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Thread: "C'mon, Mom, get over it, it's 2018..."

  1. #1
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    "C'mon, Mom, get over it, it's 2018..."

    ...said my adult daughter to my wife right in front of me when she herself brought up the subject of my crossdressing during a particularly heated multi-level argument between the three of us...an argument that ironically pertained to a totally different subject matter initially...

    A little backstory before I continue here, though, for all of this to make any sense:

    My daughter (early 40's, married, a mother herself, and very open-minded) has known about my crossdressing for over 10 years now. This came about unplanned and as a result of a tearful confession on my part one day after I was forced to act pro-actively when my wife threatened to "out" me to her as a way of getting back at me during a particularly difficult period in our relationship (3 guesses as to what one of the main drivers here was).

    My daughter - while being surprised initially that this was something her otherwise "manly" Dad would be into nevertheless took it all in stride and was very supportive, understanding, and non-judgemental in her reaction. Of course, being a high school teacher and keenly aware of current LGBTQ-related issues from her own classroom experience was a big factor in this. She has since volunteered to be the school staff liaison/mentor/coordinator for her school's Gay-Straight Alliance for students, and I like to think that knowing about this part of me may have had some influence in steering her in that direction. But I digress...

    It was clear from my daughter's reaction to my "reveal" that she was very shaken by my distress and embarrassment over having to admit to this, whereas for her it was really no big deal aside from the surprise factor. Consequently, we have never talked any further about my crossdressing, she has never seen "Leslie" in the flesh or in pictures, our relationship never changed one iota in the interim, and to this day I am still her cherished masculine Dad and a valued mentor and role model as Grandpa to her (now almost teenaged) son. In other words, it's as though it had all never happened. Or so I thought...

    I won't go into the details of the aforementioned argument...suffice it to say, my wife has a very controlling and somewhat anxiety-driven personality which often makes her act irrationally and difficult to deal with. My daughter knows how challenging this can be for me, is occasionally subjected to the same drama, simply had had enough of it in this particular instance, and had called my wife on her B.S. while I was present.

    I was stunned that my daughter not only brought up the subject of my crossdressing unasked on my behalf as one more example of how my wife was making life unreasonably hard for me similar to what she was doing to her in other ways, but that she had even thought to do so in the first place. As I mentioned earlier, I have never discussed my crossdressing any further with her, nor the degree to which it was negatively impacting my marriage. Still, somehow she just KNEW, and spontaneously sprang to my defense over it.

    I will never forget my daughter's words to my wife when she confronted her over her disdain towards my crossdressing..."Why are you giving Dad such a hard time over this crossdressing thing? C'mon, Mom, get over it! It's no big deal, and besides, it's 2018!

    Did I mention just how proud I was of my daughter at that very moment? Oh, and by the way, in a couple of weeks she and her husband will be attending the same-sex marriage of a (male) work colleague and dear friend of hers, and neither one of them sees this as being anything but perfectly normal.

    I guess I must have done something right in instilling these liberal views in my daughter while helping raise her despite the opposing pull of my wife's more rigid and conservative take on life and the type of fundamentalist "values" she espouses.

    As far as my wife coming around and maybe allowing my daughter's comments resonate with her in due course is concerned...well, that's a whole other matter, and time will tell. I'm not holding my breath, but at least I now know unequivocally that my daughter is fully on board with my crossdressing.

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    You have a pretty good daughter I think

  3. #3
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Leslie,

    Nice to know there's a generation that's more tolerant and capable of showing greater understanding towards other individuals. Job well done dad!

    I would council talking to your daughter and agree not to be too hard on your SO. It would be easy to make her feel picked upon and isolated, further entrenching her beliefs and rather than becoming more accepting slide more towards ever greater conservatism.

  4. #4
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Loved reading this Leslie. Thanks for sharing .
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  5. #5
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Leslie,

    I think you are handling the situation with grace and compassion and doing the right things. Your daughter sounds a bit like my youngest daughter. She is supportive of me just as yours is of you. Mine is in her 40's and a mental health therapist at a university and thus deals with LGBTQ people all the time. My wife, on the other hand, is very tentative in her support and probably just wants it to go away but realizes it won't. Our wives and SO's are usually not easy to encourage to be more open about this - most don't like the idea of their husband being a woman and probably fear we will transition fully. I understand that and assure my wife that is not in the cards for my profile. I suspect you are like me and feel the woman in you most of the time, but is only occasionally the dominant identity you feel. I suggest be assuring to her as to the likely path in your future; be sensitive to her feelings; but gently let her know this is not some creepy choice but is a need that must be addressed in appropriate fashions. Looks to me like you are pretty much on that track anyway. In a word, agree to set some boundaries, but the boundaries need to be two sided and not one sided.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Great story Leslie, I know some women in their 40's who accepts their partner as CD and its no big deal.

    Nice story and hope happiness in your relationship.
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  7. #7
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Yes it's amazing how an argument about one thing can turn into something else completely. Not putting the toothpaste lid back on can morph into 'the way I looked at that girl' 25 years ago! My son knows about my Cding and I'm sure if push came to shove he would be fully supportive of me. Sounds like you have a loving and enlightened daughter Leslie.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  8. #8
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    I really admire how things have progressed since I put on my first skirt, ever so many years ago! I feel so good, now, as Roxanne.

  9. #9
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Awesome story. Sorta -- I mean it would be better if you didn't have to be defended, but awesome that you were. Great kid!

    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    As I mentioned earlier, I have never discussed my crossdressing any further with her, nor the degree to which it was negatively impacting my marriage. Still, somehow she just KNEW, and spontaneously sprang to my defense over it.
    The fact you haven't discussed it with her doesn't mean it wasn't discussed though. Especially since you first did the reveal because your wife threatened to out you to your daughter. The two of them might well have had words about it without you knowing.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  10. #10
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    Leslie it's so nice to hear how someone like your daughter thinks. I like the first sentence in what Helen and Rayleen said. Have you thought about telling your daughter your inner feelings, why you relate so closely to women and why your need to crossdress? She is a high school teacher, open minded enough to work with LGBTQ group; perhaps she could learn from you those inner feelings of being a woman or strong feelings toward being feminine and the enjoyment and satisfaction of crossdressing and it's never going away. She could learn from you, for example how nice it feels to put on panties and a bra and how nice it feels fully dressed and presenting as a woman if you wanted to "take it that far". Just a thought. You wife probially to old and stuck in her strong beliefs to understand or change.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    Leslie you need to count your blessings that you have a daughter like yours. Be sure and always be the father she loves and adores. I think many of today's youth could care less about what a person wears because it doesn't define what's inside of the other person. They seem more accepting of letting every one be who they want to be. Especially if you are a teacher today, I know the new books that are written include some crazy things that would have never been taught back when I was in school. I call my days in school as old school and a few things are still hard for me to be at peace with myself. CD is not one of those things though. You have a wonderful daughter. And bet she is a good teacher.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    its nice to hear your daughter's attitude expressed, although the situation itself was unfortunate. You mention that your wife is controling and anxiety prone. Perhaps her attitudes toward Leslie are a reflection of those behaviors/emotions. Is she willing to acknowledge either of these? And if so, has she sought help in modifying the controlling behavior or alleviating the anxiety? whether she were to tolerate your uniqueness or not, perhaps her life would be improved if these underlying issues were addressed. And by extension, your relationship might improve.

  13. #13
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    Leslie,
    I had to double check to make sure I wasn't reading my own story , the similarities are uncanny.

    My daughter is about the same age so obvioulsy entitled to speak her own mind , my wife sounds very much like yours . I do have some differences , my daughter , son in law and granddaughter have seen me in my home dressed, also I have dropped in on them dressed since . The one issue I'm try to be cautious of is trying to avoid my daughter taking sides , it isn't easy because she know my wife is very wrong in the way she has dealt with the issues but she'll never change , that point I did impress on my daughter . I have to admit the situation couldn't go on so we have now separated , even so my wife is still trying to control everyone , when I finally accused of that she hung up .

    I guess this poses the question of which is more important , hanging on to a marriage that has seen better days or finally admitting you truthfully can't live without CDing . In my case I feel my marriage had run it's course anyway , I think my wife found my CDing was a convenient excuse to accept the inevitable . I have to admit I'm a changed person, so much happier , even after all these years I'm back to the person I once was, too many aspects on my life were being suppressed , it's one thing to compromise for happiness but to compromise so the situation doesn't get any worse can't happen long term .

    I've just read Pat's reply , they are wise words , we never know the whole story .

  14. #14
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    great story Leslie thanks for posting it.
    guess i should be grateful that my wife after her initial shock is somewhere between tolerant and supportive of Giselle

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Leslie,
    Let's hope your wife catches up with 2018.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  16. #16
    The avvy pic isn't me
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    Good stuff, thanx for sharing Leslie, and kudos to you for whatever part your parenting played in her values.

    I would have to assume Pat is right; women will put their heads together when they need to deal with issues, and if that is indeed the case, your daughter prolly gleaned from that just how much of a problem it was for her and how poorly she deals with it.


    Cass

  17. #17
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Your daughter had at least one excellent parent. Ever child should be so lucky.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  18. #18
    Senior Member michelleddg's Avatar
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    Leslie, sounds like you've had a rough go short term, but you struck gold long term so it more than evens out. Hugs, Michelle

  19. #19
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    Hi Leslie , Thanks for sharing such a wonderful tory with us. >Orchid..OO..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  20. #20
    New Member Stacey-J's Avatar
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    You did a great job raising your daughter to be a compassionate and accepting person and you should be proud

    Thanks for sharing Leslie

  21. #21
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    "C'mon, Mom, get over it, it's 2018..." This gives me such hope, my wife and daughter both know, but hearing what your daughter said makes me feel hopeful for the rest of my family. thank you for telling your story.

  22. #22
    Member leotard fan's Avatar
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    super great!

  23. #23
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Great story, but I'd like to say that if your daughter is in her early 40s, your avatar indicates you had her when you were about minus-5 years old. Either it's an extremely old avatar, you're very good at make-up, or you're a time traveller...
    I used to have a short attention spa

  24. #24
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    Leslie,
    Awesome story and you have a great daughter!

    I can so relate to the challenges you have with your wife, as my ex was similar. Interestingly my ex went on to become an elementary school principal and undoubtedly now has training for addressing transgender issues. But knowing her, she probably can't connect the dots to me.

    Earlier this year, I too revealed my TG identity to my 3 daughters (range from 33-40yo) with nothing but acceptance.

    In time, being TG/CD et al will not be a big deal, unfortunately I won't see it in my life time.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    That's really cool. You have an awesome daughter.

    Often it's only the wives who have a problem with dressing although they'd be fine with anyone else doing it.

    I'd be interested to know how do you think your wife would have reacted if she found out her own dad was a crossdresser? And how would your daughter react if her husband dressed? Would it be completely different I wonder?

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