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Thread: How do you just know ?

  1. #26
    Member Ariana225's Avatar
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    You have the rest of your adult life to be socialized as a woman. My wife tells me over and over on how sheís going to have to teach me everything. We all know more than the average cis male but a lot of us are very far from knowing what itís like starting out as a cis female.

    But remember, being a woman isnít about doing it right or wrong, itís about you doing what you must to feel right in the world. Your body, soul, and brain will lead you in the right direction.

  2. #27
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    The advantage of a gender therapist is that she can listen to your story and tell you how it sounds to her, where you are in your thinking, etc. You feel so much less alone. And the deeper you go into your history and your life and your details and your dreams, the more she can validate and verify what you need to do.

    Gender therapists are feared because they do agree with people that transition looks necessary, which is terrifying not just to the transitioner but to everyone around her...my therapist yesterday was talking about the reputation they sometimes get as "advocates" and "cheerleaders," and she said that if she really wanted to make serious money off of me for the rest of my life, the best way would be to string me along, say I didn't need to transition, and keep me as a depressed man until I died. Instead, she's saying: you say you need to do this, you want to do this, and IF you do this, you will be able to stop coming in here every week. So I lose money, but you gain happiness...

    I'm telling this story because for me seeing her was a critical step in the "how do you know?" process. I needed validation that I'm not crazy or delusional, that I can do this, and that I'm solidly in the group of transgender people she sees every single day. Of course I avoided this for years...so if you're having those doubts, which we all do, go to a good gender specialist -- ask a regular non-specialist therapist who they would recommend -- and take the leap. If you're NOT that trans, the specialist will tell you that and save you the suffering of a shaky, self-doubting transition that probably shouldn't have happened anyway.

    L:

  3. #28
    Nia coffee10's Avatar
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    Thanks Everyone,

    Elizabethamy your absolutely right in relation to the role of the therapist. I have been banned from seeing a therapist for the last few years. A story I may be able to unpack progressively over time. However in the same manner I have been able to dicreetly continue seeing my LGBTI friendly doctor without my wife knowledge. This deciet is not intended to disrespect my wifes wishes but I felt I need some level of professional support to continue functioning. I have been keeping my anitandrogen dosage low enough so as to not set off too many "fire alarms " , but at the same time keeping my T levels low enough to give me some sense of respite from GD. Specifically the spikes of masculine aggression are thankfully more muted which has been a real blessing. Even this week she ( my doctor ) in light of my current anxiety continued to gently validate the diagnosis of GD and provide support planning quietly for a brighter future . Exactly what future that is evolving .... but it is not going backwards.
    Last edited by coffee10; 06-29-2018 at 03:15 AM.

  4. #29
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Coffee,
    It is sad to have to admit that situation , I know exactly how it feels , my wife did Know but didn't wan't any details or hear the outcome of counselling . It is very hard when you face a brick wall like that . I get more and more annoyed by these situations , we should not be forced into a lying and deceitful life style , these problems don't go away they have to be faced by everyone eventually . It makes it so much harder finding the truth and being honest with yourself , the times we see members say be honest and open with their wives/partners that's fine as long as they are prepared to listen but what do we do when they won't ? It's also often the cry from GGs bemoaning the secrecy of their CDing partners , sometimes we don't have a choice , I hated be turned into something I wasn't , I'm an open honest person with a sense of fun , most of that had disappeared through my DADT sitaution . Our wives may want us to stop but sometimes that means we almost stop living, we reach a point where we cease to function , I also know exactly how that feels .
    The real me ,no going back.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member Acastina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mirya View Post
    ...
    So for Ben Shapiro to keep insisting in every interview that it's a mental disorder... well, he's just flat-out wrong. He's a smart guy, but his education is in political science and law, and he has no background or authority to speak on mental health issues. If you listen to his debates, it's always based on the old and tired 'chromosomes' and 'basic biology' arguments that an uninformed teenager would use. We all know by now that it's much more complicated than that. Obviously Ben Shapiro is smart enough to know this if he did any amount of research (he graduated from Harvard Law!). But he's also smart enough to know who his target audience is, so he continues to spread lies about transgender people.

    ...
    There's a word for people who are "smart enough to know better", or sufficiently educated to inform themselves, but who nevertheless persist in trafficking simplistic, dismissive concepts and conclusions about subjects that clearly fascinate and annoy them at the same time. In their discomfort, they retreat into a form of dehumanization and attempt not the slightest grasp of nuance and anomaly as part if the human condition. Their minds are made up, and they are highly resistant to being confronted with inconvenient facts.

    They're called bigots, and Shapiro is a bigot. A smug one who's exploiting his BS for media recognition and profit. He's hardly alone in that.

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