One thing I struggle with is keeping an even keel when reading threads in this forum.

I'm a moody person and when i'm in certain moods I can easily get tweaked when I read threads dealing with the shame, guilt and fear of being 'seen', even if just the little things.
One of those threads dealt with nails in public and in particular the workplace. I've been around awhile and so I fully understand that many have relationship issues that mean compromises.....the dadt couples and whatnot. But this thread got to me because the fear I saw in it was that.....'I might get called out by people and have to explain why my nails are this, that and the other', kind of fear.
Wow, I guess that means there'll be a lynching?

I admit my situation in life is so different that i'm looking at it all from the other side; been there and done that (and have the t-shirt).

I have the freedom to be and present both my genders as I wish and although I lean to the F I still show plenty of M and i'm comfortable. But sometimes I can still push through boundaries and sometimes those boundaries have little to do with what I am wearing.
I'm talking about the confidence to not be extra careful about every little thing, speaking openly about gender related topics in public and around people casually, and many other ways we take ownership of our Transness.

I was at a recovery camp-out this last weekend and after the Saturday night dinner we had a pirate raffle (nope, no pirates were available, it means that items can be stolen). Towards the end there was 2 items left on the table, one of which was a designer type bag with a summer swim cover-up. A couple of women had already took it out of the bag and held it up for inspection so everyone knew what it was.

It was a black open weaved pull-over, rather on the sexy side you might say. And so my number is drawn. Now the items still available for me to steal weren't anything I was too interested in and the other item left was a knitted stocking cap and ummm,….....no thanx.

Oh, perhaps I should back up for a second...….there was 40 or so folks there and of those there was 3 who know me as trans, though prolly 6 or 7 others have been around me long enough to make assumptions based on what they see. The remaining people were all new to me.

So as i'm standing in front of this crowd, I come to the conclusion that I want to make a statement of sorts, a symbolic gesture of freedom if you will. Ftr, I do own a bikini bottom, a pretty little pink floral number that I wear to the tanning beds and when I go to certain swimming holes outdoors. I have no need for a cover-up and since I was looking fairly drab at that moment, I was hearing quite a bit of joking and wise-cracking behind me by people thinking I was just goofing off.
I even took the garment out of the bag and held it up to gauge it's size (yes, I have since put it on and it does fit), because I know a gal or 2 who might like to have it.

One of the gals who knows all about me says loudly, "go ahead sweety, you know you want too", and so as I collect it and walk back to my seat I see lot's of confused faces. I'm sure many just shrugged it off as thinking I have someone to give it to, and i'm also sure many assumptions were made. Like I said, quite a few of these people have seen enough of me femmed up, to add 2 to 2 and get 4.

But, I guess what i'm getting at is how nice it feels to be free, even if it's just a little peek.
Remember too, what there is to be gained. Every little advance in the public eye, makes for change in the perceptions from joe public.

Of the reactions after the fact, most were positive, but I did get to have a bit of fun with one ol' redneckish sort later in the evening. The lady friend who knows me, was telling me how cool it was that I got that wrap, and the fella is standing near and hears her and says to me "I'll pray for you my friend", and laughs in a friendly way. I just winked at him and said "oh thanx, pray that next time I get the chance like that, it'll be a dress and in pink or floral print"! .
The lady friend nearly spilled her coffee and the guy's face went blank and he walked away not knowing what to think. The next morning he treated me as any other person, so again, I consider that an advancement in educating society.

Sorry for the long thread, I hope you get something from all that.
Cass