Some benefits of therapy(counseling)!

[Lana Mae]

Some findings after a few months!
1) It gives you someone to help figure all of this out as it concerns you!!
2) As has been stated here before about others, Lana Mae is less aggressive than Harry!
3) This comes out in Lana Mae's speech as well as her driving! This surprised the H___ out of me!
4) Not certain but for now I believe I am Bi-gender!
5) I have given "me" permission to be "me"! Whether it is as Lana Mae or as Harry!
6) It is OK if I do not feel like dressing today! I am still me!
7) I will continue to dress as Lana Mae when and if I can but reserve the right to say "No, not today!"
8) I will dress as Lana Mae when I attend Pullen Church!
9) I am still on a journey and any of this can change at anytime!
10) The counselor asked me if I was ready to stop therapy!! NO!!! She offers the support I need to make clear headed decisions by asking the right questions!

Just a little progress report on Lana Mae and info for those wanting to get counseling but are not sure! It makes a big difference! But be sure you are making all the decisions! This is one thing my counselor stressed to me, she has no goals for me except the ones I make!

Hope this helps someone!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

I'd say you're getting your money's worth, Lana Mae. Thanks for the update.

I have to tell you... I made a call to a therapist today. How's that f

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lana Mae , It sounds like you have your plate full now,

Let e sleep on it, Goodnite. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>Orchid ..oo..

[Teresa]

Lana,
Those questions tend to be less important as you become more comfortable with you dressing needs and understanding why you do it .

I found it hard at times almost like dealing with a rubber wall , you put ideas to it but the answers don't come back because you're only being shown how to make them yourself , at times how do you know what it is the right decision ? That comes down to beleiving in yourself and being confident that your convictions will give you that strength .

It does come back to a qusetion I posed my counsellor of only using her to validate my dressing , I know then it brings into question of just what label or flag do I sail under , what am I ? You suggest you could be Bi-gender , I believe I am the same but eventually that isn't important , the labels don't mean anything to the people you meet on a daily basis , your therapist needs some boxes to work with otherwise he/she will go round in circles with it , in your own mind it settles things down, you've accepted a label so now you can move on .

Harry wasn't the bad guy , he was just frustrated knowing there was another side that wanted to emerge , how the heck does he do it when the whole World could be against him ? Men don't do these things , it's wrong you should have grown out of all these issues ! We could all go on with those put downs but the bottom line it hasn't gone away , frustratingly the need has become stronger , how much do I need to dress now to really become comfortable , full time is hard and the question is are you forcing the issue ? Everytime I feel like that I still dress and do my daily jobs and I always admit I feel so much better for having done so . Those little nagging voices in my head are still doing the damage , certain people will not like what I'm doing , I get annoyed because they shouldn't make me feel bad about dealing with those needs . Somedays it still pulls me apart not knowing who is right and who is wrong but it's not burried in their heads like it is in mine and that's what they just fail to understand . As I said to my wife on one occasion when she was giving me hell, try living with two people inside your head , when the outside World is telling you it's wrong .

Lana, don't sign off yet from counselling there is some way to go when you list those questions and statements . The sad thing is many of us wouldn't need to go down this road if we knew we could be open and honest with the outside World, most of the fears are inside our head but we don't know it until we are brave enough to face the World .

[GretchenM]

Lana Mae,

How good of you to share your experiences and thoughts regarding therapy. Six years ago I found therapy to have similar benefits and my list would be like yours in many respects. I am so happy for you that you are getting this worked out and are coming to understand more about what has been going on. Of course we all derive different benefits from therapy, mostly because we are all different. Keep going girl, you are on the right track. You say it is a continuing journey; you are quite right in that and the path you follow will be yours and yours alone. The destination? Unknown and unknowable, but whatever it is it will be built on a solid foundation of knowing so much more about who you are and understanding why you are the way you are.

Gretchen

[Rayleen]

Lana Mae. I have no comments, except that you find your way to be happy and wish you the best.

Rayleen

[Jaylyn]

Things that happen in our life I have found are not explainable, the whys to me vary so much because sometimes I can't figure out which way I want to go. I wake up some days and know Jaylyn needs to see me today and other days I'm happy just being me. Thanks for the list Lana for some reason it makes sense to me, but not every item on the list is for me, nor can I do every item. This is your list and I can see that if we all made our own lists and accepted why we are this way then the list could all be different for each individual. Thanks for sharing and I wish you the best of luck with your list.
I need to borrow a few of what you listed to complete my list.
Thanks for sharing Lana.

[Stacy Darling]

10) The counselor asked me if I was ready to stop therapy!! NO!!!

And Mine said: "Well you didn't need to think long about that!"

Glad it's going so well!
Stacy!

[Laura912]

Numbers 1, 5, 10 may be the best outcomes of your counseling so far. When you declined stopping, you let her know you still have unanswered questions or things to still process in your feelings and thoughts.

[Lana Mae]

Aunt Kelly: Yes, I think it is well worth it!
Orchid: Yes, a lot going on and my crazy work schedule does not help! LOL
Teresa: Like I said I am me! Sometimes the urge to dress is overwhelming and sometimes not so strong! It is always there even if only in the back of my head! I suggested Bi-gender and she thought that was about right! I have accepted the label and am moving on and reserve the right to change the label in the future! It is still a little difficult with two minds seeking control! Have to get them in synch and move on! I am getting there! Your last statement is very true!
Gretchen: Yes, you seem to see it all much the same as I! Thanks!
Rayleen: I am happy most of the time and often wonder why things work out so well! Thanks!
Jaylyn: Like I said I am glad that it helped and yes we are all different so my list is not the same as your list will be!
Stacy:No not long at all! Thanks!
Laura: You are so right! There are things to process and access yet! Still some questions unanswered! I am not going away any time soon! LOL
Thanks ladies for your replies!
Hugs Lana Mae

[KatrinaK]

Lana,

After 20 years of self-diagnosing, and some time in therapy (mainly couples, but with a trans-specific counselor), I've come to many of the same conclusions as you. I totally identify as bi-gender (although I'm pretty fluid and at times admittedly androgynous in my dress, but I'm a bit of a hippie in boy-mode so it comes off as eccentric) and am totally happy in both modes. I could never repress the boy side, anymore than I could the girl, and be happy. The more I've learned about the spectrum, the more I've become confident in who I am and grateful for where I am on it.

I think that the fact that there is a spectrum becomes lost many times in the desire to categorize ourselves and each other, and it fractures what could be a much more inclusive and supportive community. We are all our own shades of technicolor

Anyhow, you and your realizations rock!

XO

[Lana Mae]

Katrina: It is difficult at times as the "boy" has been out and the "girl" repressed for 65 years! Now the "girl" has shyly been allowed to be out and doesn't want to be repressed anymore! Makes for some interesting living! LOL This is why the "new" church! Hugs Lana Mae

[IleneD]

Lana Mae,

What a wonderful statement of affirmation! Thanks for sharing it.
I have just taken Baby Step 2. I started with a local TG support group and have now reached out to a therapist. (Waiting for the call back).
Sounds like your therapist has been a good spirit guide so far.
Hugs

[docrobbysherry]

Lana Mae, I'm a very strong proponent of using a good therapist to get help and have gotten help from them a number of times in my life.

On the other hand, I have discovered everything u mentioned in your post and quite a few more revelations without any help from a therapists! Altho I'm not bi, I thot I was gay or bi for quite sometime. And, it took awhile to work that out!

Most of everything in your post is about u getting permission to do new things and to find yourself. While I strongly agree a counselor can help u find your direction in life, giving yourself permission for anything is ultimately up to u. With or without a therapist's help!

[kimdl93]

My guess is that people tend to rush through counseling. Of course, its tempting to hope that after a couple of sessions, one has resolved whatever issues brought you there. But I think that may be the therapeutic equivalent of the placebo effect. It takes time to pill all the layers of any psychological onion.

[Bobbi46]

For what its worth if one put down all the questions that need answers sometimes there is no need for therapy, just a good mind, take each one and think it through, therapists cost good money, if an answer can be sort from careful thinking why not go down that road of self reasoning?.

[Pat]

if an answer can be sort from careful thinking why not go down that road of self reasoning?.

Because you'll build a sand castle in the air that will fall apart the moment you speak it out loud to another person. Better that person be your therapist. Honestly, I've been down that road before. And when the therapist asks a question and I think, "Oh, goodie! I have something for this..." and as I start to speak, I realize that it's all rubbish. But, as usual, I can only speak for myself.

[Shayla]

Great news Lana. I can only echo the benefits for me having gained some insights and a lot of support from both a couples and individual therapist. Talking about it with both the first time was difficult, but now I can be much more open. Since my wife has no desire to share this with me, it is great to have someone to bounce things off of and gain some perspective. My anxiety about CD-ing is much lower after therapy, and it really only occupies a small part of the sessions (the rest of life takes the majority). For those who have not tried it and suffer from anxiety about CD-ing, I would suggest you find a trans-experienced and trans-positive therapist or counselor and give it a try.

[Lana Mae]

Ilene: Yes, I found the therapist first! My church has a support group for LGBTQ+ and I will probably join it! My therapist is great!
Doc: I know that I am the one who has to give permission and my therapist has made that quite clear! She just asks the right questions when needed!
Kim: I agree!
Bobbi: Going down the road of self-reasoning can get you sidetracked into areas you might not want to venture! The counselor is a guide that helps you along the way! I need her input for now as I have a lot of questions!
Pat: I see where you are coming from! I haven't had it happen but I make notes and go over them before my sessions!
Shelley: I agree! A good counselor can make a difference!
Thanks ladies for your replies!
Hugs Lana Mae