Transgender vs Crossdresser as an easy way to describe ourselves

[Rachaelb64]

Personally I think it is how you feel in yourself. Some are happy when dressed 'en femme' presenting themselves to world as female/male but on a part time basis, some are in the process of transitioning and want be their desired gender. Others, well for them it's a fetish, a means of experiencing a 'sexual high'. However, Society does likes labels.


Personally I've never really been a fan of labels. If you want to call yourselves a crossdresser, transvestite, transgender or a Drag Queen/King or Bob! Then really it's up to you, if it makes you happy. Happiness is what's inside, not what's on the label.


And that concludes today's table top philosophy

[redtea]

I use Crossdresser/transvestite (because i find pleasure in it more than the identity part of it)

Transgender should be used to identify people who used to be male or female but live their everyday life as the gender they believe themselves to be. Most CDers aren't living full time, Most don't want to live full time because they don't hate being male enough to want to never return to their male state.

I don't believe in the transgender umbrella. it makes the term too muddy.

[mattea]

For me I prefer the term transgendered in that based on what I am doing and where I am I gravitate to one gender or the other, but never fully one. But I have to realistically say that I am actually more happy on the femme side of the spectrum, but find myself running and hiding in the male side, because it is easier sometimes. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I am not just motivated by the "gratification" part of this and that what I am feeling is not just some type of deviancy. All of the evidence was there to support it, it was readily available I just could not make that jump that said, it is OK to not fit into these so called gender norms. The evidence for me is that I always felt as if I would be happier playing on the girls team, that my purpose in life was not a part of my gender and that I like beauty and elegance of what it is to be feminine. I know that isn't everything when it comes to that, because my wife is very much a Tom Boy and tough as nails, but it is certainly part and proof there is more to me than the frank and beans if you know what I mean. For me, I would certainly love to explore a complete transition, however I have made the choice that now and in the point of my career that I am to stick right in the middle until such time as my presenting fully in everyday life would impact my income and position. It is a sad choice sometimes but it is mine and while I know that I would have a community of support and with my workplace having a very diverse and accepting group of people it still isn't something I want to do right now. Maybe I am just lazy, or maybe I realize that after waiting over 40 years to be comfortable identifying as transgendered and have been able to put that guilt, shame and despair behind me for the most part, that I can wait a few more years until I retire and can control my situation as we intend to move away from the area we currently live and will not have to make excuses for how things have changed. We will just pull up roots and plant the new ones where Mattea is clearly in the picture. I just think that would be easier. I know this was a bit more than the discussion called for but I have one last thing to say.

In regard to when people say the word "issues" or in as "Transgender Issues" for me I really don't like the word "Issue" after when coming out to one of my children, I used that term, that I have "transgender issues" to which his answer/question was "why is it an issue?, you are my parent, I love you, you love me and if it is something you are, it is no issue for me!"

While it is comforting to be able to identify as a group and to have support like we have here, there is one label that I think we can all agree and wish on everyone and that is to be "Loved!". Just by everyone taking the time to post their thoughtful comments proves that there is love and care in this group, thank you all and hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Mattea

[Teresa]

Mattea,
I have to admit to using the term "issue " , sometimes it's hard to know how to word it when talking to people , to me " problem" isn't the right word , " issues " just means certain points that can raise a problem with some people which I'm happy to talk through with them . I can see your point and understand why the children would say that . Your children are quite astute to make that comment you must be very proud of them . Your last paragraph is a lovely thought I wish more would share it , once we take that big step to really come out it is surprising who cares about you and who doesn't .

[mattea]

Ms. Teresa,

You make a good point, if it were not for all of these words maybe we could communicate better!?!...... I guess every word has its meaning as it relates to the person who is using it. Everyone has their own experiences to draw meaning from and everyone is different so the way we define the words are personal in many aspects. I have enjoyed this discussion as I am gaining insight into others who have a shared interest and I think it helps me understand myself better.

Yes very proud of my children, I am not sure what I did to deserve them or what exactly we fed them for them to turn out the way they are. In all honesty it is my wife who made them the people of character they are.

[Devi SM]

Without reading of your post, for me the difference is clear.
The word crossdresser is someone that enjoy dressing as the opposite gender in which he or she socially is admired because there are some cultures where that is more relative and doesn't need an explanation or label.
Transgender is person which gender doesn't fit with the gender socially assigned to him or her st birth.
Usually a transgender will need to transition to live as his or her gender tells.
So what's the difference with a transsexual? For me is who needs to finally, after transition to change their appearance, corrects the sexual organs.
Of course, we human beings are not machines and there's no exact science and the umbrella 9f LGBT with its beautiful rainbow flag includes everybody.
My humble opinion.

[Isabella Ross]

For the love of ___, for the last time, we crossdress because we are transgendered. It doesn't matter how much we crossdress, on what day, at what time...we dress as women because we are transgendered. What's so hard to accept about that? Being transgendered means you occupy some position on a continuum that has, at one extreme, people who feel powerfully compelled to transition, and, at the other extreme, people who like to occasionally dabble in something like wearing lingerie because they enjoy feeling feminine (or, in the case of F2M, wearing men's work clothes because they enjoy feeling masculine).

[Micki_Finn]

I’ll be honest... I’m not entirely sure how important a label is. I’ve never been grilled that hard by the general public that I’ve had to explain “what I am”.

[Queen Bridget]

I am not Transgender. I am a man who likes dressing as a woman. A "crossdresser" or "Transvestite".

A Transgender person identifies as a woman. I don't.

[Devi SM]

I think Queen support my posture.
Gender is something really deep in the genes and the mind that makes the person see him/her self as the opposite sex. A crossdresser doesn't see himself as a woman though enjoy seeing himself as a woman but thinks of himself as a man and no moves into transition because in his daily life he's comfortable being a man, a transgender doesn't feel comfortable in his external gender.
Some can later find that are no longer crossdressers. That is my case. It wasn't just dressing so crossdressing g wasnt a solution for me and have to transition to my inner gender not related with my sexuality still enjoying and liking sex with my wife and o longer with men.

[Isabella Ross]

No...sorry. Not every transgender person identifies as a woman (or vice versa, if it's a woman who dresses as a man). Transgender is an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't conform with their biological gender. Even occasionally dressing as a woman is hardly conforming to your biological gender, is it? And what's wrong with it as an umbrella term that includes crossdressers, anyhow? I'm proud of it and wear the term proudly.

[Tracy Irving]

There are some vocal people on this site that insist all crossdressers are transgender. I know because, shortly after I joined, I was read the riot act about this very topic. Some of those same people want MIAD's to go away because it hurts their "cause". Whatever that is. Clearly, they have an agenda.

I just want everyone to enjoy life as they see fit.

[Queen Bridget]

Transgender is an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't conform with their biological gender.

The umbrella term for those people is actually "Non-binary" :P

And yep, Tracy. Don't get me started on that Trans Authority crap. I sometimes wonder if they will be the end of us.

[Isabella Ross]

Give me a break. You all talk as though being transgendered is somehow the end of the world. Be proud of who you are.

[Felicia M]

I find it fascinating that it is unclear across the spectrum, even among most here, that it is so incredibly difficult to agree on a label that generally describes what we do. And for me therein lies the rub. We all do something different to degrees and feel differently about it. And clearly it is an emerging discussion on a broader scale in the LGBT community and one that many still have questions about. I don't think it is set in stone anywhere that Transgender is the label for everyone here and that is it. I would say for now that the discussion is "fluid" or at least it seems pretty clear to me that it is by the responses to the question so far or in even a cursory search in google.

That being said I can sympathize with wanting all to accept an umbrella term but I also know it is not realistic in discussions this diverse. I really don't understand the necessity to make someone take the label and wear it if they don't want to. I would never try to impose my opinion of what I think a label should be onto anyone else. If Transgender doesn't work for you then by all means find something that feels more comfortable.

As to the original question I am not one to let myself be labeled or actually care all that much if I have been labeled. I can put a label on and take a label off like I do my drab or female clothes. In the end it really doesn't matter unless I have to explain it to someone else and then even I know that can change. So what I will say is that I do not have a a strong opinion either way but I do not have a problem with the broader Transgender label for myself. I also feel Katrina's response and the label of bi-gender fits me at least for now.

After all. It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind.

[FrannGurl]

I hate labels....

However, that being said, I understand ( I think) Karen's initial post.

The term "Transgender" though ( as said already) is an umbrella term.

MOST of us know this, but Ive had a few that don't know anything about literally...Anything....Regarding the most basic things.Its happened many times and it honestly annoys me.

One example was from a dating site where I listed my gender, sexual orientation, and the fact that I identify as transgender. Ive identified as a woman for many years but am not full time ...about 60-40 in favor as a woman. One man blasted me in a message, saying "If you're not out full time, your not a transgender person..I told him to stuff it....However most have just been curious

[Stephanie47]

Yesterday I was pounding away on the keyboard and read the words before posting. Then I decided to delete and wait. Basically, I do not like labels for people and trying to put them in the proper pigeon hole. Years ago I thought I was a 'transvestite.' Of course back in the 1950's and 1960's to wear the label 'transvestite' automatically made a male a homosexual. That was the common thinking out in society. That was a tough nut for a hot blooded guy interested in women to absorb, if he also wore women's clothing on occasion. Next came the term 'cross dresser.' Now, it's 'transgender.' I have absolutely no idea how to explain that term to someone outside the community. You could be all the way over to left or the right on a line graph or somewhere in the middle. From the posts I read here it almost seems some are being pushed further in a direction than they want to be pushed.

I'm a person with male genitalia who wears women's clothing on occasion. Past that you're going to have to have a long conversation over a beer to probe my brain. Frankly, when I stumbled upon this site I thought it was a site for only 'cross dressers.' Obviously that's not the case. Everyone is unique. Express yourself in sentences and paragraphs and not single word catchalls.

[Mandy T]

I speak only for me and not for anyone else.
I am a cross dresser! I have a male side and I love that side of me and I don't want to give that side up. I also have a fem side of me and I don't care to give that side up either.
For me it take both to be whole. A transgender person is one who is going to live their life out as the other gender thus transition from one gender to the other. It is what it is people. I love transgender people and I am happy that they have found their way to happiness. God knows this life is though enough. However to call myself transgendered would be to bring and end to my male side. That aint going to happen.

Love you guys
Mandy

[Heidi Stevens]

There is a very crude definition out there to describe the difference between a Cross Dresser and a Transgender: A hard-on.

It’s very crass, but this is what shows up as a definition among a lot of us who are Transgender females when a group of us or a mixed group of Transgenders and cross dressers meet.

Personally, I am a transgender female and even before HRT, I was not dressing for “pleasure” reasons. I dress because it makes me feel comfortable in who I am, not for sexual release.

I’m not saying every Cross Dresser is doing it for “sexual thrills” only, but from what I have observed meeting hundreds of you, it trends that way. Those of us who have realized who we really are, women, are dressed for other reasons.
Just my personal views, thanks.

[SO1Adam12]

For the love of ___, for the last time, we crossdress because we are transgendered. It doesn't matter how much we crossdress, on what day, at what time...we dress as women because we are transgendered. What's so hard to accept about that? Being transgendered means you occupy some position on a continuum that has, at one extreme, people who feel powerfully compelled to transition, and, at the other extreme, people who like to occasionally dabble in something like wearing lingerie because they enjoy feeling feminine (or, in the case of F2M, wearing men's work clothes because they enjoy feeling masculine).

Only within the last couple of years have I become aware of the "gender fluid" label. Trust me, I thought what the____ is that? My SO has expressed that they think of themself as transgender, but only for a temporary period. That kinda lit the lightbulb of "Oh, maybe that's what's meant by gender fluid". There are so many labels now, it's difficult to keep up.

[Karen's Secret]

The more I read through the responses to my original post the more I have come to terms with how I define transgender versus crossdresser. I think of crossdressing as simply the action of wearing the opposite gender's clothing - with nothing else attached to the action. No feminine feelings, no desire to act feminine, no imitation of feminine movements, etc. Crossdressing would basically be the same as deciding whether to wear my SF Giants baseball cap or my SJ Sharks cap.

But I don't believe that this is what crossdressing is for most of us. When we crossdress we have a desire to act, feel, or actually be feminine. We move into or attempt to experience the opposite gender in some way, slightly or more fully. That is why I feel that crossdressing is a thing we do, while being transgender is what we are. I am transgender.

[Isabella Ross]

Karen, perfectly stated.

[Ginni]

I consider myself as Transgender. I don't consider dressing as crossdressing, but a means of being what I am. Dressing is me being me.

[Pixie_94]

I'm the latter. I have already been through enough introspection and reflection to know that I'm not transgender.

[Devi SM]

Ginni, Pixie, what are the arguments that make you arrive to that conclusion? If I can ask, because that would explain better the difference instead to know who is anything...txs