Life conspires in mysterious ways.
I have been treading water in many respects. Career, a voluntary job change to jumpstart my previous trajectory. That is all good. Family, yep. I can check that box as well. But when all is said and done, there is a casualty. Mercifully, my lifelong gender issues have faded into the background. Part of it is acceptance of my lot in life, the life I chose to pursue. In that respect, I have never been more content. But there are other issues which supersede everything and I have found that my inner contentment and/or acceptance of who and what I am no longer demands outward expression in any way, shape or form. Neither at home nor out & about in this wonderful world of ours. The thought of wearing much of anything from my wardrobe is utterly foreign.
Tomorrow I will remove an important aspect of my being which I have held close for nearly 10 years. The hair that has become an integral part of my very being, cutting it off. I no longer own a wig, gosh knows what happened to it. I recall sending one to a member here who strangely never got it. But my last one, who knows what happened to it? I wish I could say I have a farewell outing in me to give it one last glorious shot but I don't. I have time off for the holiday next week but I cannot be bothered. Tomorrow is a great opportunity for excision, I'm intent on taking advantage.
This isn't a goodbye thread, I know those aren't allowed. I will still read and participate here. Heaven forbid my honest nature might become more sharply focused. If this proves to be temporary in any way, I'll be the first to admit and embrace it. But alas, I'm shedding the skin of gender expression in a way that I could have NEVER envisioned. This could be a step towards another plane of existence, yet when it comes to gender, I am strangely at peace. The vice which previously held my heart in check is now refocused in a different way. It feels exactly the same but the root cause is undoubtedly different. Just like I'm still the same.
But undoubtedly different.