Guilt?

[Wildaboutheels]

A few very basic questions.

How many NEVER went through a sexual phase? As in - clothing items and/or shoes served a singular purpose? A means to an end, and once "done", the clothes came off? It seems that many here at least started that way. Or arrived there at some point likely in your teens.

Did you feel guilty about it? Possibly ashamed? Is it at least POSSIBLE that any guilt or shame compelled you to move on to a fuller presentation? Or joining or participating here or any other Forum prodded you to put in way more effort in your CD presentation?

Did more effort equate to less guilt?

Some recent posts seem to indicate the opposite effect for at least a few.

[Mary Lawrence]

I started as you suggest. My personal embarrassment about being a CD and not understanding why came later. I figured out pretty quickly as an adolescent that I liked panties for sexual enjoyment and was not ashamed of that as it was simply part of my maturation process. Having dressed completely many times now, I am only vaguely embarrassed by it, mostly, I think, because I do not understand why or why I'd like to do it more. Of course, my wife understands even less than I do, so there is that problem, too. She is probably embarrassed for me and would certainly be embarrassed if our friends knew.

[Stacy Darling]

Your Avatar leads to the sexual phase?

Guilt may be similar to acceptance, and shame cannot be forced upon us!

[Beverley Sims]

I felt guilt and shame when I was dressed alone.

I did have the opportunity of others to encourage me and the guilt and sexual urge were absent.

It was more of an achievement for me to carry the disguise.

[Tracii G]

It was never a sexual thing for me.
Choking the chicken never made me feel guilty either.

[kimdl93]

as a teen and young adult, I certainly associated cross dressing with sex. For a time, I though that's all it was....a bit of a kink. I didn't feel guilty about the sexual aspect, but very much feared that there was something more to it.

[Charlotte-Jones]

I didn't really feel embarassed about it in of itself.
It was just that i was embarassed about sexual gratification in general back then.

At the time, i guess I largely just told myself it was probably a phasr and that'd i'd get over it, but eventually I started to realise I liked being dressed for its sake as i got older.
I think it was at that point where the confusion and embarassment set in.

I guess i just didnt really think to hard about it back then.
When you are older and have more things to consider, i guess it becomes more of a point to reflect on and wonder where it is going or will take you.

[Jaylyn]

I went from no guilt when mom dressed me and let me play in her things. I stopped in my teens but also used hose and slips and red lipstick to dress and enjoy the sexual part it gave me never felt guilt. This stayed through my 20's age till I was married. I tried then stopping feeling guilty a little but after my forties the sexual part died some and the thrill of being dressed because it satisfied an inner wanting started. Now I enjoy dressing and the soft nylon against my aging skin. No guilt now just an inner feeling enjoyment.

[Gillian Gigs]

My first panty experience was as a punishment, and the punishment then went beyond that to include other clothes, etc. This is a very shame based punishment, my older sisters teasing and taunting me added to it all. I started to dress of my own choice at 12, being a very naive boy as to anything sexual. I really wasn't doing it for sexual reasons, I was just playing, or so I thought. My first ejaculation happened while dressed in lingerie, and I had no clue what had happened. I didn't really feel any guilt, some of these clothes I had worn many times before, only now I was the one choosing to wear them instead of being forced by someone else. The guilt didn't come until I figured out what was now going on, on a regular basis. The revelation of what I was doing came from listening to other boys talking. Then the guilt came built on having been told that good boys didn't do this type of thing. Then years later once the dye is cast, you learn that 95% of boys masturbate and the other 5% lie about it, the problem being that your method of masturbation is involving taboo items according to our culture. The phrase, 'clothing items and/or shoes served a singular purpose? A means to an end, and once "done", the clothes came off', is so true after I had been doing it for awhile. I couldn't get out of the clothes fast enough. Today it is rarely about sex, and that suits me fine.

[DIANEF]

Only in the earliest phase of my dressing was there a sexual element to it. I just dabbled in underwear and swimming costumes for the thrill of wearing 'girl' stuff. I never had any guilty feelings about what I did. Once I started fully dressing it became all about the look, and has been ever since.

[alwayshave]

Being raised Catholic, I have had guilt about lots of things. However, I never felt guilty about how I used my dressing for sexual gratification.

[Lygophilia]

You can call me clueless, but I never understood why there is a sexual aspect with many CDs. They're just clothes to me. Isn't having sex the end goal anyway when you take it all off?

[Kimberly Adams]

I've been dressing on and off for almost 30 years. I used to always feel shame. I'd go out and splurge on clothes, makeup, wigs, etc. Get dressed and get excited and pleasure myself. As soon as I was done a wave of guilt would come over me and I would undress and go back to boy mode. Maybe repeat the process a few times and ultimately purge everything into the trash. Until I had to do it again. The last few times I dressed... this has been over the last 3 years I would delete the sexual pleasure and just dress and avoid the guilt that came (pun) after I came. That seemed to work great. I've finally come to terms that this is simply a part of who I am and have 100% accepted it. Guilt is gone and sexual pleasure is back. Life is short, enjoy who you are without apology or regret.

[Ineke Vashon]

It's always been sexual, and more, for me until my late 70's. Now an octogenarian, it still would be except I've had to start taking BP medication. Now I know what a eunuch feels like, boohoo

Ineke

[Crissy 107]

Kimberly, Very good post I feel you are spot on with it.
Crissy

[Stephanie47]

When I entered adolescence masturbation came before using cross dressing. My parents thought self pleasuring was sinful. I think they staked me out when I was showering so dad could burst through the door and catch me in the act. Catch one time, maybe! We had a washing machine in our apartment, but, my mother made my brother and I wash our socks by hand in the kitchen sink. I think she figured out we were using the sock as a simulated vagina.

When I did incorporate my mother's lingerie into masturbation wearing women's clothing did enhance the act. Then came the shame. The shame because society at that time (1960's) said males who wore women's clothing were homosexuals and subject to all sorts of deserved perils. There was no discussions about transsexuals. The only person alluded to was Christine Jorgensen. Teenage years for a boy or girl are troubling enough without going through self doubt, shame and self loathing. It took along time to get my head on straight.

[DaisyLawrence]

Did you feel guilty about it? Possibly ashamed? Is it at least POSSIBLE that any guilt or shame compelled you to move on to a fuller presentation?

Well just yesterday I tried to suggest that this (misguided) guilt may lead to some members here joining for self-validation as 'trans' (or whatever) when they are, in fact, simply fetish dressers. No sexual component for me but if there was there would be NO guilt, afterall, what is wrong with being turned on by something?

[Kiwi Primrose]

I'm sure I have posted about this previously.
In my teenage years and for many more years anything and everything could be sexual dressed any way.
Guilt never entered my mind and I never allowed myself to be influenced by society, religion or customary practice.
This has allowed me to be as feminine as I like when I want to be.

[SaraLin]

Well - I started dressing up when I was quite young. I did it because I just knew deep inside me that I was supposed to have been born a girl, and my young brain tried to reason that if I showed the big-guy-in-the-sky that I was serious about it, he's "fix" me (didn't happen). I knew that my parents, especially my father would punish me if they found out, so I kept it a secret.
This was long before hormones kicked in and I became aware of sexual feelings. I just knew that it was what I was supposed to be, and it felt GOOD and RIGHT to me.

Later on, sexual feelings appeared in my life - and these got tangled up with my gender issues. Since I felt more alive, happier, and real when dressed feminine, it's only natural that I equated the feelings of sexual gratification with the (only?) other feel-good thing in my life -being feminine.

I can't say that I felt guilt about this. I didn't, really. I DID feel shame. Lots of shame. I felt like some kind of unworthy freak - not so much from the dressing itself, really. It was more from being unable to be happy as a boy. I knew what I felt wasn't normal. Nobody else around me (at the time, I really thought NOBODY) felt like I did. It took me years to come to grips with who I really am. Actually, I'm still working on it.

Did shame or guilt lead me to more effort? Hardly. It kept me AWAY from presenting at all.

Joining here has had no real effect on what I do. I'm in a pretty stable place these days, and I'm about as happy as I can be. So why change?