Some things didn't go as I expected, but I'm in therapy now! (Sort of)

[Pixie_94]

Hello everyone.

I would say that I'm okay, but I haven't felt well recently. I wasn't able to get a job yet, there's still a chance in one place, but I just hope it doesn't interfere with some other things I have to do. Anyways, I have been feeling stressed and seems like I have symptoms of depression (if not already depressed all this time, but in a mild extent). I have recently experienced hopelessness, despair, discontent with life, etc. Guilt has come back, but for some reason urges too, and stronger than ever. I don't act on any of this, but I also don't know what to do, before I get obsessive.

I have just started to get therapy, in one of those online therapy websites, since I can't afford "normal" psychological or psychiatrical therapy yet, the therapy will be just to get out of the depression, I don't feel ready or anything close to tell a therapist about my CDing (should I?). If anyone has advice on what I have mentioned in the last paragraph, please tell me how to fight this before it takes out the worst of me.

I'm sorry my post here is this depressive. I'm also sorry if I seem defeatist or something like that. I'll be waiting for the next therapy session.

[Beverley Sims]

Pixie,
This is a great forum for on line therapy, if youfeel a need for more see your doctor and get referred to a practicing therapist somewhere.

You can then vent your troubles and the person helping you can give some positive advice whilst observing your feelings.

On line no one can assess your feelings or interact with you.

That is an important part of seeing a therapist face to face.

Don't be shy, just go and do it.

[IleneD]

Pixie,

Don't despair. You are in a good place; the right place for now.
Sorry that I missed your Introduction in the Intro section of the forum, but glad you found a thread where you can share.

First, I can't promise you any therapy here on this internet bulletin board. What I've learned as a member came from hearing the stories and experiences of my other sisters. I enjoyed a diversity of opinion at times but always a depth of sincere wisdom. I can promise that the sisters here may not be all clinically qualified but they will give you their best. I have never seen one member harm another, nor misdirected them with unsound advice.

It seems like you have other issues than your crossdressing or transgenderism. I'm pretty certain most of our members are equipped with only their own experiences when it comes to addressing depression or obsession, etc. We understand your femme self, and you are welcome. Most of all .... be at peace about it. Being a woman is (perhaps) what you want and need. It is something positive you wish to achieve, acquire or live to fullest potential. You are going for it. Embrace the positive. Embrace you.

[Karen's Secret]

I'm going to say something that might not be popular. This forum is not the appropriate place to seek therapy. None of us have any idea what your history is, what you seek to accomplish, or any ability to asses your unique situation. Only a qualified therapist can do that. I urge you to seek in-person therapy from a professional. We can support you in that endeavor but I don't know that anyone on this forum is qualified to provide anything more than that.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Pixie

While this forum will never replace therapy. It does have a lot of information and experience from members.

There is a lot to read and information to take in. Don't forget the search function which can be useful for specific topics.

Just remember only you can make a decision for you.

[Teresa]

Pixie,
I'm sorry you're in this situation , it must be hard knowing which road will bring you happiness as none of them appear to do so at the moment . Read the forum it can help , many of us have been through what you are feeling please believe me you can get over it .

It is a shame you can't see a counsellor in reality , you can't open up the same , you won't get the same immediate interaction and you can't openly show your emotions . If you want a good laugh or a good cry you can feel free to do so . One session with a good counsellor feels like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders because you have talked to someone face to face , people do need to be able to sit and talk freely , it's the way most of us work .

At the moment you may feel the World is against you , somehow you need to break that cycle , you need one good think to happen and often others follow , if dressing does that for you then why hold back , try and forget what other people might think and just think how much better it makes you feel , OK call it dressing medication if you like !

Karen ,
I've never gone fully gone along with that thinking , we are more qualified to give advice because we live it on a daily basis , we have leaned how to deal with it and live with it . The professionals base much of their thinking and therapy on talking to us we are their source of information . Their ability is to correlate all that into a coherent therapy but as other members have said there are still good ones as well as bad so shop around . We need their help when we have too many thoughts going on inside our heads , we can't see the wood for the trees , at least Pixie has seen that and taken the first step .

[Helen_Highwater]

Pixie,

As it's been rightly pointed out non of us here, as far as I know, are qualified to offer proper counseling. What I would say as by way of my observation of your post is you've acknowledged your own state of mind.

Many slide into depression unaware of their true mental state. That doesn't seem to be the case for you. That for me is a huge positive. You remain in control.

I read an article recently, which backed up other examples I'd seen in tv documentaries, of the significant benefits of exercise and it's ability to raise peoples spirits. Even brisk walking has been shown to be of benefit! Getting out of the house and into natural light helps the body and mind. Simple, free, no cost yet may be of tremenous help.

As the saying goes, healthy body, healthy mind.

[Lisa Roberts]

Hey Pixie,
you don’t need to feel alone in this. As many have stated, this online forum is a great place to look at other people‘s experiences and learn from them. I go through the same bouts of depression, self loathing and doubt. But they seem to be cyclic just as the moon, the seasons, the tides and periods. Just remember that there are many people out there who truly care for you and are cheering you on. I see a professional therapist at least once a month, and yes, it truly does help. Make sure you find one who understands what you’re going through and doesn’t want to “cure” you of crossdressing.
Lace and Smiles!
Lisa

[robbieatbest]

hello Pixie
talking to friends or paid counsellor or talking to yourself strive for honesty and openness.
Robbie x

[GretchenM]

Hi Pixie,
Having been in therapy years ago for extreme clinical depression and having a daughter who is a therapist, I can assure you that therapy without interaction with the therapist is not very useful. There are few if any therapists on this forum, but it is a good place to obtain excellent advice on gender issues and dealing with those issues. But it is not therapy. That said, the advice can't be easily fitted into an underlying depression.

I urge you to please see a regular therapist. Check out various public mental health services available for those who can't afford it. Some communities provide a lot of help if you qualify and some have therapists that work pro bono to help people. Also, when in therapy don't hold back anything because often that which you are not willing to reveal is part of the basic difficulty as to why you are feeling the way you do. Therapists are rarely judgmental no matter what you reveal and they can't go blabbing it around - it is against the law. That confidence is sacred in the therapy business.

Please, please seek help with your depression. Many think you can think your way out of depression. You can't because the depression itself affects the clarity of your thinking in finding solutions. It is a vicious circle that feeds on itself. But a therapist can guide you through that dark forest, helping you to break the circle and get you to the point where you can begin to attack the depression with counter measures they help you to create and work for you. Without therapy I would likely not be alive now. It was difficult but worth every minute. Gender therapy helped some, but for gender therapy this forum is great, provided you don't have the monster of depression constantly twisting your thinking and tying it in knots.

All the best to you.

Gretchen

[IleneD]

That's right, Pix......
The one take-away from this forum and discussion is:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You have friends and fellow soul travelers on this internet forum. Welcome.
.... with all my heart

[Kimberly Adams]

I spent most of my life battling depression and severe anxiety. Years of therapy and trying various anti depressants helped a lot but recently a small change in meds flipped a switch for me and I feel like a million $. I agree with others you should seek out in person counseling with someone you can open up with. If you’re not totally open and honest with them it’s hard for them to help you. It can feel hopeless and overwhelming but you just need to start the journey and take it one day at a time. Better days await you. Best wishes.

Kimberly

[Stephanie47]

I recommend you go see a primary care physician to rules out an medical reasons/chemical imbalances contributing or causing depression. My wife suffers from depression which is caused by a chemical imbalance which handled by one prescription. The medical she uses is generic and the copay is less than a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I am not familiar with on-line therapy sites, but, I would suggest you do a thorough vetting of any site or medical personnel.

[Sidney]

Pixie,welcome to the forum. Some good advice has been given. I have been in therapy for two years now and on this site for maybe a year and a half. With out both helping me I don't know where i would be today. What this forum has given me is that I now know I am not alone. Also reading past post has shown me some solutions to my problems. When you get face to face with a therapist it is so necessary to bear your soul and tell them EVERYTHING. If you don't your wasting your money. Wishing you all the best and hope you keep coming back.

[Solange]

Pixie,

I agree with all the girls recommending professional help. Depression is serious. But also remember this:

You are precious. You are not here to be fixed or made into someone else's expectation but to discover the beauty of who you are. Darkness cannot overwhelm or destroy the amazing person you are discovering.

Many folks here have faced dark days; you are never alone, we are here and we do care.

Solange

[Aunt Kelly]

Hi, Pixie.
To answer one specific question... Ye. You should definitely tell your therapist about your gender issues. They are a part of the clinical picture that he/she needs to know about in order to help you. You won't shock of offend. If anything, sharing such a detail will convey commitment to the process.
As others have pointed out, don't look here for qualified counseling, but do come here any time you need understanding and support. That is why many of us are here, to share.

Hugs,

Kelly

[Jenny22]

Hi, Pixie. Universities, even small ones, often offer therapy/counseling to students without charge. Check it out. You need a face to face counselor.