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Thread: Courage to go out

  1. #1
    Member skylance's Avatar
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    Courage to go out

    I know this question probably gets asked a lot, and if so, I apologize ahead of time. I'm wanting to start actually going out while dressed, but I'm having difficulty mustering the courage to do so. How have others overcome the fear, especially those of you living in the Bible belt area? Any advice would be appreciated.

    I would like to add that I have gone out in the past, but that was with friends around, these journeys would be solo.

  2. #2
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    It's tough... ultimately I got over it the same way I got the courage to tell my wife. I knew that no matter what happened, I would be better off. Our fear of telling wives is that they leave us, etc. I decided that it would be worth that risk. Our fear of "going out" is simply that we are teased or at worst "outed" to someone that we know. I decided that I ultimately didn't give a sh*t if that happened (glad it hasn't though) but that in the end if my "life was ruined" by something like this, at least I would then have the freedom to pursue whatever else I wanted.
    Kelly a.k.a. VS Fan

  3. #3
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    If u have the option of going out with others?
    Unless u plan to live as a female, I'm clueless why any CD who doesn't pass consistently would want to go out alone!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #4
    Member Kimberly Adams's Avatar
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    I started by just getting in my car and driving around late at night. Stop at a gas station and fill up. Then got more courageous and went to convenience stores, was mart, grocery store. I had one bad experience with some kids and it ruined my dressing for a while. I will still venture out now in public but find it's best to go to crossdress friendly places like a bar that has drag shows. Nobody even notices and if they do I just get sincere compliments.

  5. #5
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    I started by doing the exact same thing. I went to a parking lot, then a strip mall, then a gas station. It’s still very nerve wracking!

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member dana digs sweaters's Avatar
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    Obviously pick your places and times that make you feel secure, no matter how well one thinks they blend in.
    For me it was not during the Summertime when school was out and the youngins were too.
    Shopping early at a mall and matinee shows for the theatre was best for me.
    Bring a gym bag of extra boy clothes/shoes with a wet/wringed out washcloth in a plastic baggie for emergency transformations back to boy mode.

  7. #7
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Although I know it's best not to drink and dress, alcohol has helped me get out and relax. I'm not sure whether all the gay men like it, but you are generally accepted in a gay bar. Try that.
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

    Such is CD life (sounds so much better in French)

  8. #8
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    First of all, please consider your own personal safety when choosing the venue. You will here lots of stories of getting dressed, driving around, and then finding a lonely place to get out and walk around. I would advise against that approach for two reasons. First, it's not safe for any woman, TG or not, to engage in that behavior. That solitude invites the attention that you want the least. Second, what's the point? "Out" where no one will see you is not much different from walking around the living room. Unless you're a thrill seeker, secretly hoping that someone will come along and discover you, but that's not what we're talking about here, I hope.

    Find support, if you can. Research local support groups. If you can share your location, do. Someone here may be able to steer you in the right direction. Having someone with you can make those first steps a lot easier. I've helped two or three girls make that first public outing. I seem to recall using the words "relax" and "smile" rather a lot. It is scary, but if you've chosen the right venue and can manage to relax and smile, you will be fine. Speaking again of venue, Julie's suggestion of a gay bar is a good one. It's safe. The help will treat you nicely. And the men... will leave you alone, and I mean conspicuously so. Don't be worried or offended. It's not you... well, yeah, it's you. You're not what they're looking for. Even that will change, if you frequent the place enough to get to know people. Meanwhile, smile and relax.

    I've been out to many parts of the Houston area, including some of the burbs. I don't go to places I wouldn't go to in boy mode, but that's about the only limit. Let's be clear - I don't "pass". a few weeks ago, I had a makeover in a very busy Ulta Beauty store in a relatively conservative Houston suburb. As I took my seat among the other dozen or so ladies, it was a little ...quiet. The makeup artist was a pro, and engaged me just as she would any of her customers. Before ten minutes had passed, she and her nearby colleagues, and their customers, and I were all laughing and gabbing, just like any other day at the salon. Relax and smile. That's really all it takes.

    Good luck, sweetie.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  9. #9
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    I live in an area you might think would be less accepting but have found really no issues. If you can blend well and no I don’t mean pass 100 percent because few do, I would choose a early morning trip to a mall or big box store like Target who
    is T friendly. I have always gone out during daylight hours and most just go about their own business. You will find that a lot
    of your fear is in you head. I would make sure you have a nice wig and your makeup skills are adequate, which means practice at home and take pictures to see how you look. And then just do it, don’t overdress just look like any gg

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    How about walking around a Mall? There is an upscale Mall that opens its doors a couple hours early for people who want to walking exercise. And it is located in a town with a really prompt police department.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Don't over dress or under dress for the environment, try to blend, don't worry, you will be clocked, but no one cares. Most important, OWN IT. Don't walk around with your head down, head up, shoulders back, elbows in, walk proudly with confidence. But be prepared, there are Assholes out there.

  12. #12
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I checked out a few early opening café (McDonalds opens at 6 am), I started with the weekends as everyone wants to sleep in, meaning only 2 or 3 customers max.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  13. #13
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    I came out in central Texas. But fortunately I was in Austin, which is a pretty liberal and LGBTQ-friendly city. Still, I was concerned about going out alone, and had no friends who I was out to for a support group when doing so.

    I started with doing a quiet drive through my neighborhood, late at night, while dressed. Slipped quickly out the front door and into my car in the driveway. Didn't try to get out of the car during the drive, or to call attention to myself. Just got used to being out of the house as a female, and got used to driving with heels on.

    Then I went out for a drive in late afternoon. Not fully dark, and people were out on the streets or sidewalks or in their front yards. Noticed that most people really didn't 'see' me. They saw 'someone driving a car', and maybe registered that the driver might be female. But even if they gave a friendly wave as I passed, they were not looking at me carefully enough to really see me as an individual. And I soon realized this was generally the case while driving, and even while walking around in public. Unless they were talking to you, you're just an anonymous person, and they see what they expect to see. You're someone in a dress, with long hair and boobs. As long as you don't have a full beard too, or a male pattern bald head, they just assume you're a woman. Neighbors who recognized my car or saw me getting in or out seemed to assume some woman I know was borrowing my car. Or maybe they thought I was a female member of my family.

    For my first excursions to interact with people as a woman, I chose an LGBTQ bar that had drag shows as my destination. I tried to get my makeup and voice passably female before I went there. I checked the club's location out in drab first, driving close to it and noting that a car could park near it and someone could get in and out without being very visible from anywhere but the club itself. Then I drove there as a woman well after dark. And I had a great time!

    After a few outings to that nightclub, and feeling more confident about my voice, I stopped on the way home at nearly midnight, at a fast food place, and just ordered some fries to go, walking inside to place the order and get the fries. Again, people saw me, but didn't really 'see' me. Even the guy at the counter who took my order didn't really look at me critically. I was just another anonymous face in the room, and they saw what was expected. A person with long hair, lipstick, and wearing a blouse and skirt and heels - must be female...

    Then I went out while dressed for desert at a restaurant, shortly before closing time. Then to a grocery store late at night, in casual clothes, to buy a few groceries. Yes ma'am? What would you like, ma'am? Thanks for your patronage, ma'am. If they realized I was cross dressed, they didn't act like it to my face!

    Finally I went to a major mall dressed and at mid day on a weekend, for a full makeover, shopping and dinner at a restaurant, with my daughter for company. And no one blinked. No one gawked. My daughter often walked well behind me, and confirmed that no one seemed to react after I passed, either. She said she believed I was well accepted because I seemed confident and comfortable with myself, and because I acted as if there was nothing at all unusual about me being there, dressed like that.

    From then on, I have gone out where I please, when I please.
    Last edited by Ceera; 08-08-2018 at 01:42 AM.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    You will have to find more friends.

    Going out alone does require more bravado than going with friends.

    Just jump out the gate and get going.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  15. #15
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Don't worry about if your area is bible belt or liberal just go out and enjoy yourself.
    To be very honest I have found more conservative areas/people to be more accepting and less judgemental.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  16. #16
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    Consider getting a session at a MTF Makeover service (just google MTF MAkeover & your city). YOu can go and get a professional makeover and then get to go out with the makeover artist as a female companion, on a shopping trip, dinner, or night on the town.

    My first solo excursion was to a local TRI_ESS meeting of CD's in a major hotel. All were dressed and very friendly and we went out to lunch & shopping together. This really built my confidence. Even with these experiences, I rarely go out alone dressed for the above described reasons. My one exception is to my local Lane Bryant store, where I am known and treated like any other woman.

    I really don't think many people have ever noticed me or given a damn, so find a way to do it. You won't regret it.

  17. #17
    Man in a dress marika_jaye's Avatar
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    For me, it took the death of a dear relative to make me realize that my fear of going out was completely baseless. He died at 70, and I'm well over halfway there. I asked myself how much more of my precious time on this world I would let fear steal from me.

    After that it was simple. I wear what I like and don't let the opinions of others discourage me. I feel truly liberated!

  18. #18
    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    I chose to drive to a retail park where I could park up and visit the shops but was able to make a quick get away if my nerve failed. I only lasted 20 minutes for my first attempt, but now I'll happily spend the whole day out dressed.

    You could go somewhere quiet like a park, but I find that it's a lot easier to blend-in in busy places like shopping malls. Plus as others have said, consider your safety.

    Always dress for your surroundings and remember you have just as much right to be there as anyone else.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    When I first began dressing fully I bought some cheap makeup at the drugstore, donned my wardrobe and drove to the gas station a block from my house to get gas. I'm sure I looked horrible; but luckily no one else was getting gas. As I became more adept with my makeup I gained more confidence. But my first real foray was after having a makeover some distance from home. The woman did an awesome job and I looked great. I drove home and quickly went into my house. I was about to remove the makeup when i decided this was the time for me to go out into everyday life. I went to a local supermarket, my heart in my stomach. NO ONE NOTICED!!! I now go out on a regular basis; but despite my confidence always being aware of my surroundings and not taking unnecessary chances.

  20. #20
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah Louise View Post
    I chose to drive to a retail park where I could park up and visit the shops but was able to make a quick get away if my nerve failed. I only lasted 20 minutes for my first attempt, but now I'll happily spend the whole day out dressed.

    You could go somewhere quiet like a park, but I find that it's a lot easier to blend-in in busy places like shopping malls. Plus as others have said, consider your safety.

    Always dress for your surroundings and remember you have just as much right to be there as anyone else.
    Sarah took the words right out of my keyboard! On the face of it, it seems counter intuitive to go somewhere that there's lots of people and in broad daylight. However it's by far the safest environment. Just dress to blend, flats or low heels, wear what the rest of the GG's are wearing, miniskirt and killer heels will get you noticed, and this is the hard part, act like you have every right to be there because you do!

    Parking up the hardest thing is to take that first step out of the car. Your heart will be racing, butterflies in the stomach, mind going ten to the dozen. Stroll into a shop and brows the racks just like every other GG will be. It will take only minutes for the butterflies to settle and the heart rate to come down. Try to resist looking at everyone else to see if they're looking at you, most won't be they'll be too busy going about their own shopping. If they do look, don't panic, just stay calm and carry on and so will they.

    My top tip; have something in mind you're actually shopping for. In my case I chose jewelry, a new necklace. Having that focus helps you relax. Bearing in mind this was my first shopping experience, having found something I liked, I stood in the checkout line, chatted to the SA while paying and just went off to the next shop........one of probably ten or more that day.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  21. #21
    Junior Member CDYoga's Avatar
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    Maybe instead of going out fully dressed you could start wearing some of the clothing. I wear women's pants and other clothing everyday, but it is just what people are used to seeing me in now... I personally think most don't even know. If you don't feel ok going out fully dress or in the full get-up... Go out with some of it on at first, go from there!

    Sometimes small changes are all it takes for you to get your fulfillment from this, give it a try!!!
    Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

  22. #22
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Like so many I did the drive, step away from the car, short walk, longer walk thing. What I found was that I was seriously over thinking the negatives that could happen. I've gone from a few nervous steps to spending an hour in a busy city center. It does help that I live in a fairly LGBT friendly part of the world, even so, if you dress to blend, are sensible about where and when you go and have a bit of confidence you should be fine.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  23. #23
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    haha there have been so many times i chickened out, but there's always a first time to break out of shell.

  24. #24
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Firstly, if you are concerned about doing so where you live, then certainly go to another town. Preferably about 25 miles away so that the chance of someone you know being there is diminished.
    Secondly, dress for where and when you are going. Don't be the CD who goes to the mall mid-afternoon wearing a fancy dress, black stockings and sandals with heavy makeup screaming look at me.
    Thirdly, the most difficult part of all this is THE FIRST STEP OUT THE DOOR.

    The first time I went anywhere public I thought all eyes were on my. I sat somewhere I could be seen and could see others so that I could observe them as well. It was a mall and I found that the vast majority never looked at me. They were all wrapped up in their world of needs and concerns that I was almost invisible.
    Blend in, don't try to stand out and most of all be confident. If you carry yourself as if you belong there others will see that and accept it.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member sarah_hillcrest's Avatar
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    Love this thread because it' something I want to do as well. I appreciate everyone's advice.

    My one experience is getting gas at a busy gas station, I didn't go inside and I tried not to look around too much, but when I did look around I realized no one was paying me any attention.

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