Another in the know and an appointment made

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi all,

This past weekend I told a mutual friend of my wife and I about my crossdressing. It wasn't planned but it happened all the same. The one thing I wish I had changed was to speak to my wife beforehand but as it turned out my wife has told me I couldn't have chosen a better person.

The friend is a super close friend to her but one I felt would be non judgemental on the news to me and provide reasoned support to my wife if she needed it.

We have since agreed I will always ensure we discuss it before I tell anyone else. That in itself is a positive as it could have been worded a lot differently i.e don't ever tell anyone else.

I've also taken steps to speak to my gp. Not because I feel I have an issue and shouldn't be doing this but to seek a referral to a councillor who can help me understand more about what I'm doing and help me deal with the feelings that being a crossdresser brings.

It has gone to being a secret I've held in me since I was a boy to having that conversation with my wife a year ago. In a way I'm still pretty isolated in who I can talk to as it's rare for my wife to engage with it and the two others that know I chose more as support for her than for me. Of course I can (as I am now) express feelings here and it goes someway in helping but I think it's now time to go to a deeper level with a professional. It may not be the answer but I need to try as as much as I feel I've done the right things (in the main) in my journey so far it still feels, at times, that it could all implode inside of me.

I wouldnt change the path I've trodden. I think I just need to check the map to confirm the direction.

Tammy

[Lydianne]

Hi Tammy,

I know it's not all about your wife, but I'm pleased your steps were met with her approval. At the most basic level, I would think that increased comfort for her would be better for you than her discomfort.

It might also be helpful for her to hear some of the answers coming from a qualified health professional because she might feel in a lesser position to challenge their validity. But recognising the source as trustworthy could have two outcomes: It could either make her strive to be more supportive of you, or it could make her feel resigned to the cause being lost, depending on whether she might have been secretly hoping that your need to express yourself would fade away eventually and you would get back to being the man she knew before. Obviously, I hope for the former for you.

I continue to hope you get more opportunity to fulfill your needs for self expression.
- Lydianne.

[Teresa]

Tammy,
You can only push the situation so far with your wife, I see you both realise this . You have made a sensible decision . First trust your GP but be prepared to push, TG issues are getting more funding, there is more help available , the downside is there are more people comming forward for help. When you finally see a counsellor don't hold back tell them the full story , it may help to write it down , in fact it may help to do that now , it does help you to think it all through , how it started . I found recalling long term dreams from the age of 8-9 also helped tell the full story , my gender counsellor also found them useful .

As for telling people , it's part of your need , the more people know the less the problem is , at the end of the day you need to be free of the hangups associated with Cding so you can come to terms with it , I know it's easier said than done , one thing a counsellor I saw some twenty years ago did get right was when he said , " No secret , No problem !"

[Jaylyn]

Tamsin so far it sounds like it's been a great journey. Just be careful and not hurry into anything. We all get anxious and think I just wanna live every day dressed. Take it easy and progress in a slow gentle way. I have dressed and enjoyed it for a long time. I've found my stopping point though and to proceed would wreck and reek devastation on my marriage. Travel by your map but remember you both may be going down the same road for a while and then find a bridge that you want to cross but she doesn't.

[Sidney]

Tamsin, I and many here have been or are in the situation you find yourself in. It is good your wife has someone to talk to about you. I have been seeing a counselor for almost two years as has my wife. I'm still no closer to knowing why I do what I do but she has helped me better understand me and my wife. Counseling has helped me and my wife but it is not the answer to all. Open communication by both of you to understand each other's feeling and desires is mandatory. Without communication your doomed. We have drawn boundaries with my crossdressing and are both happy with that. Just remember it's not all about you, she has a voice in this also. In any relationship there is give and take. Best of luck to both of you. Treat her good, she's off to a good start.
Sidney

[Beverley Sims]

I would go to your GP next, the advice you get should be quite sound.

Depending on the GP's views you may need to get a second opinion, if so tell the GP you are asking for a second opinion.

The response is likely to be more straightforward and honest.

[SamanthaToday]

I started seeing a therapist last December with my wife's aproval. At first I think I went for the wrong reason. I went so I could get out , now I go because I truly enjoy talking to her. I always make notes on my phone about things I have experienced or thought about that I find interesting. At first the appointments were intense and stressful but now there are times we talk about everyday things. I always feel great after leaving. I love driving there and back home. Good luck and let us know how it goes , when you do make the trip.

[Rayleen]

Sidney is right, communication between each other is very important for a mutual agreement ,

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi all,

Sorry to revive a slightly older thread but I thought I would update you that I visited the GP today.

I was very nervous as I didn't know what to expect. I managed to keep m emotions at bay (in the main) but it was a very strange and uncomfortable feeling trying to explain why I was there.

As you would expect they were professional (male if that matters) and allowed me the time to try and summarise my situation whilst I fought against falling apart.

I genuinely believe he respected my decision to speak to him and as such gave me a leaflet about councilling services so I had the number. He told me not to call as he wanted to make the referral personally and at the same time make some more enquiries about more specific services he thought may suit my situation.

I left with his message that either he or a member of the surgery would be in contact later that day.

I left feeling drained and emotional about the experience and that is due to me going over something that has been secret for so long with someone I don't even know.

I got a call later that afternoon to say that I should wait a week but the service would be in touch regarding an appointment with someone following the dr's referral. They were also going to contact a gender clinic in London??? to see if they may offer something also?

I kinda got the feeling that the little local surgery may not have come across to many cases like myself in the past!!! I maybe wrong but at least I feel like they genuinely accepted my situation and are looking to help.

I do just want to add that when I spoke to the Dr I did say I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. I just feel like I need to discuss me for me as I don't have a real outlet currently. I said I understood why my wife may not feel ready to help me through this just now and that a lot of my fears are about the future and whatever that holds.

I was honest and said I do need help with dealing with all these feelings and thoughts I have around dressing as it does affect me at home and work.

We will see.

My wife asked me how it went. I kept it simple and said it was difficult and emotional and I now just wait for a referral if that's what happens. We hugged. That's as far as it went. If she had asked more I would have told her.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

Tammy

[Tracii G]

Why is a surgeon involved at this point?
You just started councilling for your gender issues !!! Surgery if you decide to go that way is years off at this point.

[Samm]

Hi Tracii, I could be wrong, but I take the word "surgery" here as a place, not something being performed.

Tammy, It sounds like you're taking all the steps you need to take. Good luck to you (and your wife)

[Sami Brown]

I am proud of you for being brave enough to follow through with the appointment. I have decided that my largest hurdle is personal interaction about crossdressing. I am not surprised it was scary for you, but I also believe the next appointment will be easier now that you have made it past the first hurdle.

Sami

[Tracii G]

Maybe so Samm there is an ocean between us.

[Tamsin Secret]

Tracii, no defo not surgery as in operation! When we go to the dr's here you make an app at a local GP surgery. That one made me giggle! Hope your good

[Tracii G]

OK I get it now.

[phili]

Hi Tammy,
If it might help we can tell our own journeys from a similar set of circumstances: I had a secret since boyhood, and after retirement it was banging on the doors inside. My wife exasperatedly asked why I was so absent mentally, and I decided to trust her and share. This didn't turn out well, as it completely upset her. We see a counselor that she likes a lot, and who says he understands her, and respects me. I started out saying that crossdressing was my way of being permitted to have feelings. Over time now I am more and more able to have and express my feelings, but there turned out to be more. I have taken an experimental view to just observe and hypothesize, and objectively and intuitionally explore.

Today I know I have a deeply feminine streak, and my identification with women is not going to go away. I want to wear feminine clothes, and I reaiize that to others I am a man and thus viewed that way, and it is difficult for them to see past the body and beard. I am more and more finding that if I just let myself be feminine in all my internal states, I am at peace.


The latest and best development is that if I am wearing clothes that look like ordinary male clothes, my wife does not go into alarm, and she just appreciates my feelings. She actually took my hand last night and put it on her thigh as we were watching TV, which she never does. The difference in me was that I was in girl mode inside and not resenting having dressed for her. I can now dress to make her happy, and when she is away enjoy my preferred clothing.

I also mentally can recede to my origin and come back as a man- to serve in that role- using my body and people's expectations to have harmonious conversations. This is fine with me now that I know I am not trapped anymore!

What was a feeling of mismatch has disappeared, since I know I am a girl at heart and I can allow my body to feel organically free and move like a feminine being. Realizing that I am feminine sexually made a big difference in resolving the discordant emotions I felt all my life.