Desire to go out

[Shayla]

I agree with Becky- get a makeover at/done by a trans specialist and go out with them or alone to a trans-friendly place afterwards. I did this my first time (in May) and it was exhilarating! I met some other CDers and she did such a good job with the make-up and styling my wig that my own family would not have recognized me if they saw me and so I felt very comfortable at the trans-friendly bar and then even walking around the downtown area afterwards. I feel very confident I will do it again when the need returns and am more comfortable about shopping for fem clothes in drab because of that experience.

[Xenia]

As a shy, introverted, and somewhat anxious person myself, I can relate to your position. The key, as others have said, is working up to it gradually.

Going out for a drive is an excellent place to start. You're out in public but still in a safe, personal space. And unless you're in a convertible in bumper-to-bumper traffic, no one is going to get a really good look at you.

When I was younger, I used to take walks around my neighborhood at 2 or 3 in the morning. Mind you, this was when I lived in a very boring, very quiet, very safe suburban neighborhood where crime was nonexistent and there was almost zero chance of encountering anyone else. Not really a recommended strategy for a lot of places, as others have rightly pointed out.

If you go for a drive late at night, find a 24-hour convenience store or pharmacy and go in and buy yourself a soda. If you're like me, this is going to be REALLY HARD the first time, and you'll be too nervous to say much or even look the cashier in the eye. But it's a safe environment and a quick, easy interaction to get your feet wet a little.

Most shopping malls open their doors several hours before the stores open for business. One near me opens at 5:00 a.m. every day, but I think 6 or 7 is probably more typical. If you're willing to get up that early, that's a great way to practice being in an actual public space, without having many (or any) other people around. And since the only folks you're likely to encounter are retirees getting their morning walks in, it's tough to imagine a safer environment.

Whichever route you end up taking, you'll have to step outside your comfort zone, but my experience has been that every step is easier than you expect it to be. And there's no shame in retreating if you feel yourself starting to freak out a little.....most of us have been there. As long as you stick to safe environments, whatever you're imagining might happen is almost certainly far worse than reality. I've been out dozens of times, I'm quite certain I don't fool anyone into thinking I'm a woman, and I'm still waiting for my first overtly negative reaction. Give it a shot, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how many people really don't care what you're wearing.

[Ronnie38]

These have all bewn great ideas and advice. Thank you for all of the replies. Based on all of the suggestions i think im going to build myself up to going for a drive. Not sure when but hopefully some time soon. I still find it hard to go out as normal me but have found comedy to be a good destresser as far as that is concerned. I work in a. Very busy retail environment and my coworkers dont know about my anxiety. They just thinkk im a real funny guy. Maybe i will eventually find a way to mmake it funny.

[Lea]

I have only been out for Halloween parties. My wife is not comfortable with going out in our own area dressed. Small town everyone knows everyone and what cars they drive.
Those times out were wonderful. Driving is a good chance to get out. It will be a fun experience for you. I enjoyed the small things, The seatbelt between my breast, catching glimpses of my painted nails and seeing my shaved legs in hose appearing from beneath my skirt. Getting in and out of the car.
Since it was Halloween I did not take any male clothing and I loved every mile farther away from home and anything male.
At first I was outside my comfort zone but looking back it was one of my favorite experiences.
Whatever you do please let us know what you did and how it went.

[Queen Bridget]

I was in the same boat. Wanted to go out, but have social anxiety.

I got around it by cosplaying at Comic Con. It was the perfect excuse to be in public and not worry about "passing" :P

[LeannS]

I am like Rader in a way have sported a mustache for over 40 + plus years.
I keep it so there is peace in the family lets say.
but that does stop me from driving around I have done it many times I have a surgical mask that hides it.
I get dressed to go set up a trailer for camping will leave a couple of days earlier to get a good spot. no one will look at you
I wear capri's, top, forms and my wig. and yes with a set of other clothes just in case.
and if I can do it you sure as hell can I have come a long way doing this as I am NO social butteryfly
but have fun and be safe doing it !!

Just my 2 cents worth here
Leann

[Eboni Robinson]

I started by dressing up and going out at night. Driving around is another great way to start working up your courage.

[Rayleen]

Going out when you're in closet and everyone knows everybody. Unless you come out, you are prisoner in your own home.

[Sallee]

Yes that desire happens. Are there any gay bars that have drag shows Thats always an easy place to go. How about support groups You'll meet friends there suffering the same problems we all have. You can even go to events like I mentioned in drab to check them out first. Don't be worried about people you know seeing you. If they do they are there for the same reason.
All or at least most of us have been through the same process and we all have over thought it.
Have fun and enjoy your dress up time and you will realize after a few outing very few notice and fewer even care.

[Mary Lawrence]

One place I have always wanted to go out -- to mingle and just be part of the crowd -- is the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade in NYC halloween-nyc.com/. A wonderful mix of participants and audience lining the route. It takes all kinds to make that parade a success. Unfortunately, the time was never right when I lived in the New York area.

[Taylor186]

Find a CD social/support group in you area. That was my first time out fully dressed other than Halloween. My group was low key and very supportive for those of us venturing out for the first time.

[Jenny123]

I understand what you are saying since I experience many of the same things. It's one of the reasons I don't go out as much as I'd like to. One thing I have found that helped was meeting people through Facebook and finding a local support group to me. Are either of those options for you?

[Jenny22]

Here's how I started:
1. Buy suction cup screens for driver's and passenger side front windows... blocks the clear view of others. Drive during the daytime.
2. Coming to a red traffic signal, slow down and let other cars pass. Then proceed and place your car so that your and their door posts, head rests block their line of sight. Its easy to do.
3. On a Saturday or Sunday, go to the parking lot(s) of an office complex. It will be empty or nearly so. Park. Look around. GET OUT of your car and walk around. Take selfies or a video with backgrounds to show you are out.
4. Being fully en femme with makeup and wig and possibly sun glasses, go to a fast food drive through and order. Have cash in hand so as not to fumble with your wallet. Order in your male voice. Go to pickup window, pay and get food. SMILE! you may well be recognized as a guy, but so what! They don't know you! Say thank you while smiling. I once had a nice girl say to me, " Have fun, beautiful." Loved it and thanked her.

If anyone would like more info, PM me.

[Yukihime]

If anxiety is your biggest hurdle, driving around dressed is a good way to get used to the feeling and to build your courage. A support group will accelerate this process, but you too must take the step towards meeting them as your femme self.

Something I can suggest, would be to scout suitable hotels in your vicinity and in neighbouring cities/towns, hopefully with attached malls and a restaurant. You can stay in the room the whole time and practice your dressing, and slowly build your courage to step outside the room. Even if you never step outside, you can still enjoy a full day dressed in all your finery, and just order in room service (ask them to leave it at your door).

As for me, ever since I first stepped out about 3 years ago, I've not lost the urge to go out and paint the town red shopping. It's only going to get stronger in future.

[Lynn Sealy]

Where in the PNW do you live? I expect there are several members of the group who live near you and could help. If near Portland, a lot of resources avalable there.

[hellkat13]

Way back when I first ventured out I stayed low key. I started small and went to smallish shopping centers usually with book stores. They are usually not very busy and you can browse around, sit and read, drink coffee, etc. and easily monitor your surroundings.