Question for closeted CDs about an old topic

[susan54]

I am one of those who believes that when you are dead you are dead. Having said that I have achieved something with my life and I would prefer to be remembered for that instead of as the guy in the dress,

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Like Judy-Something, I too have gravitated to more mature dresses, tunics, and other feminine clothing. You know, I do seem to like it so much better. And, those things that will be left? I just hope a nice lady (or dresser) will get to use some of these items.

Roxanne Lanyon

[CD Tammy]

Someone will find my stash, after I’m dead. This thread makes me think about that. It’s easy for me to not worry about it because I’ll be dead. But then I think, what about another reason my home needs to cleared out by someone else. Twenty years ago, my aunt was deployed military. The place she was living her in the states was sold. My grandmother went to box up her stuff with some friends. Just helping out.

First, we found her well stocked bar cabinet. My grandmother didn’t say anything but carefully boxed it all, wrapping the bottles. Being a devout Catholic crossed herself, a lot. But when a couple open topped boxes, filled with restraints, paddles, and more were pulled from under the bed, my sainted grandmother poured herself a large drink from one of those bottles. This woman never drank. She was sitting quiet for a long time. I was just a kid but I’m pretty sure, the good girl image of her child was shattered.

A couple days later, I overheard my aunt talking to my father on a long distance call, pleading with him to get to her place and remove that stuff before her mother saw it. Too late. It could be who finds it, rather than what is found.

[BrendaPDX]

I guess I am with Roberts and Lexi, we have a train of thought that varies from the ideals of the other members. If you are sure she would leave you and you can't stop dressing, that is OK, just remember there will always be a wedge in your relationship. Nobody is perfect, you will get caught eventually. If you are just looking for company for now, that is OK (by me) too. Crossdressing isn't an option for me, I have completely purged twice, and now have more cloths than ever before. But the term the cat's out of the bag; is true, she and all of her friends (and maybe yours too) will know. I still consider myself a total closet dresser, but I forgot a skirt in the dryer; now we are in a tense DADT; she didn't explode but she didn't want to know anything about it.

[jennifer0918]

Your thread got me thinking. I think my SO will want the answer to the ultimate question all Cds have to answer, "are you gay?" So I may put a index card with a big NO I'm not gay. Because at the end it's only clothes. A wise man once told me , "a man will be judged by his good deeds ."so based on this my stash will be only a wrinkle on my life ,though I don't see it as a wrinkle.

[TinaTruly]

I think that the general consensus here is that you should let her know, gently.
A SO is generally the most significant person in someone's life.
If she is important to you, she should know.
It took me a lot longer than it should have to tell my wife because I was afraid of the consequences.
I should have told her sooner out of respect for her.
If things between you are going to go south because of this; it's better now than later.
To answer your question directly, I think she would be more hurt to find out after your death that you did not trust her enough to tell her.
I wouldn't trust that a letter would make her feel any better and it's unlikely that you will be able to cover all your tracks posthumously.

I really appreciate your reply. I recently accidentally saw pictures of my bf before he shared his cd with me (if he was ever going to). I can’t talk to anyone about it, and I need to so I’ve turned to the web. I’ve been really saddened in researching and trying to know how to be a good support to him - saddened that most of the advice guards secrecy instead of promoting intimacy and truth. I get it, but the secrecy is the part that hurts - not my bf being himself with me - that’s what I want.

[TolerantCD]

I think there’s a chance that if she found out after your death (which I hope doesn’t arrive for many years), she might have a feeling that she never really knew you. And might not remember you as fondly. I think you should consider telling her one day, but I’m a complete hypocrite because I have never told anyone and I doubt I would have the guts to tell my wife if I ever get married unless I knew for sure she wouldn’t mind. But if you go to the grave having opened your heart to your wife in full she might be left with a warmer memory of you. Something to consider if you truly love her.

Whatever you do, rely on your intuition and logic as to when to tell her. That and advice from others if you wish.

PS wouldn’t it be cool if this hobby of ours came with an increased sense of the famously powerful “female intuition”? 😂😂

[krissy]

I have been with 5 girls in my whole life everyone of them left me as soon as they found out my ex wife told all my male friends my job my family I thought I wouldn't live thru that but I did and my current wife of38 years cant stand this part of me but we live in dadt relationship I cant stand it but im still here I just don't want my grandkids to know this about gpa. I have been fighting with myself to purge or not I always regret it afterwards so I don't think I will im just not sure what to do about it so I quess I cant offer any advice on how to deal with it sorry