Risk vs Reward

[sabrinaedwards]

Right now I'm dressed so nicely and I would love to go to the a strip plaza in a nearby city. But, I live in a very conservative area and the consequences of being recognized would be horrible. I have gone out many times, but always after dark and when the stores are near closing. This is the classic "risk vs reward". I am not really looking for advice, just debating with myself about staying in or taking a chance. Perhaps many of you face this same issue. I will probably do the smart thing, but.....
Love, Sabrina

[Tracy Irving]

Not once have I ever learned a strangers personal politics when I crossdressed. Apparently, they care as little about what I am wearing as I do about what party they align with.

[Stephanie47]

Ah, the phrase I use many times on this forum, "risk v Reward." I also use it in my every day analysis of something I may want to do. All I will say is do not let anyone push you into making a decision. You're the person who bears the consequences of your actions.

Me? I am married to a woman who knows, but, chooses to ignore my desire to wear women's clothing. So be it! When she is away over night to see friends or family I do have the time to go out en femme. And, I do go for a drive and an evening stroll. It gets the desire to spread my wings satisfied. For me my desires are a private affair. I really do not have a desire to mingle with the masses. Decades ago my wife said she had no problem with me joining a support group. I looked. I could not find one back in the 1980's. Now? My head is screwed on right. I realize it is the people around me who have the problem, not me. But, I have to bear the consequences of their small mindedness. I have toyed with the idea of attending the annual cross dressers event in Port Angeles, WA (Esprit Gala). I'm on the fence about it.

I know you are not asking for advice. Perhaps, attending a regional or national event would be satisfying. The worse thing that may happen is you find someone else from your hometown who is also a man who wears women's clothing.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a closet dresser, yet I go out dressed all the time and have been doing it for 9 years!

There's no risk because I don't go out anywhere near home. My reward is going out with 100's of my T sisters to many fun venues! Unless you're planning on coming out, why do u need to visit your local mall? Unless u'll get a reward out of being found out, you're risk is completely unnecessary, Sabrina!

[1958Candi]

Whenever someone uses the phrase “there is no risk”, it is an indication that they do not understand risk. Unlikely does not equal impossible. Tread carefully if you are not prepared to deal with the worst case scenario.

[NancySue]

We’re in the same boat...conservative area, being read, etc. but I do occasionally venture out, usually after dark. When I return, I feel the risks were worth it. I am very, very careful.

[Michaelasfun]

Maybe pick a not-so-nearby city!

[CynthiaD]

... Unlikely does not equal impossible. Tread carefully if you are not prepared to deal with the worst case scenario.

The worst case scenario is a comet hitting the earth and wiping out all life. Unlikely, but not impossible. I'm content to deal with likely consequences of my actions. This includes cross dressing in public, which appears to have few consequences worth worrying about.

[RADER]

Some times it is better to be safe than sorry.
Try a town a few miles away or a bigger city where people do not care so much.
Rader

[Jaylyn]

Only you can make the decision of wether you should chance it or not and only you may live with the consequences.

[Patience]

The worst case scenario is a comet hitting the earth and wiping out all life.

Not a comet hitting the earth and wiping out all life during an air raid?

I live in a pretty progressive area, so I feel sorry for folks who don't. The problem with the folks we're talking about is not only their views, but also that they feel compelled to act upon their views. The ones who leave you well enough alone aren't the problem.

If you ever feel you can't take it anymore and you choose to go out, tell folks who ask that you're conducting a test of the U.S. first amendment, as a person's choice of clothing is a form of free speech. Good luck.

[Kimberly Adams]

I've been out dressed in my local area several times without issue. I doubt anyone would recognize me fully dressed. I would never want to be caught but the risk I think adds to the experience.

[Lygophilia]

I never understood why people are scared of what the public might think of you. They are in control of you if you let them.

[Aunt Kelly]

Let's define the variables a bit better. How "nearby" is the city in question? What is the population of that city? Lastly, what is the reward?

[Beverley Sims]

Walking the streets in the afternoon has less risk than at night.

More people looking at others and less focused on you, especially if you stand out.

The populace is busier in the day time and focus is usually on tasks they are trying to complete.

A small town is not good as there is a likelyhood of being seen by friends I suggest another town or neighbourhood at least a couple of miles from your home.

A shopping mall is a good place to wet your feet.

I would avoid after school between 3.30 and five, after that is okay as well as lunch time and have a snack and watch others go by.

Or is that go and buy. :-)

[Stephanie47]

I never understood why people are scared of what the public might think of you. They are in control of you if you let them.

I think it was pointed out that there are people who act upon their belief, emotions, etc. There are many states where a person can be fired at will, i.e., for no cause. Or not get the promotion. A wife also bears the consequences of her husband's action in the non accepting environments; friends and family, church, social outcasts, kids bullied at school. People have been known to experience violence. Yes, it is possible to not experience any of this, but, it does happen.

[Lydianne]

@Sabrina: Uff! I know this feeling! . In the end, you probably did what you would call the 'smart' thing . . .

. . . this time .

( Assuming you're not submitting your strip plaza conquest thread as I write this ).


But you'll need a long-term plan ... Because that strip plaza will still be there, and the next time, your dressing might look a little bit nicer , and you'll feel a little bit prettier , and the need inside will be a little bit stronger ...

. . . then what? .

For me, so many times prior, I reached for the door latch and turned back inside . That one time, it resulted in me stepping out . A few months have passed, and I'm pleased I had that tipping point, but from the way you write, I don't have the reputation risks that you have, but my safety risks can be very high.

It appears there might be a need to do more than your evening excursions. You need a plan in case the balance tips .

- Lydianne.

[rhonda]

Taking a risk is part of life to a cd'er until we totally commit to being fem and out and about in fem

[Charlotte7]

The risk / reward thing is something that we each have to consider at various times. For me, when I want to step, I ask myself, if today was the day that it all went wrong would I be happy? Well, of course I wouldn't be happy, but could I live with the consequences? And I feel, that as long as I have asked myself, and as long as I have answered myself, then It's OK to continue. Having said that, there's no need to take huge and ill considered risks, as that it just plain silly and asking for trouble. But, we are the only ones who can ask and we are the only ones who can answer.

[Trione]

I too live in a very conservative area, but recently had a trip to a very accepting part of the country. I went to a club in drab and liked it, so the next evening as I was having dinner at the Hotel the waitress mentioned she had seen me in the club, and asked me what I though of it. Told her I enjoyed the club but wanted to go back looking better dressed. She said if you need any help just ask. So i did and she did my hair and makeup and we went together to the club. Had a great time we looked like a mother/daughter out for the evening. Looking forward to another trip sometime.

[Teresa]

Sabrina,
We make many assumptions , you may say you live in a conseravtive area but depsite that there will be other Cders about some in the closet and some out and about , you could say I live in a conservative area but it hasn't stopped me, most of the neighbours know but no one is making an issue of it . I don't see it as Risk or Reward , I have to my everyday jobs so I now just jump in my car and go and do them , I haven't had a single problem .

[marika_jaye]

I also live in a "conservative" area. A deep red county in a red state. I also consider myself politically conservative and socially libertarian. None of this has any relevance to whether or not people accept alternative lifestyles or presentations where I live. Within a 10-mile radius of my home there are 3 LGBT-friendly bars, one of which I will be visiting Saturday night to enjoy my very first drag show with a woman who, when she learned that I crossdress, was happier than a 5-year old on Christmas morning.

My point is simply this: There are small-minded, loud-mouthed people in every corner of the world. Being "conservative" has no real bearing on that. Being who we are, we challenge their perception of "normal." We are oddities to them, and they feel insecure when faced with anything they don't understand. In my admittedly limited experience among the "normals," they are by and large rather harmless. After the initial shock of seeing a man in a skirt or dress, they tend to get back to whatever they were doing previous to the encounter. I feel that the more we expose them to us, the more they'll get used to it and the less an issue it will be. I also feel that I will not allow the opinions of strangers to destroy my happiness or blunt my growth.

Of course, these are just my opinions.

With the exception of one trip to the movies, I have heretofore only ventured out dressed during the day, and the very worst reaction I've received was a convenience store cashier giving me a dirty look before politely and professionally taking my money and wishing me a good afternoon.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sabrina , It sounds like you are a Prisoner of your one device. ..00..

[sabrinaedwards]

Lydianne, you look so sweet and passable, I do not think that you would have any trouble out there! Last night, I did go out. I drove 35 miles to a plaza in another area. I tried on shoes at Rackroom, looked at purses in Burlington and a dress in Target. My urges exceed my normally good judgement.
Love, Sabrina

[Lydianne]

Awesome that you went out!! .

When the need becomes insurmountable, then all you can do is focus your good judgement upon smart execution - which clearly you did. The experience will probably keep your spirits high for a couple of days . For the long term, you might need a plan for more sustainable goings out, but for now, continue enjoying the aftermath .


You're very kind about me - thank you! . If I could carry two lamps in front of me everywhere I go, then yes, I could probably look like that all the time ...

. . . but I don't .

For the most part, I walk around without incident, but every now and then, I do get read:

- I've been microscoped, in which case I just keep my eyes forward, grin, and let them read into that what they will .
- I've been supported overtly via car horn and covertly via discreet smiles. I appreciate both.
- I've taken three instances of verbal abuse . Worth it! .

Once again, nice work getting out! .
- Lydianne.