DADT can be so weird

[Solange]

For years my dressing was a source of conflict in my marriage. I was completely closeted, and any mistake such as accidentally leaving a pair of my panties in the dryer, was cause for a brutal fight.

That changed recently, and the anger part of her reaction simply evaporated. We are still solidly DADT and she claims I should be content that she tolerates it as well as she does. But, recently during intimate moments she has been treating me in ways that seem like she may be playing a bit of role reversal. I am terrified to ask because if it's just my imagination, it would just cause discomfort.

I want to respect the forum so please don't share intimate details here (PM me if there is something relevant or if you want to speak privately).

This is a direction in which I'd love our relationship to go, but it seems full of potential land mines. Has anyone worked through this with their SO?

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe u need to explain what "role reversal" is to u, Solange? In many marriages the female is the instigator in the bedroom. And, why do think your "role reversal" is an issue?

Personally, I think if you're still enjoying intimacy with your partner of more than 3 years? You're ahead of most marriages and should just enjoy it!

[Solange]

Docrobbysherry: We are very lucky to still be discovering new intimacies after 36 years of marriage. I should have been more clear. There is no discomfort with role reversal. But the DADT atmosphere of awareness I'm very femme, and even playing with the idea in bed but not being able to talk about it is hard. It's a girl thing, I guess! 😉

[Aunt Kelly]

Don't ask. At best, you'll get some tacit confirmation of your suspicious. Rather more likely though, you'll have pulled back the curtain on what, for her, may have been some cautious exploration of her own. And of course, if it is just your projection, you're going to have a very awkward situation to deal with. So just enjoy. If she wants things to be different, you'll find out in due course.

[Majella St Gerard]

If you're in a DADT situation, just follow her lead but don't be too enthusiastic it might spook her. And don't do anything that you're not comfortable with. And remember, have fun.

[Stephanie47]

I'd say follow her lead. Your wife may have done some research or visited this site and has come to realize there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing to fear. "Role reversal" can cover a lot of territory. It is possible you may feel uncomfortable with her ideas too. She may be feeling her way to see what her boundaries may be. It is also possible she has some fantasies she wants to play out. Enjoy the moment. But, don't push her.

[Beverley Sims]

I am a believer of not thinking it out too much, just go with the flow and don't push the issue.

If you have a more intimitate relationship so be it and look forward to more happy years together.

[Solange]

You're all wonderful!

Thank you!

-S

[Gypsy Sam]

Enjoyed the docrobbysherry observation about still enjoying intimacy with your partner after 35 years, just enjoy it. Great advice as ED can be a game changer, not to mention prolonged menopause. The imagination you use when experiencing me time, is not to be under valued. Achieving they want to when you do is a mystery to most of us.

[Micki_Finn]

Well without specifics about your love life, it’s difficult to tell, but I’ll warn you that there are... “things” that can feel like she’s tipping toward gender play in the bedroom, when in fact she may be going another direction. Sex is full of land mines, so proceed with extreme caution.

[LeannS]

Enjoy what you have while you have it!!!! Sit back and let it unfold keep it dadt unless she wants to know more.

[CDYoga]

I wouldn't ask her about it... As long as you are both having fun with it, have at it.

[Teresa]

Solange,
Simple answer is don't ask just go with it and enjoy it while is lasts but don't overdo it she may be experimenting or trying to appease you .

I think you are very lucky , I never got that far , but it's too late for me now anyway .