Transgender vs Crossdresser as an easy way to describe ourselves

[Karen's Secret]

I don't want to start a debate about using the term transgendered vs crossdresser in terms of how we define ourselves but I do want to know how we individually use the labels to describe ourselves to others. Personally I find it much easier to tell another than I am transgendered, and like to wear womens clothing and identify as a woman on occasion, versus saying that I'm a crossdresser. I think the term transgendered is more widely in popular usage such that people have a greater level of acceptance when they hear it. The term crossdresser I believe still has a bit of stigma about it. Does anyone else, who considers themselves strictly a crossdresser, prefer describing themselves as transgendered for the sake of easier communication?

[Tracy Irving]

Transgender is an umbrella term that may require further explanation. As crossdresser falls under that umbrella it does a better job narrowing the scope.

Kind of like how all homo sapiens sapiens are homo sapiens, but not all homo sapiens are homo sapiens sapiens.

[docrobbysherry]

I know thru experience that I am a CD. And, thru that experience I know it's better to describe myself to vanillas as follows, "Excuse me. Pardon me. I'm just leaving. Have a nice life!"

Most r either running away or laffing too hard to hear me anyway!

[mattea]

For me I prefer the term transgendered in that based on what I am doing and where I am I gravitate to one gender or the other, but never fully one. But I have to realistically say that I am actually more happy on the femme side of the spectrum, but find myself running and hiding in the male side, because it is easier sometimes. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I am not just motivated by the "gratification" part of this and that what I am feeling is not just some type of deviancy. All of the evidence was there to support it, it was readily available I just could not make that jump that said, it is OK to not fit into these so called gender norms. The evidence for me is that I always felt as if I would be happier playing on the girls team, that my purpose in life was not a part of my gender and that I like beauty and elegance of what it is to be feminine. I know that isn't everything when it comes to that, because my wife is very much a Tom Boy and tough as nails, but it is certainly part and proof there is more to me than the frank and beans if you know what I mean. For me, I would certainly love to explore a complete transition, however I have made the choice that now and in the point of my career that I am to stick right in the middle until such time as my presenting fully in everyday life would impact my income and position. It is a sad choice sometimes but it is mine and while I know that I would have a community of support and with my workplace having a very diverse and accepting group of people it still isn't something I want to do right now. Maybe I am just lazy, or maybe I realize that after waiting over 40 years to be comfortable identifying as transgendered and have been able to put that guilt, shame and despair behind me for the most part, that I can wait a few more years until I retire and can control my situation as we intend to move away from the area we currently live and will not have to make excuses for how things have changed. We will just pull up roots and plant the new ones where Mattea is clearly in the picture. I just think that would be easier. I know this was a bit more than the discussion called for but I have one last thing to say.

In regard to when people say the word "issues" or in as "Transgender Issues" for me I really don't like the word "Issue" after when coming out to one of my children, I used that term, that I have "transgender issues" to which his answer/question was "why is it an issue?, you are my parent, I love you, you love me and if it is something you are, it is no issue for me!"

While it is comforting to be able to identify as a group and to have support like we have here, there is one label that I think we can all agree and wish on everyone and that is to be "Loved!". Just by everyone taking the time to post their thoughtful comments proves that there is love and care in this group, thank you all and hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Mattea

[Teresa]

Mattea,
I have to admit to using the term "issue " , sometimes it's hard to know how to word it when talking to people , to me " problem" isn't the right word , " issues " just means certain points that can raise a problem with some people which I'm happy to talk through with them . I can see your point and understand why the children would say that . Your children are quite astute to make that comment you must be very proud of them . Your last paragraph is a lovely thought I wish more would share it , once we take that big step to really come out it is surprising who cares about you and who doesn't .

[mattea]

Ms. Teresa,

You make a good point, if it were not for all of these words maybe we could communicate better!?!...... I guess every word has its meaning as it relates to the person who is using it. Everyone has their own experiences to draw meaning from and everyone is different so the way we define the words are personal in many aspects. I have enjoyed this discussion as I am gaining insight into others who have a shared interest and I think it helps me understand myself better.

Yes very proud of my children, I am not sure what I did to deserve them or what exactly we fed them for them to turn out the way they are. In all honesty it is my wife who made them the people of character they are.

[biancabellelover]

At this point the only people I’ve described myself to are my wife and people on this forum. But this is a topic I’ve thought about a lot because the way I describe myself to people is the way I think about myself.

Karen, the way I think about myself is almost identical to you, especially as I have feminised my body somewhat and am continuing to do so.

But I’m also a practical person, and don’t like encumbering people with overwhelming descriptions of myself to people I’ve just met, as some of my friends who are vegan do. (Or worse, do cross-fit).

So I’d just describe myself as a Crossdresser.

Michelle

[Patience]

The term "transgender" is great and fair game for crossdressers. Saves a lot of time.

Xox,

Tina V.

[franlee]

I to am a crossdresser, this is accurate and simple to understand. I aint transgendered, to say this would imply I am something I'm not and that is unacceptable to me. I don't need to explain or justify what I choose to do or how I present.

[Devi SM]

Without reading of your post, for me the difference is clear.
The word crossdresser is someone that enjoy dressing as the opposite gender in which he or she socially is admired because there are some cultures where that is more relative and doesn't need an explanation or label.
Transgender is person which gender doesn't fit with the gender socially assigned to him or her st birth.
Usually a transgender will need to transition to live as his or her gender tells.
So what's the difference with a transsexual? For me is who needs to finally, after transition to change their appearance, corrects the sexual organs.
Of course, we human beings are not machines and there's no exact science and the umbrella 9f LGBT with its beautiful rainbow flag includes everybody.
My humble opinion.

[Isabella Ross]

For the love of ___, for the last time, we crossdress because we are transgendered. It doesn't matter how much we crossdress, on what day, at what time...we dress as women because we are transgendered. What's so hard to accept about that? Being transgendered means you occupy some position on a continuum that has, at one extreme, people who feel powerfully compelled to transition, and, at the other extreme, people who like to occasionally dabble in something like wearing lingerie because they enjoy feeling feminine (or, in the case of F2M, wearing men's work clothes because they enjoy feeling masculine).

[Micki_Finn]

I’ll be honest... I’m not entirely sure how important a label is. I’ve never been grilled that hard by the general public that I’ve had to explain “what I am”.

[Amelie]

I’ll be honest... I’m not entirely sure how important a label is. I’ve never been grilled that hard by the general public that I’ve had to explain “what I am”.

I feel similar to what you say Micki. In the general public I don't talk to many people to have to tell them what I am. I am at a store to buy stuff not to tell my life's story.

With that said, when I come to certain online web sites such as this one I use transsexual and if I do talk to someone in the general public then I am a woman.

[Queen Bridget]

I am not Transgender. I am a man who likes dressing as a woman. A "crossdresser" or "Transvestite".

A Transgender person identifies as a woman. I don't.

[Isabella Ross]

No...sorry. Not every transgender person identifies as a woman (or vice versa, if it's a woman who dresses as a man). Transgender is an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't conform with their biological gender. Even occasionally dressing as a woman is hardly conforming to your biological gender, is it? And what's wrong with it as an umbrella term that includes crossdressers, anyhow? I'm proud of it and wear the term proudly.

[Rachelakld]

When I'm male, it's in sync with my biology, and I'm a "male".
When I'm a female, I'm out of sync, and therefore "transgendered".
If I was male, in sync with my bio, and in a dress, I would be a "man in a dress" (happened a few times unexpectedly, personality switch, due to external events)
Yesterday at work, in close discussion with another male, while in work uniform, I accidently dropped into girl mode - has anyone got a label for that?

So when you ask me about my label, the "when" is very important

[Becky Blue]

For the love of ___, for the last time, we crossdress because we are transgendered. It doesn't matter how much we crossdress, on what day, at what time...we dress as women because we are transgendered. What's so hard to accept about that? Being transgendered means you occupy some position on a continuum that has, at one extreme, people who feel powerfully compelled to transition, and, at the other extreme, people who like to occasionally dabble in something like wearing lingerie because they enjoy feeling feminine (or, in the case of F2M, wearing men's work clothes because they enjoy feeling masculine).

What she said, if anyone asks my answer is I am Trans

[KatrinaK]

I consider “transgender” to be a spectrum on which I am undoubtedly on...

I consider “crossdressing” to be an activity that I admittedly partake in, enthusiastically... but as a label in and of itself I don’t like that ignores the “why” in a blissfully ignorant way.

If a label is required, I consider myself to be both gender fluid (wearing nail polish to the office in boy mode) and bi-gender (as in I need to fully express both genders at different time in order to feel whole.)

[Mistyjo]

Men wearing women’s clothes in public usually fall into one of four categories:

Hetrosexual men wanting the thrill of masquerading with the risk of being caught and embarrassed. This is sexually driven. It usually entails masturbation at some point. Cross dressers are usually trying to appear attractive and sexy. Because this is sexually driven, there is a tendency to go overboard to appear “sexy” that usually involves suggestive clothing, heels that are too high for comfortable walking or standing, unfashionably long or full hairstyles, and excessive makeup. Behavior patterns are sometimes bizarre because they are an imitation of what the cross dresser thinks he would find attractive in a woman. That behavior pattern sometimes expresses as a sexually aggressive “female” with a hot body and male attitudes. In spite of attempting to appear sexually desirable, hetrosexual male cross dressers are often frightened if they are approached by a man for a pick up.
Male to female transgendered persons (trans women) who feel more at home by expressing as females. Here, the objective is emotional rather than sexual. The idea is to be treated like a woman rather than to appear as a woman. Clothing and behavior tends to be more conservative and designed to blend in with other females. While this behavior is sometimes directed only at men, more commonly it is directed at both men and women. Behavior tends to be aimed at establishing longer term relationships rather than sexual hookups.
The trans-curious cross dresser may or may not be hetrosexual. This is usually someone who wonders what it would be like to be a woman. Costumes and behavior are similar to trans women, but aimed at discovering how it feels to be treated like (or be) a woman.
Drag queen cross dressers are performers. They get their kicks not from the clothing or from attracting sexual or emotional fans, but rather from attracting attention by stage presence. They do not particularly want either sexual or emotional attention
I see myself as a trans-curious cross dresser

[KatrinaK]

Mistyjo, you copied and pasted that from a Quora answer I read last year. I knew I had read that verbatim before. And it’s super outdated anyway.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-di...ng-transgender

[Mistyjo]

Yes I did. I still see myself as a trans-curious cross dresser

[Devi SM]

I think Queen support my posture.
Gender is something really deep in the genes and the mind that makes the person see him/her self as the opposite sex. A crossdresser doesn't see himself as a woman though enjoy seeing himself as a woman but thinks of himself as a man and no moves into transition because in his daily life he's comfortable being a man, a transgender doesn't feel comfortable in his external gender.
Some can later find that are no longer crossdressers. That is my case. It wasn't just dressing so crossdressing g wasnt a solution for me and have to transition to my inner gender not related with my sexuality still enjoying and liking sex with my wife and o longer with men.

[Beverley Sims]

Transgendered people and cross dressers are really quite different types, language the way it is used these days does tend to embrace both types.

[Lacey New]

I think Karen that you raise a good point about tha social acceptability associated with the terms transgender vs cross dresser. Transgender seems to imply that the person has a desire,need and a preference to be their opposite gender where cross dresser appears to be simpler, implying that the person simply likes to dress in the clothing of the opposite sex possibly as some form of fetish. As such, I see that people identifying as transgender appear to get more sympathetic treatment - witness the recent Katie Couric documentary on gender or the National Geographic article on the same. So, while I personally believe I fall into the plain old vanilla cross dresser camp, on the very few times I have admitted to a SA that the piece of clothing is for me, I have referred to myself as transgender.

[biancabellelover]

Gotta say, Mistyjo, there’s a lot I don’t like about those definitions. But having heard it’s from Quora I’m not that surprised.

Most of the Quora answers I’ve seen appear to be written by and for conservative midwesterners.

Michelle.