Like many here, when I started dressing, I started wearing my mother's clothes, although back then, the last thing I wanted was for her to find out. This weekend, that all changed. My mother came over to stay for a long weekend, (she lives over 200 miles away) and we had trips out to the country and the like, and nice autumn suppers in the evening. Well, we got talking one evening, and things got a little deeper and my whole transgender existence came out. I recognised that she was curious about this side of me and so I slipped into my slouching pyjamas, which she really quite liked. What girl doesn't like relaxing on the sofa in comfortable pyjamas? The following evening, I 'dressed for dinner', that's not to say I went the whole way, I dressed in a nice skirt, top and a well selected piece of jewellery. I don't wear make-up and so presented myself like that. And the great thing was, that she was totally happy for me, and totally accepting of me. She even said that I reminded her (my shape, the way that I filled the clothes I had chosen), of her sister. And we just sat up and chatted about all sorts, some of it to do with me, my gender identity, but mostly it was just general chat about the family, the past, the future and it was if nothing was different, we were just two people chatting the same we ever had. And the following day, she bought herself a new handbag. She'd previously mentioned that she wasn't getting on well with the bag that she had with her and was thinking of changing anyway, so, the following day, we went to a mill outlet store and she bought a new bag. It was actually a great shopping trip, as there were three of us there, (me, my mother, and of course my wife) and we were each looking for that special thing to wear. It was just so nice to be there, with my mother, and me, openly shopping for me. The sad thing is that none of us managed to find that special thing that was just right and so we left empty handed, that is clotheswise, as my mother did find a new bag that she really liked and so she bought that. When we got back home, she made the swap from old bag to new bag, and then, she gave me her old bag, saying that she hoped that I would find some use for it. It was such a lovely thing for her to do and a clear demonstration that she was as happy with me as she had ever been. I just wish that back in the 60s the world had been different and I could have told her when I was aged four.
Yes, I know when you tell someone, anyone, there is both the chance of rejection, of a lack of acceptance, and a lack of understanding, there is also the loss of control, because, I can ask people not to say, but I can't make anyone not say anything, particularly when I'm not there, but, it's not that as I move through life, I care less, more that I'm coming to realise that it doesn't actually matter, and more than that, it matters more to me to be who I really am, and that includes a Charlotte who is no longer totally hidden away.
Thanks Mum for a lovely weekend in the country.