My wife is taking Amanda out.

[AmandaRaquel]

So my wife is taking Amanda out! Part 1
Warning - long post.

It has been over 5 months since I visited these pages. Life. Nothing crazy but things were moving so hectic that I did not even feel like checking on what is happening online.

Actually, in my last post I mentioned that I went out fully dressed with my wife and two girlfriends. It was amazing. But this was also the first time my wife spent time with Amanda and friends out like that. It was her first time in public with Amanda.

Afterwards, she admitted that she saw me in a different light for the first time; more like a girlfriend than a husband. She said that it was because all other people calling me Amanda and me being fully dressed in public that was a big shock.

It took us some time to process it all and figure out what it means and how this would that impact us going forward. I was scared that maybe “I crossed the line.” She is the most important person in my life and I did not want to do anything to negatively affect our relationship. So, at least subconsciously, Amanda disappeared. Maybe I wanted to overcompensate and show that I am still me. I don’t know. The desire to dress disappeared, or at the very least, diminished.

Throughout this my wife was assuring me that she was fine and that it was just the initial shock of seeing me as “one of her friends.” She felt that something was not right. I had/have no problems with her treating me like a girlfriend vs husband. But, at the end of the day, I want to make sure that we partners. It took me some time to process it all. Almost 3 months - which seems like forever.

But as you may have guessed, Amanda did not disappear and slowly remerged. Of course, with a being absent for a few months, Amanda came back strong and the pink fog set in. Needless to say, there were some purchases on my credit card!

Throughout all this my wife has been super supportive. Even suggesting dress-up nights and encouraging Amanda to go out. There were some “firsts.” Amanda driving in a car. Amanda walking in the neighborhood (well the driveway). Amanda getting her legs waxed.

Which brings me to the true beginning of this post.

This morning my wife suggested that we take a day off (in the next few days) and go shopping. And by saying “we,” I mean - my wife and Amanda. That is both sweet and terrifying for me!

So, here I am thinking about it. Looking for ideas. I am still not super open to be in public (CD friendly clubs are one thing, but being out in the middle of the day is something that I still did not experience).

We may try a mall or something like that. It is still hot and I don’t want to melt. Plus those malls in the middle of the workweek are relatively empty. Looking for some ideas in CT, NY,NJ.

Thoughts/suggestions? Also unsure what to wear - maybe jeans and flats.

Ufff....decisions decisions decisions.
I know that I’m lucky.

[Sami Brown]

I think jeans and flats are perfect for the first time out during the day. Whatever it is that will make you as comfortable as possible, both physically and mentally.

Your wife is a gem. Hopefully both of you will pick out some goodies!

Sami

[CrossKimmy]

Wear clothes that are easy to get in and out of so you can try things on, too.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda , The main thing is to blend in and not standout . >Orchid ..oo..

[Tracii G]

Its nice of her to take you out so have fun and yes blending is the way to go.

[Rachael Leigh]

A mall is a great place to go dressed, for me it’s one of the easiest. As someone said just dress to blend and enjoy. Hold your head high and don’t look as if your doing something wrong, as they say own it girl

[alwayshave]

Amanda, ask your wife what she is going to wear, same type of clothing should work.

[Ameli]

Most of us only dream of that kind of acceptance. Enjoy it.

[phili]

It's really her day- she is finding she can accept and support you, but it is no easier for her considering social norms. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by letting her call the shots, or be co conspirators in adventure. She is not in a pink fog- she is surely trying to understand who you are and what is ahead, but I would suggest just asking her to talk about how she feels, what her concerns are, how she would describe you to her diary, and thank her. Assuming it is all smooth, then just ask her to help you come out- what she suggests you wear, joke about you defending you if anyone scowls, etc.

[Beverley Sims]

I agree a mall and shopping in jeans and top, flats are good for walking for some style I often wear a low heeled boot.

Just get out and look around, the interaction is usually quite positive after about an hour of being out.

There is little likelihood of turning back. :-)

[michelle.foster]

Amanda,
I know it's can be scary but remember this....when you're out and about, nobody is looking at you. They have their own business to attend to....
When you were out before, where you concerned about what other were saying or doing when you came by? Probably not, you were enjoying the people you were out with.
This trip isn't going to be any different.
Have your wife pick out your clothes, attend a matinee first, this will help you relax.
Go out and enjoy.

[Sherrii]

You should do it. It was your wife's idea and to support her and make her feel good about the situation you should do as she wants. If you are uncomfortable I can understand that but she may be too and you won't gain if you refuse to go and make her think her idea wasn't a good one or you didn't like it. Support her and go for it, I hope you can get over your reluctance and have fun. If you can have fun and smile, maybe she will to. A win for both of you. Sherrii

[Shayla]

I like Phili's advice: let her call the shots and go with it. You are getting a gift here.

One reason she may be so willing to do this is because you did lay off for a few months- showing her that this is not an all-consuming thing. Have fun! If you are really nervous there must be CD-friendly stores in the NYC area that you could start with.

[Jenny22]

It is far easier going out with someone then alone. Just enjoy the day. BUT remember this ... whatever is bought for Amanda, something is also purchased for your wife!