Repression/immersion

[sabrinaedwards]

I have tried this year to repress my urges to cross dress. As the year progressed my urges to cross dress became stronger. As I had an opportunity to cross dress, I totally immersed myself into becoming Sabrina. So here I am today, totally into to being Sabrina. I wish I knew what the secret is as to why I have this compulsion! Is there a Rosetta Stone out there someplace? I have read the threads about as to why, but most do not make sense to me. I guess I will just have another glass of wine and enjoy this wonderful feeling. My best to all of my friends and fellow crossdressers out there. I love all of you.
Love, Sabrina

[Jaylyn]

Love ya to Sabrina. If any one knew the answer to why we do this they'd need to write a book. I believe there's many reasons but none of which I would be able to prove. For now I just know it feels good and right for me but at the same time I feel I shouldn't be doing this, who knows so I'm just going to keep on enjoying the wonderful feelings I get all dolled up.

[Bobbi46]

Sabrina,
I have said this many times before ( and I say it again very kindly and nicely) if you have not come across my replies before, I wondered about this very thing for a long time until I became friends with a very eminent Dr who just happens to lecture at the faculty of medicine at a very big university hospital near me, we had a very indepth conversation about why one person dresses, why another is gay or lesbian or any variation in between.
This is what he catergirically stated to me, it is not by design or need or sudden thoughts, it. How we are born is decided in the womb and sometimes the hormones and other things go a bit awry and lo and behold out pops a boy who later or earlier in life dresses or realise he is gay or by the same token a baby girl becoming lesbian or whatever.
This is not a personal choice which we subsequently make either on a whim or by situations.
I always knew I had a very strong feminine side to myself and only found the proper soliution in dressing in which now I find myself utterly happy and content dressing en femm virtually every day now. I no longer have any drab underwear and as for drab outer wear only the very minimum for those occasions the nessessitate it.
Dressing is something that many fight against, some ceasing to dress for a while, some stopping completely. But in the end that need, that desire to dress and feel like a women will come to the fore. It is not something anybody can fight simply put dressing and other levels are part of our lives born to be like this. I do not fihgt it never have but find a huge amount of comfort and contentment in dressing.
All I can say live and be happy, if you have had the desire to dress for ever then this is the life for you, enjoy!

[Sami Brown]

I think there isn't a single reason. As far as feeling the need to repress for the past year, why did you feel you needed to do that?

I don't think it is much different than anything else we like or dislike doing. For example, some people love to go to the lake at every opportunity. Others do not. Does it really matter why an individual loves to go to the lake? I don't think it matters why. Just know that going to the lake is something you love, and do it!

I really don't see much difference between one individual loving the lake, or playing football, or enjoying wine, or dressing. The why doesn't really make any difference.

Sami

[kimdl93]

Been there and done that, fairly recently even. There is no wholly satisfactory answer to why, and even if there was, I’m not sure it would aid in resisting the desire to dress.

I will resist the temptation to assert that no one ever succeeds in repressing the desire. We probably don’t hear from those folks at the CD forum, assuming some must exist. My efforts to suppress or deny have thus far proved unsuccessful. At least I’m a bit less disappointed in myself than I once was. And maybe a bit more willing to accept myself either way.

[Gypsy Sam]

Repression/immersion,

Repression or self control is what some of us feel safer with when interacting with people in our lives. Enjoying my times to myself, allow for immersion and self perception of a female self. The thrill of a fetish excites the imagination, and allows creativity. Enjoy the thoughts of others and marvel at their degrees of involvement. When in doubt do nothing at all.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sabrina , It's just who I am and it's just hat I do, I have no desire to change it after almost 72years.


I feel that I am blessed to have the bet of both worlds. >Orchid ..++..

[Jean. Ann]

I can only speak for myself and my reasons ,
I was an only child and seldom saw my father who
worked long hours , so identified more closely with my mother .
I was sickly as a younger child so was not good at games or sports .
Or much of a fighter
So failed to bond with the boys and really had few male friends .
Learned about clothes style etc shoping with my mothe .
Learned at an early age to enjoy the company of women
So dressing was a natural progression

Jean. Ann

[Tracii G]

Why is it so important to find out why you dress or have these urges?
If you were to find an answer what difference would it make?
I doub't if you knew what the reasons were it would stop you from having the urge to dress as a female.
My point is enjoy it and don't worry about the small stuff.
People sometimes think too much about the why and what ifs of life.

[Rachelakld]

For me, I've dual personalities
We work as a co-conscious entity (found out from a teacher as they are taught to recognise this stuff)
Mostly my male self has control, but if the female isn't allowed to express herself occasionally, when it's safe to do so, she causes depression/frustration issues.
At this stage, a few hours a week satisfies her, hope she never needs more.

[Becky Blue]

There may be one or many reasons for why you feel the way you do Sabrina. Possibly science or medicine or psychology will one day figure it out, until that point we are all just guessing. For me I am fascinated by human behavior but I accept myself 1000% and believe that I am gifted to have Becky, I hope you get to that place one day.

[sometimes_miss]

It's not a compulsion. Crossdressing doesn't usually respond to OCD treatment. Why do we want to crossdress? For each crossdresser, the reason may be different. If you cannot figure it out yourself, you may need to see a therapist to try to figure it out. For some, it's genetic predisposition, others, conditioning; who knows what it is for you.

I managed to stop for about ten years. I thought that I had 'beaten it'; or that I outgrew it. Turned out I was subconsciously repressing it. When I got stressed out, my mind couldn't hold back the desire anymore, and the desire to crossdress returned with a vengeance. For me it was some sort of conditioning and then frequent reinforcement of the idea that I was actually supposed to be a girl. Over many years that idea sort of stuck in my mind, and wound up being a permanent part of my personality. I don't speak for any others; but I was a normal boy until I was molested and all this gender bending started.

Good luck figuring yourself out. It took me decades, this all before modern psychology had learned about the development of gender and some of the ways it can be derailed (in utero, genetic, conditioning, etc.).

Remember, unless you can present a reason for why you want to crossdress when someone asks you, they will come up with a reason on their own, and it isn't going to be the reason you want. Most people still think we're gay, in denial, TS, or bi. And, of course, they think we're all liars who intentionally tried to fool them into thinking we're normal.

[Gillian Gigs]

I found that the more I attempted to repress my desires to CD the worse it got. I would hold back to the point of having a complete and total blow out. With the blow out came such intense guilt and condemnation that it just kept me going in a downward spiral. I had to find my sweet spot where I could enjoy this side of me and at the same time not have the blow outs. Self acceptance is the first thing, accept what you can't change, and change what you can. I underdress all of the time now and this has brought me the peace I needed to move forward in life.

[Kimberly Adams]

I definitely have no answer to why I like to crossdress. I think it's just built into my genetics. My first experience dressing was probably 6 years old and it has always exhilarated me. I went out and spent tons of $ on clothes and then purged more times than I can remember. So much shame. Why can't I be normal? I've come to accept that dressing is a small part of me and it isn't going away. It doesn't define me, I don't want to be a girl but love pretending to be one. The exhilaration of dressing up to the nines and going out to be seen is like no other. I have accepted and embraced my desire to dress. Told my wife a couple of months ago and she has been amazingly supportive, like nothing I ever imagined. Feel so blessed. Love this forum.

[Crissy 107]

Great responses on this thread. Myself I started young and totally enjoyed everything feminine I could try. I tried to suppress/repress it and was successful but only for a while. It always came back and always will as we all know. The best thing to do as talked about is to just enjoy it. We are cross dressers and need to be happy. We all have different levels of what we do so just enjoy what you can and push the envelope now and again. Just my 2 cents.
Crissy

[lynnstar]

Like many girls on this forum, i too am not sure why i would rather crossdress than wear men's clothing. I find doing so excilorating and natural. Started at 9 wearing my grandmother's slips while parents were at work. Then graduated to skirts pants and bras by my early teens. Then for a long time I quit. However, during my quit time, I went to college, joined the army (20yrs) got married and raised a family. But never during all this time, did the feeling ever leave me. I would look at a woman and think, "wonder what I would look like in her dress or skirt. Finally, I retired from army, and a few years later, decided to crossdress every chance I get (which isn't to often as wife is very unaccepting. So I underdress quite a bit. But not at home, but at work. No one knows at work. Going to speak to a VA therapist in Sept. They know about my crossdressing as i told the VA doctor i do it. But due to lack of enough therapist in the VA, I will be doing my sessions via computer. We will see how that works out?

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I tried to repress it as well, especially during my military years. Didn't do a great job of that, as on occasion I would try on one of me wife's larger skirts while she was away for a few hours. Tis true! The desire does Not go away. Not even with age. If anything. It gets bigger. ☺☺

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I tried to repress it as well, especially during my military years. Didn't do a great job of that, as on occasion I would try on one of me wife's larger skirts while she was away for a few hours. Tis true! The desire does Not go away. Not even with age. If anything. It gets bigger. ☺☺

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I tried to repress it as well, especially during my military years. Didn't do a great job of that, as on occasion I would try on one of me wife's larger skirts while she was away for a few hours. Tis true! The desire does Not go away. Not even with age. If anything. It gets bigger. ☺☺

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I tried to repress it as well, especially during my military years. Didn't do a great job of that, as on occasion I would try on one of me wife's larger skirts while she was away for a few hours. Tis true! The desire does Not go away. Not even with age. If anything. It gets bigger. ☺☺

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I tried to repress it as well, especially during my military years. Didn't do a great job of that, as on occasion I would try on one of me wife's larger skirts while she was away for a few hours. Tis true! The desire does Not go away. Not even with age. If anything. It gets bigger. ☺☺

[NoraTV]

Dear Sabrina,

Let it be.

Love,

Nora

[GretchenM]

Sabrina,

It is perfectly normal to wonder about the source of this behavior. Our society is strongly binary when it comes to sex and gender, but when you don't feel that way and the feeling won't go away no matter what you do we develop great concern that there is something wrong with us. Nothing wrong. Perhaps the best description I have read is the one posted here by Bobbi46. (Wow, great job Bobbi.) Read it carefully. Cause is different than the more conscious feelings of desire that lead us to actually behave the way that seems most natural to us.

The cause is almost certainly biological and as a biologist the thinking is that it is a pre-disposition we are born with that at some time in our life, young or old, gets activated and we are off on a great adventure into a world that is a bit different from the world most people live in. Being yourself is who we should be and if that is different from the masses, so be it.

So, if there is a biological foundation which is what is most certain at this point in our understanding of this behavior pattern, there isn't anything you can really do about it except to manage it in a way that is comfortable for YOU. People like us have always existed and in many cultures we are viewed or have been viewed as very special people who have a gift that allows them to see things and do thing that others do not or cannot - really special things. Of course, we do still have to be aware of social standards sometimes to deal with certain situations, but nearly all the rest of the time we can be ourselves. Enjoy the journey and the ride through a life that is unique in many ways and a gift in other ways. But most important, don't force things to happen for wrong reasons just because that is the expectation. Be yourself.

Gretchen

[Teri Ray]

Dang..............I was hoping that this common thread would finally have the answer to the "why do I have this desire?" question. Guess not. Oh well.......don'y worry, be happy.

[Stephanie47]

As to the why? I gave up trying to figure it out a long time ago. Yes, the subject has been beaten to death on this forum. I read a lot of posts as to how one feels when wearing women's clothing and emulating a woman, but, that is how one feels doing what we do. It does not answer the "why." Wearing women's clothing may be a stress reliever, but, so is alcohol, drugs, sex, and whatever relaxes you, like a hobby. Why the clothes?

A PTSD counselor makes the most sense out of it for me. Sort of the same belief as your doctor friend. She is of the opinion that every man or woman has some DNA of the opposite sex in his or her gene pool. In some it is stronger than others. That seems to make sense. It may account for men or women seemingly having a brain born into the wrong body. I have found over the years there were periods when my male hormones or dna dominated my life. No thoughts of wearing women's clothing at all. There were other times when the female dna strands seem to have arisen to enable me to escape from male reality. That I attribute to the mind being conditioned to seek out stress relief from being a male. Instead of grabbing a smoke, I wear a panty. A lot less injurious to my health than smoking.

Bobbi, if my counsel or right, then perhaps ditching all your drab clothing may be due to the female dna strands not being repressed by male conditioning anymore.

[Beverley Sims]

When you find the answer let us know, I think it is hidden in the same cave as the holy grail.

[rhonda]

I think we're we living in a Spirit world , once we are lured into trying fem clothes , a Spirit enters into us and controls how we think

[BrendaPDX]

Like most here I have tried to suppress my urges, purged a few times, felt shame, and in the end getting all dolled up again. And so it goes

[CynthiaD]

Nobody really knows why we cross dress. There are lots of explanations but they're just wild guesses, and probably wrong. I'm an eminent lecturer myself, and would suggest you take what eminent lecturers say with a grain of salt. We make a lot of wild guesses too.

The first step in curing your problem (yes, take this with a grain of salt) is to stop asking why you have this compulsion and start asking why you have this wonderful gift. You need to accept yourself for what you are, and see it as a good thing. I, for example, wanted at one time, to run a sub-4-minute mile and go to the Olympics. But, of course, I finally realized that I couldn't run anywhere near that fast. So I decided to try something else. Like being a scientist. That worked, and it was a good thing. No medals, but still a good thing.

So, repressing and purging didn't work for you. It didn't work for me either. So, let's try something else. That immersion thing sounds good. Excuse me while I slip into my K-cup bra, 8 pound breast forms and leopard top. Ah yes, that works.

[Janine cd]

I agree with CynthiaD, There is no reason for trying to explain why we crossdress. It is a natural phenomenon which has no reasonable explanation. I, too, look upon it as a gift which can only be excepted and enjoyed.