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Thread: I'm not sure, but ...

  1. #1
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    I'm not sure, but ...

    I am not sure, but . . . . well, here goes. I have often thought about transitioning, but my mind keeps falling back on things like Expense? Too late (I am an older person now), What will I do, i.e., move, or re-locate, how will I adapt being another gender, how do I know what to do, or live, and, oh, so many other things! All I do know is I am always a happy person being Roxanne, and simply feel wonderful. How do I make the decision, and, when/if I do, how will I adjust? Where do I get all of these answers? Oh, I am sorry if I seem confused, but, I am!

  2. #2
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    I've thought of things like this also but then I took a pen and wrote the pros and cons at my age if I did. I'm happy now I decided and thought I can dress to satisfy my inner being which so far is not stronger than my outward appearance. With my age I decided to just dress and enjoy doing what I do and not have to go thru a transition, upset my marriage, explain to my off spring, and spend any money on something I'm not sure of. If my dressing now is enough then why go farther.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Well, the answers mostly come from you and where you are on your journey! Expense-check with insurance and see as Medicare and a supplement will cover most of it! Too late-people transition in their 80's! Move, relocate, adapt, what to do, live, and other things all resolve given time and much thought especially since we don't know the specifics! Read the forum often and especially this section for info and pointers! As I said, many you will have to ponder and make a decision given what info you have but especially from a doctor if going on hormones or getting surgery! A good counselor might help! Hope this helped some! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae
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  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I agree that a good gender therapist can really help you determine where you are and where you want to go. How to, expenses and the rest of it will come to you through counseling, this site (invaluable information on a lot of member's experiences here, more question threads, local support groups nearby you or within acceptable driving distance, etc. you can learn along the way once you know where you want to go. You may or not reach the final destination, e.g. all surgeries, but just trying to get there could greatly improve your quality of life, emotionally and mentally, thus making other things less worrisome. All this does not necessarily come easy, but starting with a good therapist and complete honesty on your part will help a lot. Good luck and thanks for asking.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    It really is very simple. If you are not sure about doing anything, then don't do it. You have too many doubts about too many things - expense, age, location adapt to a different gender how to live, etc. There is nothing to decide.

    Btw, what is the difference between moving and relocating?

    All of this is so bizarre, I wonder about the legitimacy of this post.

  6. #6
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roxanne Lanyon View Post
    All I do know is I am always a happy person being Roxanne, and simply feel wonderful.
    What is it about being a woman that makes you so happy and feel so wonderful? What is the basis of those feelings? And do you think that that feeling will last for months and years on end, should you choose to permanently live as a woman?

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    The rest of the world will bombard you with doubt -- I take issue with Jeri Ann there, because it's hard to filter out the external judgment/negative feedback from your own internal vision of yourself. Get help from a real gender therapist. I can guarantee that a non gender specialist will have you weighing pros and cons as if you are trying to choose between apartments or jobs, and this is not like those things at all!

    If you can avoid transition, you probably should, but you should also avoid spending the rest of your life in misery, if that's what not transitioning means to you. It's a hard thing to figure out. I'm in that situation too, and I can tell you that because family and friends don't want to see you go through it *(because they don't want to deal with being a friend of that person who...), it's awkward and expensive, and all that, the reasons not to do it begin to feel real but:

    NONE OF THOSE REASONS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE!

    Only you can figure that out, and then what to do about it.

    When I was young and thought being a writer/artist would channel that feeling of "difference" I had (spoiler alert: it didn't), my professor said: "The people who love you most will try the hardest to make you stop."

    And that applies tenfold to transitioning.

    So decide for yourself what you have to do. Pick your advisors wisely. Each step is not the finish line or the end. That's all I know so far. Thinking of you,

    elizabethamy

  8. #8
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I think you're looking too far ahead. This is a long road -- solve problems as you encounter them. It seems like the first step, as already mentioned, is get in touch with a therapist who works with trans people and figure out if you are one and maybe start zeroing in on what kind you are. You don't have to shake up your life much for that, so don't worry about those things. Most medical insurance will cover the therapist, so if you have medical insurance you'll only be out a few co-pays a month which shouldn't be that expensive. So just breathe. You don't have to do it all at once.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  9. #9
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Hi Roxanne, I may be wrong but your post does not read to me like you are facing deep-rooted Gender Dysphoria.

    I will offer you the same advice that many here would give. If there is anything at all more important to you than the need to be congruent with your inner self, don't transition; but if you truly need to transition, then don't let anything stand in your way.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

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  10. #10
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    All good advice. You have helped me get back on track. I may try a therapist (any suggestions here?). But, mostly, if there are too many questions, then forget it, is too good of advice to pass up for now. Thank all of you so much!

  11. #11
    Member Ariana225's Avatar
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    Roxanne,

    Use a search engine like google and type “transgender therapist (your location)” and see what it brings up. I found mine off psychology today web site.

  12. #12
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    Great idea. I will try that! Roxanne

  13. #13
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    If you're on health insurance, it might be more fruitful to go to your carrier's website and use the "Find a doctor" feature. There you can be sure that the people you find are in your plan and will be covered. You might have to play around a bit with keywords to find the folks who claim experience in transgender issues. Try to find a few likely ones and call them up to make sure they really do have experience. Bear in mind that some carriers subcontract out their mental health services and you might have to go to the subcontractor's website. If you're feeling strong about this, you can also call your carrier's support line and ask them to do the search for you.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  14. #14
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    Pat's advice is sound! You don't have to worry about your insurance carrier finding out, as the therapists use neutral coding for billing, and never mention the specifics of the counseling.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Roxanne,
    Could you take the time to write more clearly , some of your comments aren't making sense , Quote , " If there are too many questions, then forget it !"

    The first point is you have the fear of perhaps being too old , but your profile doesn't tell us what age you are . If GD is so bad then I know age may not be a restriction but in your case you appear to be trying to run before you can walk . I found the best thing to do is sit down and write your history down, how it started what influenced you , where you are now and why you may want to transition in the future . No BS be honest with yourself , if you find it too difficult then maybe find a counsellor to guide you through all this , if at the end you feel you still need to transition then it doesn't happen over night , there are lengthy stages that have to be gone through , there are no short cuts but that is in your interest , it's an expensive process and not to be done on a whim .

    I feel at the moment you don't know your own mind , you have so many distractions , I'm sorry but I don't agree with all this online stuff because it's not selective , you can become saturated and confused . It may be better to find a help/social group , go and meet others , it's the best thing I ever did , talking to other CDer and their wives/partners , also getting an insight from TSs who have gone through transition . You may find you start to find a balance with your CDing , besides it gives you some where to wear your outfits .
    The real me ,no going back.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
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    Roxanne, I agree with the others who have recommended a therapist. You can do skype or phone sessions with the therapist where I am an office aid volunteer. If you want a name and phone number send me a PM. This therapist deals with clients from a wide region of the country.

    I wish you good luck in your journey.

    Hugs, Bria

  17. #17
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    Thanks to all! You have focused, and directed my thoughts more efficiently. I think I have a better idea what to do right now, and, more importantly, and am better on my way to actually "finding" myself! That, in itself, is quite helpful! I am so happy I found this wonderful place!

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