This is a question for closeted CD's mostly, especially ones with a significant other.
Preface: There's been a lot of old threads from closeted CDs about "do you worry about your CD life being discovered after death", e.g., someone cleaning out your house and finding your "stash" and thereby discovering your life-long secret. For the moment, my GF would not be that person, so I don't worry about it too much but eventually we will live together and I'll have to face it. I'll most likely die first, she's 20 years younger than me. I've thought, as others here have discussed in other threads, of leaving some sort of letter with my femme clothes to try and explain. I'm also planning to tell my best friend about my CDing and she has a key to my house, she might agree to "remove the evidence" in the event of my sudden demise if I ask. Some in those threads have said "don't worry, you're dead, what do you care?" etc, but it's not that easy when one has others to consider.
My thing has always been to 1)Enjoy my life and 2)Try not to harm people, but CDing is causing a conflict there, as I'm sure those with SO's have noticed. I know those who are out will say "just tell her now" but that's not easy for me, as 1) I may stop dressing (I stopped for decades once before) and 2) I'm selfish and don't want to risk hurting me either.
So, do you think your SO would be as hurt if she found out after your death? Would that be easier for her to handle? She wouldn't have the fear of abandonment to consider. Or would she be more hurt that she had to find out that way, that she didn't really know you. Would a letter help her in that case? Or, is it worth it to try and "cover it up" with a friend removing evidence? Or just hope you get lucky and have the time to purge? Or is all that just being selfish as opposed to considerate? What do you think?