Courage to go out

[Courtney_29]

definitely great advice here for sure i’m still only 3 months into dressing but only at home. i guess i have to find some nice casual clothes and shoes. i just love lace dresses though lol but harder to blend i suppose. but the mall or something like that does sound like a good place just out shopping for my first time. just have to work up my courage

[t-girlxsophie]

Originally I was actually out with friends the first time I went solo.But I kinda just decided I wanted to test the waters (helped having a swift half),this was in Glasgow city centre,on a busy Saturday afternoon.It was only a short jaunt but it went so well and wetted my appetite for more.

I echo the thoughts that it's actually easier when there's more folk about,the key is to be confident to carry yourself as if you are meant to be there.Blending in rather than passing (I and many don't) is the key.

Sophie

[Rhandi Spencer]

I have recently started making steps to going out in public. I have done the change in a park bathroom and then drive on the highways and then change back somewhere as well.
Recently I went into a convienience store in a location 50 miles from home, bought some water and something behind the counter and that was that. No strange looks that I could tell.
Next was a trip to a place that printed blueprints, had an order to pick up, so that was next trip. This company had a waiting room with several make customers and there I was in a dress, nary a word was said.
This week I was working at a construction site in drab but with bra and forms on and know for a fact several of the men saw this but they did not say a word.

I was going to go to the Doctor this morning with a nice ladies shirt and leggins, but to many other items happened that it would not have worked out. So maybe next time.

I just have to talk myself into it and it helps me with the courage.

I have even gotten the courage to talk with my wife about wearing dresses. Amazingly she is not oppossed YET.

Heidi

[CynthiaD]

Do it a little bit at a time. Pick some specific place where there will be other people. An ice-cream store, for example. Go in. Buy something and leave. And go home.

You'll think "Wow! That was so easy."

The next time, go two places. There's no rush, wait a week or a year, as you see fit. Just keep expanding and lengthening your trips. Eventually you'll get to the point where you don't give it a second thought.

You'll probably get clocked a few times, but most people just couldn't care less. Eventually you'll get to the point where you don't care if you get clocked. Once you reach that point, you'll be surprised to find that it almost never happens any more.

[Patience]

Tons of good advice already.

I just want to suggest that you get yourself a pair of sunglasses. This'll help you avoid unwanted strangers trying to make eye contact with you and also helps you scope your surroundings without being too obvious. Always be conscious of what's going on around you.

Being out for the first time can be such an emotional event. You have to juggle the exhilaration of being dressed in public with all the fear that it engenders, while trying to blend in with the people around you. It's like being on your own private roller coaster.

Also, wear sensible shoes. You don't want to be messing with heels first time out of the gate.

My first outing happened during a pride weekend. If such an opportunity isn't available to you (or if you just can't wait), try clean, well lit, secure places like museums. Good luck.

Xox,

Tina V.

[Rachel Anne]

I accidentally went out one day. I had been dressing almost full time for several days, and one day I went out to get the mail....totally forgot. Fortunately I pass at 50 feet and there wasn't anyone around, but....I was halfway back from the mailbox when I realized it and it took all of my self control to not break out into a sprint for the door....

[Stephanie47]

Like many my first forays out of the house were driving my car. I avoided possible accidents by driving in my neighborhood on 25 mph streets. I stayed off the Interstate. I did not want to be trapped between exits if I had a breakdown or flat tire. After my confidence built up I began parking on a residential street and going for a walk. I created reasons for a drive. So, I went to mail a letter. Or grab a free newspaper from a sidewalk box. Returned a library book. Buy soda/pop from a vending machine. I still do those things to get the urge purged from my system.

When I did want to mingle with fellow humans I did that on several Halloweens. I went into a grocery store. A Winchell's Doughnut store.

There is always the possibility of having something (car accident) or someone that can spoil your day. It's an issue of safety. There's enough advice on this forum for places and situations to avoid. I always carry a change of male clothing. I also forego heavy makeup (nail polish) and carry wipes in the event I do have to do a quick change. With anything in life there are always risks vs rewards. Just be ready to own the consequences of your actions with anything you do in life.

[ellbee]

Think it's tough now? You should have tried 20-25 years ago, when times were different.

Wasn't easy for me, yet I still survived.


Then I think about those who went out years/decades before that! I'm sure it was magnitudes more difficult.

And yet, they survived, too.


You young whipper-snappers don't know how good you have it these days!



Half-joking aside, here's a different angle...

Do you *have* to go out in the full kit-&-kaboodle? Like, all dolled-up, fully en-femme?


Maybe if you ease your way into it, instead of diving in head-first?

For example, I no longer present as a female. To the public, I'm just a dude in women's clothing. Right now I'm wearing some work-out leggings (with a *lot* of sheen to them), some running shoes, panties, no-show socks... And, a men's t-shirt.

And while it's not "out out," I'm doing my laundry right now. The laundry room is shared by everyone in this large apartment building. Earlier I also had to throw out my trash in the dumpster. IOW, anyone from my neighbors, to their visitors, to the maintenance guy, to delivery people, etc., could see me like this, at any time. Really don't care, as it probably wouldn't be their first time, LOL.


Lo & behold, I see in the hallway my elderly-gentleman neighbor who lives the across from me. Oops!

Our eyes meet. He smiles. He then looks me over, and you know what he says?? "Hell-oooo..."


Yes, he said hi. I reciprocated. And that was it. LOL

No biggie.



Would something similar to this be better suited to the OP (or anyone else wanting to go out)? I dunno. But the possibilities are endless, with running all kinds of errands, to getting food (eat-in or take-out), to catching a movie, to taking a nice evening walk, etc. All still while in guy-mode.

Some prefer to dive in head-first. Understandable. While others may find it easier to slowly wade into the pool...

[Frannie7]

My first time alone was daytime. Had a makeup session then drove to a park and walked around for 1.5 hours. Went to a less busy part of the park, took some pictures. It was 33C so I had to stop. Took off make up in he car and drove home. Nervous at first but had fun.

[Sara Fina]

I would love to take a drive dressed up in a car. Maybe park the car down a dark road at night and get out and walk around a bit.

[Sami Brown]

I am one of those who eased into facing the public, and I wrote a blog post about how I did it if you are interested: https://crossdresserreport.com/if-yo...nly-one-thing/

Fear is what pulls you back from going out the door. You can overcome your fear by choosing to do something that makes you a little nervous, whether related to crossdressing or not. Doing that one little thing and coming out the other end is a great way to get a little bit of confidence you didn't have, and with that little extra confidence you can decide what to try next.

For me, one of the first things I tried was wearing a feminine ring in public. I was sure many would be looking, but I was surprised that there was no reaction. Nowadays I wear feminine rings all the time, and I hardly even think of it.

For you, it could be something completely different. Just pick something that makes you a little scared and do it! You will be amazed how well this works.

Sami

[Lydianne]

Think it's tough now? You should have tried 20-25 years ago, when times were different.

[SNIP]

Then I think about those who went out years/decades before that! I'm sure it was magnitudes more difficult.

[SNIP]

We also can't forget other countries which are not as well represented on these boards. In some of them, practising LGBTQ is punishable with jail time, and in others, broken-masculinity-type guys are even more aggressive and make life even more difficult. I feel terribly for young LGBTQ individuals in those countries because pretty much none of the advice on these boards would protect them from their dangers.

- Lydianne.

[Ressie]

Maybe someday you'll be home dressed up nice and a strong urge to go somewhere will take you out of the house. Just take a look in the mirror before you leave and make sure you don't look ridiculous!

Start out by taking a drive. Stop at a store and sit in the parking lot until you're ready to step out of the car.

That's how I did it and it did take courage even though it was a Sunday night with very few people shopping. I managed to shop and buy a few things at two stores, and I also pumped some gas.

[Felicia M]

Love all the contributions to this thread.

This is a goal of mine for this fall and the advice with specific ideas and details are so helpfu.

Like this from @dana digs sweaters: "Bring a gym bag of extra boy clothes/shoes with a wet/wringed out washcloth in a plastic baggie for emergency transformations back to boy mode."

I would never think of this in a million years but it makes so much sense and I will definitely use it.

Or this from @Username: "Get yourself a pair of sunglasses.This'll help you avoid unwanted strangers trying to make eye contact with you and also helps you scope your surroundings without being too obvious."

It seems like such a simple thing but again you may not think of it if you had never read this.

And I love what @Sarah and @Helen had to say about doing what is counter intuitive and going somewhere where there are alot of people in broad daylight. I now have a vision of myself going to a town center a good drive away from my hometown and walking around the town square in broad daylight and maybe taking a seat on a bench if possible to see how long I can last. Now I just need to figure out my outfit!

Thanks so much everyone.

[Kimberly Adams]

I've been hit on at gay bars several times. Just brush them off the same as any other girl would. Also get tons of compliments, especially from the GG's that are there. Get to go into the women's bathroom, pee sitting down, touch up lipstick. So exhilarating.

[Helen_Highwater]

I would love to take a drive dressed up in a car. Maybe park the car down a dark road at night and get out and walk around a bit.

Sara,

By all means go for a drive but unless the dark road is miles from anywhere avoid that as an idea.

Dark places are used by those who don't want to be seen because of criminality. These are the sorts of people you really want to avoid. A quiet suburban street in a decent area if far safer. In fact parking in a supermarket car park during the day and walking around is much more the safer option. Dress to blend, walk like you belong and no one will pay you any attention. It's easier to hide in plain sight in places with lots of people about than logic tells you it would be. Think of it this way.

Place a CD'er in the crowd at a big game then play spot the CD'er. Now stand them in the middle of the pitch. Get the idea.

[Lydianne]

About the darkness: If you use makeup and you highlight something resembling the "correct" areas, at the kind of distances you might be seen at, bright ambient light ( read "daylight" ) will sell that makeup job better than point lighting and shadows. Shadows on your face will tend to give away its actual facial structure.

Something to think about .

- Lydianne.