Embarassed around wife

[Ronnie38]

So, in my mind, my girly side wants to come out more. The problem is that im still embarassed about it around my wife. Which I dont understand. I just recently had two days off in a row which is very unusal for me but rather than indulge myself, I just went on with my regular hobbies. Dressing is ingrained in me and is always on my mind. I am open with my wife and can dress whenever I please but I seem to keep closeting myself and passing up the opportunities. Has anyone else been in this situation and if so what did you do?

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Ronnie,

I'm not so much embarrassed around my wife but I'm working to overcome her aversion to my crossdressing. What has been working for us is to slowly integrate my dressing in small ways so as to make it more normal. For instance I now keep my toenails painted all of the time and recently have worn a dress in front of her in MIAD mode a couple of times.

I will admit that at first I was a little uncomfortable in front of her like this but because we are doing things incrementally and slowly we are each getting the time we need to adjust to a new normal.

Elizabeth

[Stephanie47]

My wife does not appreciate my desire/need to emulate a woman. She says, if she wanted to live with a woman she would have married a woman. Her "I do" at the alter was with the male within me, not the woman within me. I respect her viewpoint. I do not beat my head against the wall because I cannot wear women's clothing around her.

As relates to you, do you know or sense your wife is not totally onboard with your cross dressing? Tolerance does not equate to acceptance. Sounds as if you may be harboring some guilt because there is some element of you she did not know about when saying the "I do?"

[Jaylyn]

I totally understand your embarrassement around your wife. When I first told my wife about my little secrets into CD, she was on board and even bought Jaylyn things for Christmas. I really thought when we first met that I had put CD away for good ( I have felt this way many times but it keeps popping back up). She grew fairly comfortable with my dressing when the urge hit and it wasn't as often when we were both working. Since retirement it has come back with a vengeance. I have to have something feminine to cling to it seems now thus my panties almost 100%. She knows I have my stash of clothes and makeup but she has nothing to do with Jaylyn now. It's become a DADT and also bringing me to a point I did not know which way to go. I did purge a lot of things I had accumulated but replaced those things gradually.
She has started to point out to me how silly guys look in long hair, or how masculine a certain guy is. She tells me all the time and I quote " he's a little cutie and he's really buffed up". Always pointing out a guy that has big muscles and beards.
Yep she makes me feel embarrassed because I don't care about what a weight lifter can lift but am embarrassed that I am wearing my panties at the time.
What have I done about it you asked? Nothing because I don't know what to do. I can't be me without a few dressing sessions each month to at least calm this anxiety inside.thus I'm back in a DADT but not dressing around her any more.
We have been out to eat with friends and she has brought up how ridiculous that guy looks wearing the jeans that have decorations on the hip pockets. I just nod my head thinking I wish I had a pair.

[Sami Brown]

Even though my wife supports me, I still have some trouble dressing in front of her. I guess I feel a bit of embarrassment and awkwardness. It is all in my head, and I am working on dealing with it.

Sami

[Kimberly Adams]

I haven't been fully dressed in front of my wife yet but have had everything but a wig and makeup on. No embarrassment at all. Only thing I'm a little self conscious about is I need to shed 10 lbs.

[Happygirl!]

I also understand your feelings about being embarrassed. Sometimes my wife will tease me about my fem side, but sometimes she will say that she likes my fem side better, since its more sensitive, caring, more into fashion, etc. She sometimes will tease me about using the elliptical trainer, since that's mostly used by girls. But I think she knows it's a turn on for me being humiliated in this way

[Gillian Gigs]

The best way to get over it, is to move forward in small steps. I felt uncomfortable at first also. I just started to do small things do make it easier for the both of us, and it worked. Initially she didn't like the idea of me in bras, but as things progressed that wall came down also. You learn to crawl before you walk, you learn to walk before you run.

[Micki_Finn]

The first thing to do is figure out WHY you’re embarrassed. Are you embarrassed because you’re afraid of being too “girly” in front of her? Or are you embarrassed because you feel your presentation isn’t good enough to be compared to a gg? Or maybe it’s something else. Once you know WHY, you’ll have a better idea of how to get over it.

[AmandaRaquel]

Hi Ronnie
I can relate to this somewhat.

I go through ups and downs. Sometimes I think “why bother” or “I do not look good today”
I come up with excuses to be too busy and having no time for Amanda.

On one hand I want to make sure that my wife is not overwhelmed with “onother woman in the house all the time” and on the other I still feel like I’m not presenting well.

The only thing that I can say is to keep on doing it and don’t purge. Wait for a pink fog. Find out what is holding you back and try to work on it. It sounds to me like your wife is very accepting. So it may be more about you than her. Wish you luck.

[Asew]

I think for me, any embarrassment I have in front of the wife is from being too girly. This caused me to be more selective in what I wore around her and how often. I think this is so I don't overwhelm her. But it had the added bonus of realizing my non-binary nature that I get the most effect from skirts and heels and everything else is kind of optional for me. I think over time it has become more routine and nothing to get embarrassed about .

[Alice B]

It is funny how that happens. Over time my wife has become totally accepting with Alice. I can run around all day and night in a bra and forms. I can wear light make up.Yet I have not totally dressed for months in front of her, which is no longer a problem. I just have not done it and I am not at embarssed. Yet today she is away at meeting until tonight and I sit her totally dressed, full make up and wig. Have no explanation

[Mafalda]

In my experience, it came mostly from inside me. I mean, only when you feel ready and confident of yourself, you can reach the outside world. Even if this world is your wife. In my case, as most of us, outing to my wife came after YEARS of denials, secrets, and guilt. It took time and love to overcome this. It's such a delicate and unusual face of ourselves that has to show off. Be patient...

[Tracii G]

Must be awful being embarrassed about being yourself.
Remember your wife has seen you naked,watched you throw up from drinking too much etc.

[JanesCDcloset]

Ronnie you are not alone. My SO is also acccepting but I never really dress in front of her, only wear panties daily and pantyhose when it is colder.

I feel there are two reasons I don’t dress more when she is home.

First is myself, just like you, I do feel embarrassed when she sees me dressed. She doesn’t say anything bad or show any negativity, shows no reaction at all.

Which brings me to the second reason. I can tell by her reactions she is accepting but doesn’t really like it. So I do not push it on her.

So the way I deal with it is to just do it for myself. I don’t hide it from her by any means, I have left stuff laying around unintentionally and she doesn’t bat an eye. So she knows I dress when she is not there. I do not overreact if she comes home early and I am dressed. I just casually change my clothes. For now, this is working for us.

[Tracii G]

Jane that seems to work for both of you and thats awesome.
I really don't like to see guys push CDing on their wives to me it seems pretty selfish of them.
Like you just do it when they aren't home seems fair to me.
My #2 ex has seen pics of me in girl mode but would I dress 100% female in her company probably not.
She has seen me in my normal 50/50 mode a few times and it wasn't a big deal.

[docrobbysherry]

Ronnie, dressing for me is a very private activity. I don't think it's something I wish to share with anyone. Even an accepting GG!
But, that's me, not u!

I like what Micki said. The problem appears to be u, not your SO. U need to figure out what's bothering u!

[Maria 60]

Sounds pretty normal to feel that way, we want to be our women's protector and strong man. For myself I didn't mind dressing in front of her, but the first time wearing a wig was difficult at first. When I was dressed complete and couldn't believe myself how I looked, I felt very uncomfortable for a while, but we both got use to it.
It is hard at first, but you will get it slowly.

[Teri Ray]

I am similar to many here in that I have an accepting (to an extent) wife but I do feel awkward dressing in front of her. She sees me in panties almost daily but for some reason I find it embarassing for her to see me in a bra (which I wear as often as panties). I am not sure why I feel this way but I do. I have some logic that says everyone needs underware (panties or tity whities) who cares but men, in general, do not need a bra (although I will confess I really enjoy wearing a bra). At least my wife and I can discuss this dressing desire openly and hopefully soon will open a few more doors when it comes to dressing. My take for what it is worth.

[Ronnie38]

Must be awful being embarrassed about being yourself.
Remember your wife has seen you naked,watched you throw up from drinking too much etc.

How do you know so much? Are you stalking me Tracii?

Seriously though, thank you all for the replies. I too think Micki is right. Its definately something with me, just havent put my finger on it. I think it may be all the things I would like to do vs the fear of overwhelming my wife. Or maybe the habit of hiding.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm not so much embarrassed around my wife but I'm working to overcome her aversion to my crossdressing.

I'm not so much embarrassed around my wife but I respect her aversion to my presenting as a female.

[Tracii G]

Yes Ronnie I'm just a few steps behind you .LOLOL.

[susie evans]

My wife doesn’t care we have gone out shopping as 2 girls many times , it’s like she says at first it was like a competition now she realizes that is not the case it is just part of who I am we have a great deal of respect for each other some times she participates and some time she says go out with the girls just don’t wake me up when you get home , but we have also been married 45 years and all of our kids know , some think it is just fine others want no part of it it just takes time

[Imeni]

Has anyone ever thought that it's just that part of your brain that you've had convinced that you'll either be fully accepted, convincing so you don't want to look silly in someone else's eyes, or just simply enjoy doing something alone that you've done without knowing that there is zero judgement. You do you when you're alone and if there is no one around, no one can say anything hurtful about it.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Sounds as if you may be harboring some guilt because there is some element of you she did not know about when saying the "I do?"

Those who marry young, ie under 30, probably don't know much about themselves, never mind the person they're marrying. They have an image of themselves, and an image of their fiance, which is most likely to be around 50% accurate at best.

Every ten years, and I've nearly done 6 of those, I think: well, finally I know a thing or two; finally I'm not screwing up so much any more; I'm getting a handle on this 'life' thing. Then I screw up again.

How anybody thinks they have more than a superficial knowledge of their fiance astounds me. The sweet, gentle young woman you fell in love with can turn out to be deeply insecure, jealous, controlling and needy, morphing into a piranha come divorce time; the handsome, manly guy you fell in love with can turn out to like wearing dresses.

What counts is how small-minded are we/they, and do they have a capacity to truly love another person. Get those things right in a fiance and you have unconditional love and acceptance.

Sadly it's pretty rare.