The following essay will run in August on my blog, but I thought it was useful information for those who wish to get out in public.
A nod (I'm showing my age) to the classic Steve Martin comedy album (you know, those vinyl shaped discs, with a hole in the middle, that are played on a turntable with a needle). Get small. The single best piece of advice for anyone trying to "pass".
I am speaking only to those who are not on hormones and have had no feminization surgery. None of us pass. Never. I can write a very lengthy list of tells. Male hands are different than female hands. The male body frame is different that that of a woman. Men are thicker. Our voices. Male facial features. Body hair. On and on. We can do many thing to minimize these tells, mitigate our "weaknesses". But we never pass.
So what? Who cares? I NEVER pass, but I assimilate. I am called ma'am and she. I am accepted and in many cases, loved. I am always treated like a lady. One big reason, I get small.
Now what does this mean? Whenever possible, take up as little space as you possibly can. Men expand their bodies, take up as much space as possible. They sit with their legs spread. They reach their arms out. Men take up space, inherently trying to assert male dominance. It's inbred. I know as I am that way in my regular life.
Women are demure (I know, not all, but most are). Sit instead of standing when possible. Cross your legs like a lady, hold your elbows close to your body. Keep your hands on your lap. Hold your purse close to your body. Keep your feet together. Cross your legs at your ankles, while standing. Stand at an angle, turn your body slightly. Appear to be less, not more. Be ladylike. Vocally, try to speak less, not more. By that I do not mean to keep your mouth shut. I mean breathe, allow for space in conversation.
For me, once I read this, realized the power of getting small, it came easily. Naturally. It made all the difference. This is the single most important piece of advice I can give, get small!
Be smart. Be appropriate. Be confident. Get out there! Be visible. Get small.
