Acceptance...but...

[Kylie4]

My wife is accepting of Kylie. She buys me things, helps me with makeup, and has even suggested starting hrt. Which I have not started but would love to, just haven’t taken that step yet. However when we get in disagreements sometimes she holds it against me. Says things like “I’m just holding you back from being who you want to be so you take out your frustrations out on me.” And other things she knows is a jab at Kylie. I get that when someone is mad they don’t always say things they mean but is this how she truly feels? Does she really not support me? When she is mad does her true feelings come out? I couldn’t ask for her to be more accepting than what she is but sometimes I wonder if she is really accepting. Sometimes things seem they would be easier if she was not accepting so I would know boundaries. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Micki_Finn]

I’m gonna be brutally honest here. I don’t know you or your wife or your relationship, but from what little info you’ve given us, I’m going to speculate that she’s supportive of you, but you haven’t done a whole lot to support her. Comments like the one you describe don’t strike me as jabs at your “femme self” but rather like frustration that the relationship has become all about you and “Kylie”.

[Jaylyn]

Micki probably hit the nail on the head. In a good CD relationship you have to give back equal or really more than required to be fully accepted by a wife or GF or significant other. Try this and see if she will start being nicer and stop the jabs. You got to think what if she wanted to transition into a man? Think about how you'd feel.

[Gillian Gigs]

I'm chiming in with the other comments. From what I have scene of this site, a lot of CD'er can get rather self absorbed, which is not good. Relationships are meant to go both ways, and I sense that her comments are a result of feeling left out of the picture. Love is sacrificing yourself for others, she has been supporting you to the point of H.R.T discussions, what have you been doing for her???

[Sidney]

I agree with most of what has been said. My wife is very accepting and I take every opportunity I get to show her how much I love and appreciate her. I especially like the comparison of her female to male dressing. Wouldn't you want things to be about both of you and not just her. Best of luck.

[Pat]

I get that when someone is mad they don’t always say things they mean but is this how she truly feels? Does she really not support me? When she is mad does her true feelings come out?

You know who you should be asking, right? Ask your wife! This is a conversation you both need to have. I suspect Micki is right, but none of us know -- only your wife knows.

[kimdl93]

Good points. Of course ask your wife, but more so, look at yourself and ask what behaviors are precipitating these exchanges.

[Rachelakld]

My wife doesn't like sharing me with Rachel, she would prefer to be the only woman in the relationship.

[Kimberly Adams]

I told my wife a couple of months ago about Kimberly. She has been unbelievably supportive. This and some other events have brought us closer together than I ever imagined. We still argue and get into disagreements but she has never thrown a dig my way about crossdressing. I've been showering my wife with love and attention and gifts like never before - who knew crossdressing could make such a positive impact. I agree with other comments, make sure your wife knows she is #1 and communicate. The real answers are usually 4-5 questions deep.

[Maid_Marion]

Don't forget to do things just for her. That doesn't have anything to do at all with clothes or appearance. Maybe take her out to her favorite type of movie, even if it isn't the sort of thing you normally like to see.
Mamma Mia and Crazy Rich Asians are two example of movies in which most guys are only there because their SO wants to see it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Kylie

From your post it sounds like you do ave acceptance from your spouse. The real issue may be this portion of your post.

Says things like “I’m just holding you back from being who you want to be so you take out your frustrations out on me.”

What does she mean "you take out your frustrations out on me.”

When you get frustrated what occurs between you and your souse ? Are the behaviors that you can work on, or address , as other have suggested here .

Sometimes looking deep and examining your relationships is not a bad thing. We can all use a tune up from time to time.

[Beverley Sims]

I wonder is she trying to control you?

[docrobbysherry]

Kylie, have u considered that maybe your SO is RITE!? U said, u haven't start HRT but want to?

R u hesitating because of her? Think about this, then u and her need to talk!

[Stephanie47]

There is always the possibility she is leading you on so she can dump you when you actually go too far in her mind. There have been many threads on this site where the wife has been apparently tolerant and supportive, only to lower the boom later when you're too far in to go back. Just a thought.

[Kylie4]

Thanks for all the advice. First I will say we have a great relationship. We hardly ever disagree and will never leave me no matter what. If it came down to dressing or choosing her I would always choose her. She knows that but sometimes I don’t communicate that to her enough. After talking to her she said she didn’t really mean the things she said. I understand things are hard for her sometimes. But like any person sometimes when life gets hard you take out frustrations on those you love the most. I’m talking about how I treat her sometimes. What started all this is that things were hard with work and personal stuff that I just kind of distanced myself for a few days and closed off on her leading to us not getting along. She thought it was due to me not having much Kylie time lately. All is good now. Thanks for the advice.

[Kelli_cd]

It may also be possible that in that moment of her feeling hurt or frustrated she is trying to hurt you in return. But, it's only a heat of the moment thing.