular post, but I’m going to do it anyway.

The ONLY position of integrity is to be honest and forthcoming with your spouse in all aspects of life. If you don’t believe me, take another look at your wedding vows.

[DaisyLawrence]

If there's an argument that is even less sound than one based on anecdotal evidence, it's one based on provincialism. In other words, Daisy, just because it worked out for you, does not mean that it is true for most.
Look, I am the first one to admit that anecdotal evidence is far from conclusive, but the evidence on this forum is pretty clear that, in a relationship of any significant age, coming out is, more often than not, destructive.
That said, your assertion that relationship that survive such trauma are often stronger is true, but I'd insist that far more often than not this is in spite of the revelation, not because of it.

Again, neither anecdote nor provincialism are scientifically sound arguments. I would much rather celebrate Kimberly's happiness than engage in doomsaying or some tortured debate about that which we have little sound evidence.

I am very happy for you, Kimberly.

Hugs,


Kelly

Firstly, I never said it is 'true for most', only that sometimesmiss has NO evidence that it is nearly ALWAYS destructive as she always describes it.
Secondly, I too was making a positive case thereby celebrating Kimberly's happiness.
Finally, 'provincialism' really? The Oxford English Dictionary describes provincialism as 'Narrow-mindedness, insularity, or lack of sophistication'. Well thank you very much Aunt Kelly, I must surely bow to your superior and more sophisticated intellect.

[Kimberly Adams]

I really appreciate all of the posts. Great advice. I'm not a compulsive dresser. Haven't dressed for two years although have wanted to. Taking it super slow, if my wife said no way don't ever do it I would respect that and not do it. But she seems very curious and wants to explore. Tonight I just showed her some of my custom made shoes from Shoes of Prey - two of the three were meh but one was - ooh I like it. She said she wished we both wore the same shoe size and could share. My wife is a girly girl and knows fashion, said she could take me shopping. I put on the pair of shoes she liked and walked around a little. Then put on a demi with some small boob inserts, pink lace panties and lace shorts and some bling flip flops. Pulled out a bag of panties from Victoria's Secret and she wanted all of them for herself. She said the girls night out is definitely going to happen, just asked me to promise not to dress without her. Fine with me. We have a busy summer with kids and the girls night out is a few weeks away at best. We'll see how it goes. Look forward to posting updates.

Kimberly

[osteph]

I am so happy for you both and have no doubt that it will strengthen your relationship.

[alwayshave]

Kimberly, I'm glad that things are working out for you. As everyone here knows, its a big gamble.

[Aunt Kelly]

I must surely bow to your superior and more sophisticated intellect.

Well..., thank you for the compliment, but really, I can only lay claim to understanding a bit more about logic ...and Google. https://www.flashcardmachine.com/fallacies7.html see the "card" about "provincialism", and then tell us how you defend this position...

...only failing marraiges end up in therapy. It certainly transformed me and my wifes' relationship in a hugely positive manner...

[DaisyLawrence]

If you are combining those 2 parts of 2 separate sentences and assuming my wife and I have been in therapy then you are mistaken because we have not and never will. Probably my fault for not checking the wording more carefully.

[Kimberly Adams]

My wife still seems cool with my dressing. Family is out of town this week and this would normally be one of my few opportunities to go full out but she wants me to wait and do it with her so I'm cool with it. We're still planning a weekend excursion but won't happen for a few weeks. She's getting a mommy makeover (surgery) next week and recovery is like 6 weeks minimum. My wife is already beautiful but will be super hot after she heals. In the mean time we're browsing online for a new outfit, wants to help me pick everything out. Says she knows the styles way better than me. I wore some pink panties the other day before we had sex and it was the biggest turn on. Can't imagine getting dolled up with her, going out for drinks, watching the drag show and then heading back to hotel to play. Feeling really blessed.

[Shayla]

Wow Kimberly, it sounds like you hit the lottery. Tough at first, but it seems like she has really come around to a nice level of acceptance. Did she talk to someone, or read some things to educate her, or has it just come form the two of you talking?

[Kimberly Adams]

Wow Kimberly, it sounds like you hit the lottery. Tough at first, but it seems like she has really come around to a nice level of acceptance. Did she talk to someone, or read some things to educate her, or has it just come form the two of you talking?

She has read some stuff online that I showed her and we've done a lot of talking. I think she just genuinely loves me and is accepting that this is a part of who I am and she has decided to embrace it. Said she can't wait for our girls night out experience. Lottery = yeah.

[kelly0]

Sorry, am late to this thread. Have not been on this forum too much at all lately. But i would like to chime in here as this resonates.

First of all, its soooo awesome that a CD can come on here, post her experience and get such great, real, serious support. This is one of their awesome things about the digital age. This kind of support did not exist 15 years ago. We’re lucky!!!

Kimberly - i am soooo happy for you. I have been there. Lots of great advice here, so i wont bore u with repeats. There are a lot wiser gurls than me on here. The one thing i would stress (which u have said) is take it SLOW!!!! You dont wanna stretch things and make your wife feel uncomfortable. She’s been through a lot (as u say)

If it helps, here is my experience, which i will abridge so I dont bore you ladies.

I am 46. Married for 18 years this fall. I have been dressing as long as i can remember. Like Ilene, I cant say I was courageous enough to tell her. I was caught. It was the freaking Apple photo stream thing....hahahha! I took pics one night while she was away on my iPhone. They showed up on iPad with the photo stream thing.

It was quite a shock to her to say the least. And yes, the very 1st question I got was, “Are you gay?” Fair question I think.

After a long night of talking and a weekend of hell for me (I had NO idea if our marriage was going to survive this), Monday came along and we went about our business as normally as we could. Of course it was anything but normal. I did suggest we see a therapist, which we did. And that was SUPER helpful. It was very important for my Wife to hear (from the therapist) that plenty of dudes do this. It’s harmless. And being CD does NOT mean your husband is gay.

Cannot overstate how helpful joine therapy was in my situation.

It’s been 5 years and things are great. She does not participate, she tolerates. And I get it. A few other things:

- she has NEVER seen me dressed after seeing one of those pics real quick. nor does she ever want to (at least thats what she has said)

- i tell her when i do it. Just to be honest. She knows when i work from home, and work is not crazy, that i do it

- i told her when i went to a pro makeover artist 2 years ago and got pro pics done. Told her all about it and the outfits i wore. That was fun to share with her

- she has helped measure me for a custom dress i bought. Still cant believe she did this,. She was super helpful

- she even gave me one of her old makeup bags from Lancôme. Those lil free ones they give the ladies

So, needless to say....i am super lucky. And sounds like u r too, Kimberly

Wish u ALL the best. Love to keep hearing about this journey

And kudos to all the gurls on here with the GREAT advice they relayed. What an amazing place. I need to come here more often

Sincerely,
Kelly from NJ

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kimberly , The ball is in her court now so go Slow and easy
just don't overwhelm her with Kim.>Orchid ..OO..