With our lives becoming more and more digital it's easy to be your own historian. I love to photograph my cross dressing and its all archived. On July 9th 2017 I photographed myself for the first time in my own dress, with my own makeup and a wig I'd found in my wife's Halloween stuff. I had been walking through Wal-Mart that morning when I noticed a dress on clearance for 3 dollars. I'd been thinking of doing this for a long time, but that 3 dollar dress was the catalyst. 28 photo shoots and six months later it was January 14th 2018 and that was my last one.
In that time I'd told my wife I wanted to cross dress, started wearing panties all the time, and started a second wardrobe in the basement for my new inclination. It was a bit of a wild ride, but she respected my honesty about it and had even bought me some clothes for Christmas. Though she still didn't want to participate.
Sometime around late January I realized I didn't want to dress up, I had soured on it for some reason. When I stopped acting interested in my wife's makeup and clothes shopping she said, "Your not fun anymore... are you done with that stuff now?"
"I guess," I replied.
But why? Right now its all I can think about, I'm deep in the fog as you might say. It was a creeping fog, it started about a month ago when I wore some panties again, then a week later asked my wife if I could do face masks with her, (she was thrilled) next thing I know I'm trying on heels at the Goodwill.
I was doing some research and I think I realized what happened. I wasn't happy with that last photo shoot I did in Jan. I remember being really disappointed and coming to the conclusion I had a big wide man face and that I was being ridiculous.
The next Day on January 15th I made a youtube video about my favorite hobby, cycling, more specifically indoor cycling training. I had been thinking about doing a series of youtube videos where I cross dressed and did a how to presentation about some totally unrelated thing. I thought it would be funny. I was going to do it that morning, I got as far as putting foundation on before I realized it was an insane idea. I cleaned off the makeup but went ahead with the video. I remember looking at myself while editing the video and being really unhappy with what I saw. My face looked a bit off from the having the makeup on, and of course my usual stubble was shaved away. I'd been letting my hair grow and it was the longest it had ever been, I'd been thinking about how I would style it.
It didn't look like me in the video and I remember being freaked out and worried that I was getting carried away. I got a haircut a few days later and that next weekend instead of dressing I met up with a friend and helped him with his youtube video. Soon I was doing videos with him every week, or doing my own. My thoughts about dressing during this period were negative. I kept telling myself, see how much better it is to get out of house and live your life.
This has been the way of things for me my entire life. I get into something and it consumes me, I get afraid and pull back.