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Thread: What should I say?

  1. #1
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    What should I say?

    I'm not sure where to post this or how to even word it. So please be positive in your replies. I want to introduce myself to a transgender (MTF) person where I work. I don't know what to say to her. It's uncommon, at least in the USA, for strangers to introduce themselves. Or maybe I'm just uncomfortable with it. I don't want to offend, or assume, or make her feel uneasy.
    Such is CD life (sounds so much better in French)

  2. #2
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Say to her what you would say to anybody else when you meet them.

  3. #3
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
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    why do you want to introduce yourself?
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Please do not just walk up and say, "We have something in common." As Laura says, say what you would say to another person you want to meet and know. Be where she is during lunch breaks, or casually bump into outside and start up a brief conversation about work, or where the company is going, or somersetting that happens in the moment. If you can create a casual relationship built on quick comments about something while waiting in line, or make occasional eye contact when she or you walk by, avoiding stares and uncomfortable looks, you and she will become more familiar with each other without ever really talking about anything in depth. Leave the serious conversations for later when you are actually better acquainted. And please realize that some people do not want to be recognized as a trans woman or trans man and may feel hurt if you bring up that aspect of themselves that they would prefer to hide. Be patient.

  5. #5
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    I'm interested in meeting her because we do have something in common. But great points about building an indirect relationship first.
    Such is CD life (sounds so much better in French)

  6. #6
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    I would do like Crocodile Dundee and grab her in the private parts, that's the best way to go.

    Seriously, just talk to the person as one would talk to anyone. Talking about the weather is always an ice breaker. It is best to find out how this person is. You'll know by talking to them. Just because they are trans doesn't mean they are a good person. You might say something personal and then the whole work place might know, especially if you don't want them to know. But all in all just talk as work mates and see where it goes.
    .
    There can be no light without darkness.

  7. #7
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    like the others have said just start out talking, don't mention the trans. or crossdressing get to know her as a coworker or friend and see how it goes

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member phylis anne's Avatar
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    I had an experience like yours she was at a walmart and very nervous ,apparently she had been hassled, I went up to talk to her and mentioned we were birds of a feather so to say and would she tell me where she got her knee bots? ,I really did not care about the boots but it was a definite ice breaker with her,long story short we had quite a talk ,appears she has left the area as I have not seen her for a bit ,so like the others have go up say hi and see where it goes

  9. #9
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    Recently a fellow approached me in the supermarket and asked, "You're transgender, aren't you?" That was more than a bit off-putting, and it comes across as aggressive.

    Now, in my case, it doesn't really matter. I live in a tiny little town where everybody knows me, so it's no secret. And it's also true he did have a legitimate reason for asking the question: he was wondering if there was a trans or LGBT group in our area (which there isn't) because he wanted to meet people.

    So in this case it was alright. But I definitely wouldn't advise that sort of approach if you're just looking to get to know somebody.

  10. #10
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    I have a life example that I think worked well for me. I knew a person before they identified as trans male, and before I identified as transgender female. After a brief talk, I mentioned to the person that I recently went to a trans support group, and I met a person with the same name as their is, and I thought it was cool because to me it was such a rare name, and there I knew already two people in town with the same name. To what the person replied - huh...you went to trans support group? You know I am trans too (which I could guess)
    Basically, I knew it but by casually coming out first, they felt comfortable to share about themselves the same.
    Good luck!

  11. #11
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    If I were you I would approach that person just like any new acquaintance, engage in small talk and see where things go. If you hit it off, then great. If not, that's perfectly normal as well. If you approach them with a sense of curiosity based on their trans status, you are no better than a run of the mill "chaser" and you will probably elicit the same kind of response. People are people and know when they are being treated as a curiousity. Don't be an idiot.

  12. #12
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    I had someone out at work come up to me. I'm not out at work and apparently not hiding it well. Point is, she was offering help if I needed it. She has paved the way for many of our rights where we work. Anyone at your job would probably be equally supportive.you probably don't need to say more than hello. You could say you have some things in common.

  13. #13
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    The tack I have chosen to take in such situations is to start up a general conversation or greeting and then find a way to casually mention that I'm trans. They, invariably, then volunteer that they are trans also.
    That being said, as excited as I get seeing other trans people, I know many of you do not share my enthusiasm.
    I try to remind myself that..
    A. There is always the chance my TRANSDAR is on the fritz, unlikely but possible.
    Um, can we say embarrassing with a capital A-hole!
    B. The chance the person in question will be disheartened by my "approaching" them is pretty high.
    I think about how I would feel if I were going about my day thinking I passed or maybe just not thinking about it at all, only to have some random stranger say "hey you're trans, right?"
    I'm quite positive I would feel somewhat less than magnanimous toward the "individual" who just shattered my hopes and dreams upon the bitter, cold, hard, shore of reality.
    Can we say, confidence booster...NOT!
    C. I've never actually made any friends doing this.
    I try to remember, in my excitement at seeing us out and about that as much as I like talking to strangers...er, that didn't come out right..
    Is it really worth probably ruining someones day and exposing myself to potential risk for something that isn't likely to go anywhere?
    Probably not.
    Last edited by Aprilrain; 09-23-2018 at 07:08 PM.

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