Are these yours?

[Sometimes Steffi]

My crossdressing agreement with my wife is DADT.

Sunday, my wife called me into the laundry room. She pulled out a pair of purple panties and asked me if they were mine.

Without even looking hard, I didn't think that they were mine. There was a time when I wore panties almost daily without her knowledge, but I haven't done that in a while. I've been wearing very obviously feminine yoga pants/crops and racerback/tank tops to yoga class almost exclusively for about 2 years now, again,without her knowledge. I haven't been asked if I'm gay or trans at yoga class, nor have I admitted it. I just let them think that I'm a dude who got tired of wearing the standard navy, gray or black male yoga "uniform". Wearing panties and showing a visible panty line or having them peak out from under my yoga pants when I bend over would ruin my carefully manufactured illusion. Not that I really mind, but I'd prefer to be more subtle.

I also haven't gone out of the house dressed in a while, nor have I washed my panties. I just can't get enough time alone to do a load of wash. So, not likely a panty leak there either.

Anyhow, the panties were a dark purple, and actually quite cute. Definitely something I might have owned. But, once I took a closer look, it was clear that they weren't mine. I checked the label on the inside, and showed her that they were size 8, which I know is her size. I didn't tell her that I wear a size 6. That's not a disclosure that would make her happy.

After I showed her that the panties were hers, she said, "That's good. I would be very upset if they were your panties [in the common wash].

I kind of dodged a bullet, but I still don't understand why it even matters.

[mykell]

hi stepf,
this reminds of the time my wife came to me and asked if a particular pair of panties was mine, she statewd that they were not hers, i grabed them from her and did not say A word and put then down, she left and we never discused it further.....they were mine...

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds more LSH than DADT to me! "Lie, Sneak, and Hide!"

[Ceera]

Underdressing with panties was almost my only CD activity when I was married, and that was only during the last year of my marriage, before my wife passed away. I had a few lacy ones. But most were solid, dark color streach microfiber string bikini style. When I started doing it in preference to wearing male briefs, I admitted to my wife that I had rediscovered I liked wearing silky, bikini-style panties rather than male briefs. I also said, truthfully, that in the early 70’s, when I was a teen, such underwear was quite stylish for and marketed to young men. But that as I could now only find them in the women’s department, that was where I bought them. Her only comment was that she did not want me wearing her underwear. No problem for me there, as her preference was to frumpy high waist white cotton panties! I agreed not to wear hers, and kept my few lacy ones out of the common wash.

[jessica33]

I don't understand her question at all . You are in a DADT situation that means she knows about your crossdressing . You can not even wash your femin clothes at home without looking over your shoulders ?

[alwayshave]

Steffi, I'm sorry that its that tough at home. Really, they are just panties.

[caryn m]

wife and i wear the same size panties and have for years, i never wear males underwear so we solved the problem by sewing a small white rose applique(sp?)on my panties and that solves the problem. only problem was the time involved in sewing them on over 100 pair lol.

[susan54]

One woman I know had a washing machine that broke down so she called the mechanic. He discovered that the problem was caused by an underwired bra getting jammed. She examined it and concluded that it wasn't hers and wondered what her husband had been getting up to. I have no idea if she asked her husband for an explanation. As far as I know he is neither a crossdresser nor having an affair, but she seemed content to leave it there.

[Solange]

I have heard that question in many forms over the years, usually as a prelude to a bitter fight. But the last time my wife wasn't furious (yay!). She came downstairs with a pair of panties in her hand and coyly asked,"So, are you awesome?" I was confused until she held up the panties, a navy pair of VS PINK bikini panties with "AWESOME" in large letters across the back.

It was a watershed moment of greater acceptance.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

DADT ... That’s my life. Why does it matter? That’s my question.

Living in a place that is usually hot, outside I’m known for wearing a fluffy top that comes from a kilt shop and a pair of linen white pants that are sold in one our Indian owned tourist shops that meets cruiseship passengers visiting the island. Under that is a miniskirt but that is really, nothing more than a satin pair of boxer shorts without a middle.

Why is a question that I’ve been asking ten years, now. ❤️robbin in STT.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I can't help but wonder why she precipitated this confrontation in the first place.

She had to know the panties were hers.

Hopefully she was just in a bad mood for the day and this doesn't come up again in the near future.

[DaisyLawrence]

Really, sometimes I think some people could do with something real to worry about to take their mind off shit that doesn't matter. Maybe some people have a pre-defined amount of worrying to do at any one time and if it is not full then other stuff gets put in the space available?

[sarah_hillcrest]

my wife's response to finding anything CD related totally depends on her mood.

[Asew]

Since I do all the laundry in our household, I don't have this problem. The other week I actually had the opposite problem where she put my skirt in her dirty laundry basket and I told her I only wore it a few hours so I can wear it again and that I put in my dirty laundry basket when done with it.

[Millisense]

Sounds like she was trying to re-define a border in your DADT-ness, or at least assert herself to remind you of an existing one.
Do you think she said that out of insecurity? Or just out of some anger/mood she was feeling at that moment? She called you in to confront you so it sounds more like anger to me, though her anger may stem from insecurity anyway.

[Traci H]

my wife's response to finding anything CD related totally depends on her mood.

Seems like this is the case with my wife as well. Her reaction can be quite varied and while we are somewhat DADT, I leave little signs around once in a while so she doesn’t think the CD has left....her hope I suspect.

So once in a while she’ll come across a pair of panties or a whole drying rack full from the laundry and it usually goes without issue. I suspect bras and dresses laying around might push the issue too much however.

[Stephanie47]

Sounds as if she does not want your panties talking to her panties while they're tumbling through the waters of hell. Cross contamination? You should have pointed out she wears size 8 and you size 6, and, let the fur fly!

Question above as to what constitutes "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?" DADT does not mean a wife has no knowledge of her husband's cross dressing. She does not want any part of it. Judysometimes always describes a wife who verbalizes her dislike for cross dressing. That is not DADT. My wife has not said one negative comment about my desires to wear women's clothing. No snide comments. No barbs. There have been some occasions when she has come across a garment I failed to put away after a day of wearing women's clothing. Once it was a panty. Another time a bra. Both times she told she what she had found and she had placed them on top of the dryer in the laundry area. Another time she saw a pair of water balloons in the sink that I had failed to get rid of.

"I kind of dodged a bullet" Actually, I think you had an opportunity to open up a dialogue. She knew the panties were her's.

[giuseppina]

Your wife is childish and out of line; I would have called her on it, Steffi. This looks like a power trip to me, but we don't know the whole story.

Given the size difference, she had to know those panties were hers.

[Glenda58]

Wife said the same think to me almost said I drop these are they yours. Say yes took them and put them away. She didn't like it but I told her before we got married I dressed that I wasn't going to stop.

[MustangGirl]

It took my first wife some time to accept me dressing. I told her I enjoyed it and her reply was I don't care, just not while I am home. Her and I wore the same size panties, and bra. One night we I was going to business school at night, and came out of the shower to find I had no clean male undies. She told me she had done the laundry yet. I ask her what am I to do? She said I could go without, not a good idea as I was wearing wool slacks. OK put my dirty one back on(after working all day in a hot factory), don't think so. Only option left, a pair of hers(her idea). I went and got a pair of lace bikini panties, problem solved. When I go home she asked how I liked her panties? Told her I loved them, and was going to buy some for myself, and the next night we did just that, and from then(late 60's) until she died in 1999 we had 1 panty drawer.

[Pantiesnhose]

My wife knows I wear panties and pantyhose almost 24/7. I can wear openly in front of her without any comment. She was folding laundry a few weeks ago and noticed some nylon trouser socks. She asked me if they were mine and I said yes. She said there women's I said so what they are comfortable. She didn't say any more. Last week she was folding the light cloths and came across my V neck tank tops from Soma and asked again if these were mine and said yes I wear them under my short sleeve dress shirts in the summer. Then last night she asked me if the Soma Tanks I was wearing were men's. I said no Soma doesn't carry any men's cloths. So she knows that I am under-dressing and doesn't care.

[jacques]

hello Steffi,
just remember that when we are are old and in a care home we will have to sew name tape into our clothes to avoid any confusion
luv J

[JeanTG]

In my home I am not only DADT but DADTDD (don't ask, don't tell, don't dress). I had no issues with panties though, and I'd just toss them in the wash and they would reappear in my pile when my wife would separate the laundry into his and hers piles.

Anyway at the moment I am not dressing, the pink fog seems to have lifted for now. Not even panties, as they are my gateway drug and I'm enjoying these obsession-free moments.

[Beverley Sims]

Unfortunately some people still look for an argument, I hope you eventually resolve your situation.