Problem with toxic TS ideologies - no prob with TS people

[aLEXisREX]

Ok so I have this friend who I worked with at one point in my life when I was dumped and depressed. She is older than me by 17 years. We met years ago and she immediately became attracted to me uncontrollably. Eventually she kinda seduced me and we had a one night stand (which didn't deter our friendship one bit). That was awesome. We talked every other night about life, love, happiness, and everything. It was like we were a couple, but totally on the down-low because we both understood that even though we had feelings of love, it was kind of like a mother-son relationship where she understood that I didn't want to settle down with a 47 year old woman (I was 30), but she was happy enjoying her young boy-toy. I was happy to have an understanding friend as well as get some action from a beautiful older woman.

We were both recovering from alcohol abuse at the time of the intimacy. I dont drink anymore and neither does she, but we quit differently. She got into an abusive relationship and eventually found herself at AA and moved in with a wonderful and generous TS person, who she claims to adore to the point of a strange attraction. I believe she still lives there. I quit drinking just by will-power. I just stopped about a year ago.

So what happened was we lost touch a little as I started closing myself in my depression and shunning society a bit. One day she called me and said, "Why dont you ever call anymore, what's your gig?" So I confided in her since we were so close. I told her everything. My dressing, my toys, my bi-sexual behaviors. I even admitted to enjoying a cuckold/femdom and chastity fetish I developed along with being in the closet. I sent her pictures of myself in makeup and totally dressed and confessed that it was really affecting my social life. She was so understanding and apologized and tried to make me feel very comfortable. She talked about her TS roommate and how we are so similar, and how she never really thought that because she never could have guessed I dressed up or was like this. She offered to take me out to some kind of a meeting or something. Eventually it turned into her pressuring me that I am trans and I should come out as trans and be happy. This is not the case. I'm a guy. I love being a guy, I just also love trying to pass and sometimes I'm good at it, its exciting.

Eventually we stopped talking because she got upset that I'm living a lie or something and that I need to come out. She said there are no cross-dressers, just trans people who dont know they are trans yet. This upset me very much. Now she knows of my habits and thinks I'm doing something wrong and we dont talk. She wont pick up my calls or call me back. It's really sad. I lost a good friend and one of my only friends. (The other is a guy who would probably not talk to me if I told him this stuff) I dont know if I should continue trying to talk sense into this person or just leave her be (going with the latter).

I posted this to remind people of the toxic transgender movement out there that does exist. I'm not against people wanting to be the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with a man feeling like hes a woman or vice versa, however, it seems to me that there is a certain percentage of people who are TS (or support trans-people) that think they are the arbiters of truth and will usurp you; or hold you accountable for their strife and for disagreeing with them to the point of dangerously ousting you against your will for being 'against' them. So please every CD person should be careful with who you associate with in that community. To me, the sudden explosion of the trans movement in media and pop culture is done so to fuel a war on men, masculinity, true femininity and definitely a war on cross-dressers. Again, I'm not saying all trans people are like this or that I think they are a problem, but the media and invested interests are definitely not in your favor as a cross-dresser or a transgendered person. We as CDers are in more of a hot seat than any other, this is why the subject is even more taboo and not as widely accepted as the trans subject. After all, when we aren't dressed, to the media and to society in the aggregate we are just another ugly, hairy boy.

[Meghan4now]

Hmm,

Perhaps, but that is not my experience. I don't really see anyone pressuring others to be trans. I feel that possibly for some people, especially younger people with limited experience, there can be a bit of "trendiness" right now and also a lot of polarization which leads to rejection. The rejection can be by trans, not trans, religeous, atheist, etc. It comes across as narrow minded and self serving
The term Echo chamber comes to mind.

[Stephanie47]

Unfortunately there are many people out there who will not just accept another person for who they are. Over the years I've read many posts on this forum almost pushing the same sentiment. The underlying personality trait is not limited to people pushing her agenda. It's whatever agenda they have. It's always one extreme or the other and nothing in between. Sort of like politics. For some you're either on the extreme right or the extreme left and nothing in between. But, if you try to tell them you're in between, you're are defined for them as an extremist but do not realize it.

When it comes to this issue of wearing women's clothing I really do not know where I fall in the spectrum. I know my comfort zone. A lot of discussion about a topic which is really confusing to the outsiders. Confusing for the insiders too.

I do concur being a plain vanilla cross dresser is the hardest for outsiders to accept. There seems to be at least an acceptance that gays and lesbians are born gay and lesbian. Transsexuals are born transsexual, an issue between the physical and psychological mismatch. Men who wear women's clothing?

[Happygirl!]

Alexis,
Great post. I'm still trying to understand where I fit in all of this. I identify as a garden variety CD, but have wondered if there is more to it for me. I don't understand the hostility from some of these various sub groups or factions in the TG community. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of contact with your friend/lover.
Happygirl

[Shelly Preston]

As with everything there is not a one size fits all despite what some people think.

You friend has fallen in to the ultimate trap thinking her way is the only way.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try some folks will never see your point of view.

You can only be yourself

[kimdl93]

May I humbly submit that one persons experience does not constitute a movement. What I do see is people projecting their personal circumstances onto others. She projected on to you and you’re projecting her response as a social movement.

I do think there are more people willing to accept gender variance. That’s a good thing. As for a war on men, that’s hogwash. Whatever problems men have in this society are the consequences of their own misbehaving.

[Nikki A.]

I feel your angst and I had a similar. though not so strong a situation. I was with a bunch of TG and trans girls after church (a few years ago and another church) and the one girl kept telling me that I was really trans not a CD and that soon enough I would acknowledge it and go to full time. Well 5 or so years later I haven't yet gone full time (although I am much more open about it) so I guess she was wrong.
Never feel pressured into doing anything that doesn't feel right for you.

[Asew]

This gender binary at its extreme, where she thinks a person has to be 100% male or 100% female. We can dabble in both and still be true to ourselves (but you already knew that)

[Michaelasfun]

My wife is similar to your friend in that she views cross dressing as a destination and not a journey; she thinks if I like wearing womens clothes, then certainly I MUST be (fill in label here). She is a smart person, but I believe, like your friend, she genuinely can’t understand the drive to dress (not that I’ve fully grasped it myself), so hanging some sort of label on it resolves the “why” in her mind.

[Joyce Swindell]

Well.....it is truly her loss. Her closed minded view has cost HER a friend.

As for all of the rest of your post.... I understand your point. Being hurt deeply by what happened kind of sets the tone I think. The group I belong to has a bit of that thin line to walk as well. Being run by a transgender individual the meetings often sets the same tone of trans vs cd. It makes me wonder where I fit in with what was started as a CD group seems to be full of more trans people than CD's. The topics always seems to favor trans issues.

[aLEXisREX]

May I humbly submit that one persons experience does not constitute a movement. What I do see is people projecting their personal circumstances onto others. She projected on to you and you’re projecting her response as a social movement.

I do think there are more people willing to accept gender variance. That’s a good thing. As for a war on men, that’s hogwash. Whatever problems men have in this society are the consequences of their own misbehaving.

You are correct that one person's response does not constitute a 'movement'. It was just an example of one experience I've had that is similar to the majority of situations I've experienced. Nature is always balance, always. Only Unnatural activity brings imbalance, something that humans are unnaturally good at through consciousness control and fear based mentality. You are correct that consequences are of our own misbehaving. I'm the definition of 'consequentialism', hence the name. I term it Universal Law or Natural Law. I must disagree with your thought on the war on men being hogwash. Transgender people are a very minute percentage of society but yet it takes up a much larger spectrum of social attention (whether positive or negative) than it deserves and this attention wriggles it's way into more situations than we realize, due to it's sexual nature and the deep roots sexuality has in our everyday interactions with each other, and ourselves. When there is an overwhelming majority of incorrect thought processes instead of a balance, one must ponder if there is a 'movement' or consciousness shift going on that very well may be influenced by think-tanks such as the Fabian Society and the Tavistock Institute. I urge everyone to look into this concept of Natural Law and Neo-Feminism or even 2nd wave vs Classic Feminism and it's effect on the role of the male in families. You will find there are a lot of things you may consider a rabbit-hole and decide not to go down there. I dont blame you, it's scary, but it is necessary for true consciousness expansion.

I'm a strong fighter in Truth. It is not subjective, as people are being duped into thinking these days. I know this for a fact. I just also know that transgender people are not harming anyone by transitioning and they have the right to present as whatever sex they want. This act does not violate natural law (and is not immoral) as right or conservative-leaning people may conclude it is so; however, this act of transitioning doesn't change the fact that we, along with everything in the universe, also has an immutable and binding law of gender that we cannot change. Our conditions and freedoms can change if we decide to ignore the Laws of Nature to the point of allowing others to control others for their advancing of their own agenda, at the cost of yours.

Meghan4now, yes Echo Chamber is a great way to describe the community I'm living in. I've been trying to move for a while. I will move one day because I know I'm not meant for this place.

If anyone can point me to evidence that there is not a war between the sexes, please do. Then go to the grocery store and stand in line to pay and spark up a conversation about husband/wife economic dynamics and wait for the mind control to show its perverse face.

[LilSissyStevie]

I call it the Transgender Borg. It wants to assimilate everyone it can into it's hive-mind (AKA the TG umbrella) for political purposes. Of course, once those objectives are achieved, "mere fetishists" such as myself would be tossed under the bus at the first opportunity. No thanks, I'll drive my own bus. You mention AA. I've been in AA cumulatively for two thirds of my life and there is always a faction that wants to believe that anyone that ever had a little bit of trouble behind alcohol is a full blown alcoholic in denial. Misery loves company, I suppose. There might also be a little of that going on in your situation with respect to "transness."

[Tracii G]

The trans community is toxic I have been subject to it for 3+ years now and that is why I stopped going to trans support group meetings.
People judging me and telling me what I need to do and then hating me because I don't agree with them.
Not a very inclusive bunch I will say that.
Never do anything you don't want to do because if it doesn't feel right it isn't.

[KatrinaK]

There’s a lot in this thread that I agree with. But I don’t think it’s all one sided. I’ve had a HORRIBLE experience about 10 years ago when I was first ready to come out of the closet. I found a local organization where I lived at the time that had a changing space, a social club and a cross dressing shop and I went down there to introduce myself (in guy mode.) it took weeks of mustering up courage to do so, and when I did, it was to date the worst experience of my life. I was treated like DIRT. Even worse, a gay man walked in at the same time as me who wanted to enter a drag show, and I was all but shown the door so they could help him. They ignored me, spoke down to me, and made me feel like I was worthless. I’ve told this story before, without naming names, but **** it... it was Wildside in Toronto. This experience put me back in the closet for 10 years after spending two decades coming up with the courage to seek community.

Now, that said, I feel like people who identify as pure CDs exhibit similar but opposite behavior. My personal belief, borne from nearly 40 years of reading and academic self searching is that there is a spectrum and we’re all on it. CD fetishists on one side, and TSs on the other. I personally believe that it stems from the same sense of gender misassignment, but that we get that to varying degrees and it’s our ability to learn what it takes to live a happy fulfilled life that defines how we need to express it in order to be happy. I feel lucky that I’m able to live my life in a happy healthy way with only needing to be feminine 25% of the time. I truly feel nothing but compassionate empathy towards those for whom that will never be enough because it’s a TOUGH GIG.

Now, in the same way that the TSs are constantly pushing for the CDs to recognize that there is more than a hobby here and that there are real motivations that drive it, the CDs often argue that there is nothing transgender about them... it’s a fetish or it’s a hobby. The TSs often push way to far and in far more absolute a manner than is merited, but I think they have a point. Conversely, the CDs often speak in a way that demeans the transgender experience as if it’s some kind of disease that they don’t have. These are two polarized arguments arguing about black and white in a world of shades of grey.

I personally think that both black and white extremes need to recognize the shades of grey. I think that the extremists on BOTH sides are responsible for the incongruity in the community. Until that happens, the fracturing will continue and get worse.

[Tracii G]

The most toxic situation I have been it happened at 2016 Pride event in my town.
The trans people were horrible even gay friends of mine said they wished trans people would start their own pride event preferably in a different part of town.
One of my best gay friends said he felt like the trans community just took over and made it all about them. I can't say I disagree with him at all because Pride used to be a fun event and everybody had a good time.
Now its so political its not worth going to.
You can see know why I don't care for radical trans activists.

[Queen Bridget]

I actually came here to escape the crazy Trans community that took over tumblr and social media.

My first exposure to it was when they tried to ban drag queens from a UK pride parade, as they were "mocking" trans people. Which we all know is a load of crap. And it snowballed from there. Literally EVERYTHING offends them.

Most of these tumblr "trans" people feel like showboaters. Fakes. What we call "Trend-gender". It's like a fad to them. Like goths, or emos. So I expect it to subside at some point.

[Judy-Somthing]

I love dressing fem to the best as I can be with my man bod but I don't feel like a woman. It's fun pretending to be one!
I'm 60 and it's so cool to dress up!

May be shook-treatment can fix me?

[Alice Torn]

I agree with a lot of what AlexisRex wrote. I have been brow beaten by a few Trans people on here over the years, for remaining a CDer part time. I know that men are a safe PC target, too. Some men are jackasses, and brutish jerks, but many are noble, decent people too. Part of me would like to hit a switch and become a beautiful woman temporarily, and then switch back to being a man. When i am all dolled up to the nines, i fantasize being with a true gentleman on dates to the symphony, or dancing, and playing short of penetration sex. But, i have too much to do in guy mode, to ever change sexes. It is such a high to be dressed to the nines in a classy dress, hose and heels, pearls. But, it is only a fantasy for me. I am built like a defensive end in football. One poster was right on, in that it is so easy to project our views onto others, thinking all of us agree/. human nature does not like being left out, or rejected much. I do not take part in any political CD movements, as I am a rugged individualist now, and do not fit any mold well, and refuse to be stifled , and put into a box. Good thread!

[sometimes_miss]

there is always a faction that wants to believe that anyone that ever had a little bit of trouble behind alcohol is a full blown alcoholic in denial. Misery loves company, I suppose. There might also be a little of that going on in your situation with respect to "transness."

I think that most people who are outside the mainstream desperately want to feel that they, too, are normal, and in order to do that, they try to convince themselves that as many people as possible are just like them.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Now, in the same way that the TSs are constantly pushing for the CDs to recognize that there is more than a hobby here and that there are real motivations that drive it, the CDs often argue that there is nothing transgender about them... it’s a fetish or it’s a hobby. The TSs often push way to far and in far more absolute a manner than is merited, but I think they have a point. Conversely, the CDs often speak in a way that demeans the transgender experience as if it’s some kind of disease that they don’t have. These are two polarized arguments arguing about black and white in a world of shades of grey.

I personally think that both black and white extremes need to recognize the shades of grey. I think that the extremists on BOTH sides are responsible for the incongruity in the community. Until that happens, the fracturing will continue and get worse.

I really like this, except I personally would steer away from singling out TSs and stick with the umbrella TGs.
Though there was a time when I first came around here, that there was a lot of shame slinging from the TS side; as for what's happening out there in the world? Who the hell knows.
Which is why (like Kim pointed out) we should try to refrain from projecting. I still stick by my opinion though that way to many in the 'I'm just this, not that crowd', are hung up in the cycle of shame/guilt/fear. I once saw a post on some forum where a person said they were okay with being cross-gender, but that they weren't transgender...…...umm, good for you Einstein.

But then again a cigar is often just a cigar right?

Do you think perhaps, you think too much?

Cass

[mattea]

I actually came here to escape the crazy Trans community that took over tumblr and social media.

My first exposure to it was when they tried to ban drag queens from a UK pride parade, as they were "mocking" trans people. Which we all know is a load of crap. And it snowballed from there. Literally EVERYTHING offends them.

Most of these tumblr "trans" people feel like showboaters. Fakes. What we call "Trend-gender". It's like a fad to them. Like goths, or emos. So I expect it to subside at some point.

I really like the term "trend-gender" that is a good one. I have not been in a situation where I have seen the trans community act that way, but in all honestly I have not really pushed myself out there. I try to root for the causes that are just, but what I perceive from a lot of these events and movements is that it first comes from necessity to say "we need a voice" and then later as they start to get heard, that say "we deserve a voice" that ultimately turns into "we are the only voice that is right". Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, respect, and in my opinion with love, however I don't deserve more, just because I am different from anyone. I take a lot of pride in trying to do the right thing even when no one else is looking, but I don't demand to be recognized for it. Just my two cents.

[Tracii G]

Bridget is right to a lot of young people being trans is the trendy thing to do.
I guess they do it for attention because do you see how over the top they are sometimes.
Demanding you speak to them in a certain way ( the pro noun thing) or how you are supposed to bow down to their wants and needs.
A lot of us older trans people don't act that way because its childish and quite frankly annoying as all get out.
I would bet 50% of the "trend genders" will not remain trans when its gone out of style in a few years and something else is the trendy hot thing they all want to be.
Maybe pride will not be infested with trend genders in a few years and go back to what it was meant to be.
Just the other day I over heard two teens talking and one said I think I am trans and the other one said if you were don't you think you would know it?
Just sayin bro' its like saying you think you might be gay.
The first one said yeah I guess you are right I know I'm not gay.

[docrobbysherry]

There's a lot I agree with in your thread, Alex.

But, one thing jumped out at me! U talking about people who's minds r made up because of our societies dogma!

Yet, u called yourself a boy toy because your gf was 17 years older! My ex is 16 years younger than I and our ages were similar to u and your gf when we married. Nobody ever called her my girl toy! So in a way, you're doing just what u accused her of!

[aLEXisREX]

There's a lot I agree with in your thread, Alex.

But, one thing jumped out at me! U talking about people who's minds r made up because of our societies dogma!

Yet, u called yourself a boy toy because your gf was 17 years older! My ex is 16 years younger than I and our ages were similar to u and your gf when we married. Nobody ever called her my girl toy! So in a way, you're doing just what u accused her of!

Good Point. The self loathing runs deeps in humans as a whole and I'm a work in progress just like everyone else. I am guilty of putting myself down quite often. Thank you for pointing that out.

And thank you everyone else who replied for your witty responses. I am also here because I just cant fit into normal social media any longer. I deleted all my other mainstream accounts. You have all helped me grow more than you know. I will definitely stick around this site for a while.

Thank you so much for making me feel comfortable for expressing myself.

[Lygophilia]

I can't see how people stop drinking alcohol. I understand what it does to you (I use to spend 200 dollars of liquor per month, because of the way my dad was treating me, because of my sexuality and gender identity), but still. In my case, I'm inexperienced with happiness growing up, so I use alcohol and sex to cope with life. I also have hypersexual disorder. Therapy never helped me.

For the rest of what you said, I agree.