I understand that this is a support forum and anyone brave enough to dress up and post a picture gets an automatic A for effort. But I don't believe people are being honest in their over-flowing praise. Telling someone that they "PASS" when they clearly don't is doing a dis-service. I'm not saying that you should be a Simon Cowell in your critique, maybe more like Randy Jackson.
Just my opinion.
I know I'll get some shit for this.
I agree on some level. But we are also come here to support our CD and Trans friends. Sometimes that requires a little hyperbole. Especially since this is the only echo chamber we can get some positive feedback
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
I’m not sure I agree that it’s a disservice. The reality is that most of us will never pass. I can pass from the neck up or bootie down, but my torso and frame are undeniable tells. I actually don’t have an Adam’s apple, which I’ve always found odd and is one of many reasons why I want to take an XXY test.
Blending on the other hand is something that we can accomplish and that requires oodles of confidence. Confidence is the key to strutting your stuff. Confidence does not come from Simon Cowell, unless you are Simon Cowell and in that case you probably have too much already LOL.
Reality check: for every passable photo I post here, there are 10 that get deleted with a cringe. Just saying...
Yikes now my secret is out!
Last edited by KatrinaK; 08-31-2018 at 03:08 PM.
Majella,
I tend to agree with you. Honesty is the best policy. It's been debated many many times here about blending Vs passing. I will always say if I feel someone is going to blend and hope that offers encouragement. What I'm not going to do is say something like, " For god's sake, don't ever set foot outside the door until you improve your looks!!!" There's no need to be mean.
I have commented on what I feel to be someone's faux pas dress wise but hey GG's make those mistakes and again I feel that's constructive criticism. However telling some the pass when they don't is setting someone up for a fall.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
I get your point and have occasionally seen that too. However, I would guess most of those who receive those comments never have gone out into the outside world and probably never will. Those same people have eyes and can easily and probably do see all the pics posted by the good lookers and good blenders and well as those who definitely would have difficulty blending in while out. Therefore, I think that they understand that if some says that they pass/blend they really do know the reality of how they look. Most of us are or have gone through those insecure stages, so why pile on negativeness when some positive reinforcement can do wonders for their self esteem?
Katrina, I also like your comments.
PS: Helen, I like what you have said too.
The only thing I would add is that honest and constructive feedback should be offered and welcomed by all. Don’t do this (please) but if you were to look at the evolution of my photos since I’ve joined here, you would see that it’s taken a lot of work, and a lot of constructive feedback for me to get where I am today. Again, please don’t look at my older photos, but if you did, you’d see what I mean.
. . . Unless they are MIADOriginally Posted by Majella St Gerard
.
- Lydianne.
Majella,
The fact is we don't pass 100% , only last night when we were all meeting up for a coffee and a late night shop I parked my car and the a guy next to me said, " You didn't park it very square mate !" I replied , " What do you expect from a blond !" OK his comment was thoughtless as he didn't know if I was TG or TS but he would have made the same comment regardless . To me it's not about passing but comfortably integrating , we are read but not so much male or female but something slighlty different , as long as no one takes offence to that then all will be well .
Katrina ,
That's basically what I work on , I blend with other people the problem is I just love to chat and have some fun , whether that lets me down I can' say but it doesn't bother me .
As for showing pictures well some members don't rate that as coming out , in fact some have been quiet abusive about it , I don't take as many now as I'm out 100% so I don't need to prove anything, they can see me in reality which is great .
Last edited by Teresa; 08-31-2018 at 03:23 PM.
Anyone who has been here for any lenght of time knows the question of passing is a thorny issue.
Yes you can have the best looking picture but its not just about that.
It can be easier to "pass" if your blending in.
Also you need to have certain level of confidence to put yourself out there.
Remember women come in all shapes and sizes just like us.
So we may not measure up to the ideal woman but who has the right to decide if its a pass or a fail.
All that people are doing is giving an opinion.
Teresa,
Great comeback!!
I'll bet that made his head spin to correlate that to his "mate" comment.
-Gracie
Shelly, Teresa, I agree with both of you 100%. The purpose of my picture tale was to illustrate that I don’t pass, unless in very controlled circumstances. And FYI, I am out and about at both community events and restaurants/bars with the muggles. I’m past my hiding at home days.
Confidence will get you far further than obsessing about passing.
Last edited by KatrinaK; 08-31-2018 at 04:55 PM.
You would not believe the number of female celebrities that people are commenting about on social media, saying that actresses such as Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Aniston, Milla Jovovich and many others are actually Trans. They really believe that they are. One poster mentioned that he "knew" Milla Jovovich was, because she has "wide shoulders". Another, that Jennifer Garner had a "man's jawline", so they deduced from that she was "born a man". Never stopping to realize that this is a woman who has had 3 children! As ridiculous as that is, it just goes to prove that there are GGs out there who have some masculine features, and there will be some people who think that they are actually men, because of those reasons. We come in all shapes and sizes, and it proves nothing about our gender. I knew a girl from childhood who grew up to be rather plain and masculine-looking. There were people who thought she was male. But I had played with her as a child, and knew that she was female. And the other side of the coin are Trans women who people in their wildest dreams wouldn't think were were really genetic males. So, maybe we shouldn't fear "Passing" if actual women are being thought of as being men.
"Taking the time to be in touch with my feminine side"
about 99% of us here are just men in dresses to the rest of the world. And there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. I'm fine with telling folks that they look good when dressed as women. I'm not fine with telling people that they look like women, when they don't.Unless they are MIAD
Passing isn't a %. Passing is either you appear to be a woman, or you don't. If you pass 99%, then you're clocked, because there's something that gives you away as a guy. Rupaul passes 99%. But in person in his heels he's about 7 feet tall, has big hands, moves with an exaggerated wiggle, and as soon as he speaks, he's clocked, too. Yes he looks great. But he's still a man in a dress. And there's nothing wrong with that.The fact is we don't pass 100%
The danger is in presenting ourselves as something that we're not, and then having to deal with the anger that may result when it comes down to the Crying Game reveal....OR dealing with some dumbasses that just hate effeminate men enough to want to kill us for that reason alone.
The difference is, these are opinions from people who have never met those celebrities in person. In real life, no one would ever dream that any of those women were ever men.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 08-31-2018 at 04:25 PM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Lexi, your definition of a MIAD is depressing. I’m gonna go bury my head in the sand... or maybe a drawer full of lingerie.
One of the problems with this site when trying to gauge whether one is "passable" or not is the fact it is known the person is male. Right then your mind knows this is not a GG. I try to see if I had not known whether or not she could pull it off as being a GG. Sometimes I view the Youtube postings asking to guess whether the image is that of a cross dresser or a natural woman. If someone is blessed with a thin frame, slender face, nice legs, good makeup and hair it is really difficult to guess.
I see some on this site who are blessed with a figure that would not catch a man's eye. If you're overweight and short you tend to not be under scrutiny. Maybe, that is great if you're just trying to be out among the masses. The first time I was in San Francisco my eye wandered trying to spot a cross dresser. Back in 1977 I did not know too much about transgender women. Anyway, I notice two very lovely female forms having lunch. Perfect! Until they started to stand up. It wasn't their height, although taller than the average woman. It was their movements.
Pictures do not move. Pictures do not talk. I do not view the picture postings as a beauty contest. I try to view them as if I did not know they were men dressed as a woman.
I've completed seven full decades on this planet. I've looked on Youtune for pictures of cross dresser my age. I look under "mature crossdressers." Usually what pops up is a person in the thirties and maybe the forties. I definitely would pass were it not for my height. I'd look like my old grandmother. Then I would not have to worry about my upper lip. She needed a shave too!
Last edited by Stephanie47; 08-31-2018 at 07:21 PM.
Hopefully, from an adherence-to-the-rules standpoint, the following does not derail the thread ( although a derail would be more worthwhile
( I think ) I understand what Lexi is saying. It's a view ( I think ) I also have, but her and I might differ; so I'll explain my own view just in case.
Firstly, two crucial parts of what she said:
1. "to the rest of the world."
2. "There shouldn't be anything wrong with that."
I use makeup in an attempt to try and transform my face. I am supportive of both approaches. I respect the difficulty of the transformation process on our side, and I have a little bit more reverence for MIADs when it comes to going out . . although one who identifies themselves as MIAD has told me that they don't think it requires any more courage --and who am I to disagree? But otherwise, we are similar in our appreciation of the clothing. Plus, I am capable of isolating the notion of beauty from the female. So to me, both approaches can be beautiful. Both approaches also bear load when trying to change social attitudes.
Some of us here make the makeup distinction and do not show support for those who do not use makeup. So they may well view themselves above MIADs, however, Joe Cool on the street with his backwards hat would be equally disapproving of us in makeup just as much as he would be of those who do not make the attempt. So to him, we are all men in dresses.
That's how I view it. Lexi may differ.
- Lydianne.
Lydianne, I was trying to be lighthearted and funny, but since you’ve called me out I’ll bite on that hook. I have Gender Identity Disorder. I don’t consider myself a man, I just play one in real life 6 days a week. Im on the non binary spectrum in a way I’m working through with my therapist. We’ll get back to everyone when we figure it out. But the takeaway is that by calling everyone a man in a dress, one is fundamentally missing the point that we’re here specifically because we don’t conform to gender norms and we’re looking for community and support. Respect for preferred pronouns is a major part of that.
XO,
Kat
I missed your joke.
But to your serious point, I respect that. I said I can separate the notion of beauty from the gender. But the point was how the rest of the world views it . . .
And MIADs get this from both sides: From the rest of the world and from us..
- Lydianne.
Little girl asked her mother why I was wearing pink gloves. I go through a ton of garden gloves. They were on sale and fit me perfectly. Why can't a guy wear Barbie pink garden gloves for kids?
Lydianne, you’re lovely, and thank you for the kind words.
Marion, what are you growing going through that many gloves? I love to garden too!
Everyone else, this thread was actually worth discussion on and it was about passing and specifically whether we should be more honest with each other.
Last edited by KatrinaK; 08-31-2018 at 08:13 PM.
Probably the quote "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is a more apt application. Appreciation of anything is a very subjective matter. There are some people who at one point thought a AMC Pacer was a fishbowl on roller skates that tried to pass as a car or Keanu Revves mono toned mumbling pass's for acting, or a certain occupant of a large white house in Washington DC passes for the ......... well you get my point LOL.
People probably start off with grand ideas, then later reality sets in and they work on their skill sets.
Some of the first outfits I put together made me believe I had style, Years later I realize I was fooling myself and that I had to work a bit ... welll a lot harder to achieve a respectable look.
Roses are my favorites, but I also grow hydrangeas, peonies, camellias, wisteria, azaleas, lilacs, and daffodils. Something is bloom six months out of the year! It helps that I prune aggressively, so I get second blooms out of mature plants like my wisteria.
Many in this community confuse "passing" with "blending in". In order to pass, you would have to NEVER be read as a male and that is virtually impossible unless you lived in a cave all your life. With the right clothing, makeup, wig, or whatever, we can to some extent go pretty much undetected in public....some more so than others, but there's always going to be someone who will pick up on the fact that we're males. Some of us just don't do a good job of presenting ourselves as "females" for various reasons and are easily read by the general public. Does it do any good to tell these "girls" that they pass, only to have them go out and be spotted immediately and possibly be made fun of and having their confidence shaken? We need to be told what we NEED to hear rather than what we WANT to hear. TRUTH is support too !
Majella, I'm not sure that I have told someone that have passed, I have told them that they are beautiful, lovely or sexy, because I believe they are. A few ladies I believed pass, but that does not make my prior statements untrue.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
I think *almost* anyone could pass as a woman if they are appropriately dressed, made up and have confidence to carry themselves properly. I've been out dressed in public many times and can easily blend but under any scrutiny I know I will not pass. I tend to agree with the OP that heaps of praise tend to get thrown around here where maybe it isn't justified but that applies to most of the pics I see. Maybe because I already know it's not a GG and tend to look for the tells right away. Maybe around 5% of the pics I see are like wow I can't believe that isn't a girl. If someone posts pics and wants to know if they will pass as presented I think honestly is the best policy.
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