Sexuality and crossdressing

[phili]

I thought it might be useful to try to discuss the evolution of a variety of sexual feelings with respect to crossdressing.

I started out at age 4 as a crossdresser before i understood sex as something with others. I enjoyed the sexual arousal in the smooth front of my sister's plain cotton panties, compared tto the ribs of the Y front tighty whities I was issued.

As a 7 yr old I was more interested in the world of girls and wearing their clothes, but it wasn't sexual at all.

At puberty I refound sexual arousal and babydoll pjs went together well. I tried to figure out what made skirts fun for girls if they didn't have an erection, and began to enjoy the swish on my thighs and begin to notice a larger variety of clothes. I began to feel the sexual tension and wish I could be on their side of the equation.

As a 15-60 something I would say it looked more like a sexual fetish, but the details in hindsight tell more. I would find some piece or two of sexy lingerie and wear it. I would feel at peace, but needed a way to do something exciting or active or somehow engage with it. I could enjoy the arousal, and the simple unaroused comfort, and I didn't want to take it off, but it didn't work in my life as a man, so I needed a way to end the connection and hang up the call, so to speak. Orgasm worked, and I could find relief and forget about it for a bit.

Then I retired and became an empty nester. I still wanted to wear women's clothes, and not just exotic lingerie. I wanted the simple nice filmy blouse and skirt, or even just a colorful garden party dress over the knee and swirling around. Shorts and halter top. Swimsuits! I'm on a voyage of discovery, catching up on all the clothes I never got to wear.

The variety and beauty and style are my playground. I want to go out and share my style with others. It isn't about sex as orgasm, it is about sex, or more accurately, gender, as femininity. The background is the male/female reproductive sexual tension and interplay, but it is not the main point.

After more hours in the dress, I might feel none of that either- just hungry or sleepy or bored, or sweaty, and my clothes are just clothes. I don't like that, but clothes need to recede from focus so I can pay attention to anything else. Then they are more of a uniform- check ourselves in the mirror and then forget about it.

Looking back, I am now convinced that acute sexuality with arousal and orgasm was never the point. The simple sensual pleasure of a dress is enough, and the feeling of being identified as a woman, or at least a feminine member of society. Sexual play can involve clothes, and clothes can hint at sexual interest or readiness. Sexuality can be part of cross-dressing alone without it degrading the validity of our desire. It can be part of sex with others, though I found it kind of becomes irrelevant quickly if we are not objectifying each other!

And at any age sex as an issue can also recede naturally and not be part of fully enjoying crossdressing at all!

My post is to start a discussion that takes the guilt out of our sexual dreams.

[Luvtights]

Thanks for posting that. In my normal life I don’t “feel” sexy I’m just who I am but when I put on a tight dress and lovely stockings and heels , I actually feel “sexy” and I get pleasure from that. Yes I can go around the house and feel sexy and I want to make that feeling last.

[stephenie3756]

LuvTights - agree 100%. When I am in a bodycon dress, hosiery and stilettos, I feel absolutely sexy from the neck down. Dressed in regular man clothes and I do not feel sexy at all.

[TheHiddenMe]

My wife always says I'm a walking contradiction.

My urged to wear a dress date back to when I was 7 or 8, and had zero sexual connotations. I just wanted to wear the clothes.

Fast forward to around the age of 14 and I tried on a pair of my sister's pantyhose--and all of the sudden I am ejaculating, which is the first time I can remember that happening.

These days, I don't get aroused when I dress--but the idea of dressing is highly stimulating.

Guy's sexuality can be weird.

[Jean. Ann]

Great post
I think you brought some great points about feeling sexy and good vs sexual
I think probably most women understand this far more, better than men

[Chelsea B]

Great perspective, Phili. A very thoughtful and articulate post that resonates with me. However, when I first stated in my early teens, it was all about sexual pleasure, to the extent that I couldn’t wait to get those clothes off, in guilt and shame, after orgasm.
It’s a far more interesting and profound ride now, in my sixties.

Chelsea

[Asew]

My dressing started around the same time when I started masturbating. This linked the two of them together for a long time. Now that I dress more around the house and such, it isn't arousing on its own accord. But I definitely get aroused quicker when dressed though (and the sexier the outfit the quicker it is).

[sometimes_miss]

We can be both crossdressers experiencing that particular behavior, and also be horny at the same time, while neither is connected to each other. Most men are on the verge of being sexually aroused almost all the time (for me, it may only take a glance at a very hot chic; happened at work one day, a smokin' hot young woman in a revealing outfit and also wearing perfume walked by, and I felt the physiological response almost immediately). So it's no surprise that it happens when we're crossdressed, too.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
How would you have survived in my situation as a professional photographer being surrounded for hours with beautifully dressed women when attending weddings , not only that you had to arange their dresses and persuade them how to look more attractive in front of the camera , to think I actually got paid to do this !!

Judy,
Maybe your wife should consider it's not only men who wish to crossdress or have gender issues , some clinics are now looking at a 50-50 split , so how would she deal with watching a program about F/M TSs ? Maybe you should try asking her that !

I'm 67 and looking to dress more , yes it is more work but it has to be brought down to a level of how GGs go about their business everyday . Makeup , hair, clothes , everyday is as harder to achieve than dressing to the nines . It's not about feeling girly all the time , it's more about about looking female enough to integrate .

[Ressie]

It's mostly been a sexual obsessive/compulsion throughout my life. If I had never become active in this forum, I never would have gone out dressed.

[Stephanie47]

For me the initial wearing of women's clothing was my mother's full slips. She hung them to dry in the sole bathroom or on a clothesline in the hallway to the bedrooms in our apartment. As a young child I had to pass through the mass of drying clothes and come into contact with those nylon slips. I was drawn to the fabric. Nylon was like no other fabric I ever felt. I would fondle the nylon slips. Finally I got the nerve to take one off the drying rack in the bathroom and try in t on. I did the same with her floor length nylon nightgowns. There was no sexual motivation. I was probably five or six years old. I was young enough that I had to stand on the edge of the bathtub to take the slips off the drying rack.

When puberty hit sexual motivation hit. As many have stated over the years of reading here there was shame and guilt. One for trying on women's clothing. I'm sure if I did it purely as a lark there would have been no shame or guilt. However, back in the 1960's crossdressing men were viewed as homosexuals. Society was not what it is today. No acceptance. It was a time of confusion for me. Was I a homosexual? It did not seem logical since I really really liked girls of my age or starlets. I drooled over Annette Funicello while watching the Mickey Mouse Club, and, then in the various Beach Party movies. Thoughts of possibly being gays drove me nuts. Damn, I wish this forum was around in the 1960's. Where was Al Gore when you needed him the most?

Now? Wearing women's clothing is nothing more than wearing something to reflect how I feel on a given day. Some days it is my guy clothes and several days of beard growth. Like today. Some days I feel so natural wearing a dress, hosiery and heels, and all the undergarments and doing domestic chores. No sexual motivtion. No sexual enhancements. Just another day as a woman.

A counselor who I see for PTSD war related issues is of the opinion each man and each woman has some component of the other sex's DNA in him or her. That's the best explanation I can see as to why that influence arises on some days and not other days.

Once word or phrase I have to take exception to is "fully enjoying crossdressing." I find it is not a matter of enjoying. It is a matter of just doing something that is natural, part of my inner being even if it is a small part of who I am.

[docrobbysherry]

I think my case may be VERY DIFFERENT from anyone else's here, phili:

I had NO gender issues until after age 50. At that time, I was just separated from my now ex. And, had plenty of private, alone time when the kids were at my ex's. I was despondent and seemingly had no interest in women or sex. But, I began having gender issues and to experiment with dressing. Finally, my interest in sex returned because of Sherry's appearances in my mirror!

That was over 20 years ago and she still inspires me to--er---greater heights!

[StarrOfDelite]

I think my case may be VERY DIFFERENT from anyone else's here, phili:

I had NO gender issues until after age 50. At that time, I was just separated from my now ex. And, had plenty of private, alone time when the kids were at my ex's. I was despondent and seemingly had no interest in women or sex. But, I began having gender issues and to experiment with dressing. Finally, my interest in sex returned because of Sherry's appearances in my mirror!

That was over 20 years ago and she still inspires me to--er---greater heights!

I don't know whether we are both unusual, or whether there are a lot like us, but my story is very similar to yours, even to similar time frames. With the wisdom of hindsight i can remember incidents or moments in the past where I didn't look or react in a typically "masculine" manner, but those were isolated, and since I had no frame of reference from growing up in the 50's and 60's I never recognized that I was Trans. The incidents I'm talking about almost never involved sexual thoughts, they were just situations where I noticed that my reactions to siuations and events was different from "the guys." By the time I was separated, divorced, over 50, and not particularly interested in dating, I basically felt little drive to have a sexual relationship. I found, however, that I enjoyed the feeling of being intimate conversationally and socially with a woman was liberating, and I finally realized that it was because I identified with women, and really wanted to be a woman more than I wanted to have sex with a woman. It took me a while to adjust to that intellectually, and even longer to pursue the paths where that realization took me. I just feel more complete embracing that I am androgynous, and probably more female than male in my basic psyche and sexuality.

[Alice Torn]

Starr, I am very much the same way.

[candice.aihara]

For me there's always a sexual component. Sometimes it's subtle while other times . . . oh my! In all cases, it's all good fun!

[Janine cd]

Ilene, I, too, have felt the same way about dressing up totally as a woman. I love to feel as if I am really a woman who could be attracted by a man,but the desire to be with one has never occurred. Dressing is enough for me.

[Danika]

What a fantastic thread and interesting topic!!!

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks for sharing, you seem to know how I feel.
My wife was watching a show about guys who want to be women. It really bothered her.
I wish the show showed more levels like for me, I love to dress up but have no interest in being a woman.
I find it so cool to dress fem now and then but not all the time especially now that I'm 60 , it's way to much work!
Maybe if she knew it was just fun, it wouldn't bother her so much!

[Charlotte7]

Me, I started dressing as soon as I learned that there were boys and girls. I've always self identified as a girl, though due to the times I grew up in I never told anyone about it. Initially I didn't know about TS issues, they just didn't feature in the mainstream media and so I learned to hide it. I would dress whenever I could, there was nothing sexual in it for me, only fulfilling my need to identify in some way as being a girl. My dressing started at 4 years old, well before I could know of anything sexual and continued ever since, now over 50 years, so the sexual things was never there for me. I suppose the best way that I can describe it, is that I have a need to be female and I find this need through dressing as a female, but in dressing I don't change character, I stay as me. I don't feel the need to wear make-up or present in a more feminine way. I think this is because I identify myself as female and all I'm doing is wearing the clothes which are appropriate for me to wear. I know that to the world outside I an just a man in a dress but that doesn't matter, it' what's inside me that counts, it's that which makes me, me. Over the years I have accepted that I am as I am and I have no wish to change anything as I am in a happy, accepting relationship and can live as I want. However, if I were 4 years old now, I would definitely want to transition and do so at a very young age. So, to sum up, dressing for me isn't sexual, I don't dress to impress, I dress to allow me to be me.

[Teresa]

Phili,
I told my story sometime ago in the TS section.

The early years for me were so different to your's . The clothes never attracted me , I was more ebarrassed by early erections, they were a total mystery . Then it all happened with a bang at the age of 8-9 years . I became attracted to a swimsuit , not to wear to see how it felt but something had clicked inside (I guess the T had kicked in ) , the item suggested a womans body , my mind wanted sex with it and but as young boy I didn't know why. After wearing it a few times my first orgasm happened , I found it more traumatic because it was an involuntary action I didn't induce it . I really knew nothing of why and what had happened , I describe the events as a combination lock being set in my brain with no key to unlock it . I now realise that my male side was driving me through T kicking in but the clothes were the need from the female overlay and the whole situation was bound together by sex , I also feel that it made such a deep and lasting impression because of the traumatic way it happened , many young males don't experience that situation for up to ten years later . After all these years I've finally lost the gut feeling that started at that point , it's only now I can dress freely and feel comfortable from ther legacy of those early events .
I admit sometimes it is still sexual , but I find that an annoying distraction at times , if I'm still a fully functioning male there's not a great deal I can do about it . I did raise the question of what happens when the T finally fades away either natuarally or through hormone intervention, truthfully I admit I love my dressing now , I would hate to lose the enjoyment , comfort and happiness it gives .

[Alice_2014_B]

There is something about trying to look as passable and sexy as possible that brings me a feeling that is kind of difficult to describe.
That being said, I'm sure at least 95% on here know what I am talking about.

[IleneD]

There is something about trying to look as passable and sexy as possible that brings me a feeling that is kind of difficult to describe.
That being said, I'm sure at least 95% on here know what I am talking about.

This is a question my beloved wife has asked about my CD and motivations. What does it mean? WHO am I dressing for? Why am I trying to be pretty and WHO am I trying to be pretty for? Am I trying to attract other men?
Maybe it's a question I can't answer or don't want to answer. Yet there is and has been a strong "F me" [in a good way], when I'm fully dressed and feeling pretty. "Take me! I feel beautiful". Somewhere in the back of a crossdresser's mind there's that underlying woman wanting to be taken into a man's arms. I think this happens even among the fully affirmed heterosexual CD-ers. "Take me. Pamper me. Make love to me." Come on..... confess that you feel it once in a while.

[Pat]

This is a question my beloved wife has asked about my CD and motivations. What does it mean? WHO am I dressing for? Why am I trying to be pretty and WHO am I trying to be pretty for? Am I trying to attract other men?

It's a question you have to answer for yourself before you can know where you're heading, but in my case, the answer is that I dress for me. Yes, I do feel the sense of looking fabulous at times, but it's all so I feel great, I don't really care what anyone else is feeling. The fact I'm dressing for me makes me pretty bullet-proof to others' opinions.

[StephanieH]

I dressed as a child, long before I knew what sexuality was. During my puberty years, however, I did find it more exciting to be wearing ladies undies and things instead of guy undies. I suppose I'm one of those who would say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, as I've always been fascinated with women and all things to do with them, but admittedly, I certainly have a lingerie and panties fetish that is incurable. Whether my wife is wearing them or I'm wearing them, or we're both wearing them, yes, things are much more exciting and I'm much more in tune with "getting busy."

That doesn't mean every time I get the occasion to dress I am aroused, far from it. I am underdressed most of the time and I don't walk around constantly aroused or going crazy. It definitely does enhance the moments though, as when I'm in normal guy undies and guy clothes, as others have said, I feel about as "sexy" as a burlap pillow.

[Teresa]

Ilene,
This was a question I asked some time ago .
I agree it's not a simple answer , my conclsion was part of the equation was AGP . I know I don't dress to attract men but I know there is an element of dressing to please and attract a woman . I can't honestly answer what role I would play in a relationship like that if it ever were to happen at all . Unlike others I'm not saying never !

I have to agree with Pat looking fabulous at times feels great in those circumstances I'll happily take the comments no matter who makes them .